Part 1 - Sons of the Father - Gordon Dalbey - Host, Dr. Freda Crews


Uploaded by timeforhopeministry on 21.11.2012

Transcript:
>THANKS FOR JOINING US FOR ANOTHER EXCITING EDITION OF
TIME FOR HOPE A FAITH-BASED MENTAL HEALTH PROGRAM. I'M DR.
FREDA CREWS YOUR HOST AND JOINING ME TODAY IS
BEST-SELLING AUTHOR AND INTERNATIONAL RETREAT AND
CONFERENCE SPEAKER REV. GORDON DALBEY. WE FEEL BLESSED TO
HAVE GORDON APPEAR ON TIME FOR HOPE TO SHARE WITH US FROM ONE
OF HIS BOOKS TITLED SONS OF THE FATHER, HEALING THE FATHER
WOUND IN MEN TODAY. QUITE HONESTLY I FOUND THE BOOK
LOADED WITH INFORMATION RELATED TO THE FATHER SON
RELATIONSHIP AND THE ISSUE OF FATHER WOUNDS THAT MEN HAVE TO
DEAL WITH. IN HIS BOOK GORDON HAS GREAT DIRECTIONS FOR MEN
WHO WERE NOT TAUGHT TO BE MEN BY THEIR FATHERS BECAUSE THEY
FAILED TO CONNECT AND BOND WITH THEM AS OUR HEAVENLY
FATHER DESIRES TO RELATE TO US. AND MOTHERS OUR GUEST HAS
WRITTEN SOMETHING FOR US ALSO RELATED TO MOTHERING OUR SONS.
FOR MORE STAY WITH US.
>AND GORDON IT'S GREAT HAVING YOU ON TIME FOR HOPE. THANKS
FOR COMING SO FAR TO APPEAR ON TIME FOR HOPE.
>OH IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE DR. FREDA I'M REALLY EXCITED TO
TALK TO YOU AND YOUR LISTENERS AND VIEWERS ABOUT THIS BOOK
SONS OF THE FATHER.
>YOU MENTIONED THAT YOUR FIRST BOOK HEALING THE MASCULINE
SOUL IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE MEN'S MOVEMENT MAYBE
PROMISE KEEPERS EARLY ON.
>NO IT WAS HEALING THE MASCULINE SOUL THAT REALLY
PIONEERED THE CHRISTIAN MEN'S MOVEMENT. IT'S AMAZING HOW
THAT TOOK OFF AT A TIME WHEN MEN WEREN'T EVEN ON CHURCHES
RADAR SCREENS IN THOSE DAYS. WE'RE TALKING 1987 AND I WAS
SO AWARE THAT A PERSON MYSELF AND MOST OF MY FRIENDS MY AGE
WE WERE HAVING A HARD TIME GETTING FOCUSED PROFESSIONALLY
OR IN ANY RESPECT. IT'S WHAT AM I HERE TO DO IN LIFE.
RELATIONSHIPS WITH WOMEN WERE DICEY AT BEST. WE COULDN'T
SEEM TO COMMIT AND SO MANY AREAS OF OUR LIVES WAS
CONFUSION. WHEN WE BEGAN TO TALK I NOTICED THAT A COMMON
THREAD IN ALL OF OUR LIVES THAT WE HAD NOT HAD CLOSE
RELATIONSHIPS WITH OUR FATHERS. AND IN FACT WE WOULD
BE CONSIDERED SONS OF THE WORLD WAR II WARRIORS SO TO
SPEAK. MY DAD WAS A DEPRESSIONER A BOY AND WHEN HE
DIDN'T GET TO BE A LITTLE BOY. YOU KNOW YOU WANTED ICE CREAM
YOU DON'T GET AN ICE CREAM DURING THE DEPRESSION AND JUST
WHEN HE GOT TO BE A YOUNG MAN WORLD WAR II BROKE OUT. SO MY
GENERATION WAS KIND OF THE SONS OF THE WORLD WAR II GUYS
AND I REALIZED, ALL OF US DID SUDDENLY THAT WAIT A MINUTE WE
DIDN'T HAVE FATHERS WHO WERE CLOSE TO US AND THAT WAS
REALLY AFFECTING US VERY DEEPLY. AND WITHOUT THE FATHER
PRESENT THE MOTHER WOULD BE THE NATURAL SECOND FOCUS WHO
BECAME THE PRIMARY FOCUS REALLY. AND IN MY GENERATION,
HIPPIE SCENE YOU KNOW YOU TRY TO BE MORE TENDER AND GENTLE
AND SOFT AND KIND. AND YOU GROW YOUR HAIR DOWN TO YOUR
SHOULDERS AND THE WHOLE SORT OF MESSAGE YOU WERE GETTING
FROM THE CULTURE WAS DON'T BE MANLY, CERTAINLY NOT IN THE
WAY THE GENERATION BEFORE WERE. BE MORE LIKE A WOMAN, BE
MORE LIKE MOM AND THAT'S A NICE GUY BECAUSE MEN JUST BEAT
PEOPLE UP AND KILLED AND YOU DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE A MAN.
