Gundarr - Gundarr Is Show Marathon (Season 2)

[Gundarr:] Good grooming's SO important.
[Toddy:] Nyuuuhuhuhu hu hu hu!
Prepare to bite the big one, you filthy foot feaster!
[Gundarr:] Aww, not now.
Gundarr have to look him best for annual barbarian awards!
Besides, one puny wizard no match for Gundarr.
[Toddy:] ONE puny wizard?
Well buckle up, chuckles!
Say hello to my Doppelgangstas!
[All:] Nyuuhu hu hu hu!
[Toddy:] Nyeh-he-he-hey!
That's some real nice harmony, boys!
Lay a phat beat on me.
Sounds pretty good, fellas.
How 'bout some bass?
Oh yeah, I like it. I like it.
Let's get ready to drop a hot one.
*applause*
[Gundarr:] Gundarr like to thank all the dead wizards who made this possible!
(Gundarr outtro)
[Toddy:] Nyuh-hu-hu-hu! Greggers! Are you paying attention?
I'm not casting evil spells out here for my friggin' health!
[Greggers:] I sure am, Mr.Todd sir.
I've got my "How to be an Evil Wizard" checklist right here.
All right then, stupid.
Try and keep up, huh?
Bzow!
[Greggers:] Evil.
[Toddy:] Bazam! [Greggers:] Evil.
[Toddy:] Bzap! [Greggers:] Evil.
[Toddy:] Nyuh-hu-hu- Ooh-hoo-hoo!
Greggers, you are in for a treat today!
Friggin' BEES.
Teamwork and honey make me puke.
(Furious buzzing)
(Loud bang)
[Toddy:] That was totally awesome!
[Greggers:] I guess that's kinda evil.
[Toddy:] I will slit your throat with a rusty turtle
if you don't - WHOA!
[Bee:] Hey, you greasy green maniacs!
Do you have any idea how much spit and paper it takes to make a beehive?
[Toddy:] Well, well, well. What do we have here?
A little hoverin' hottie, Greggers!
[Bee:] Show a little respect!
You are addressing a Queen!
Now put my hive back the way you found it, wizard!
[Greggers:] That doesn't sound it'd be very evil at all.
[Toddy:] Shut it, Greg!
Sometimes you gotta let your OTHER magic wand do the thinking.
[Greggers:] Evil boners? Check.
[Toddy:] So, your majesty. That is a lovely thorax you got there.
It really sets of your proboscis.
[Bee:] I don't have time for your games!
Put. My. Hive. Back!
[Toddy:] Yeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeah.
But first, how about a little
smoocheroo?
*kiss kiss*
[Bee:] That's IT!
[Gundarr:] Ha-HA!
Beware Gundarr! The Bee-barian!
(Toddy laughs)
[Toddy:] What the hell are you wearing, Gundarr?
[Gundarr:] Huh? What you mean?
[Bee:] That is the uniform of a General in the Bee Army!
How dare you mock my new boyfriend!
[Gundarr:] You said this half-shirt and puffy leg-warmers
make Gundarr look like a killer bee!
(Toddy and Greggers laugh)
[Toddy:] Oh, it's just us, Gundarr. You look like a real tough-guy.
(More laughing)
[Gundarr:] Stop laughing at Gundarr!
(Toddy laughs harder)
[Gundarr:] Oh, that IT!
Gundarr and bee lady are broken up!
Gundarr looks so fruity in stupid bee costume... [Bee:]Gundarr wait, you do look good!
Come back!
[Greggers:] Hoho, that was SUPER evil.
[Bee:] Say there, you sexy *gulp* disgusting, horrible wizard.
Maybe I was wrong about you.
You catch more flies with honey, after all.
[Toddy:] Oh yeah, sweet thing. I'm as fly as they come.
[Bee:] But before we get to *Ugh!* make out,
I need one teeny, tiny little favor.
[Toddy:] Anything! Anything! Anything you want!
I'm honey in your hands!
[Greggers:] So, is this evil, Mr. Todd?
[Toddy:] No, Greg, it just sucks.
