Неадекватные люди / Inadequate People [HD, english subtitles]

Uploaded by Hydra0rc on 23.02.2012

P.V. Kozlov, Doctor of Psychology
- So you're a doctor now? - Yep.
Good for you.
Come on... Just give me the keys!
If I don't take a shower now..
Then what?... You'll have to wait a little bit longer?
Here you are.
What's that?
That's my book; you should read it.
I'd rather you just show me how to get to the apartment.
I was pretty sure there was a compass in your backpack,
stuck somewhere between a box of matches and a tin kettle.
I usually navigate by the stars.
Can't you just give me an exact address?
Anya, didn't I tell you to place schizophrenics and paranoiacs
into separate folders?
Well, I put them in the alphabetic order.
Well, I didn't tell you to put them in the alphabetic order, did I?
Did you bring any photographs?
Nothing to remind me of...
Here's my business card. Your new address is on the back of it.
Take some more cards. Don't forget to recommend me to your new friends.
I'll have to live and see how your therapy works for me first.
Anya, tell him how my therapy works. Has anyone died?
See? No one's died yet.
Don't forget the book.
"Life from scratch"
"Company History"
"Translator needed"
I moved to Moscow from Serpukhov seeking permanent residence.
I am a workaholic.
My strong points are..
...I'm equally good at being a team player and working on my own.
I am assiduous and hard-working..
I like self-education... and I can stand my ground.
I can easily establish contact with anybody,
with no regard to sex, creedence...
sorry, creed... or religious views..
Well, what else...
Fluent in English from A to Z.
- Self-motivation.. - Yeah, yeah. And self-promotion too..
I'm sure you could go on like this for an hour,
but we've got other candidates waiting.
Imagine you are involved in an office conflict,
what will you do?
What do mean?... I will, um...
Well, I've worked for many companies, and had no conflicts...
I repeat. Imagine.
I'll do my best to avoid it.
What if a colleague hits you?
I won't hit him back.
Of course.
Most of our workers are women but regardless?
So fights break out here between women or something?
Not really.
It's just that you're a man, and I need to determine how reliable you are.
What has my sex got to do with this? Am I in the right room?
Chapter 2. Control over emotions.
What the hell...
Good morning. I am Marina. Your boss.
I know many men think women make lousy bosses.
I hope you are not one of them.
I think that women can cook well...
Here in this company we believe...
...in three fundamental ideas:
management, efficiency, expedience
...and planning.
Now, your desk is down the aisle next to Svetlana.
You go down there and get your papers.
She'll show you the ropes.
Do you like it here?
I'm sure you do.
I'm here from 10 am to 6 pm,
and I expect your working hours to be about the same.
Any questions?
I've got one..
...a delicate matter, if you please.
Where's the bathroom?
Are you Sveta?
Yes, I am.
Well, then you will have to "show me the ropes" as Marina put it.
Alright. Not too many ropes here, though.
Here is your desk, a PC...
...some paper and a pen to write with on paper.
Wo-wo, easy with all the sophisticated information, Madam.
"Madam"? Maybe I'm a "miss".
- What's wrong? - You called me "Madam".
Well, what should I call you?
"A business lady with style and a sparkle in her eyes"?
Majored in brownnosing, I see? You'll go far.
What's your name?
Apart from not being born here, do you have any more virtues?
Vitalik is a man.
So you think that's a virtue?
Well, yeah. Different perspective, goals, more opportunities..
So what are you doing here? You could earn more doing freelance.
I could work here, or there, or wherever.I don't need to.
So why did you quit your previous job?
I got fired.
Fired for what?
For murdering a co-worker.
He used to ask too many questions.
It's coming, coming. Can't you hear?
Which floor?
Take it easy, I've already pushed the button.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't notice.
Excuse me...
...is that you who bangs on my wall every night?
What's your problem?
I wake up every time you start punching the switch.
If it bothers you that much,
why don't you fix it yourself?
Who's that man?
Nobody in particular. Just a good neighbor.
- What's the good neighbor doing here? - Fixing the switch in my room.
- He lives next door, you know... - Are you alright?
...over there. Yes, I'm alright.
How about you do something for a change too?
Well, I'm already at it. I'm planning things.
Item 1 . Do my homework.
- Item 2. Clean up my room. - I hope you remember...
...that your aunt and uncle are coming for dinner tonight!
Item 3. Stock up on holy water and garlic.
I am not kidding, Christine!
Get off your ass and start cleaning up this place!
Mom, It's better to clean up after the pigs are gone, not before.
I got him some anti-wrinkle cream...
- Did it work? - Look at him!
He drinks all day. Nothing will help him except therapy.
Those creams are no good anyway.
I'm teaching the kid valuable life lessons.
Christine, don't!
Stop banging your spoon, Pauline!
Pauline, be careful. Don't break your spoon.
Sit quietly.
I told you not to tease the kid, didn't I?
I'm not teasing her.
Just look at her, she was born in a problem family, what do you want?
What did you just say?
Look who's talking! You'd better keep your mouth shut.
Whenever we bring her here, she takes after you. Is that right?
Imagine what she's telling her teachers at elementary school!
Makes my hair stand. - How about not bringing her here?
How dare you...
- You haven't considered that, have you? - I haven't.
And the old crone is your responsibility too.
She is your Grandma, too.
How dare you talk to her like this?
- Come on, she can't hear me. She's senile.
Christine, someone is crossing the line here!
- I agree. Who are we talking about?
Who do you think, Granny?
- Shut up! - Christine, out!
What specifically don't you like?
Everything. That includes the way you talk and the way you look.
I bet you make your mirror sick.
I can dress up and you'll throw up.
I can undress and you'll throw up.
I didn't put those words in your mouth.
- Christine, that's it. You leave the table now!
- Why? I'm part of the family too. I might have my own dignity.
Did I hear someone say something about dignity?
Calling your Granma an old crone is very dignified.
So is teaching swear words to a kid.
Yes, it is.
Oh my God. I'm sick and tired of the whole lot of you!
Thank you for the performance.
Now leave us alone, if you please.
How dare you profane the name of God!
What? You've got exclusive rights to do that?
She's just going through a phase.
Hush. Enough of that. We're having dinner.
