California & Nevada, Finding Area 51, Part 1 of 3 - Live and Let Drive

JF: It's JF.
I hope you had a decent flight.
If not, I don't care.
So for your first road trip, I've arranged for you to meet
Mike Musto at the Painted Ladies in the
middle of San Francisco.
He should be a good starting point for your road trip.
He'll show you around.
But, I didn't really tell him what we're
doing, so good luck.

MIKE MUSTO: How are you, man?
ALEX ROY: Great to see you.
MIKE MUSTO: JF called me, said that you needed a tour guide
around San Francisco.
ALEX ROY: But first, say hello to your mother for me.
MIKE MUSTO: Yes.
ALEX ROY: You have a warm jacket?
MIKE MUSTO: No.
Why would I need a jacket?
ALEX ROY: It's cold where I want to go.
MIKE MUSTO: Yeah, just get in the car.
ALEX ROY: How long is the drive to Golden Gate?
Not far, right?
MIKE MUSTO: Honestly?
ALEX ROY: Yeah.
MIKE MUSTO: I have no fucking idea.

Look at this view.
Holy Christ.
ALEX ROY: What is this?
MIKE MUSTO: I don't know, but if we don't bottom out, I'll
be shocked.
I think this is Pacific Heights.
ALEX ROY: Yeah, me too.
MIKE MUSTO: Yeah, it is Pacific Heights.
Yeah, these are big money, bro.
ALEX ROY: Yeah.
But he has like big money, but the [BEEP]
still have gates on the windows--
MIKE MUSTO: Yeah, I know.
What does that tell you?
ALEX ROY: --like they live in Compton.
So, yeah, I'm not too impressed with
that level of security.

I could never live in San Francisco.
But what an unbelievably amazing city.
And how ironic that it's a city that is
considered so liberal.
Because, I mean, in a city full of people who are
liberal, car-hating citizens, you have the most spectacular
streets for driving.
Yes, of course, we've seen McQueen, and Bullet, and Clint
Eastwood, and all these.
But think about it.
It's the only city in which one of the pinnacles of car
technology can be justified.
The Prius, love it or hate it, makes sense in San Francisco.
The 911 makes sense in San Francisco.
Two opposites, ideal cars for the city.
The Prius to drive only within it, the 911 to
drive around it.
Now I had no real reason to want to go see the Golden Gate
Bridge or the hills above it.
It's beautiful, but I'd been there hundreds of times.
Of course, I felt bad lying to him.
I mean, I didn't lie to him.
All I said was that I had a surprise for him.
And the surprise led us further east.
And also, the surprise allowed me to learn
more about his car.
Are you shifting manually?
MIKE MUSTO: Yeah, you have to.
It's not an automatic.
It's a reverse valve body.
So every time I shift--
ALEX ROY: What?
MIKE MUSTO: --I shift a gear.
And I also have a gear splitter.

So right now we're in second gear, right?
ALEX ROY: Yeah.
MIKE MUSTO: OK, see where the brights are on the floor?
ALEX ROY: Yeah?
MIKE MUSTO: That's switch now is connected to
an overdrive unit.
So when I click it--
ALEX ROY: It becomes?
MIKE MUSTO: Still at shift?
ALEX ROY: Yeah.
MIKE MUSTO: OK.
ALEX ROY: To what?
MIKE MUSTO: Now I go into third.
That's second overdrive.
ALEX ROY: Oh wow.
MIKE MUSTO: So now I go into third.
So I can split every gear.
So for all intents and purposes, it's a six speed.
ALEX ROY: So now you're in third.
MIKE MUSTO: I'm in third overdrive, or sixth.
ALEX ROY: Right.
MIKE MUSTO: So right now I'm in third.
ALEX ROY: And if you tap it again, what happens?
MIKE MUSTO: Third overdrive.

ALEX ROY: I never heard of a gear splitter before.
MIKE MUSTO: Yeah, a lot of people haven't.
ALEX ROY: What's that switch right there?
MIKE MUSTO: Windshield wipers.

ALEX ROY: The roads northwest from the Golden Gate Bridge to
the hills above San Francisco Bay are the most beautiful and
most ideal roads for an American time [INAUDIBLE]
certainly in the West Coast, in the United States, one
could ever find.
Tight, windy mountain roads, very dangerous at
night, but worth it.
When you get to Stinson Beach, you will find a lunch that the
driver has truly earned.

