Ep 7 - Barack & Michelle - 12-Steps To Recovery

PARRISH Jesus, I said I was down for wild fun,
but I meant some freaky stuff, not some juvenile high jinks.
MANALÉ What’s the matter, you afraid of your
ex? You Americans drive big cars, live in big houses, and do everything big.
The question is do you have big balls? If this is too risky for you, then
say so and we can go get ice cream. How about Tutti Fruitti.
PARRISH Please, don’t hold back. And did you
have to bring that dog on our caper?
MANALÉ I couldn’t find a sitter for Foo Foo.
Isn’t that right baby? That’s a good Foo Foo. Mommy loves you.
PARRISH You really should get that dog checked
out. It hasn’t barked or whimpered once.
MANALÉ She’s just well-behaved, plus it runs
in the breed.
PARRISH Helen Keller would be proud.
You know, this is a bad idea.
MANALÉ C’mon Parrish. Don’t you want to get
even? They’re just eggs. She’s probably up there telling some girlfriend how
she crushed you.
MANALÉ What’s the hold up?
PARRISH I can’t believe it. She’s up there with
some dude laughing it up.
MANALÉ Really? This has gotten even better.
PARRISH I’m glad you see the pleasure in this,
but it ain’t fun and games for me. I gotta see who this guy is. I’m going
closer. And make sure Foo Foo doesn’t have a miracle breakthrough and start
barking like a regular dog.
CHAD Denzel and Viola were absolutely
smashing. Tour de Force.
SHERYL Those seats were great. I can’t
believe we set between Sam Jackson and Spike Lee. You must’ve paid an
arm and leg for them.
CHAD Only the best for you baby. Lets
face it, we’re great on paper. An unbeatable force. We could be the
next Barack and Michelle.
SHERYL Wow, slow down tiger. This is only
our third date. We’re still getting to know each other. Plus I’m fresh
out of a relationship.
CHAD If you’re worried about my skills
in the bedroom, don’t you fret. They didn’t call me the Jack Rabbit
at Yale for nothing.
SHERYL And you’re saying this to impress me?
CHAD After wasting your time with that
loser of an actor boyfriend of yours, I’m sure I must look like a God.
SHERYL Someone is really feeling himself.
Parrish may not be wealthy with an MBA from Yale, but what he has in
class and warmth are things your money can never buy.
CHAD I understand that you must defend
your poor decision, but acknowledging your mistake is the
best way to move forward. Besides, after tonight, he’ll be
a figment of your imagination.
SHERYL You think I'm sleeping with you
tonight? Honey, that little boat will never dock.
MANALÉ What’s going on?
PARRISH She’s defending me with this douche
bag. I think she really cares.
MANALÉ How romantic. Let’s move it. Start
throwing eggs or something.
SHERYL You hear that?
CHAD Maybe it’s your ex coming to sing
that god-forsaken jingle of his. that would be a hoot.
CHAD Well?
SHERYL It’s just two gay guys kissing.
I think it’s time you leave. This ain’t happening, but thanks for the
show and dinner. It was thoughtful.
CHAD Every time I try to give you SISTAS
an opportunity, you let your ego get in the way. You wouldn’t know
how to treat a good Black man if he came gift wrapped in pure Indian
weave.
SHERYL Excuse me? I may live in New York,
but I’m from Chicago. Don’t let my Southside come out.
CHAD Keep your switchblade in your jeans
Thelma. I’ve seen enough of Sista Gurl for a lifetime. This is my
exit. I’ll see you – never.
SHERYL You promise?
PARRISH Geez, that was close. Let’s get out
of here. C’mon.
MANALÉ Wait, don’t forget Foo Foo.
MANALÉ My poor Foo Foo. Mommy’s sorry for
leaving you. Oh my God. Wasn’t that exciting?
PARRISH Are you kidding me? My ex almost
busted me egging her place.
MANALÉ (CONT’D) Excitement turns me on Parrish and
when I’m turned on...
PARRISH I don’t know what the hell you just
said, but I gotta feeling it’s good. Save that thought. Let me get our tickets.
MANALÉ How’s my Foo Foo? That’s my baby. I’m
gonna give you a treat when we get home.
PARRISH Foo Foo is a stuff animal? You had
me carrying a stuff animal?
MANALÉ Don’t say that Parrish. Foo Foo is
sensitive.
PARRISH Dammit, I know I’m gonna regret this
in the morning, but I’m going home.
MANALÉ Are you kidding me? You don’t want
this? I’m giving myself to you.
PARRISH You’re little too wild and Cuckoo
for me Manalé. Sorry baby.
MANALÉ Damn you Parrish.
Why are all the hot ones gay?
6