Fresh Off The Boat With Eddie Huang: Taiwan (Part 1/3)

Uploaded by vice on 12.11.2012


EDDIE HUANG: Yeah, definitely.
We both want to get high.
Betel nut, bing lang, is an amphetamine you get up.
It's tingly.
I remember the first time I ate chewing tobacco, I drank a
half bottle of Stoli and then puked all over this chick on
family day at the University of Pittsburgh.
So I hope this doesn't end the same way.

-Eddie Huang.

DAVID: They lost our tripod, so we might have to
rent one out here.
EDDIE HUANG: We haven't been here an hour and the dude
already got jacked.
It's not looking good.
This dude's doing calisthenics with a strap-on.

OK, George, I will tell you when we see a good one.
All right, pull up, George, I'm going to open my door.

Hello, hallelujah, holla back, women like a bing lang.
-Bing lang.
The most famous Taiwan marketing retail shit is betel
nut beauties, all right?
Betel nut is a very popular amphetamine and it's like a
kind of chewing tobacco, but it gets you really up.
It's very popular all throughout Asia, but Taiwan is
famous for betel nut beauties.
And I mean, we don't really have a beauty here.
This one clearly has seen better days, b.
So they take rice wine and they put other things, like
amphetamines that'll get you up, get you excited, and
everybody has their own little mixture.
And the trick with the betel nut is, you've got to, just
like this, bite the top off.
You want to chew, and you want to spit out the first, right?
Just like you're cooking.
Throw out the first.
And then you just chew it.
It's like chewing tobacco.
It kinda just gets you zooming.
I try not to do it too much because, as you can see,
George, come here, smile George.
Before, after.
I'm a kidnap her, feed her to my mattress.
Thank you.

Wait, didn't we already cop from this shorty?

Oh watch out, be careful, be careful.
They will run you over, b.
This is one of many night markets in Taiwan, but Shilin
is definitely the most famous.
Yo, this is the always imitated, never duplicated Hot
Star large fried chicken, all right?
You'll see they put a little seasoning on here.
There's chili powder, there's a little five spice, salt and
sugar, here we go.
Listen to this sound.
It's Like Rice Krispies.
Super crispy and they're real juicy, bursting, with juice,
and then that seasoning--
you just smell it, it's crazy.
Hot Star.

So this is a sausage stuffed with sticky rice.
Sometimes they'll put shiitake mushrooms, some shallots, and
he's wiping it with a sweet soy then he just came with
some pickled radish over there.
Then there's some more pickled [SPEAKING CHINESE]
that we had earlier today.
Excuse me.
Cucumbers shredded, and then a Taiwanese red sausage.
Sausage in a sausage.
It's like eating a sausage with a sticky rice condom on.
And you enjoy it a lot more than you would think.

EDDIE HUANG: Penis ice.
Penis ice.
You like to put it in your mouth.
I'd say top five most popular Taiwanese night market foods,
this called a [SPEAKING CHINESE].
They use the funkiness of the bamboo, the essence of the
pork, some shiitake mushrooms, some shallots, and they'll
make a ground meat mixture.
In that big mixing bowl is the starch mixture.
Then they'll put the filling in.
Once it's filled, it's shaped.
Once it's shaped, it goes here and steamed, then topped with
the sauce over there.
Sometimes people do a little sweet chili too.
The thing about Asian food that always bugs Westerners
out-- savory foods with a gelatinous texture.
This is probably like the boogieman food to an American
and Western palate.
But I love this.
And it's the quintessential Taiwanese flavor.

Yo, mega pause.
Giant waffle dills.
You can give to your friends.
And you can scare your friends.
And you can take it to the party.
And you will be the focus of the party because you brought
a box, a $10 box, of penis waffles.
What better present to, like, a baby shower?
Hey ma, what's really good?
We've got the Plaxico Burress here.
We've got the Dhani Jones.
We've got the Victor Cruz.
We've got the Lawrence Tynes.
We've got the Eli Manning.
Yo, look at shorty here.
How could you get yourself caught wide open like this?
Who volunteers themselves for these photos?
Oh my god, this is the Lexington Steele chocolate
crazy crispy dills.
Oh my god.
I'm not eating this because you would have to lick this.
You would have to suck this.
-Ice dicks?
DAVID: Eddie look, though, check it out.
Check it out.
There's nuts in the nuts.
EDDIE HUANG: I can't do it, dude.
DAVID: You can't do it.
DAVID: You can't?
EDDIE HUANG: My grandpa would be so disappointed.
Who is this?
Who is this?
EDDIE HUANG: Yo, wait, you put it in your mouth.
We've got the handcuffs on you, Alcatraz.
Here, hey, G's up, frozen dills down.
Only in Taiwan will you find a penis waffle
stand with the tagline--
a piece of [FOREIGN LANGUAGE].
I don't know what else to say about Taiwan.
I don't know what to say about the night market.
I think this dick in a box that says it all.
Fresh off the Boat, one chain, two dills.
I'm Eddie Huang, we out.
What just happened, b?
Why is everybody looking at me?
Is there some shit on my face?
So yo, it's like after midnight.
You wasted.
You just came out of the club.
You didn't catch any tang.
So where would you and your homies go?
Not the bar.
Not nobody's crib to do some blow.
We at the hottest spot in fucking Taiwan--
24-hour motherfucking shrimp city, b.
Let's go.

You've got a little Whack-a-Mole, Jigpa.
You've got some Hot Shot.
A peep game over here.
Grab a beer, go shrimping, all right?
This could be like the Soho House except, instead of
shorties in the pool, you've got shrimps.
Got 'em.
It was the one-armed man.

Dude, that shrimp squirted me.
In the world of sport fishing, this is like shrimp hookers.
You pay to play.
There's no game.
You put your fucking dick in the water.
You catch skrimps.
Chef, how many more minutes?

Chef says we can eat it.
I'm just curious if this is a good look, to be eating shrimp
out of that pool.
It's kind of like the baths that I used to catch in golf
course ponds.
Ooh, look at that.

So you look around at this fucking 24-hour shrimp club--
a lot of long faces, a couple of SARS masks, a
lot of single dudes.
There's one shorty.
This has got to be one of the most depressing places to
spend an evening.
When we're not here people probably put their
feet in this shit.
It smells like a hot spring.
I have no idea what's-- this water is mother fucking green,
and there's no vegetation.
You really, probably, should not be eating these skrimps.
I feel like this for show and for sport, but then there's
not much sport to it, either.
And on that note, we motherfucking out.
Fresh off the Boat with Eddie Huang, Taiwan.
-On the next episode of Fresh off the Boat.