WELL THE BOTTOM LINE IS WE TRIED THAT AND IT DIDN'T WORK.
I REMEMBER A WOMAN I TALKED TO ONE TIME, SHE WAS A PRETTY
STAUNCH FEMINIST AND SHE CAME TO ME ONE DAY AND SHE SAID
GORDON WE WANTED MEN TO GET SENSITIVE BUT WE DIDN'T WANT
THEM TO GET PASSIVE. WHAT HAPPENED?
>NOT FEMININE.
>AND THAT JUST BLEW ME, WHAT HAPPENED AND I BEGAN TO THINK
ABOUT THAT A LOT AND I WROTE HEALING THE MASCULINE SOUL
BECAUSE THERE HAD TO BE A MASCULINITY THAT WAS GOOD AND
RIGHT AND THE TIME TO SPEAK UP AND MOVE IN AUTHORITY NOT TO
DESTROY OTHER PEOPLE OR PUT PEOPLE DOWN BUT THERE HAD TO
BE ANOTHER WAY TO BE A MAN THAT WE HADN'T REALLY SEEN IN
THE CULTURE. I MEAN I GREW UP WITH THE LONE RANGER AND ALL
THOSE KIND OF OLD CHARACTERS, THEN YOU JUST PULL YOUR GUN ON
THE GUY AND THAT'S THE WAY YOU SETTLED THINGS. I NEVER SAW
ANYBODY SIT DOWN AND TALK THINGS OVER. THERE HAD TO BE A
MASCULINE WAY AND I THOUGHT GOLLY I WAS RAISED A CHRISTIAN
AND I THOUGHT THERE MUST BE SOMETHING IN THE BIBLE ABOUT
THIS AND I BEGAN TO SEE JESUS WAS NOT THIS MILK TOAST THAT I
WAS RAISED TO THINK. SO AS I WROTE HEALING THE MASCULINE
SOUL TO MY SURPRISE I THINK IT BECAME A BESTSELLER. THERE'S
NOTHING ELSE LIKE IT AROUND AND MEN WERE DRAWN TO IT. IT
COULD BE ANOTHER OPTION, WE DON'T HAVE TO BE LIKED WOMEN
AND WE DON'T HAVE TO BE THE OLD MACHO GUY WHO ARE HARD AND
TOUGH AND HURTING PEOPLE ALL THE TIME. AND SO WHEN THAT
BECAME A BEST-SELLER I BEGAN TO REALIZE THAT WAIT A MINUTE
THE REASON WHY WE CAN'T EMBRACE OUR MASCULINITY, THE
REASON WHY, AND IT WAS BECAUSE WE HAVE NOT BEEN CLOSE TO OUR
DADS.
>HAD NOT LEARNED HOW. I LIKE THE WAY YOU REFER TO MEN BEING
REAL MEN. BY THE WAY I KNOW A COUPLE THAT WERE INVOLVED IN
THE PROMISE KEEPERS MOVEMENT, DR. GARY OLIVER. DID YOU KNOW
HIM?
>HE WAS I THINK WHEN I CAME INTO THE FIRST ONE IN 1991 AND
HE WAS THERE THEN.
>DR. GLENN WAGNER.
>HE WAS ONE OF THE FOUNDERS.
>YES, YES GLENN'S BEEN, HE WAS PASTORING IN CHARLOTTE.
>OH IT'S THAT RIGHT?
>AND HAS BEEN ON MY SHOW AND SO FORTH.
>WE'RE TALKING A LONG TIME AGO.
>BUT IT WAS POWERFUL WHILE IT WAS GOING ON. AND I'M SURE
THAT THE LORD USED IT IN A GREAT WAY.
>IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH ATTENTION. I THINK WHEN THE
LORD GETS 50,000 MEN TOGETHER YOU DON'T WASTE AN OPPORTUNITY
LIKE THAT NO MATTER WHAT AND SO I THINK IT REALLY DREW A
FOCUS TO SAY GOD'S SERIOUS ABOUT MEN. I DON'T KNOW A LOT
OF PEOPLE MIGHT THINK OH SO WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ABOUT
THAT? WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN AROUND YOU KNOW 40, 30
YEARS AGO WHEN MEN WERE JUST NOT ACKNOWLEDGED IN CHURCHES
AT ALL. THAT REALLY WAS NOT THE CASE.
>WOMEN WERE RUNNING THEM EVEN WHEN I WAS COMING UP. THE
LEADERS IN THE CHURCH, EVEN THOUGH THE DEACONS WERE MEN
THAT WERE LEADING.
>YES AND I THINK OUR CHURCH HAD A MEN'S NIGHT AND THEY
SHOWED FILMS OF FIGHTER JETS AND THINGS LIKE THAT AND I
THOUGHT THAT'S FUN, I LIKE TO DO THAT. BUT I KNEW, I WAS THE
PASTOR OF THE CHURCH, I KNEW THIS GUY OVER HERE HIS
MARRIAGE WAS GOING DOWN THE TUBES FAST AND THIS GUY OVER
HERE HAD BEEN TO THE DOCTOR AND THE DOCTOR TOLD HIM HE
MIGHT HAVE CANCER. TREMENDOUS WOUNDS IN THESE MEN AND HERE
WE ARE COMING TOGETHER AS MEN AND WASTING AN OPPORTUNITY TO
GET REAL TOGETHER AND I APPRECIATE YOUR BRINGING THAT
UP. PEOPLE ASK ME ALL THE TIME WHAT IS YOUR DEFINITION OF A
REAL MAN? YOU WORK WITH MEN ALL THE TIME.
>I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU THAT SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO AHEAD
AND DO THAT.
>ONE DAY I WAS PRAYING ABOUT THAT AND IT JUST CAME TO ME
THAT YOU KNOW A REAL MAN IS A MAN WHO'S REAL. IT'S SO SIMPLE.
>OH AND YOU SAY THAT IN YOUR BOOK AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS
SUCH A TREMENDOUS STATEMENT.
>IT JUST HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS WHEN I FIRST SAW THAT
AND YOU KNOW I SAID THAT'S SO SIMPLE. BUT OF COURSE THEN YOU
HAVE TO ASK WHY AREN'T WE REAL? WHAT'S SO THREATENING
ABOUT BEING REAL?
>IT'S SCARY BECAUSE WHAT YOU'VE SEEN AND WHAT YOU LAY
OUT IN YOUR BOOK IS SCARY. IN COUNSELING I HAVE HAD VERY
SUCCESSFUL MEN IN THEIR 50S SITTING IN THE CHAIR SAYING
I'M STILL TRYING TO PROVE I'M WORTH SOMETHING TO MY DAD. AND
THEY HAVE NOTHING TO PROVE, THAT'S WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW. I
DON'T THINK THEY KNOW THEY DON'T HAVE TO PROVE ANYTHING
TO DAD. I THINK IT'S THE OTHER WAY AROUND FROM WHAT YOU HAVE
IN YOUR BOOK.
>WELL I THINK THIS IS, YOU PUT YOUR FINGER ON SOMETHING VERY
VERY DEEP IN MOST MEN. WHEN THE FATHER IS NOT PRESENT, AND
MAYBE HE'S PRESENT PHYSICALLY BUT NOT EMOTIONALLY IN THE
SENSE.
>OH THEY CAN BE IN THE HOME, THEY CAN BE THERE WITH THEIR
BODIES AND SO FORTH. I'VE ALSO HAD MEN SITTING NEXT TO ME IN
CONFERENCES OR COMING TO ME IN CONFERENCES AND SAYING YOU
KNOW I MISSED OUT WITH MY CHILDREN. I WAS TOO BUSY AND I
MISSED OUT WITH MY SON. I WAS TOO BUSY AND NOW THEY'RE GONE
AND I CAN'T REDO.