Now spit in my hand!
[Gundarr outtro]
You're watching "Let's get FAT" with Pauline Porkbutter.
Welcome back, y'all.
So today we're makin' deep-fried triple-butter gingerbroad cookies.
[Toddy:] Yaaaay!
[Pauline:] Here's one I've already battered.
[Girl:] Oh my gawd.
[Sizzling] Now we'll just let this fry
until our cookies stop screamin'.
[Gundarr:] What that yummy stink?
It be making Gundarr hungry, AND horny!
[Girl:] Ow.
Hey you, barbarian. Save me.
I'm very wealthy and attractive.
[Gundarr:] Nice
COOKIES!
[Pauline:] Hey! That's MY succulent woman flesh!
[Gundarr:] Mine now! Your food put me in the mood!
(Gunshots)
(Pauline laughs)
[Pauline:] You'll have to do better than that!
(Mechanical buzzing)
(Glass breaking) [Pauline:] Hngh!
Fetch mama her cheddar pills!
(Girl screaming)
[Girl:] So long, you trout-mouthed old tooch.
[Pauline:] Minions! Y'all get him!
(Minion yelling gibberish)
(More gibberish)
[Minion 1:] Uuuuuuuuuuuuu- tensil!
[Girl:] Oh fuck!
[Minion 2:] First day on the job, there's no way I could die.
Oooh, owowowowow...
[Minions singing:] Violence is not okay
Gundarr, put your gun away
[Minion:] Oh my god, Dennis!
(Gunshots)
(Girl farting) [Gundarr:] Aww, girl farts! Aw.
Ooh!
Oh snap! The Lard-Ass river!
(Minion war cries)
[Girl:] *gasp!* Oh my gucci, we're gonna die!
[Cookie:] Hey guys! How 'bout a car ride?
In my car!
[Gundarr:] That cool.
(Liftoff)
(Lightspeed!)
[Toddy:] Pauline! That was a hell of a show!
Pauline?
... Pauline?
PAULINE!
[Gundarr outtro]
[Toddy:] OW!
Son of a bitch!
(Grunting)
[Gundarr:] Hahaha!
Stupid wizard fall right into Gundarr's trap!
[Toddy:] Trap? But what about that hot babe I saw?
[Gundarr:] Hah! She right here!
[Toddy:] Eew! Eh, 'd still hit it.
[Gundarr:] Nighty-night, wizard!
Wakey-wakey, wizard!
[Toddy:] Where am I?
No!
N-no!
NO!
NOOOOOO!
You untie me this instant, barbarian!
[Gundarr:] No way, frog-face!
Chinese doctors pay top dollar for dried wizard wenis!
[Toddy:] But I NEED my wenis!
:'(
[Gundarr:] Not likely! (Toddy screams)
[Toddy:] Get away! Get away!
[Cop:] WEE-OO WEE-OO
Hold it right there, barbarian!
You're under arrest for illegal wizard poaching!
[Toddy:] Oh, thank god you're here, officer. He done lost his mind!
[Cop:] Don't worry, ma'am.
You're safe now.
The wild wizard federation has been after this scumbag for years.
[Toddy:] Nyuh-hu-hu! Sweet victory!
Send this sicko to the slammer!
[Cop:] You got it, missy!
This monster will never bother you again.
[Toddy:] Nyuh-hu-hu-hu! That's right, Gundarr! Never again!
... Never again?
[Guitar playing]
[Singing] (Remembering the memories)
(of memories remembered)
(The times we shared, the laughs we shared)
(and all the things we shared)
(Oh, I remember all the things we'd share)
(But I especially remember all the memories.)
[Toddy:] Gundarr! Wait!
*Oof* Oh. I though you guys were farther away than that.
Officer, I've changed my mind.
You've got to let Gundarr go!
[Cop:] Can't help you, darlin'.
He's an eco-terrorizer and I've got a job to do.
[Toddy:] Well, I've got a job, too!
Bein' an evil freakin' wizard!
[Gundarr:] Wizard save Gundarr?
But Gundarr try to cut off your winky-doink.