We should have gathered at our place.
What am I, invisible?
Who's there?
With that look on your face,
I thought I'd better walk past you. - Do you have anything to drink?
- I don't drink. - That's a good boy.
You'll live a hundred years. Any coffee?
Wow. Three doors.
Hiding from something or what?
Yeah, I'm hiding from weird neighbors like you.
Too little too late.
Do you live alone?
No wife?
Girlfriend? Partner?
Not that I know of.
Are you gay?
Em. Nope.
Into masturbation?
Into sport.
Sorry but that's not a sport yet.
Guess you can hear everything that goes on at my place.
Yes, I can.
Then why don't I ever hear any noise coming from you?
Maybe because I don't make any.
Is anything wrong?
You know, if your room could talk, it would say that...
you are...
..a nerd.
This interior doesn't reflect my inner world.
So you didn't move this furniture around?
I did, but without putting much thought into it.
That's what I'm talking about.
Your subconscious self was moving it.
Take a good look. See what I mean?
All this is inside you.
You are a nerd.
I am not a nerd.
I am...
I am... head of the translation department of a leading magazine.
You even speak like a nerd.
- Hey. - Hey.
Heading to work?
No, just walking.
Oh, that was a joke!
I just saw you travelling light...
...and I thought to myself, maybe, she's into speed walking or something?
- I am not into speed walking. I sped up because I saw you coming.
You're fifteen minutes late.
Um... there was a huge trafficjam at...
I was not referring to you, Vitaliy.
Now, you, Sveta, ought to be ashamed of every minute you missed,
since you take the subway.
- Yes, I am very ashamed. Tomorrow I'm buying a car.
Did you tell Nadya to bring me the checks? - Yes.
Are you sure she heard you?
So where are the checks, then?
I have no idea.
For how long are we going to invent the wheel over and over again?
Get down to it.
I think I saw Nadya..
Screw Nadya.
Wanna get some coffee?
Haven't you ruined the floor enough already?
Come on, Mom.
If you have enough energy...
...to hop around on this board, maybe you can find some forjob searching?
Mom? Have you looked into my passport lately?
I'm under age.
Why don't you get an under-age job then?
May be I should get an under-age husband?
I'm sure that'll happen sooner or later.
Give that thing to me.
The neighbors will come knocking any minute.
- Come on, Mom. - Get off! Now!
Any progress with your English?
Entshuldigen Sie bitte!
That was German, wasn't it?
"What do you want, old crone?"
That was...mmm...Pushkin.
You'll flunk English.
Thanks, Mom. You've always been supportive.
Get on with your English, lady. Or I'll bring in Grandma.
That will be encouraging, I promise.
You said something about translating for a magazine.
Can you translate a text for me?
Why not?
Well, I can explain rules and grammar to you,
but you need to learn to translate yourself.
When I moved to a new school..
...Told my teacher to get off my back in front of the whole class.
She has not been fond of me ever since.
In fact, nobody has.
She took her time walking around and telling everyone what a bitch I was.
It was my D-day at school, the Day of Disgrace.
Every teacher felt obligated to come up to me and say I was a pig.
You know, my school is like..
Have you ever been to a place..
..when you see an idiot, a moron..
..and you turn around and look for someone to say..
"hey, look at this idiot",
but everyone else there is just as idiotic.
That's not right. You should use an "S", not a "C".
Good evening.
Is my daughter here?
I'm doing my English! Go back home!
What's wrong with your arm?
Oh, I hurt it in the car accident.
Is it bothering you?
My arm?
No, her visit.
Christine can be very difficult. She's very pushy and abusive.
Problems at school and with relatives,
to say nothing about her relationship with me.
I can only wonder if she does drugs.
But how does verbal abuse connect to drug abuse?
Then what can it be?
In my opinion, she just needs more trust and freedom.
It's no use keeping her under pressure.
She's becoming more and more independent.
Are you a psychologist?
No? Why not?
Why? I don't know. Never occurred to me.
But I have a friend who is a psychologist.
He may help you.
I mean, help Christine, with self-control and such.
- He helped me a great deal. - What did you suffer from?
Bad temper, depression, jealousy... stuff like that.
He must have really helped. You seem to be easy-going and positive.
I would never imagine you had been through all those things you mentioned.
Well, I'm not sure whether I'm really positive, but I'm trying to be.
- Just a moment, I'll get you a card. - What card?
My friend's. The psychologist's.
What is it?
The psychologist.
I mean, his business card.
I understand.
Thank you.
- Goodbye! - Yes, yes.
It's turned off.
You won't mind if I snach, do you?
Care for a candy bar?
Candy today, tooth decay tomorrow.
I love candy.
So you'll die early.
That's not far from my plan.
Do you want to talk about it?
What a cliche.
Tell me, doc.
Who usually sits in my chair?
Psycho freaks? Maniacs? Suicidal nutjobs?
Do you know the old joke...
'if you can't run away from a rapist, just relax and enjoy the process?'
What are you driving at, Doc?
Go ahead.
You can turn on your sarcasm and spoil this day for both of us.
Or you can try to be a little bit friendlier and listen to me
and then you'll probably find this whole process very helpful.
It might even make your life better.
It's your choice.
Alright, doctor.
I'm going to relax and enjoy the process. Rape my brain.
Your mother told me you use drugs.
That's not true.
She also told me you are in constant denial.
She makes stuff up.
Who should I believe then?
You choose. You're the doctor, aren't you?
It's your chance to prove that you aren't getting paid for nothing.
Now I'm starting to understand your mother.
I'll be like Woody Allen with my own psychoanalyst.
I'll be lying there on the couch,
and he'll be pretending to listen to my crap.
After that he's gonna need help himself.
- You think? - You bet!
Go to hell!
I feel like I'm in a zoo among endangered freaks.
How 'bout goin' to a nightclub tomorrow?
What's going on there?
My sis got flyers, but she has to sit at home with the baby.
- Let's go to the club, come on! - I don't know.
May be I'll get to practice my techtonic moves!
Oh, yeah, you will! Definitely!
Chapter 4. Regret.
Can I help you?
Oh? No, thanks.
Are you test-driving that chair?
What's the matter?
I'm taking this chair.
