Wainy Days #18 'Sublet' (Joe Lo Truglio)


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 14.01.2008

Transcript:

-Hi, folks.
I'm Craig from Craigslist.
Perhaps you've used my website to buy a used bicycle or look
for a job as a sex worker.
Today we used my list to help David find a new place to
live, and I think we found the perfect sublet right here.
[DOOR BUZZER]
-Hello.
-Wha--
I, uh--
I'm speechless.
And confused.
I thought I was answering an ad for the sublet, but I must
have accidentally stumbled onto the Playboy mansion.
-(LAUGHING) You are so sweet.
I'm Tamara.
And if you're the David Wain who answered my posting, you
have the right address.
-Can you turn around?
-What for?
-I wanna see if there's a bunny tail back there.
-Oh my god.
You are too funny.
Why don't you come inside?
I mean, you know, we can get to know each other better.
-Wait, hold on.
Come inside?
-Whoa.
[GIGGLES]
-[CHORTLES]
-What a naughty yet razor sharp wit.
-It's like ppsshht.
-Get in here already, or else I'll have to spank that cute
hairy bottom.
You know what?
I'll do it anyway.
-Yeangh.
-Ooh!
You like that?
Yeah?

-You know what?
I don't even need to see the place I'll take it.
-Really
-Yeah.
-That's so great.
OK, let's celebrate with a glass of bubbly while you sign
the lease.
-OK.
-Let's do this, David Wain.

-Yeah!
[BOTH GIGGLING]
-You know, champagne usually knots up my colon, but let's
just throw caution to the wind.
-Oh, wow, David.
You are such an adventurer.
-You're right, Tamara.
I am an adventurer.
And a
soul warrior -Oh.
-You know, if we could just let me go to the car and get
some Metamucil, it'll help relax my sphincter.
OK.
TAMARA (OFFSCREEN): All right.
Well, hurry up, you know--
-Just wait one second.
TAMARA (OFFSCREEN): So we can get busy doing [INAUDIBLE].
-I'll be right back.

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): It is so awesome to have a
super-fox as a landlord.
-Oh.
-How about a shot of Drambuie?
-Oh, yeah, baby.
-Wait a goddamn second.
What about me and my glass of bubbly?
-Klervis here just offered more money for the room.
-More money?
You didn't even tell me a price.
I just said I would take it.
-This is business, baby.
Don't take it personal or nothing.
-What about the bunny tail.
What about the way you touched my ass?
-Those were selling techniques that I learned from The Donald
at the Learning Annex.
Oh, by the way?
You're fired!
-You're fired.
TAMARA (OFFSCREEN): You're fired.
-Sorry, guy.
No hard feelings.
-Listen, guy.
Don't you realize she's just scamming you?
The minute the ink is dry on the lease, she's going to drop
you faster than Rita Moreno's tits.
-You know, Rita Moreno won all the major awards.
-I'm sure she won probably a Grammy, but I don't know that
she won an Emmy.
OK, Oscar, Tony.
But did she win a CableACE?
-David!
Enough with Rita Moreno.
God.
Just go, OK?
Just get out of here.
Please.
-You know what?
You can't fire me, 'cause I quit.
-[SIGH]
Don't embarrass yourself more than you already have.
-You are so beautiful.

NEWSCASTRESS (OFFSCREEN): Welcome to News 7.
I'm you host, Colleen Curtis.
Often times, we in the media are accused of only focusing
on bad news.
-Things are so bad I have all of these.
-You already have lupus?
Tonight that's gonna change as we focus on Tamara and
Klervis, a very special couple who embarked on a whirlwind
romance through Craiglist.
-That two-timing hussy.
-The moment I met Klervis, I just knew that all the
potential renters that I met that day were
failures and losers.
I mean, they were like Woody Allen without the wit and the
success.
-The success or something, yeah.
Like why do people go to such great lengths to be
purposely not funny?
I mean, they throw out these stupid, silly non sequiturs.
NEWSCASTRESS (OFFSCREEN): Talk about bling.
-I feel like I escaped a death sentence.
NEWSCASTRESS (OFFSCREEN): Well, we've got some great
news for you.
We are sending you on a month-long all expenses paid
honeymoon to American Samoa, starting right now.
-A--Are you--?
-Hey, that means the apartment's going to be empty
for a month.
BOTH: We're going to American Samoa.
-Where is that?
I don't even know.
-I don't know.
-Hey, do you want some Drambuie.
-I can't.
There's someone in Portland, Oregon looking for a hand job
and I've got to help him.
-Why go all the way to Portland?
I mean, there's someone right here who could use one.

-I'm sinking Matt.
The more I try to make my life better, the worse it gets.
-Ah, you're spiraling, David.
Everything's fine.
-What the fuck?
-Hi this is David Wain, the director of The State, Wet Hot
American Summer, Stella, and Wainy Days.
You know, I'm here to talk to you about our new DVD, which
is called The Ten.
The Ten is a comedy extravaganza, starring the
likes of Adam Brody, Bobby Cannavale, Rob Corddry, Famke
Janssen, Kerri Kenney Silver, Joel Lo Truglio, Ken Marino,
AD Miles, Gretchen Mol, Oliver Platt, Paul Rudd, Winona
Ryder, Liev Schreiber, Ron Silver, Justin Theroux, Mather
Zickel, Michael Ziegfeld, and Jessica Alba.
-And me.
-And Zandy.
And many others.
I mean, really.
Critics have called it literally the
best movie ever made.
Won't you go to your local video store
as soon as you can--
I mean, run, don't walk, to your video store and check out
The Ten on DVD or HD-DVD.
It includes lots of extras like a commentary track from
my parents.
It wasn't their favorite film.
You'll have to hear it.
For more information just head on over to thetenmovie.com.
You'll be glad you did.
This is David Wain--
-And Zandy.
-And little Morgan.
-And not so little Morgan.
-Bye.
-Bye.