>I KNOW WELL THAT'S A PROBLEM BUT YOU SEE A MAN WHO IS TOO
BUSY FOR HIS SON, USUALLY HE MIGHT BLAME IT ON THE JOB OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT BUT HE'S MAKING A CHOICE AND WE CHOOSE
TO WITHDRAW FROM OUR SONS BECAUSE WE FEEL INADEQUATE. WE
DON'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE FATHERS BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T
BEEN FATHERED. OUR DADS WEREN'T FATHERS, THEY WEREN'T
FATHERED SO HERE WE COME WE SEE THIS YOUNG MAN AND WE KNOW
HE NEEDS SOMETHING BECAUSE WE NEEDED SOMETHING WHEN WE WERE
THAT AGE BUT WE NEVER GOT IT. SO WE FEEL INADEQUATE, WE FEEL
GREAT SHAME. AND SO IF YOU ASK A MAN TO DO SOMETHING THAT
HE'S SKILLED AT, YOU KNOW WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I WAS FAIRLY
GOOD AT BASKETBALL AND SWIMMING AND THOSE THINGS,
YEAH I'M HAPPY TO DO IT. BUT IF YOU ASK ME TO GO SURFING OR
SOMETHING I DON'T PLAY HOCKEY, SORRY I'VE GOT OTHER PLANS.
YOU KNOW I MEAN IT'S LIKE SO BECOMING A FATHER WE FEEL SO
INADEQUATE WE DON'T HAVE THE TOOLS, WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE
A DAD. ALL WE HAVE IS LIKE A HARD DRIVE IT'S NOT LIKE WE
HAVE EXPERIENCE WITH OUR FATHERS, THAT WAS NOT
SUFFICIENT AND OFTEN WAS WOUNDING TO US. SO WE DON'T
WANT TO DO THAT SO THE ONLY OPTION IS TO RUN AWAY AND WE
PULL BACK, OH MY JOB IS SO BUSY AND YOU KNOW I WISH MY
JOB, MY JOB. IT'S NOT THE JOB YOU'RE NOT FACING UP, YOU'RE
NOT BEING REAL, YOU'RE NOT SAYING I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO
THIS AND I'M SCARED. I WANT TO DRAW CLOSE TO MY SON AND MY
DAUGHTER TOO BUT I HAVE SOME OTHER CHAPTERS ON THAT BUT I
FEEL SO ASHAMED THAT I DON'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES.
>AND YOU HAVE HIT THE NAIL WITH THE HAMMER IN YOUR BOOK
AND WE LEARNED THAT DURING THE PIONEERING STAGE OF CHRISTIAN
COUNSELING WHICH I AM THAT BOYS AND GIRLS THEY SEE GOD AS
THEY SEE THEIR FATHER. AND GOD INTENDED THAT BUT HE DIDN'T
INTEND IT YOU KNOW THEM TO BE SO INADEQUATE AND SO
DISCONNECTED FROM HIM AND NOT IN RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM SO
THAT HE COULD REFLECT HIM TO HIS CHILDREN MORE ADEQUATELY.
>IT'S SO BASIC. IN FACT I COULD ASK, I HAVE A PRIVATE
PRACTICE MYSELF IN COUNSELING, IF I ASK A MAN YOU KNOW WELL
HAVE YOU TALKED THIS OVER WITH GOD AND HE SAYS WELL SORT OF
BUT NOT MUCH. AND I SAY WELL HOW IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND
YOU BEGIN TO SEE WELL HE REALLY IS SAYING GOD'S NOT
REALLY THERE FOR ME. HE TAKES CARE OF EVERYBODY ELSE, SURE
THAT'S FINE. I SEE GREAT PRAYER WARRIORS FOR OTHER
PEOPLE BUT WHEN IT COMES TO MY OWN NEEDS GOD IS NOT THERE FOR
ME AND I SAY TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAD AND YOU KNOW WHAT
HE'S GOING TO SAY. MY DAD WASN'T THERE AND HE PROJECTS
IT WHOLESALE ON THE FATHER GOD AND IT'S JUST SUCH A, IT'S SO
SAD, IT MAKES ME ANGRY, NOT AT THE MAN BUT JUST THAT THE
POWERS THAT SEPARATE MEN FROM THEIR FATHERS BECAUSE THAT'S
THE IMAGE OF FATHER GOD THAT YOU GET. AND THEN TODAY THE
CLASSIC EXAMPLE, THE CLASSIC EXAMPLE IS THIS THING SOME
YEARS AGO WWJD. WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? AND I THOUGHT OH
DOESN'T THAT SOUND SO GREAT. NO, WE DON'T HAVE TO SPECULATE
AND GUESS WHAT WOULD, IF HE WERE PRESENT, IF HE CARED, IF
HE HAD POWER, IF HE WANTED, NO. THAT'S THE FATHERLESS
GENERATION AND I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS JESUS DOING. HE'S
ALIVE, HE'S WELL, HE CAME OUT OF THE TOMB. BUT A FATHERLESS
GENERATION CAN ONLY THINK WELL NO THE FATHER'S NOT REALLY
THERE SO LET'S JUST GATHER AROUND AND SEE IF WE CAN
FIGURE OUT WHAT HE MIGHT DO IF, I MEAN THAT'S NOT
CHRISTIAN. WHAT IS JESUS DOING? AT MY AGE, I'M ALMOST
70 YEARS OLD I HAVEN'T GOT TIME FOR ANYTHING LESS. I WANT
TO KNOW WHAT JESUS IS DOING AND HOW I CAN COOPERATE.
