MEGA Millions - 3/30/12 (FULL EP)

-Money, money, money, money.
But first, "My Damn Channel Live."
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
-Hello, guys.
It's me, Beth Hoyt, your host of "My Damn Channel Live." I'm
so glad you're here.
Do you guys have your Mega Millions fever yet?
Did you buy your lottery tickets?
At this moment, right now, the jackpot's up to like $640
million, which rounds up to almost a billion dollars.
If I win, I'm buying a pony.
Because that's-- that's what--
everyone has to do that, right?
He will live in the studio with me.
He'll be--
I'll be called, like, the billionaire hostess.
And everyone-- everyone will want to be on the show.
Man, I--
I'm so excited for later tonight when I'm a
billionaire.
It's going to be awesome.
Um, so if you're here now, you're either already a good
friend of mine-- thanks--
or we're on our way there.
And let's get there faster with a little Q&A. So tweet me
questions @thebethhoyt right now, and I'll answer them at
the end of the show, which is in, like, eight minutes.
So do it.
Um, here's something about me that I'll just offer up.
I love lists.
There.
Now you know-- now you know.
They're kind of my go-to procrastination
for when I'm busy.
Just--
uh, needless to say, I'm in like a--
I'm in a list-y kind of mood.
Lots going on.
So here's--
here's a list.
It's my grocery list.
One, milk.
Two, Jell-O. Three, just kidding.
No, OK.
It's my to- do list I'm going to do.
Uh, one, list this list.
Two, watch all of "Dexter." Three, I'm joking.
All right.
So for realsies, I'm going to start off with a list that's
actually beneficial to you.
It's called what the hell is going on here with this "My
Damn Channel Live" show.
I'll tell you the top five things you need to know.
Are you ready?
This is for real.
Number one, "My Damn Channel Live" is on every weekday at
4:00 PM Eastern.
Number two, Wednesday's show is the big weekly half-hour
extravaganza with My Damn Channel original series
premieres and special guests.
Number three, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday are
10-minute episodes.
Number four, Thursday's show is hosted by none other than
Daily Grace.
And number five, that means every show except Thursday is
hosted by me.
That was good for both of us, right?
To do--
So we premiered our show Wednesday.
How about that, huh?
And because it was live, uh, one of my worries was that I
might swear.
But, um, luckily, I found it was really easy.
It was totally easy for me to keep it clean.
So--
I'm sorry.
We have a quick--
we have a clip that I--
OK.
We have a clip we're going to show.
Play it.
[BLEEP]
[BLEEP]
-Hi, I'm Beth Hoyt, and this is "My Damn
Channel Live." -OK.
That, yeah.
That was from Wednesday.
Thank you.
I didn't know-- thank you for showing that, guys.
Sweet.
Um, are you guys tweeting me questions right now to answer
at the end of the show?
And are you back to--
OK.
Now we're back.
Like most of you, I'm an internet junkie.
I love YouTube videos, and I asked my friends to send in
their favorite YouTube clips.
This is Shannon Coffey.
Check out her video, and-- and we'll talk after.
-Hey, Beth.
It's me, Shannon Coffey.
And my favorite YouTube video is "Red Panda Playing in the
Snow."
I love red pandas because they're, like, a hybrid of all
cute animals put into one.
It's like getting a cat, which is the ultimate cute thing.
And getting a panda, which is the secondest cutest thing.
And putting them together.
Or it's like putting a baby in a bear suit and then making it
roll around in the snow.
That would probably be animal cruelty.
Or ba-- baby cruelty.
Well, you know what I mean.
And then there's this awesome, awesome music.
That's like, [SINGING]
which I like to pretend that the little red pandas played
on instruments together and made the track themselves.
And you should get a little red panda of your own.
Meow.
Goodbye.

-Thanks, Shannon.
And make sure to check out Shannon's vlog, Coffey Chat,
at youtube.com/coffeychat.
That's Coffey, C-O-F-F-E-Y, OK.
So what I'd love is if you send me your all-time favorite
YouTube clip along with a short video from you,
explaining why you love it so much, like Shannon did.
And I'll place your video somewhere in my list.
Maybe you'll be in my top 20.
Or maybe--
maybe you'll be the 60,000s.
I'm s-- did I--
did I mention that this is my-- it's my top 100,000, uh,
YouTube videos of all time, yeah.
It took me a weekend.
Do you want to see?
Let's show 'em a page of the list.
It's like-- oh yeah, that's a good-- see, yours would go--
it could-- that's a good one.
There's a good one, right there.
I love that one too.
So send me your videos to live@mydamnchannel.com.
And I can't wait to put them in my list.
Oh, I've said "list" so many times today.
OK.
So you guys, it's only day three at "My Damn Channel
Live," but it's never too early to learn about being
respectful to our coworkers.
And to help us out, Randy and Jason Sklar are here to give
us some helpful tips on sexual harassment.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Sklar brothers.
-After two days of sensitivity training--
-Here's what we learned.