I can see that you are taking it,
and I can't help wondering why on earth you are taking it.
This is our chair, it's ours.
It has an identification number and everything...
- What number? - That coincides with my list. It's ours!
- What about us? - I'll bring you a wooden chair.
How sweet!
Why not a cardboard chair?
We've got g-g-girls in the reception room;
they need presentable chairs to look decent.
They need plastic surgery to look decent.
Leave this chair alone.
I won't.
Leave the God damn chair alone!
Get your hands off me!
I am sorry.
Something happened?
There's some weird dude out there in Sveta's office,
he's taking our chairs out.
I'll deal with it.
Hello, security?
Yes, this is Marina Vassilyevna speaking.
Could you go to Sveta's office and throw out the people with chairs.
Yes, and be sure to tell them they are fired.
Thank you!
Listen, I lost my cell phone for long-distance calls.
Will you help me find it?
- Tell me the number to dial. - I forgot it.
The number is in the address book in my cell for local calls,
which I left on the charger...
...in the car.
And the car is?
At the service station. I'm going to pick it up tomorrow.
Forget the phone.
I'll send an email.
We are presenting our new issue at the club tomorrow.
Are you coming?
I don't think I'll make it.
You don't want to get blacklisted, do you?
I don't.
Alright, then you'll have to be there.
It'll be fun.
Ladies, where's the nightclub around here?
The club? It's that way.
- What's a guy like you gonna do there? - Over there?
Yeah, right, that'll be three hundred rubles.
- What if I just give you a lift? - Where are you going?
Where am I going? To the club, of course.
Okay then!
Vitaliy, do you like Vlad Topalov?
- What are you looking at? - That's my neighbor over there.
I thought he was a nerd..
but he's hanging out at nightclubs.
Didn't I tell you to dress up for the occasion?
This is all I have that was clean.
- Mom is lazy? - Yeah. She's getting out of hand!
Move on, will ya?
You look like shit wearing shit.
..said the beauty queen.
Am I distracting you?
A bit.
We've had a couple of drinks there with the girls...
That's your business.
I am so, so drunk.
Marina Vassilyevna, you are not drunk.
One is drunk when you are taking a leak
and all of a sudden you realize your pants are still on.
You aren't that drunk yet, take it from me. - Vitaliy..
This world's a mess, and you are an island; you are my only my only hope.
Marina Vassilyevna.. You were right.
You should cut down on drinking.
That's right. Now let's drink to me cutting down!
[Presente]: Please, welcome to the stage Vlad Topalov.
Where are you going, Vitaliy?
You can't just to leave me here like this. I need your help.
This is a great psychologist.
He'll help you...
with your alcohol addiction.
I have no alcohol addiction!
Take a picture. It'll last longer.
Was I staring at you?
You blend in with the wall, so I thought...
I was looking at an inanimate object.
If you keep practicing your jokes, you might grow up to be funny someday.
Oh, what an awkward coincidence!
What a pleasant one, I would say!
These party boys suck, I tell you.
Maybe. But the girls here are rocking.
Vitaliy, why aren't you reacting... ...erecting to me?
I think the song is great.
What the hell is this?
What? You need an invitation? Get in!
I wouldn't get into that piece of shit car
even if it was raining and I didn't have an umbrella.
Shut the fuck up, I'm not talking to you.
Your fat ass wouldn't fit in here anyway. - Whaaat?
Just what you heard. Or Lady XXL is deaf too?
I'll kick your sorry ass!
Whatever, kill me, strangle me
just don't rape me.
Dumbass! Move on.
Wait up! I was joking!
- Hey, don't you remember me? - My memory has failed.
If it's failed, how do you remember that it's failed?
- Man, you are so annoying! - Let's go!
All I want is your number!
You don't want my number,
you want something you think you can get with my number, but you are wrong.
- What? Ever heard of presumption of innocence?
What? No Law class in school?
I warn you, this number is neither for heavy breathing nor perverted texting.
- Get lost. - Shut up.
You shut up.
- Fuck off. - See you soon!
Vitaliy, drop into my office, when you are not busy!
Can you feel it?
Can you feel the...
..lovey-dovey atmosphere in our office?
I'm new to this office, and she is just being friendly.
Use your head, will you.
I know her. And I'm warning you.
Here. This is what awaits you.
Come and look.
Just like Zorro!
Yeah, just like Zorro.
Only she's writing her "Z" on asses, not doors.
Sveta, shame on you.
Now I'm scared..
Why don't you ask her out?
With her whip and everything?
Why am I here again?
Can I ask you a somewhat indelicate question?
Go on.
Tell me, are you the kind of guy who seems so gentle and caring at first
but then starts drinking and beating his girlfriend?
What are you talking about?
You didn't answer.
No, I did answer, it just doesn't seem to be the answer you wanted from me.
Forget it. I'm going to order lunch now.
What do you want?
What in particular did you call me in here for?
I see you are having a bad day.
You haven't had your lunch yet, have you?
How about some pizza?
I don't want any pizza!
Now, it's my turn to ask questions!
Why are you picking on me?
Others already make fun of it. Marina Vassilyevna.
- We can sack them. - Nobody will be sacking nobody.
You've got some kind of sexual repression problem?
- I don't! - You will now!
Make yourself comfortable.
Today I will teach you to be at peace with yourself.
What is that supposed to mean?
Well, you're a good girl, aren't you?
And you want to have a good relationship with your mother?
I do.
You get entangled into everyday life and petty arguments.
And they push you further away from your priorities.
What are they?
To mend my relationship with my mother.
To mend your relationship with your mother.
Now, when you feel you are about to fall into negative feelings,
You must control it.
To do so, you have to learn to relax;
that's what I'll teach you now. Make yourself comfortable.
Close your eyes.
Now take a deep breath.
Concentrate on your heartbeat.
Feel your body.
What do you feel?
My ass is numb.
Think of a person you love..
..and of one, who loves you too.
He doesn't love me. I don't know.
It doesn't matter.
Think of somebody or something that brings warmth to your whole body.
Feel the warm waves flowing all over your body,
going through your bones and muscles...
Do you feel it?
Are you asleep?
Alright then.
Chapter 5. Anger management.
Give me a ride, will you?