[Toddy:] That heavy-handed montage sequence made me realize
that we're all just part of one big octagon of life.
I'm nothin' without you, big guy!
[Gundarr:] *sobs*
Come at me, bro!
[Both crying]
[Toddy:] Well, son of a bitch.
[Gundarr:] Thanks, wizard! Octagon of life!
[Dramatic Gundarr outtro]
*Meow!*
(Screaming girl)
[Girl:] Somebody please help my pussy!
[Announcer:] Wherever the commonfolk are in peril,
there is only one man to heed the call!
[Gundarr:] HAHA! Gundarr here to save the day!
[Announcer:] Not you, fat-head!
Skygoth!
[Skygoth:] Oh, you poor, oppressed companion animal.
All alone in this tree...
and the world.
People are SO thoughtless.
(Puffs cigarette)
[Girl:] Oh! My kitty! Thank you, Skygoth!
[Skygoth:] Whatever.
(Gundarr snarling)
[Announcer:] Skygoth!
Wherever people are being robbed of their dignity
and their cash
Skygoth is there!
[Skygoth:] Humanity is a masochistic jellyfish,
stinging itself like a pile of electric spaghetti.
[Announcer:] No evildoer is safe
from the power of his super-sigh!
[Skygoth:] *SIGH*
[Troll:] Oh, wot 'm I doing?
This all just a grim charade, innit?
[Man:] Aw, what's the point of even being alive...
(Skygoth sighs)
[Gundarr:] (Panting) Gundarr here to be... helpfuling now.
[Announcer:] Too late, dumbass!
(Gundarr GROWL)
[Announcer:] Wherever people are listening to music that he thinks is "lame"
Skygoth is there!
[Skygoth:] My super judgemental sense is tingling.
[Peppy electro music]
[Skygoth:] Oh my gawd.
You actually listen to this mainstream drivel?
The Grave-oids are the only band making real music,
you shape.
(Moaning sounds)
(Moaning sounds) This track truly speaks
to the pain of
bleagh
[Greggers:] Aw shit, bats!
[Gundarr:] There be room for only ONE hero on this cartoon-
[Announcer:] Skygoth- OW!
I mean, Gundarr!
[Toddy:] You know, we've had a lot of fun here today.
But every year, thousands of unwanted goths and emos end up
bothering the rest of us!
With their stupid outfits and sad-sack personalities
Help control the goth population
by having your goth spayed or neutered today.
[Gundarr outtro music]
[Gundarr:]So glad you ladies could finally make it to Gundarr's home stink home!
[Girl 1:] Our pleasure, Gundarr. [Girl 2:] We love a good party!
[Girl 3:] We're gonna crotch wrestle!
[Gundarr:] Get ready for Gundarr's foot-long frankfurter...
They be so delicious!
[Girl 1:]And as soon as we finish supper,
we can have "dessert." *giggle*
[Gundarr:] WOH! Wait.
"Dessert" means sex, right?
[Girl 1:] Yeah.
[Gundarr:] OH!
[Loud crash]
[Toddy:] (slurred) GUNDARR!
[Gundarr:] What the frigg?
Rargh! ... huh?
[Toddy:] All right you stupid barbarian...
This's gone on looong enough.
You 'n me? We're gonna finish this once and f'rall.
It's go tiiiiiiiime!
[Gundarr:] Beat it, wizard!
You're screwing up Gundarr's sausage party!
[Girl 1:] Gundarr, what's going on out here?
[Girl 2:] Yeah, we're getting hungry!
[Girl 3:] South-mouth hungry!
[Toddy:] Ooh!
Hey there, my sexy li'l sstrumpets...
You ladies gotta ditch the zero
and get with th' guy who's better than... the zero is... good.
(vomiting)
Oh man.
When did I eat all that beef stew and body glitter?
[Girl 1:] Gundarr get this freak away from us!
[Girl 2:] He's RUINING the mood.
[Girl 3:] Yeah! The SEX mood!
[Gundarr:] Argh! That IT!
Wizard is OUTTA here!
[Toddy:] Well screw you snooty biotches anyways!
