#2 "The Date"

SHELLY: Let's just get together tomorrow.
DAVID: OK, let's do it.
SHELLY: Yeah?
DAVID: Great.
SHELLY: Wow.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MALE SPEAKER: Yeah, what can I get you folks?
SHELLY: I'll have a Corona.
DAVID: I'll have a chocolate martini.
MALE SPEAKER: Okie-doke.
DAVID: Do you have sugar-free chocolate liqueur?
MALE SPEAKER: Um, I'll ask.
DAVID: If they have it, you know, use it.
MALE SPEAKER: OK.
DAVID: I'm just trying not to do carbs.
SHELLY: Why don't you just do me?
DAVID: Shelly.
Wow.
Shelly, where are you from originally?
SHELLY: I grew up in Woodstock.
DAVID: Oh, Woodstock, huh?
The Woodstock Festival?
SHELLY: Yeah.
DAVID: Jimi Hendrix, is that what it is?
SHELLY: Yeah.
DAVID: What about Janis Joplin?
Joan Baez, The Who, Sha Na Na, is that--
SHELLY: [LAUGHS]
DAVID: Crosby, Stills & Nash.
Santana.
Richie Havens.
Jefferson Airplane.
The Credence Clearwater Revival, is that--
SHELLY: Wow, you know a lot of bands.
DAVID: Ravi Shankar.
What--
Sly and the Family Stone.
You know, when I was a kid, I always thought it was a mark
of sophistication to have a full martini just hidden,
like, right here in your breast pocket.
SHELLY: Yeah?
DAVID: And then you pull it out like, you know, you're
just a real--
oh, god.
SHELLY: Oh!
MALE SPEAKER: That's OK.
That's all right.
I'll get you another one.
DAVID: I'm sorry.
SHELLY: Don't you worry.
You look better wet.
DAVID: Shelly, what is going on here?
SHELLY: David, I don't hang out with just anyone.
DAVID: I don't, either.
SHELLY: I really felt something here and--
DAVID: Me too.
SHELLY: I'm willing to give this a try.
Oh, my god!
DAVID: What's the matter?
SHELLY: Don't look!
It's Barney.
He's here.
Don't look!
DAVID: Barney?
SHELLY: Yes.
DAVID: What?
Are you not on good terms with him?
SHELLY: Are you kidding me?
I was hoping I'd never see that lying anal rag again.
Don't look.
DAVID: Should we just go somewhere else?
SHELLY: No.
I'm not gonna let him control my life.
Let's just keep having a good time.
So, David, where are you from originally?
DAVID: Shaker Heights.
But it's not what you think.
My high school was half black.
SHELLY: Oh, god, he just saw me.
DAVID: Do you want me to go beat him up?
SHELLY: No.
I want to keep having a really good time and pretend like he
hasn't affected me at all.
BARNEY: Shelly.
SHELLY: Hi.
BARNEY: Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mmm.

SHELLY: Hello.
BARNEY: Who's this balding doppelganger?
DAVID: I think you're using that word incorrectly, but--
SHELLY: His name's David.
DAVID: Nice to meet you.
Where are you from originally?
BARNEY: Baron Creek.
You never heard of it.
DAVID: Oh, so I guess I've never heard of the Baron Creek
Rodeo with Geldar the Baby Dog.
BARNEY: I stand corrected.
Touche.
Well, I'll leave you two alone.
SHELLY: No, no.
Barney, why don't you join us.
We can be civilized adults.
BARNEY: OK.
SHELLY: So how have you been?
BARNEY: In repair mode.
My soul was wounded, but I march onward, never looking
back, only fighting for the future.
SHELLY: That is so cool.
MALE SPEAKER: OK, there we go.
And I'm sorry, but they don't have any more of the
sugar-free liqueur.
DAVID: Oh, that's OK.
If you had it, I would have drank it.
But if you don't, you don't.
It's like, I just thought if you had it, then
I would drink it.
But if you don't, you don't.
MALE SPEAKER: OK.
And how is your Corona?
SHELLY: Oh, it's yummy.
Thank you.
MALE SPEAKER: Sure.
How's that feel?
SHELLY: Ooh, it feels pretty amazing, actually.
MALE SPEAKER: Feels good?
SHELLY: Yeah.
MALE SPEAKER: Let me just--
SHELLY: Ooh.

BARNEY: I want to get a little bit of that.
SHELLY: Ah.
BARNEY: Let me get a little some of that.
SHELLY: Mmm.
OK, is this crazy or what?
I mean, I'm, like, being double-teamed.
DAVID: Yeah.
SHELLY: Right in front of you.
God, this is so funny.
DAVID: It's really funny.
BARNEY: What do you say we get out of here?
SHELLY: Yes, let's.
DAVID: Shelly, what the hell's going on?
SHELLY: Look, David, I cannot account for
affairs of the heart.
You know?
I mean, I really have feelings for both of these guys.
Text me sometime when you're hanging out with a big group
and I'll try and stop by.
OK, let's go.
BARNEY: Let's go.
[MUSIC PLAYING]