To a magic wonderland?
I am late for my date, and you've got a car, right?
You have to help me out.
- You don't have anything to do anyways. - Sounds convincing.
What is a jerk like me supposed to be doing, anyway?
Should I wear a tie?
Have you got a stereo in your car?
Vitaliy, I think this song is amazing!
Vitaliy, do you like this song or not?
I don't.
It's a shame,
because if you did, we could start a fan club together.
Don't be a schmuck, I know there's a cool guy deep inside of you somewhere.
We'll save him.
Are you trying to kiss the windshield or what?
Thanks for smoking into my face. I can't see anything.
I can tell you had an accident or something.
You don't drive with confidence.
I am quite confident about you, though. You will now get out of the car and walk.
Turn right here.
Here, to the right, because it's a right turn.
Turn right, go right.
You know, which way is "right"? Remember which hand holds the spoon.
Hey, what's up? I'm sick and tired of waiting!
So are you going to leave, or what?
I'll throw the flowers away, break all the palms and then, yes, I'll leave.
What palms?
We're almost there.
"We"? What do you mean - "we"?
- Why do you need me? - To make fun of him, play along.
Sorry, I'm late.
You don't have to be sorry. I lost fifteen minutes of my life, and you..
lost the biggest chance of your lifetime.
Say good-bye to these movie tickets!
Take off your glasses, you look like a welder.
He might be a welder after all, how would you know?
Who the hell is this?
Oh. This is my uncle. He's looking after me.
Let's go chill at my crib.
I'm afraid my uncle won't be able to go.
Holy shit! What the hell are you talking about? Are you nuts?
I won't be able to leave him.
You see him? Uncle, come here!
Today's his birthday and we only get to celebrate it together once every two years.
Okay then! You can see him next year.
We didn't meet last year.
Alright, you can see him once every three years, for all I care.
I see he doesn't mind. Look at him, he's beaming with joy!
It will be eating him from the inside, I know.
I'm sure it will.
You're not a cop, are you?... Incidentally..
Do you think it's alright to air relatives on your first date?
Oh, no, you don't have to air me.
Wait till I pee on this car and I'm set to go home.
Uncle Vitaliy, your infant-like humor is not appropriate here at all.
Let's ride in my car. Is that alright with you?
No, it's not. You can't drink and drive.
Are you 18?
- Yes. - Then let's go!
Hey, what's up?
I have to obey him.
You, guys, decide it between yourselves.
First you act like a whore, but when it comes to business,
you run off to...
Where did you learn to speak to a woman like that?
Get lost, asshole!
Uncle Vitaliy! Save some energy for your birthday-cake candles.
Go home and read books!
My leg!
Too many events for one afternoon!
- What? You broke your leg? - Fuck off.
Hey, you should drink more milk, you know that? You need more calcium.
Come on, don't be so serious.
Wait, wait. Hush. I've just had a vision.
I see a body lying in a ditch.
I bet it's you, Vitalik.
Seems like you're dead..
I see words on your back, written in blood.
It says "Dirty bastard".
Oh, shit! It's gone.
So you can see the future?
Let's break your arm and see if you acquire healing powers.
What a dumb freak!
- Who? Me? - You!
You can't see past your nose!
You are a perfect man and I am a perfect woman!
We are meant to be together!
Shush, shhh, Marina Vassilyevna!
I am not perfect, you are deeply mistaken.
But you are!
You don't like football, you don't smoke, you don't drink, and you keep good company!
Oh, put this on, you may catch a cold.
And you can dress me up quicker than I undress!
Well, maybe.
So what?
- So that's why you are perfect. You take it from me.
- Now, tell me why I am a perfect woman.
Speak up, silence makes you look far less perfect. Go on.
Maybe you are perfect,
because you are going to give our department a raise tomorrow.
Stop eavesdropping!
Pardon, Madam.
Is Doctor Do-Little in?
So how are you getting along with your mother?
It's better now.
But still I can't just enter that state of mind on demand.
That's alright.
She started picking on me again.
And that's alright, that's how it should be.
Remember you can't let your negative feelings eat you from the inside.
You must erase every quarrel, every scandal out of your memory.
Each day is a brand new day for your relationship.
Every day you have to look at her like it's the first time you see her;
without prejudice.
Go on, doctor, go on.
Now I have one more exercise for you.
Whenever you meet, every time you see your mother...
...you try to look at her.
and think to yourself..
"Mommy, I love you so much!"
and then look at her, as if she is the most special person in the world.
But you've got to be sincere.
It takes some time to practice.
I love you, doctor!
How does that sound?
How does that sound?!
How does it sound when you talk like that?
How do you like it, when I talk to you like that?
"I love you, doctor!"
Yeah, hello?
Hey there!
Don't know where to start..
Speed up. I'm busy.
I can't speed up, my leg's broken.
Then use shorter words.
I am calling you to say..
..that I don't really like..
..the way things have worked out..
..for the two of us so far. So I thought, maybe we could..
..take a chance for a new beginning?
Let me get it straight.
Should we start from the point when we met
or from the moment you started to act like a prick?
If you decide to party it up a little,
please, don't buy pregnancy vodka..
You know what I'm talking about?
You drink vodka...
or whatever you may be drinking and - bang - next day you wake up pregnant.
I think I should ask Vitalik to
Oh, come on, Mom!
I'm sick and tired of your stories!
Just because you behaved this way in the past,
doesn't mean that I will too!
- Oh, well - Stop pressuring me!
Do you want me to actually start doing everything you've been rambling about?
If you aren't doing anything of this kind, what's all this fuss?
I'm fed up with your dumb lectures, that's all.
We'll live and see who's right, after all..
Will you just shut up?
Wait. Stay here.
What happened?
Why did you leave?
Just to come back.
Why are you giving me that look now?
What look?
I don't know, the look.
Why are you so quiet?
Let's get on with our quarrel.
I have no time to quarrel with you.
I need to go and see Vitalik.
Good morning!
Good morning.
I want to thank you...
You've been very helpful with her English
and your friend, the psychologist, has been very nice too!
- Oh, you shouldn't have... - Wait! Wait!
I am leaving Moscow for a couple of days.
So Christine is going to be alone for a while.