>AND WE'RE GOING TO GO AWAY, IT'S TIME FOR A BREAK, GO OFF
TEMPORARILY, IT'S TIME FOR A BREAK ON THAT BUT I WANT TO
PICK UP THERE WHEN WE COME BACK SO YOU REMEMBER AND WE
WILL BE RIGHT BACK.
>A DIFFICULT THING FOR MEN TO DO IS ADMIT THEIR WEAKNESSES.
IT'S VERY, VERY DIFFICULT, WE ARE TAUGHT FROM A YOUNG AGE.
TO OVERCOME WE CANNOT LOSE, WE CANNOT CRY, WE CANNOT BECOME
FAILURES; IN PART OF CHANGING INTO THE MAN THAT GOD WANTS US
TO BE IS ADMITTING OUR WEAKNESSES. ITS UNDERSTANDING
OUR LIMITATIONS AND REALIZING ONLY WHEN WE TURN OUR LIVES
OVER TO HIM AND ALLOW HIM TO LEAD US THROUGH THE HOLY
SPIRIT. CAN WE EVER HOPE TO BE WHO WE WANT OURSELVES TO BE,
AND OTHERS ARE DEPENDING ON US TO BE. BECAUSE FAILURE IS
REALLY ONLY FAILURE WHEN I QUIT TRYING.
> IT WAS TAKEN FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT, HOW THE PRIESTS
ANOINTED EVERYTHING THAT WAS PUT INTO SERVICE FOR GOD. AS
PRIESTS OF THE HOME, WHICH IS WHAT THE MAN IS, HE'S SUPPOSED
TO DO THE SAME THING. HIS CHILDREN, AND HIS WIFE, ARE
SUPPOSED TO BE ASIDE FROM GOD NUMBER ONE PRIORITY IN THEIR
LIFE. AND HOW I ANOINT MY CHILDREN AND ANOINT MY WIFE TO
BE SPECIAL IS BY BEING ENGAGED IN THEIR LIVES, BY TAKING AN
INTEREST IN WHOM THEY ARE. BY DOING MORE THAN JUST LISTENING
TO MY WIFE, BUT HEARING WHAT SHE IS TRYING TO SAY TO ME.
DOING MORE THAN JUST LISTENING TO MY KIDS, BUT HEARING WHAT
THEY NEED FROM ME. MY SON, WHEN HE SAYS DAD I MISSED YOU
AT THE GAME TODAY. IT'S NOT THAT HE JUST WANTED ME TO
WATCH THE GAME. HE WANTED ME TO WITNESS SOMETHING IMPORTANT
IN HIS LIFE. SO WHEN I ANOINT THEM TO BE SPECIAL. I SIMPLY
DO IT BY LETTING THEM KNOW THAT THEY ARE SPECIAL TO ME.
IT'S NOT THAT I'M FITTING THEM IN ITS THAT I'M REVOLVING MY
LIFE AROUND THEM, SO THAT'S HOW THEY'RE ANOINTED BE
SPECIAL.
