The Guild - S5 Ep9: Invite Accepted


Uploaded by geekandsundry on Jun 5, 2012

Transcript:

-I can't sleep.
Tink hasn't sad a word to me since we met up with her
family earlier.
She came in late.
Went straight to bed.
Or so she's pretending to.
I'm too nervous to close my eyes.
Pillow over the face, Risk and all.
[FARTING NOISE]
And Zaboo's been comatose since I got in.
He's been farting what smells like espresso, so eww.
Everybody's been acting so weird.
Tomorrow's the last day of the Con, but it can't be the last
day with my guildies.
I mean we're real friends, but clearly we need the game to
hold us together.
So tomorrow, plotting.
I think I'm going to go sleep in the bathtub
and lock the door.
[FARTING NOISE]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Tink.
Tink, oh, forget about everything.
Your name, your family, everything.
Just please don't hate me.
-God.
I just slept so good last night.
It's like the biggest relief ever.
I owe you one, stupid.
-Oh, so we're cool.
Awesome.
Listen, even though our game is about to disappear.
I still want to be friends with you.
-They're not going to shut it down.
-Well, maybe you're right.
Maybe I've been hallucinating about everything I've seen and
heard this weekend.
But today, you and I are going to find
out one way or another.
-[GROAN].

-Whoa.
Wish I would have known that before I kicked.
I would have done it harder.
-You.
You have been stalking me all weekend.
Why?
-Your appearance at this convention had a touch of
kismet to it.
-Oh, so you were alone, saw somebody you knew, but you
couldn't even say hi like a real person.
-Nice.
Hit him with insight.
-The Axis broke up through no fault of my own.
I thought you might be interested in a new guild
leader, one who does not smell of mothballs.
-Replacing Vork.
Let me give that a second.
-No.
No.
Not our guild.
You find your own family.
-Codex, I am a lone, unarmed paladin, in a PvP wasteland
whose god has forsaken him.
We once shared sexy time together.
Crit heal my loneliness.
-OK, this convention is a perfect opportunity for you to
be somebody else, someone who's less jerky.
You might be able to find some friends here, but those
friends, not us.

-Wow.
No quote.
Maybe he actually listened.
-I'm just glad the mystery is solved.
Last night, I dreamed of a Furry gnawing my face off.
It was starting to get to me.
Please don't do that.
-So yesterday, when I saw you making your robots beat up
famous peoples, I knew I had to step in.
-Agreed.
I just needed a good night's sleep.
Clara, you helped me regain my conscience.
For that I want to do you a favor.
-Are we going dancing?
-Even better.
Ha.
-Huh?
-I've taken 28 hours of craft classes over the past two
days, so we're going to build you a costume that's so
awesome sausage those steampunk guys are going to be
begging to take you back.
-Oh my gosh.
Thank you so much.
Do you need help?
Remember I'm pregnant.
-Nope.
I've got it all taken care of.
-Oh, I don't remember driving up with this thing.
-Uh, robots.
-My loyal henchmen.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
This is not why I texted you here today.
I'm not going to the Dragons and Pastels panel.
Nor will I be attending the Android Girlfriend Seminar,
Programming Your Own Passion.
In fact, I'm not going to be going to
any panels ever again.
Although, I can now sculpt any alien head in the sci-fi
universe from spreadable cheese.
-How cool!
-Yeah, it is cool.
I've done too much mass damage.
And now I've got to step down from the iron throne.
Big speech'd.
No.
No.
No.
Shh.

Don't speak.
-They never do.
-I've made up my mind.
The Seat Savers Buddy Network for Making Cool Friendships
and-- ugh, I've got to work on that stupid title.
It's dissolved.
It's been a pleasure serving with you Spartans.
Dismissed'd.

CLARA (OFFSCREEN): I am so proud of you.
Hand me that blowtorch.
Let's burn things.

Now what?
-There he is.
There's Floyd Petrowski.
Look at all those papers.
I bet it's the contract to sell the game and his soul.
-Hey.
Early birds, huh?
Look, I didn't plan on hiring booth babes today, but uh, for
you I'd make an exception.
-Um.
That's Floyd Petrowski in there, right?
-Yes, it is.
Your friend busted his balls pretty good the other day.
She'll know as well as me.
-Great.
I made an impression.
-I super really want to meet him.
Can we go back there?
Say hi?
-And say hello?
Hell no.
Uh-huh.
Boss is deep busy today.
He's making a really big announcement after the costume
contest tonight, so.
-Hm.
What announcement?
Come on.
You can tell us.
-What are y'all doing?
Y'all giving birth, because that's what it looked like.
I'm not just some weird internet gamer type of dude
that's just going to go for every single chick
that flirts with me.
OK.
That was flirting.
I'm going to stand right here in a stance of power.
Cross me if you want to.
-What are we going to do now?
-Wait the dufus out.
In the meantime, I haven't gotten a chance to play the
new demo yet.
VORK (OFFSCREEN): Recite to me the copy you wrote.
-OK.
Avast ye, audience.
This be the Cheesybeards pirate warning you to listen
or I'll cut your internet with me cheesy mind.
-We may have to offer a discount for the accent.
CROWD (OFFSCREEN): Squeeze the cheese.
Squeeze the cheese.
Squeeze the cheese.
Squeeze the cheese.
Squeeze the cheese.
-What's the meaning of this?
I'm giving no one refunds.
-Your pirate friend blew me and my friends off for more
important people.
He slammed the door in our faces.
[BOOING]
-OK.
OK.
Ladies, let's be real for a second.
We're really on different levels.
And hey, if the shoe had been on the other foot--
-I want it on record that as his manager I do not
discriminate against anyone who's paying.
I'm equally unfond of everyone.
-Squeeze the cheese.
Squeeze the cheese.
Squeeze the cheese.
-This is a PR disaster.
-I'm not doing anything other famous people
wouldn't do, right?
Right, guys?
Right?

Come, guys.
You?
-Shut up.
Hey, how you doing?
What's your name?
-Your padawan learns the hardest lesson.
Never invite the wrath of fans.
-Cherry-- er, Mad--
sigh.

-These changes are retarded.
They gift flurry arrows.
What am I supposed to do?
Slash hug them to death?
-Shh.
We don't want anyone more demoralized.
Wait a second.
We've been playing for two hours.
-Your point?
-There's the RTX guy.
They're going to talk business.
We've got to hear what they're talking about.
-We can't just barge in there.
-Well, what then?
-Check it.
Hey, hero.
-Huh.
Hi.
Wow.
-Want to do take down the hydra boss at the Wallerin
pools?
-Yeah.
-Here.
Join our party and we can chat, too.
-Play with girls?
Real girls?
Yes.
Warrior for hire.
-Cool.
-Think of that--
GAMER GUY (OFFSCREEN): What are you doing?
-We're talking--
-Shh.
Keep your finger on the push to talk button.
Cool?
-Cool.
-Baby.
-Baby.
This is so hot.
-Finally, someone who embraces a stereotype.
I can hear them talking.
Awesome plan.
-Ladies, we ready to jet?
-In a sec.
Keep pressing.
-Wait.
Wait.
Floyd just asked for their business plan.

-Oh my god.
-Ladies, you're cute, but I'm kinda dying over here.
-So are we.
-You've got be kidding.
-Codex, you were right.
-We gotta tell the guild.
-Ladies.
Ladies?
Ah.
Megaboner.
[MUSIC PLAYING]