She usually invites friends for a party or 'sessions', as they call it.
If you have some time to spare, could you, please,
do me a favor and keep an eye on her?
I wouldn't want her to get involved into drugs or something.
That's like asking a mouse to keep an eye on a cat really.
I thought you were friends.
She trusts her friends more than her mother.
- That's the way it should be. - Why's that?
Well, you can't choose your parents, but you can choose friends, that's why.
Anyway, you don't have to worry.
I know I don't have to, but somehow I do now.
Don't worry.
Caught in the act!
Did I hear you say you didn't drink?
I don't really belong here.
I'll tell you why.
You are the only decent person around this place.
Oh, look, the cripple's back!
Oh, yeah.
I felt sorry for him, so I invited him.
So now you can have sex, the four of you?
The beauty, the beast, and his two mighty crutches?
When I called you "decent" I was seriously exaggerating.
Would you mind, if we really...
you know...
were... doing it... tonight?
I suppose I would.
You know...
I have a feeling...
..we are trying to get to know each other better..
..and we are trying to get closer..
..but there's a wall that...
...Oh, well, forget it.
I'm going to do the dishes if we still have any.
Look who's here. I was seriously misled.
What do you mean?
I was told there won't be any assholes.
But here you are.
How's the leg?
You won't fight a cripple, will you?
Fight? No.
Just gonna take your crutches away from you.
Now don't tell me you broke another leg!
- Hey, are you alright? - Snap it to your own ugly face.
Is there a medic around?
Edik, where are you?
- I said "a medic" not Edik. - Edik is a medic!
Edik, you study to be a doctor, right?
What's the fuss? We need some antiseptic, that's it. Here..
Oh, no, you don't...
My eyes!
What's going on, idiots?
Who hit him in the face?
This dude did it.
What the fuck? It's not me! He did it!
I didn't touch him with a finger.
I just took his crutches...
...and then the rest he did himself.
Give me the crutch, the crutch.
Let's go to my room, move people!
I feel my brain bouncing in my head, like a ping-pong ball.
Try to sit still, it may stop.
Little Arthur needs some help.
What is it?
A friend sent from Holland.
If you don't throw this shit away
the next thing he sends you is gonna be a letter from prison.
Cut the crap!
I imagine my Mom returning and seeing me smoking this.
Hey, it's not a drug. It's weed.
Everyone smokes it.
Except for may be plastic surgeons or air traffic controllers.
Although Russian air traffic controllers definitely smoke.
Well I don't do it.
Why can't we just talk?
Talking is a waste of time, by itself.
Talking as part of sex orjob routine is a whole different matter.
Let's talk about jobs, then.
- Or about sex? - You heard me.
Okay, let's talk about jobs.
- What do you want to be? - Nobody in particular.
How will you get money, then?
I'll find myself a millionaire lover
and I'll live happily ever after.
There'll be a lot of dough. Yeah. That's it.
Vitaliy! Vitaliy!
Wanna tap my custard-pie?
I would like to work in a boutique that sells women underwear.
As a piece of underwear?
As manual identifier of women's breast sizes.
And I would like to work as a penoscrotal destroyer!
You know, we could repay them by doing the same.
For example with me...
- Nina - What's the problem?
A quickie. No one has to know. Huh?
Nina, that sounds very tempting, indeed...
...but, I am afraid, I will have to say 'no.'
This could be the chance of your life, Vitaliy!
You better know that.
I realize it well enough, thank you.
And thank you for your kind proposal...
...but I have to go back to sleep now.
But tomorrow is Saturday!
Yes and I wouldn't want to sleep over my weekend, would I?
I want to rest well.
If you're embarassed to be seen around me, we can keep it as our tiny little secret.
Let's keep this conversation our tiny little secret, alright?
Alright. Good night!
The five thousand rubles invested in this party did not pay off a bit. It stinks.
Five and a half.
Check it out, a perfect pick for some social ad.
A perfect prick?
(Girl: What?)
I guess he's trying to think of something nauseating...
...enough for him to throw up on the floor.
(Girl: What?)
So he could go and get wasted again...
Let's get it over with.
He says, he likes you, now get the hell outta here.
Where's Vitaliy? Did he go home?
Yeah..he started hitting on me.
But I told him to get lost, so he took his ass home.
Must be sleeping by now.
Alright, alright, I was hitting on him...
...but he didn't move a finger.
That dude's got no toothpaste in the tube no more.
You'd better go after the cripple over there.
Why did you leave?
What have you been doing?
Well, I was sitting...
I couldn't sleep.
Then I thought it was a chance to finish the book I didn't have time for.
I read it for a while, but it didn't help much.
Had some tea.
Finally fell asleep.
What about your private party?
Private party?
With that clown?
I'm unlucky with guys.
Maybe it's a sign, a sign to quit?
Right, quit boys.
I still haven't been able to find the right one for me.
Listen, how about some coffee?
I've got a terrible headache.
What's the matter?
Well, maybe I would be shining with enthusiasm now...
...if I hadn't drowned it in a bottle of vodka.
Is this the book you've been reading?
What's left to improve, Vitaliy?
It doesn't help much, anyway.
I keep reacting to things stupidly.
All you need is self-control.
You're not a bully deep inside.
You're a good boy.
You forget about it, but that's what you are.
You must remind yourself of it.
Remind myself of what?
Make yourself comfortable.
Sit back.
Is this some sort of a test or what?
No, it's not a test. Trust me.
Close your eyes.
Concentrate on your heartbeat.
You are here now.
In this very moment in space and time.
Think of a loved one, think of someone who loves you.
The two of you together.
Take a deep breath.
And exhale all the negative feelings you have.
Hey you, with one leg!
Do you need some Advil?
What Advil?
This one!
I don't want your chemicals,
when I've got natural product here.
Oops, there's a little less now.
Are you sleeping?
And you?
I actually am.
Who did you think of, when you closed your eyes?
When I told you to relax?
My girlfriend.
But you said you don't have a girlfriend.
That's right, she's gone.
Did you break up - or?
She died in the car accident.
Is this OK?
It is, it is. OK, I said.
Give it to me.
Are you listening?
Looks like her diary.
Look at the date, dumbass.
It's been four years since she wrote here last entry.