MIKE MUSTO: All right, buddy, so?
ALEX ROY: Beautiful Stinson Beach, California.
I'm so glad that you took me here because there's something
I've wanted to discuss with you for a long time.
MIKE MUSTO: Where are we going?
You didn't tell me we were fucking coming here.
ALEX ROY: Well, remember that discussion we were having
about road trips and friendship?
My goal was pretty far away from San Francisco.
Asking anyone to start driving east from San Francisco
without a specific goal is not a good way
to get them to agree.
JF: How's the road trip going?
ALEX ROY: It's going really well.
We're having a really good time.
I had a little bit of a hard time convincing him to go
where I want to go.
JF: OK.
Well, where are you?
ALEX ROY: We're making good progress.
We're in Stinson Beach.
JF: That's like 20 miles north of San Francisco, man.
ALEX ROY: It's like 15 miles.
And it's good, it's cool.
I just have a little more convincing to do, and then
we're going to head east.
JF: Alex, this is a road trip show.
What time did you leave this morning?
Will you [BEEP]
get in the car and actually do something?
If I see any footage of you at gas stations, I'm going to be
so [BEEP]
pissed off at you.

STATION ATTENDANT: No.
Get out.
MALE SPEAKER: Can you go outside, please?
MALE SPEAKER: We can show this with the first of many--
MALE SPEAKER: He wants to buy the snacks.
STATION ATTENDANT: Go outside.
ALEX ROY: He can't have a camera inside?
You can't have a camera inside.
MALE SPEAKER: The snacks right there.
STATION ATTENDANT: I call.
I call.
ALEX ROY: He's going to call the police.
You'd better go outside.
[INTERPOSING VOICES]

ALEX ROY: So, here, now you shoot me.
Here's what I got I have Crickettes in
salt and vinegar flavor.
This, which I don't want, is Larvettes.
And as a chaser, I have this, which is probably the
healthiest thing I could have bought.
It's so weird that the man did not want to be on camera.
Either these are all illegal snacks or he's illegally here.
Let's get away from the gas station.

There's not much to see east of San Francisco, except
Oakland, and Yosemite, currently
closed because of snow.
So I had to think of something a little more fun, something
which I thought would give a hint of what I really wanted
to see on the other side of the Sierra Nevada Mountains,
Lawrence Livermore Labs.
And I thought that if, you know, I explained to Musto
what went on there with nuclear weapons testing,
secret labs, maybe alien investigations, he might be
interested in that.
And if that opened him up, then I might give away the
goal of the trip.
That didn't work out quite like I expected.
MIKE MUSTO: So what time are we heading back?
ALEX ROY: I don't know.
When we get to where we're going.
If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise.
And not all surprises are bad.
MIKE MUSTO: You know I'm not a huge fan of surprise.
ALEX ROY: You're not a surprise guy?
MIKE MUSTO: Do I look like a surprise guy?
Do you take me for a surprise guy?
ALEX ROY: Only if you're the one delivering the surprise.
Uh oh, a security gate.
All right.
MIKE MUSTO: That's a surprise.
ALEX ROY: Make a left.
MIKE MUSTO: Yeah, thanks.
ALEX ROY: Well, you can't go straight.
MIKE MUSTO: Maybe we can.
ALEX ROY: Wait, can you?
MIKE MUSTO: I don't know.
ALEX ROY: No, I see a guard there.
MIKE MUSTO: Is there a military guy there?
Maybe he'll like your face.
ALEX ROY: Well, this is worth the story, isn't it?
MIKE MUSTO: Well, shoot.
You better give me something to tell this guy because he's
got bulletproof vests and shit.
ALEX ROY: I think we're going to have to turn around.
I think we made a wrong turn.
MIKE MUSTO: You think?
ALEX ROY: Sorry.
Sorry, officer, I think we made a wrong turn.
OFFICER: Haven't seen one of these in a long time.
ALEX ROY: Officer, we were trying to get to Greenville
Road and then back to the 580.
And I thought we could go across this way, but can we?
OFFICER: No, you can't do that.
MIKE MUSTO: What is this, by the way?
OFFICER: This is Lawrence Labs.
MIKE MUSTO: Lawrence Labs?
ALEX ROY: The military lab.
MIKE MUSTO: Yeah, the military labs.
OFFICER: No, well it used to be University of California.
But yeah, they sort of make bombs here.
ALEX ROY: I see.
Either way, we're not going this way.
MIKE MUSTO: Right.
OFFICER: No, don't get an idea.
ALEX ROY: I see.
OK.
Wait, by the way, are you really carrying four magazines
of ammunition?
OFFICER: Yes.
ALEX ROY: Wow.
OFFICER: Five, actually.
ALEX ROY: Wow.
Well, one of them's in the weapon.
All right, we'll leave you alone.
Thanks for your time.
OFFICER: No problem.
ALEX ROY: Thanks.
OFFICER: This is really cool.
I owned one of these in '68.
MIKE MUSTO: Oh, did you?
Very, very cool.
ALEX ROY: Awesome.
OFFICER: But mine was maroon with a black top.
MIKE MUSTO: Oh, OK.
ALEX ROY: Well, thanks a lot.
MIKE MUSTO: So which way do you want me to turn around?
OFFICER: Oh, just right here.
MIKE MUSTO: OK.
OFFICER: You know, safely, so that you don't hit a car.
Don't go beyond the stop sign though.
ALEX ROY: No, no, we'll do it right here.
OFFICER: [INAUDIBLE] and it gets kind of ugly.
MIKE MUSTO: No problem.
Thanks, man.
Have a good one.
ALEX ROY: Well, that was--
MIKE MUSTO: Yeah.
OK, so the first thing that you did or did not notice was
the fact that he's carrying four fully forcefully loaded
clips, a gun that can take your face clean off, and the
patch on his jacket says Property of the National
Nuclear Defense Force.
ALEX ROY: Yeah, interesting.
MIKE MUSTO: Yeah, where the [BEEP]
are we?