> IF I DON'T DISCIPLINE AND TRAIN AND MY CHILD GOES OFF
AND DOES SOMETHING THAT ULTIMATELY HURTS THEM OR
DESTROYS THEIR FUTURE. ONE OFFENSE TO A CHILD THAT IS
TRYING TO GET INTO A COLLEGE CAN LITERALLY BLOW THEM OUT OF
GOING TO A COLLEGE. YOU GET A DUI OR SOME OFFENSE LIKE THAT
FOLLOWS YOU THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. YES, IF WE DO IT
CORRECTLY, THEY CAN AVOID THAT, AND IF THEY AVOID THAT
I'VE ACTUALLY SAVED THEM FROM THE ABUSE OF THE WORLD.
> MY FATHER WAS AN ALCOHOLIC AND HE WAS ABUSIVE, HE WAS A
YOUNG MAN WHEN WE WERE BORN, AND HE WAS BASICALLY A KID
HIMSELF. IT'S FUNNY TO THINK OF MY DAD AS A KID, BUT I KNOW
HE WAS JUST A YOUNG MAN; IT'S REALLY KIND OF STRANGE. HE
STRUGGLED, WHEN HE FINALLY HIT ROCK BOTTOM. WHEN HIS LIFE HAD
JUST CRUMBLED IN FRONT OF HIM. HE DID SOMETHING HE HAD NEVER
EVER DONE BEFORE, HE HIT MY MOM. THE SECOND HE DID, HE
CRUMBLED TO THE GROUND, AND JUST WEPT BITTERLY AND
REALIZED HE WAS OUT OF CONTROL. I WAS THERE SEEING
THAT, THAT WAS A DIFFICULT MOMENT IN MY LIFE. GROWING UP
IT WAS DIFFICULT BEING IN THAT ENVIRONMENT. BUT THE GREAT
THING ABOUT MY FATHER WAS HE DIDN'T ALLOW THAT TO REMAIN
HIS EXCUSE, HE DIDN'T LET IT REMAIN HIS IDENTITY. HE BEGAN
TO CHANGE OVER THE YEARS, AND IN THE PROCESS HE BECAME WHO I
WANTED TO BE. WHEN HE DIED WITH CANCER. I'D NEVER SEEN
ANOTHER HUMAN BEING, DISPLAY SO MUCH COURAGE, SO MUCH
COMMISSION, AND SO MUCH LOVE FOR MY MOTHER, FOR US. HE
TRULY WAS A ONE IN A MILLION MAN, AND THE GREAT THING THAT
I LEARNED FROM THAT. IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO CHANGE AND
OFFER A LEGACY TO YOUR CHILDREN OR YOUR WIFE THAT YOU
DIDN'T START OUT DOING. IT REALLY WAS A LIFE CHANGING
MOMENT FOR ME.
>THANKS FOR STAYING WITH US ON TIME FOR HOPE. OUR GUEST FOR
TODAY IS REV. GORDON DALBEY AND WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HIS
BOOK SONS OF THE FATHER. AND GORDON LET'S GO AHEAD AND LOOK
AT THE TITLE OF YOUR BOOK WHEN YOU SAY THE FATHER YOU'RE
REFERRING TO A MAN'S EARTHLY FATHER BUT YOU'RE ALSO
REFERRING TO OUR HEAVENLY FATHER AREN'T YOU?
>AND THAT'S WHERE THE HOPE IS YES BUT WE HAVEN'T HAD FOR
GENERATIONS IN THIS COUNTRY WE HAVEN'T HAD FATHERS IN THE
SENSE TO BE PRESENT, TO BE CLOSE TO THE BOY AND JUST TO
HUG A BOY IN MY GENERATION WAS JUST UNHEARD OF FOR A FATHER.
I MEAN I WAS IN THE PEACE CORPS FOR TWO YEARS AND I
REMEMBER GETTING OFF THE PLANE AND HADN'T SEEN MY DAD AND
THIS WAS BEFORE CELL PHONES AND INTERNET OR ANYTHING LIKE
THAT AND HE REACHED OUT TO SHAKE MY HAND. AND I WAS IN
WINSTON SALEM AND I WILL NEVER FORGET THE DAY IN THE AIRPORT
THERE AND I SAID NO MORE OF THIS AND I WALKED IN AND I PUT
MY ARMS AROUND HIM AND HUGGED HIM AND HE KIND OF FROZE.
