CHICK-FIL-A VS. THE GAYS! (@JohnFugelsang/Caffeinated#2)


Uploaded by POLIPOP on 31.07.2012

Transcript:
So what's the difference between Chick-Fil-A and gay marriage?
Well, one involves putting unnatural things in your colon, and the other is gay marriage.
Recently, President of Chick-Fil-A Dan Cathy came out and said that he was against gay
marriage on Christian grounds. It caused a big brouhaha, in fact, even the
Muppets announced they were pulling all their Muppet toys from Chick-Fil-A's kids' meals
- which means that there are hand puppets in this country that are more morally evolved
than some of our Fundamentalist Christians. See, here's the thing: if you're a right-wing
Christian homophobe, you're allowed to be. If you want to get up every morning and do
whatever you can to keep your fellow tax-paying gay and lesbian citizens from being happy,
you have the right to do it. God bless! But stop saying you're doing it on Christian
grounds. Because Jesus never said a thing about gay
people, OK? Saint Paul in Romans is not talking about
consensual same-sex relationships. Sodom and Gomorrah is about gang rape of angels,
not about being gay. Deuteronomy is talking about male prostitution.
So where do all these Christians hang all their hate?
I'll tell you where. They get it all from one little line in the
book of Leviticus, where God allegedly said, "ye shall not lie with a man as with a woman,
that is an abomination." Shall not lie with…
It says nothing about, you know, one guy on all fours, or one guy on his knees, or one
guy leaning against a men's room stall while a Republican Senator plays lookout.
Fine, Dan Cathy. You want to hate gay people and deprive them of the equality because of
this one line in Leviticus, go for it. But if you want to follow that one part of
Leviticus, you better follow EVERY part of Leviticus.
You don't just have to hate gay men, you have to stone them to death when you see them.
I don't know if you've noticed this, Dan, but the gay guys - they've been working out.
Oh, and by the way, Dan Cathy - if you believe the part about the gays being an abomination,
you have to stone to death children who are gluttons or drunks.
Bye bye Lindsay Lohan, Drew Barrymore, and the Bush twins.
You have to stone to death anyone who works on the Sabbath, and that's Saturday.
So screw you, Post Office, NASCAR, and Chick-Fil-A employees.
You also have to stone to death anyone who commits adultery, and according to Old Testament
Law, that includes divorce and re-marriage. If you really believe the part of the Bible
that says being gay is an abomination, then you owe it to God to kill Rush Limbaugh three
times. Which you really should not do.
By the way, Dan Cathy, the book of Leviticus also says eating pork is an abomination.
And guess what happens to be on Chick-Fil-A's menu?
The bacon, cheese, and egg biscuit - which pretty much guarantees you a spot in hell
right in between Elton John and Liberace. Lather up!
Curiously enough, the Bible does, in that one part, prohibit men with men. But at no
part in the entire Bible does God prohibit women being with women.
And I find it just a bit telling that the Almighty has the same exact policy as Vivid
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Christianity should never be cover for Douchebaggery.