If you ain't makin' me a sandwich,
or makin' me a baby,
or makin' me a baby sandwich,
then I got no time for ya!
[Gundarr:] Cram it, wizard!
Gundarr trying to get him beef tendered
and you just one big boner barricade!
[Toddy:] Oh, you scared, barbarian?
I will fight you any place, ANY PLACE.
*sobs* Why do you hate me, Gundarr?
[Gundarr:] Ugh.Gundarr calling you a cab!
[Toddy:] YOU'RE a cab!
I don't need a cab!
I drive better when I'm loaded anyways.
So long, douche-beeees!
Nyuuh! Ow ow ow ow ow!
[Dwindling cries of pain]
[Gundarr:] Hey, ladies!
Come get your hot meat!
(Giggling)
[Girl 3:] Uh, inappropriate.
[Gundarr outtro]
[Toddy:] Nyuh!
Distressed damsels... dot info... dot biz... dot TV... dot org...
Backslash "gasm!" Nyuuh!
[Dial-up internet tones] [Toddy:] Oh yeah, baby! Come to papa!
Here we go! Any second now!
Gettin' sexier!
[More dial tones]
[Toddy:] Nyuh! Hurry up and gimme mah boobies, computer!
[Annoying honking]
[Goose:] Well hi there, partner! You surfin' the internet in the dark, huh?
Forever alone! Honk!
[Toddy:] What the duck!? Forever alone my lily-green ass!
[Goose:] I'm in ur trailer! Killin' all your faps!
Uha-ha-hoo-hoo-hoo!
[Toddy:] I have no idea what you just said,
but you're ruining my interweb intercourse!
[Greggers:] (chuckles) I knew you'd love
my new puppy, Mr. Todd. He followed me home from RoflCon.
Can we keep him, sir? Please?
[Toddy:] First of all, Greggers, it's a duck. Not a dog. And second of all,
NO YOU CAN'T KEEP HIM!
[Goose:] Honk! Well hey! You're both wrong!
I'm Meme Goosta, the meme-based goose!
Do a barrel roll!
[Toddy:] What the heck is a meme?
[Greggers:] Oh, Mr. Todd, you're so lame!
[Goose:] I'm rollin' on the floor,
laughin' my ass off!
[Greggers:] A meme is like an inside joke,
for the whole world.
[Toddy:] So wouldn't that be an outside joke, then?
You friggin' idiot!
[Greggers:] Maybe you don't get my dog's sense of humor.
[Toddy:] You call that funny?
When I was a kid, we used to hide in the woods
and fart on stumps.
Now that's comedy!
[Goose:] Honk! Cool story bro!
[Toddy:] Get outta my face, egg-sucker!
[Goose:] Woohoo! Watch out! We got a badass over here!
[Toddy:] That does it,
you egg-layin' sack of donkey balls!
I'm stuffin' a pillow with your ass!
[Goose:] Why u no laugh? HONK
[Toddy:] Prepare to be pâté, goose!
Now that's how you cook a goose!
[Goose:] It was the least I could do
to make up for all my lol-random hijinks!
[Toddy:] Hey guys! I can has goose?
(Laughing)
[Goose:] Honk!
We're eating my brother!
[Gundarr:] Gundarr on that weird part of youtube again.
[Dramatic outtro music]
[Toddy:] Greggers, hurry up!
We've only got 15 minutes until the evil mall closes!
[Greggers:] Coming, sir!
Screeching halt!
Whoa... Rainbro bro brah...
(excitement!)
[Bro-bot:] Greetings, new best friend!
Press down on my head to commence "friendship!"
*click*
[Toddy:] Greggers?
[Greggers:] Yeah! Woohoo! Yay!
[Greggers:] Ugh. I want my quarter back...
[Bro-bot:] Press down on my head to commence "friendship!"
[Gundarr:] Okay!
[Greggers:] Mr. Gundarr! Waaait!
[Gundarr:] Yaaaaaaaaaay!
[Gundarr:] Woohooo!
[Gundarr:] Wahoho!
[Gundarr:] Yay!