AFTER THAT I JUST SAID I'M GOING TO JUST HUG THIS GUY BUT
YOU COULD SEE THE GENERATION BEFORE US FATHERS WERE ALMOST
EXPECTED TO BE DISTANT BUT THAT WAS REALLY A COVER-UP
BECAUSE WE DIDN'T HAVE WHAT WE NEEDED TO BE DADS AND WE
DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO GET IT. SO FATHER GOD LET US GIVE
THANKS TO THE GOD AND FATHER OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST. TO
JESUS GOD IS FATHER, HE IS TO ALL MEN AND HE IS THE FATHER
FROM WHOM ALL FATHERS IN HEAVEN AND ON EARTH RECEIVE
HIS TRUE NAME, EPHESIANS 3:14. SO BOTTOM LINE IS WHEN MEN
COME OH I DIDN'T GET WHAT I NEEDED FROM MY DAD AND SO
THERE'S NO HOPE FOR ME I SAY WELL WAIT A MINUTE. YOUR
EARTHLY DAD IS NOT YOUR TRUE FATHER; THIS WORLD IS NOT YOUR
HOME. I MEAN WE HAVE A HEAVENLY FATHER AND HE HAS PUT
YOUR EARTHLY DAD IN THIS POSITION TO GIVE YOU WHATEVER
BEST HE CAN GIVE OF THE FATHER GOD'S HEART FOR YOU. BUT YOUR
DAD IS INADEQUATE. I'M A DAD, I HAVE A SON, HE'S 20 YEARS
OLD, I'M INADEQUATE.
>GOD DIDN'T INTEND YOU TO BE.
>OF COURSE IF I COULD GIVE MY SON ALL HE NEEDED HE'D NEVER
NEED JESUS.
>RIGHT.
>SO I MEAN I KIND OF COVER MYSELF WITH THAT A LOT, MAYBE
TOO MUCH SOMETIMES. BUT YES INDEED I TELL THEM LET'S GO TO
FATHER GOD, LET'S TALK IT OVER AND THAT'S WHERE MY GOAL AS A
DAD IS TO GIVE HIM A TASTE AS A BOY OF WHAT FATHER GOD CAN
GIVE HIM WHEN HE GROWS UP THAT WHEN THE TIME COMES AND IT'S
NOW WHEN HE'S 20 YEARS OLD IS TO SAY SON YOU NEED TO GO TO
TALK TO JESUS ABOUT THIS. WHEN I WRITE LETTERS I SIGN TIOWJ,
TALK IT OVER WITH JESUS. I JUST KIND OF GET THAT ON
BECAUSE I SAY I'M HERE AND I LOVE YOU BUT YOU KNOW YOU'RE
ON THE JOB NOW AS A MAN AND YOU NEED TO GET CONNECTED AND
I JUST KEEP.
>HAMMERING AWAY.
>(LAUGHTER) WELL HE WOULD PROBABLY USE THOSE WORDS YES.
>IF HE GOES TO THE WORD AND WE WANT TO GO BACK TO WHAT WOULD
JESUS DO, IF HE WERE HERE TODAY HE WOULD DO JUST WHAT HE
DID THEN. HE WOULD KEEP BRINGING IT OUT THAT HE WAS
HIS FATHER'S SON. THAT GOD WAS HIS HEAVENLY FATHER AND THAT
HE WAS GOING TO YOU KNOW THAT OOZE THAT YOU TALK ABOUT IN
YOUR BOOK BETWEEN A FATHER AND A SON. IT WAS THERE BETWEEN
JESUS AND HIS FATHER.
>WELL THAT'S WHAT WE'RE LONGING FOR, THAT'S WHAT WE'RE
LONGING FOR. AND JESUS SAID YOU'VE SEEN ME, YOU'VE SEEN
THE FATHER.
>HE SAYS YOU CAN'T SEE HIM; YOU CAN'T COME TO THE FATHER
WITHOUT HIM.
>YOU SEE IN THAT SAME PASSAGE IN JOHN 14 PHILLIP SAYS LORD
SHOW US THE FATHER. THAT IS ALL WE NEED, THAT'S A BONE.
THERE IT IS, SHOW US THE FATHER, THAT'S ALL WE NEED.