-My font just went from 10 point to 14 point.
-Can't say that.
-Can't say this.
"I'd like to slip my memo into your inbox."
-Unless you're literally slipping a memo into
somebody's inbox.
-I'd like to clean your cubicle.
-Can't say that.
-Unless it's a dirty cubicle--
a naughty, dirty cubicle.
-Easy there.
-Sexual harassment and you.
-My cubicle here at the office is really naughty.
But it's actually quite clean.
I'm a bit of a neat freak.
Are you think--
are you thinking what I'm th-- like, (SINGING) she's a neat
freak, a neat freak, she's super neat, yeow.
Right.
Were we both--
clearly, I'm amazing at doing Rick James impressions.
Let's find out some other things about me.
You guys tweeted in your questions.
I'm going to give you some answers.
OK, here's one.
It is from artfuse.
"Hey, which of those cool light box
dioramas is your fave?
Shooooow ussss!" Well, I haven't picked a favorite, but
I think I would definitely--
so far-- pick the cat that's in the, um,
boxcar in the traffic.
It's-- day-- day two of the show.
I mean, I'm--
I'm leery to pick a favorite, 'cause
they're all pretty great.
Next question.
This is from vanessagene.
"Seen 'Hunger Games' yet?
Are you Team Gale or Team Peeta?" Uh,
well, I did see it.
Um, Gale's so tall.
I want to go there, but I just--
I mean, I've been--
I've been Peeta from-- from the start, so I'm not gonna--
I'm Team Peeta.
(WHISPERING) But he's like up to here, I think,
so that's the issue.
Next question.
This is from TheseBears.
"If you could see a bear do anything, what
would it be?" Um.
Gosh.
I--
first thing, I just--
I want a tea party.
I would like to see a bear having a tea party.
Am I alone in this?
Is this from some sort of childhood thing?
Did we all see this movie and I'm just like, thinking of
that movie?
I want to see--
I want to see that.
I want a tea party with some bears.
That's my fantasy.
Next.
This is from @mikerugnetta.
Do you ever believe that a negative--
do you ever behave like--
I can read.
Let's start over.
"Do you ever behave like a native Wisconsiner in NYC and
feel like a weirdo?
Also, Wisconsiner?
-ite?
-o?"
Um, it's, uh-- it's Wisconsinite, officially.
But-- via me.
And do I ever do native Wisconsin things?
Yes.
When I'm with my Wisconsin friends and, um, we drink a
little drink, we start talking like this, real quick.
It just gets in there.
Cause you-- it's just like a lazy way to talk.
So we do that.
And then we'd re-- we like, go into to just Miller Lite all
night long.
Um, that's where that goes.
Thanks for the--
thanks for the questions.
That was fun to answer those.
We'll do more of that.
But we're nearing the very end of our Friday show, which can
mean only one thing.
It's time for "Lessons Learned with Beth Hoyt."
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I learned some things this week.
One, when I feel euphoria in the writer's room, it's not
necessarily due to the birth of a great idea, but more
likely related to the fumes wafting in from the next room
where they are applying industrial solvent.
Two, if I get flowers from my head writer on Wednesday for
my first show, on Friday, they're dead.
Sorry, Krister, but thank you-- thank you, though.
Three, I learned there's a machine that will tell you
what kind of jeans fit your butt.
It's true.
It looks like a tanning bed.
They're going to be in stores, like, soon.
We are the future.
So I haven't been in the machine, but I did try to put
on a pair of jeans that were mislabeled.
And those jeans taught me that they-- they just
did not fit my butt.
Number four, the 12-year-old that my friend is tutoring is
smarter than I am.
What is math?
Hypotenuse.
Gesundheit.
I'm bad at math, but bilingual.
And lastly, I learned that if I don't have ketchup in my
fridge, I won't put it on things that don't deserve it.
It was a good lesson, to just-- to
just not own ketchup.
It's a good way to quit it cold turkey.
But then, what do you put on your cold turkey?
Zing.
Mustard.
The answer's mustard.
Guys, that's it.
That was our first Friday show and the end of our first week.
And next week, we really step on the gas.
Live shows every day.
The Wednesday big show with special guest David Wain.
More Daily Grace on Thursday.
Don't forget to buy your lottery tickets.
Although I kind of already got--
Rest up this weekend, guys, because we're about to kick it
up a notch.
Hasta, pasta.

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