ALEX ROY: The best road trip is a complete waste of time.
We do it because we want to, not because we need to.

In retrospect, it becomes the most ideal and
productive use of time.
In my case, getting to Modesto without spending any money,
borrowing a car, or even doing any driving made the day very
productive.

ALEX ROY: Well, so glad we're here.
MIKE MUSTO: Yeah, what's the deal?
What are we doing here?
It's getting dark.
ALEX ROY: We're just doing some shopping.

Modesto shopping mall is famous, excellent prices.
And how tall are you?
MIKE MUSTO: What are we doing here?
ALEX ROY: How tall are you?
MIKE MUSTO: What are we doing here?
ALEX ROY: Just come inside for second.
We have to fit you for something that you need.
MIKE MUSTO: Dude, I love you, but you got to tell me what
we're doing, man.
ALEX ROY: Have you been to Area 51?
MIKE MUSTO: Nope.
ALEX ROY: Well, it's cold.
And you're going to need a sleeping bag.
MIKE MUSTO: Dude, I'm not going to Area 51.
ALEX ROY: You're going to need a sleeping bag.
MIKE MUSTO: Dude, I'm not going to Area 51 tonight.
ALEX ROY: It's cool, listen--
MIKE MUSTO: I love you.
You're my friend, and I'm not going.
ALEX ROY: The statistical likelihood of me making a
discovery there is higher than the average person.
Don't you want to be part of that?
MIKE MUSTO: No, I don't care.
Dude, I love you.
No, I'm out.
ALEX ROY: You're going to leave me here in Modesto,
California?
MIKE MUSTO: You'll find a way.
ALEX ROY: Have you been to Modesto, California?
MIKE MUSTO: Yeah, that's why I'm leaving.
That's why I'm leaving.
ALEX ROY: JF, can you hear me?
JF: Yes, I hear you.
Tell me something good.
Please tell me something good.
ALEX ROY: All right, great news is if you go to Carson
City right now, which I think is Nevada, right near Reno,
there's an Infiniti that you can pick up and drive to Reno
to meet me.
Because let's just say Musto left, and I don't have a car.
JF: You're stuck in Modesto, California?
ALEX ROY: I'm not stuck.
He had to leave to go see his wife.
He didn't want to go to Area 51.
And Porsche, Audi, and BMW didn't have cars.
But I got Infiniti to get a car to Carson City, which is
perfect because if you go there and get it, I can meet
you in Reno, and you can give the car to me.
JF: [BEEP]
you, man.

ALEX ROY: It's a road trip show because the team, of
which you're part, all gets to be part of the road trip.
So, look, just trust me.
And also, I'm a little tired.
So if you take care of this, I'll see you in Reno, and it
will be really convenient for me.
It's perfect.

Matt, it's Alex Roy.

MALE SPEAKER: He's wasted.
I can hear it.
ALEX ROY: OK.

OK.

Hey, Matt, I just want to call and ask you your advice.
I think I've come up with a name for my show.

No, no, no, I have a name.
I just want to run it past you, OK?
I'm doing like stories in like four or five episode arcs, so
I want to call the show Road Finger.

Yeah, Road Finger.
And then the first arc will be called like Road Finger, You
Only Drive Once.

MATT: Do you have other options too?
Or is that all you're==
ALEX ROY: How about Road Finger,
The Road is Not Enough?

Or Road Finger, Drive Pussy?
Yeah, because there's 28 Bond movies, that's good for four
years of shows.
MATT: [INAUDIBLE]

ALEX ROY: This one would be, I think, Road Finger,
Live and Let Drive.
MATT: That's a great name.
MALE SPEAKER: Josh?
MATT: [INAUDIBLE]
ALEX ROY: We're going to Area 51.
And today we tricked Musto into taking me.