You don't think this diary is special for her, do you?
Smoke it.
It's weird that she still keeps it.
She's got all these little sayings here.
Let's smoke this one.
'You'll learn to love when you learn to walk on snow without leaving footprints'.
What the fuck?
It says love is a terminal disease you're born with
you can't just learn to love anyone..
They promoted me that day.
And I went to celebrate it at a bar with my co-workers.
She turned out to be there too.
Chatting with a man. He was her cousin.
I thought she was cheating on me.
We made a deal, you know, to tell each other every little thing about ourselves.
Then I hit him.
You were so jealous of her?
I was. Granted I had never seen the guy before...
..so I assumed he was her lover..
What happened then?
I was driving her home...
...when I fell asleep behind the wheel. I was very drunk.
It felt like it was someone else, not me, there.
I didn't feel any pain.
At the same time I could hardly move.
Do you remember her last words?
I don't; I think she was silent, as she usually was.
She never argued with me, never yelled at me or anything.
And that made it so much worse.
I wish she would have screamed or stomped her feet.
But she never did. She was silent.
I know it seems so strange..
but I didn't have a single thought about her on the way to the hospital.
I thought, maybe I would have to stay at the hospital
for some months and lose my new job.
It's strange I never even thought of her.
Alright, I have something to confess too.
I was at a construction site once,
when I was a kid, and I threw a brick down on a passer-by.
I have no idea what happened to him.
I ran away.
I may have killed him on the spot, really, or I may have missed..
..I don't know..
I want to sleep.
Can I stay?
I don't think that's a good idea.
I have the feeling that if I leave now, you'll jump out of the window.
I don't think most people clean their teeth before jumping out of the window.
Nina, where is that smoke coming from?
What the hell are you doing, shitheads?
Our authoress has come back!
You go on howling, bitch!
Wait till I tape your ugly mouth shut!
I'll damn right glue your dirty mouth closed, you fat cow!
And you pig! Are your legs feeling better?!
This weed has healing powers!!!
Fuck you! Get the hell outta here!
Don't kick me, I'm physically challenged.
Mentally as well.
You're up. Great. Let's go get some breakfast.
Go where?
This way. Follow me.
But I haven't brushed my teeth yet.
You'll get to later!
- Don't look! - When did you get up?
I did surprise myself by getting up pretty early.
You go to my room now and get in my bed.
I mean we'll have breakfast in my bed today.
I'm a civilized person. I'm accustomed to eat in the kitchen.
Doing it in bed once won't hurt you.
Today you'll get the chance to live my life.
You'll be listening to my favorite music.
eating my favorite movies,
and watching my favorite food.
No, thank you, I just can't fit any more food in me!
You've got lots of room left!
That's just an illusion.
What sort of illusion?
What would you like for dessert?
What on Earth are you doing?
Look at this shawl! It's so cool!
Do I look like your Granny?
Or like a soldier from Napoleon's army fleeing Russia in 1812?
You're so hairy.
You know, the way you wrapped me in this shawl reminds me of those waffles
you know, you bake them, and then you wrap sweet stuff into them.
My mother baked them for me on this kind of plate.
- Were they just as hairy as you? - Almost.
What would you say to some duck with apples, by the way?
Is this what they call "mild violence"?
I remember I used to take my bb gun and shoot rats when I was a kid.
But ducks, that's cruel.
Why's that? They're the same as rats!
It's terrible anyway.
Remember you ate meat this morning?
Millions of cows get slaughtered every day,
just because millions ofjerks like you can't live without meat.
Do you know how they die? They plug their horns into a socket.
And bang! The cows die from electric shock. It's like an electric chair!
And this what you call violence? It's our morning exercise;
What's this apple to a big fat duck?
It's next to nothing. I'm pretty sure they enjoy it as much as I do.
I want to have some fun too, is that so wrong?
By the way, how about going to a Halloween party this week?
You'll make a great company.
Look in the mirror! You don't even need to wear a mask.
Alright! It'll be a pleasure seeing you play the part..
..of the Wicked Witch of the West every single day!
You didn't mean that, did you?
Take your words back or I'll throw an apple at you!
Stop it! I didn't even have time to say that I didn't mean it!
You must be pretty grateful to me for making your life easier!
What're you getting at?
Well, to put it mildly,
It's not like you to take the initiative.
Alright, I'll go to your stupid Halloween party.
but you'll have to do me a favor.
My boss is all over me.
You want me to sort her out?
Will you come to my office, so she could see us together?
So that she'll think I'm seeing somebody.
'Somebody'! I'm the best there possibly is.
- Right. - And I'm coming!
The very best. Almost perfect.
My hands are cold.
Easy easy.
You argue all the time.
It's you who argues, not me!
Oh, turn it off!
Why? Don't you want some light?
If we were back in my room now, I would get the lights on.
- Do you want me to turn it on for you? - No, I don't.
But you just said you needed some light!
I am your guest, and I'm trying to be polite.
You are my guest, that's why it should be on then.
As your guest I want it to be off. Please.
If I were your guest, would you turn the light for me?
- Yes, I would. - Fine.
I can't see my pumpkin anywhere.
Could you turn on the light, please?
Do you know the story of the first Halloween pumpkin?
So do you know the story?
Once upon a time there lived an Irish farmer named Jack.
He loved booze, gambling and girls.
So one day he died, and you could tell he wasn't going to get into Heaven.
There was no room in Hell for him either.
He was a weird guy.
So he had to wander around with his pumpkin head..
..and some coals burning inside.
Just like you!
I am not wandering.
The car crash put an end to my previous life.
So as long as it ended up that badly, I guess I was living it in vain.
I made up my mind to clean the slate and start a new life.
So here I am.
Here you are.
What is it?
Fill in the blanks, please.
It's a profile of my husband-to-be. You are one of the candidates.
So are you happy now? That you moved here?
That accident, you know, I wouldn't want anyone to go through it...
...but it was something that definitely changed my life for the better.
How about the girl? Do you still love her?
Yes, I do.
Vitaliy, I need to talk to you about an urgent business matter!
Let's go some place light.
What do you think I should wear for our office date?
If I wear a bra, it'll shape my tits.
But if I don't wear it, you'll be able to see the nipples!
