Watsky's Making an Album Episode 2


Uploaded by LOUD on 16.07.2012

Transcript:

WATSKY: Kurt kicked me out of the house and he moved a
Craigslist couple into my bedroom.
BRYAN GOLDMAN: You have a record deal.
All you have to do is write and produce an entire album.
WATSKY: No, I can't do any of that, because I
don't have any money.
BRYAN GOLDMAN: You're the creative genius.
Go do it!
And you have two months.
60 days.
[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHING AND MOANING FROM OTHER ROOM]

WATSKY: Maybe they should get a room, huh?
It's tough to work in this kind of environment, man.
KURT: Look, dude, I hate to be a dick, but that's Jess and
Eric's room, so they can do whatever they want in there.
And frankly, they've been kind of complaining about how much
time you're spending here working.
WATSKY: Those guys are not your friends, bro.
They're Craigslisters.
All right?
Craigslisters.
KURT: I know.
You're my boy, dude.
But they are Craigslisters that pay rent, so if they want
to hump the afternoon away, that is their right.
That is their prerogative.
And we had a roommate meeting two weeks ago, and they
explicitly mentioned that I have to talk to you about the
fact that you're setting up an office here with a dream
catcher and a hot plate.
WATSKY: OK, the hot plate, I got for all of us
as community property.
KURT: Dude, I love the hot plate, but Jess says it makes
it look like we live in a refugee camp.
So why don't we just kick back, chill.
You can kick it here.
We're boys.
We'll just cue up some Boy Meets World.
I could cue up your favorite episode,
the Geography B episode.
WATSKY: Matthews/Minkus switcherooni?
Ohhh, and I want to so bad.
KURT: 22 minutes of fun.
WATSKY: I'm so tempted.
But I have a ton of work to do, man, and I actually have
to get it done.
OK?
So if that's what you want, I'm gonna leave.
KURT: Are you serious?
You're going to get up
dramatically like Shawn Hunter?
Don't walk out of my life like Chet Hunter
WATSKY: That was an incredibly low blow.
KURT: Don't do that.
Don't walk out of life, Chet.
I need three episodes to resolve this.

WATSKY: I don't want to be a--
CELL PHONE MAN: Did you get that 7 Series?
WATSKY: I don't want to be a cheap novelist.
CELL PHONE MAN: 5 Series?
WATSKY: I don't want to be a--
CELL PHONE MAN: Hold on.
I can't hear you.
It's the guy next to me.
He's--
WATSKY: Keep rocking.
You know that we got you chillin' like a meat locker.
CELL PHONE MAN: I think he's urban rhyming.
So edgy.
WATSKY: It's nothing but some cheap--
CELL PHONE MAN: He stopped.
No, I'm telling you that if you show up at your a client
meeting in a 5 Series, you're saying you haven't--
no.
Look, look.
I'll come pick you up.
I don't want to go in your car.
No, it's embarrassing, that's why.
WATSKY: Excuse me, sir.
CELL PHONE MAN: Hold on a second.
Are you talking to me?
WATSKY: Do you mind if I use your plug, maybe unplug one
for like a second so I can get some juice?
CELL PHONE MAN: You hear this guy?
Sounds like a white Urkel.
Yeah, yeah, he's totally dressed like
a young Rick Santorum.
WATSKY: Come at me, bro.
CELL PHONE MAN: Hold on, hold on.
Did you just say, "Come at me, bro?"
WATSKY: Nope.
CELL PHONE MAN: Because I invented "Come at me, bro."
Oh, you sippin' at me now?
I'm calling you back.

Rory.

BARISTA: Get you another drink?
WATSKY: Hm?
BARISTA: A drink.
Can I get you another drink?
WATSKY: Oh, no.
I'm good for now.
Thank you.
BARISTA: Yeah, I see you've been nursing that strawberry
frap for like three hours now.
So--
WATSKY: That's--
that's not against the rules or any--
I'm good?
BARISTA: Listen, Superbad.
This is a roast house here, not the Black Box Theatre.
You want to run through your audition lines,
do it at home, OK?
WATSKY: One, I'm not trying to bother anyone, so I'm sorry.
Two, I'm--
I'm actually a rapper, not an actor.
BARISTA: You're a rapper?
What are you, like a rapping Paulie Bleeker?
Look at you.
WATSKY: Oh, Michael Cera reference.
Dude, up top!
I've never heard that one before.
That was dope.
You broke comedic ground, man, and that was cool.
And I'm not insecure about that.
I'm gonna let it slide.
And I'm trying to Zen out, so.
BARISTA: All right, you're one--
WATSKY: Boom, a third one!
I loved it.
You-- you just used the rule of three in comedy.
I love it.
WATSKY: Pipe down.
Quit bothering the customers or I'm going to have to ask
you to leave, OK?

WATSKY: Yup.
Yup.
Yeah, cool.

CELL PHONE MAN: Jerk.

BOY: It's a emergency.
BOY'S MOM: All right.
WATSKY: Most real folks don't get the practice what they
love for a living, they do back flips.

WATSKY: [INAUDIBLE].
CELL PHONE MAN: See if I can help, here.
WATSKY: Made it sound odd.
CELL PHONE MAN: Hey, buddy?
You got a line out here.
He's in there with his laptop.
BARISTA: Who is?
CELL PHONE MAN: Strawberry Frap.
BARISTA: Strawberry Frap's got his laptop in there?
CELL PHONE MAN: You know what that means.
BARISTA: Classic pervert move.
WATSKY: Ever since I pumped up my Reeboks.

BARISTA: Hey, Strawberry Frap, I've got the key.
CELL PHONE MAN: Hey, he's not going number two.
He's doing number three.

BARISTA: This is it, man.
I'm gonna come in there.
I'm coming in.
I'm opening the door now.
CELL PHONE MAN: Shield the boy.

BOY'S MOM: Oh my god.
BARISTA: You.
Out.

WATSKY: How about a refill?
BARISTA: No.

WATSKY: Earth spins on its axis, it's back to the rat
race, so that glass--
the last--
we run--
[SIGH]

WATSKY: Hey, Kurt.
Yeah.
Um, I know I'm not incredibly welcome at your place right
now, but I was wondering if I could possibly, for maybe like
a couple hours--

I really appreciate that.
Thank you, man.
Thank you.
I'll be there in like five minutes.
[CAR CLICKS]
[ENGINE NOT TURNING OVER]
WATSKY: Yeah, yeah.
I'm a total idiot.
I'm a total asshole and an idiot, and it will actually be
more like, I would say, an hour and a half.
Right.
Bye-bye.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

MALE SPEAKER: Marker.
BARISTA: Maybe he's not--
I don't know, maybe he's--
he could be reading the Daily News.
The crossword today was very hard.
CELL PHONE MAN: He's definitely not--
BARISTA: I only got halfway through it.
Doesn't have enough daily fiber in his diet.
CELL PHONE MAN: What, do you think he's
checking his bank statement?
BARISTA: I read my emails.
Emails.
Bank statements.
Bills.
Most of the time, it's a homeless guy in there.
He was well dressed.