The Guild - S5 Ep6: Revolving Door

-What the heck happened last night?
My eyes are super puffy underneath.
Probably from the drinking and crying combo.
I vaguely remember Tink's face being like, this close to me.
Super smooth skin.
And then I think-- well, that can't be right.
I am so confused.
Bottom line, this trip's giving me perspective, but it
is not the good kind.
I have no idea how to steer my life.
I keep grasping for things that are not good for me,
like-- like Fawkes, and Zaboo, and-- and-- and the game,
and-- ugh, why am I so out of control right now?
Why can't I just be normal?
And why are Tink's sisters white?
What's up with that?

-Hey hey!

-Yes?
-Oh my God, you guys look so amazing together.
(BRITISH ACCENT) Oi, spot of tea with you, mateys?
-You'll notice the rope.
We are having tea.
Please return later.
-Oh, but Tink and I left our t-shirts here yesterday.
-Ah, yes.
Gerald.
-[INAUDIBLE]?
-Be a love.
Extract her dry goods from under the sideboard.
I quarantined them because the synthetic fabric choice was
absolutely ghastly.
-Quite right.
-You know, to be honest, I would have come back anyways.
I think your booth is just the coolest.
How can I join your club?
-Called it a club, did she?
Cheeky.
-We are not a club, dear.
We are aficionados of the steampunk genre.
-Oh, well, whatever it is, I want to be a member.
-Steampunk is not a whim, girl.
It is a way of life.
-It is a vast wardrobe commitment.
-Oh, I have commitment.
I'll buy whatever.
The husband never sees the credit card statements.
I have the kids hide them.
It's a game.
Look, I had a crummy time until you guys got here.
It would just make my con.
Pretty pretty please?
-You're giving me ennui.
-Uh, the bathroom's that way.

Oh, you're so strong.
Come here.
Let me just--
let me just get this for you.
You're so cute.
-My thanks.
Who is that?
-Gerald.
-We could use a fourth for the costume contest.
Losing Pete to that steam-powered pogo stick
incident was bad luck all around.
-That is no Pete.
-Our reputation must be maintained.
As costume champions for two years straight, we have
standards to uphold.
To train her in but a day's time--
-Can you wear a corset?
-Uh, well, it may squeeze my baby's head into a weird
shape, but it'll pop back.
Sure.
Sew me up.

-All right, tell Hackeysack45 that there are no openings
available in the vampire anatomy panel, but we can get
him a slot in Kevin Smith on Kevin Smith Hosted by Kevin
Smith at 3PM.
Oh, and, uh, put out an all points on Global Warming on
Thundera: An Inconvenient Tooth.
We need a seat there.
One of our elite members is offering a handshake with
Jewel Staite in exchange.
Probably can upgrade that to a hug if necessary, but let's
keep that as negotiating capital, all right?

Thank you, non-stranger Maid Marian.
We've got a seat for you in the Science of the
Supernatural.
It's right after this.
-Thank thee.
-I've been up for 48 hours straight.
And yet, the method is still holding.
[CACKLES]
Uh, dude, that's my seat, so--
-I'm sitting in it.
-Right, but she was saving it for me.
-I waited in line.
It's legit.
It's mine.
-Move now.
-Make me.
-Boss, don't let him break the seat savers.

-Indeed.
Master Chiefs?
Lend a gauntlet.
Oh, look at that.
[INAUDIBLE]
Girl, first edition, eh?
-Handle that gently.
-They won't.
-All right, fine.
I'm leaving.
Pox on you!
-Already got chicken pox once, so I can't get it again.

-[SCREAM]
You are so creepy!
So, did you, you know--
-I warned you upstairs!
Don't bring last night up.
-I was gonna ask you, did you make your costume yourself?
-No.
Someone was selling a replica of me.
Total coincidence.
-Well, it looks nice.
About last night.
-I told you, don't bring it up.
-I--
I just want to know, because I don't really
remember what happened.
I mean, was there skin to skin?
-Cheek skin, yes.
Lip skin, no.
-OK, good.
I mean, Angelina Jolie is one of my five-- you know, people
you can have sex with even if you're in a relationship--
but I consider her to be the exception.
I don't really-- why are your sisters white?
-You can't help yourself, can you?
How about you go and do something interesting with
your own life so that we'd be remotely interested in
snooping in your business?
-If I could do that, it would be on the agenda, believe me!
I'm sorry!
-So we're shooting a commercial, and she
just wants a line.
And some people ask me, what is a pirate patty?
-Fine.
-And, you know, I--
- [INAUDIBLE] there's another individual claiming to be
somebody who wants to cut in line and speak to you, and he
won't pay for a video.
-Hi.
-Holy crap!
[INAUDIBLE], do you know who this is?
OK, I'm blown away.
I mean, how did you invent your character?
What inspired you?
How did I miss your genius?
-Calm down.
I'm just a guy doing the same thing you're doing.
-With half the business.
-[INAUDIBLE].
So I am really impressed with your operation.
-Yeah, I mean, the whole video thing is mostly Vork's idea,
but I bring the artistry.
So it's this killer combo.
-Yeah, well, it works.
That's great.
It's--
Vork, is it?
Is there a story behind that name?
-Not for you.

-So I was wondering if maybe I could take
you guys out to lunch.
You know, just talk a little internet strategy.
I really want to get in on the mind of today's youth.
Or the mean Lex Luthor behind that youth.
-Lunch?
With you?
Oh my God, that would be--
-Untenable.
We have a full schedule.
Now move along.
We have paying customers waiting.

-All righty then.

-Took out the whirling blades from the playtest because it
was ineffectual against the warlocks.
-Hi.
Floyd.
Yes.
[INAUDIBLE].
Um, I just wanted to apologize for what I said yesterday.
It was rude, and it was, uh, mortifying--
well, for me, actually.
-You know what?
It's fine.
You were right.
We're going to put the gleaming cross back in.
It's going to be in the next playtest.
-Oh.
-So.
-Well, that's great.
Thanks.
Are you really gonna the game?
-Hey, come on.
This way.
Look, I can tell from your snarky attitude that you
probably play my game a lot.
-That would be accurate, and that's why I'm begging you,
please, don't sell.
-My doctor says my cholesterol is so high that my veins are
like, gummy worm solid.
I gotta change my lifestyle, you know?
I think it's time for me to cash out, walk away, let them
forget about me.
You know what I mean?
I mean, the game will be fine.
It'll be better.
They might ruin it.
But I mean, no.
It'll be good.
It'll be all right.
-What about your fans?
I mean, this game-- the--
this game is my life.
-It's not real.

-Wow.
You're right.
Tink is right too.
I need to get a life.
You're going to quit?
Maybe it's time for me to quit, too.
-Aww.
You were right about the gleaming cross.
That's back in.
They-- they'll probably take that out.
-Vork!
That's like, the fifth celebrity
you've blown off today.
I want to hang out with them to say that I
hung out with them.
Stop driving them away.
-Bladezz, fame is not something to
court or aspire to.
It creates a modern day class system.
These people live in a world of false perfection--
create images that everybody wants, and no-one can attain.
I can't think of anything admirable about someone like
an actor who-- who gets bussed to work, given lines to
parrot, having their every whim catered--

Charity Maddox from Time Rings.
Sweet Je--
Je--
Jehoshaphat.