It doesn't make much of a difference,
if you wear a bra or not,
you are young and so your breasts don't sag yet.
Why do you men call the breast 'breasts'?
You're right,
if you wear a bra, I won't be able to see your nipples, that would be too bad.
- I see you are quite an expert! - So your idea was to barge in like this
and embarrass me with your silly little tricks.
Is that what you call 'silly little tricks'?
It only proves you are gay.
I work for a women's magazine.
Goodness, such an estranged professional tone!
I work for a women's magazine, remember?
Two-zero for 'gay'.
Have you ever had sex with a man?
I haven't.
Have you ever touched one?
A man?
To shake hands.
Did you feel anything, when you touched them?
Fine! When do we meet?
You know what I hate about our marriage?
- Your husband? - Shrewd, are we?
You never...
You never told me anything about your family.
I hate cursing.
Is it that bad?
Everything's just fine!
It's as fine as it gets!
I'll show you something now.
Wait till I open my facebook Welcome to my life!
Here. Look!
It's our kid, Petya.
'Dreambuster', I call him.
When he's in the mood, he plays with his wee-wee,
when he's not, he paints pictures on the wall with his shit.
This is my husband, who wants us to go for a second child,
so I could have the stomach just as big as his.
The only exercise he does is by wiping his fat ass and eating 'pirogies',
oops, only in reverse order.
His biggest ambition is to get sloshed on beer
and fall asleep on the sofa in front of the TV.
And this is my mother-in-law,
I tear up every time I see her and I get sick every time I hear her.
I have to stare at her every minute I spend
because our flat is so small, that wherever I turn, she's always in sight.
This is my happy 'ever after' for you.
Any questions?
Collect the dropped jaw and let's go!
Is this your girlfriend?
The bachelor's lifestyle has its benefits too.
Wait, you got it all wrong.
Food goes here, plastic goes there.
Is that what they call 'civilization'?
She's looking.
She's totally looking. Don't stare at her.
I think I've seen her someplace.
Your sexy little fantasies must have been leaking through the wall.
Careful with the ass! You are overacting!
Get it together, papi!
My 'Oscar' for best role is on its way.
- Hello. - Hello.
Vitaliy, I need to talk to you.
Christine seems very attached to you.
She's very sensitive, you know,
she's never seen her father, and that explains a lot...
Wait, wait, I believe you're exaggerating here..
Thank God I've known her for all these 17 years,
and I can see that she might be falling in love with you.
- What? - She is.
What should I do?
On the one hand,
the funny thing is I can't put my foot down here at all.
I say 'yes', she says 'no', and vice versa.
She's got her principles.
On the other hand, it would be nice, if you..
..simply stopped seeing her.
I don't think so, no..
You don't know her at all. She's not able to focus on anything now.
She's trying to balance between her abominable friends, her school life,
I believe her education is all that matters at this point.
She should be studying hard now.
I will not always be around to help, don't you see?
I do, I do.
It's not that I think you are a bad person to know or anything.
What I'm trying to say is things may not turn out well for her,
and you could be the reason for that. - I do understand.
You don't know how lucky you are, do you?
Do I?
You just have to sit and listen.
It's next to doing nothing.
What about writing books or reading for a doctorate?
Same stuff.
Although it must be pretty boring to listen to these ravings...
...every single day, though.
Well, I usually think to myself...
'what sort of a raving will I hear today?'
Being curious is important.
I see.
Do you believe you can have lots of happiness without...
..having to pay for it sooner or later?
Well, the thing here is..
..you shouldn't think about paying for your happiness,
because your negative thoughts may actually make it happen.
Right, but, you know, if someone feels good,
they still have this nagging feeling things could turn out bad.
Yes, but you may want to look at things differently.
Try to imagine that no matter how happy you are, you can be even happier.
Happiness is like the universe, it can expand endlessly.
Tell yourself that no matter how happy you may be now,
you are only a step away from a new world of discoveries,
adventures, some new..
...some new..
Stay optimistic and wait for all these things to come your way...
..in due time.
I see. Thanks.
How long this is going to continue?
It's pretty much full.
You know what I'm talking about. Your snotty little girl.
You know how old you are? You need a mature woman like me!
Marina Vassilyevna! You are putting on an act now.
It's ridiculous.
If you've slept with her, then we're through. Now!
I sleep alone.
Are you gay or something?
Gays sleep with men. I sleep alone.
You sleep with yourself and you are a man. That means you're gay.
I'm leaving.
And I was about to promote you!
I've just written amy two-week notice. It's on Sveta's desk.
You take it and you tear it up!
Or else you're going to fire me?
I'll chuck this tea into your face!
That's the scariest threat I've ever heard in my life!
It' over! You're fired!
It's the end of your career!
And it's the first day I wore my favorite lucky sweater.
Must be strong?
Dunno, it's hot.
So what are you going to do?
I don't know. I'll go back to Serpukhov, I guess.
I'll wander around like a pumpkinhead.
Like a what?
I mean Halloween. You know Halloween?
A pumpkin with a candle inside.
So what?
Enjoy the silence.
What is it?
A key.
You can stay in my apartment for a while.
Well, you can stay there until you make up with your husband.
Wait, you've just given your key to someone you hardly know.
We aren't even friends!
Isn't it time we became friends?
That'll be 750.
I can't take this bill, it's torn.
Because you just tore it.
I did not.
You didn't?
I saw you tear it, when you picked it up,
so you better stop complaining.
I'm afraid I can't take this bill, my boss won't be very happy if I do.
Is this my problem? You deal with your boss.
Can't you just go to the bank and exchange it?
Which bank?
Any bank. Take a walk.
Why do I have to walk anywhere?
Just because a dumbass like you can't take my money right?
Hey, why are you calling me a dumbass?
Take the money, dumbass! I'm warning you.
You've got a thousand, right?!
I've also got a bill you tore.
Why the hell do you care about what you throw into your fuckin' cash register?
I am afraid I won't able to sell you anything.
You've got your principles, right?
Just doing my job.
What a dumbass!
Cursing won't solve your problem, but a one thousand ruble note will.
No, it won't. It's fake.
Are you kidding?
I can go down now and check, of course..
Where the hell can you go?
To a fuckin' lab for a fuckin' test?
Do you have any more money?
Here's your money.
Hello! Hey!
I'm going back to Serpukhov.
Do you want me to get your parents anything?
What do you mean you're going back? Are you quitting - or...?
Not really. It was a lousy idea to leave for Moscow and start a new life.
I can't change the way I am.
I act like a clown of a sorts, trying to be very nice and positive, you know.
but it doesn't change a thing about me.
I am neither good enough nor polite enough.
How can a killer be any good, anyway?
Stop, stop it. What are you raving about?
Sober up first, then pull yourself together and don't do anything stupid.
Got it?
Are you listening? - Yeah? I am.
There're things you can change, so you change them.
There're also things you can't change, so you've got to leave them behind.
Hey? What's going on?
Nothing much. I feel broken.
What's broken?
Broken into little fuckin' pieces.
I do hope you can use your little gray cells, anyway.
Do you know what happened to Vitaliy?
No. Why?
So you know something?
Forget him, Christine, he's not meant for you.
What are you talking about?
Look at the two of you. Do you know how old he is?
Why on Earth are you talking about age? Age means nothing.
It's like looking serious doesn't mean you've got a high IQ. Do you get it?
I am sure he's not the right man for you. At least, right now.
How can you be so certain about everything?
Have you ever made any mistakes?
You were very busy building your career first,
then you decided to have a child...
...just because it was the right time for it.
Did it work out? It didn't.
You married the wrong man, who dumped you right away.
Were you certain it would happen to you?
I'm not like you, Mom.
I'm not quite sure about anything,
except for the fact that we'll die sooner or later.
That's why we should live every moment to the fullest
and try out everything that comes our way.
I had a talk with him about your relationship.
Mom, why?
There is no relationship.
So we decided it would be better for him to leave.
He didn't decide it, you decided it?
What have you done Mom?
I love you, Mom!
Where are you going?
To try and find him.
What a chest; you could as well be Rambo, Nina.
Quit it, Chris. If he dumped you, that's no reason to take it out on me.
He didn't dump me, it was just a misunderstanding!
He did!
That look on your face has been screaming it.
I oughtta paint some blood on your face.
Pull yourself together, sweetie.
That's hilarious. You've just ruined a five thousand ruble hairdo.
You were robbed blind again, I guess.
I'd have shaved you bold for five rubles or less.
Hello, can I talk to Pavel Victorovich?
He's not available at the moment, but you can leave him a message.
Tell him
I'm pregnant with his baby, I'm depressed and I'm ready to jump out of the window.
Don't hang up, he'll be here in a moment.
You are a Pheromone Queen among women...
...you... you... I've got testosterone therapy here...
...don't disturb me!
This is a matter of life and death.
Do you want me to spank her?
- Do you want to talk about it? - Take it...
What the hell have been blabbering about?
Something about being happy,
something about adventures and prospects?
- Today we are using whip-and-carrot method! - Anya, go get some carrots quickly.
Like hell it is! Where did your lectures get me?
They got me into deep shit! I feel really fuckin' grateful, doctor!
Sitting on your butt isn't going to change anything!
You ought to fight for your happiness.
Sorry, I can't talk to you now.
Wait, wait, I need Vitaliy's address in Serpukhov.
She was just sitting on the window sill first,
and then she got to the balcony and sat there with her legs hanging down,
and she was really, really persistent - just like this one. What?
Excuse me, I've got to talk to him about something more important
than windows and balconies. Arthur!
King Arthur knows everything.
You were trying to take His Majesty off your narrow mind, but you failed.
- Arthur, what the... - I see what you're getting at.
You've been suffering and struggling through your complexes,
but finally you are here to tell me even sad girls can become queens some day?
Yes or no?
Have you been drinking?
Nope, will you kiss me now?
Hell, that's really far!
Alright, alright!
You should have called us once in a while, man.
We could have placed those little pins on the map to trace you.
I thought I'd surprise you.
Maybe next time you will get me some welcome banners in town.
"HELL-O, KILLER-O! Missed you to death!"
Is that what they call "The Great Depression"?
I call it living in vain.
Imagine you are working on something, and then it all boils down to nothing.
You start from one side, then move to the next, it's all the same.
Just tired of paddling against the stream.
You come to the conclusion that life keeps
offering you something you don't really need.
One more shot?
An empty glass stared at him, with hope in his lonely eye.
"The lad reckons himself a poet"..
Is that how Moscow affects you?
Another car accident or what?
Take it easy, it's a joke.
I fell in love.
Oh, you fell in love. That's good news.
With a schoolgirl.
So what? How old is she?
Schoolgirls are pretty different.
I've seen my share of fully stacked shelves who just happened to turn 16.
Look what I got you here, your portrait.
Don't tell me you don't like it.
That doesn't look like me at all.
How nice. What's next?
Look! There's a guy walking over there.
Ask him the way.
Excuse me, could you, please..
No, you couldn't. Let's go! Let's go!
Now I know where assholes like Vitaliy come from.
Come on, Christine, he could be God knows where by now.
Maybe he went to the North pole to hang out with the bears.
Anything, to get further away from you.
I will tear those bears apart.
- Don't look. - That's his street.
It's not like he's wandering around like an idiot.
Look where you're driving!
Ah, whatever.
You forgot the waffles.
Do you see me?
Let me in!
What's wrong?
I've come a long way just to see you.
Do you really need all these bitter memories that drag you back?
We can make a brand new start, just you and I.
Hey, what the hell?
I've come all the way from Moscow like a fool just to hang around outside your car?
That's for you. Happy Halloween.
Don't you want to kiss me?
I do.
Then why aren't you?
I'm not sure whether you want it or not.
Why shouldn't I?
just.. because we're so different.
You mean our age?
That too.
So if we kiss now, it won't be right?
Well, for most people, yes.
If we were adequate people, we wouldn't be doing this now.
Yes, but we're not really adequate, are we?
- What's up? - Shhh..
Hey, what's up?
Looks like some dude's foolin' around with a stripper in a school uniform.
Shhh.. Shush, shush! She's not a stripper.
She really is a schoolgirl!
What did he say?
This dude is a bigger pervert than I thought.