WE'RE COVERED IF WE COULD JUST HAVE THE FATHER AND IT'S SUCH
A BEAUTIFUL PASSAGE BECAUSE IN THAT MOMENT JESUS IS KIND OF,
HE SAYS WELL HE GOT IT BUT HE MISSED IT BECAUSE IT'S LIKE HE
SAYS WELL HELLO YOU SEE I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE IN FRONT
OF YOU. IF YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR FATHER I'M HERE. IF YOU
WANT TO SEE HOW YOUR FATHER ACTS, HOW HIS HEART IS LOOK AT
ME. AND SO WHEN MEN COME TO ME AND WE GET TO THE ROOT OF THAT
AND THEY FINALLY CAN SAY GEE I WISH ME AND MY FATHER HAD BEEN
CLOSER. I SAY LET'S GO TO JESUS AND LET'S TALK TO FATHER
GOD AND TELL HIM I AM IN HURT HERE AND TO WORK THAT OUT.
>I LOVE IT WHAT YOU DID IN YOUR BOOK, WE'RE NOT BASHING
FATHERS.
>OH NO.
>WE'RE NOT BASHING FATHERS BECAUSE THEY LEARNED WHAT THEY
LEARNED OR DIDN'T LEARN FROM THEIR FATHERS MOST OF THEM. I
KNOW MY OWN GENERATION EVEN GRANDPARENTS AND FATHERS AND
SONS AND MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS DIDN'T EMBRACE AND DIDN'T SAY
I LOVE YOU LIKE WE DO TODAY. IT WAS A DIFFERENT GENERATION
AND I DON'T KNOW WHERE ALL OF THAT CAME FROM. NUMBER ONE
LIFE WAS SO TOUGH, IT WAS SO TOUGH BUT YET I HAVE SUCH
WONDERFUL MEMORIES OF A GREAT FAMILY, EXTENDED FAMILY AND
THERE WAS TREMENDOUS LOVE AND LOYALTY THERE. BUT NOT
PHYSICALLY, IT WAS NOT SHOWN PHYSICALLY BUT IT WAS SHOWN
AND I KNEW I WAS LOVED.
>YES AND I THINK YOU'RE VERY BLESSED IN THAT REGARD. I
THINK YES, I'M A DAD MYSELF AND I CERTAINLY MAKE MY
MISTAKES AND I CRY OUT TO JESUS, FATHER GOD TO HELP ME
WITH THAT. I WORK HARD ON MYSELF OVER THE YEARS TO GET
HEALED AND I THINK IT WAS A MAJOR DIFFERENCE THAT I BEGAN
TO SEE WHEN I WENT TO THAT HIPPIE SCENE YOU KNOW WHERE WE
ALL JUST HATED OUR FATHERS AND REJECTED THEM AND YOU KNOW ALL
THE THINGS THEY STOOD FOR WE WERE GOING TO TRASH. THE WHOLE
POLITICALLY CORRECT THING AND ALL THAT, THE HIPPIE REBELLION
AND IT WASN'T ABOUT POLITICS IT WAS ABOUT SONS WHO JUST
DIDN'T HAVE FATHERS, WHO WANTED THEIR FATHERS, WERE
ANGRY WITH THEIR DAD AND WE COULD NEVER GO SAY DAD I NEED
YOU FOR THIS. WHY WEREN'T YOU THERE? WE COULD NEVER DO THAT.
IT WAS JUST NOT IN THE CULTURE AT ALL. SO INSTEAD WE WERE
PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE AND WE'D TAKE IT OUT BY TRASHING
WHATEVER THEY VALUED. WE BURNED THE FLAG OR WHATEVER
DAD WOULD VALUE TO GET BACK AT DAD AND THAT'S WHAT IT WAS ALL
ABOUT. IT WASN'T ABOUT A POLITICAL THING AT ALL.
>AND SOMETIMES THERE'S MEN THAT DO THAT IN MARRIAGES TOO.
THEY TAKE OUT THEIR ANGER AND WHEN THEY'RE ANGRY AND VIOLENT
AND ABUSIVE. LIKE WE HAVE A LETTER I'M GOING TO BE READING
TODAY, VERY OFTEN IT CAN BE ROOTED IN THIS SAME SITUATION
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. AND THAT BRINGS ME TO FATHER WOUND AND
WE HAVEN'T USED THAT WORD YET. A WOUNDED MEN, A WOUNDED MAN
WILL STRIKE OUT AT SOMEBODY, RIGHT?
>WELL A FATHER WOUND IF I WANTED A DEFINITION IT'S LIKE
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHAT YOUR FATHER GOD WANTS TO GIVE
YOU AND WHAT YOUR EARTHLY FATHER GAVE YOU AND THERE'S
ALWAYS A DIFFERENCE. DAD, HE'S A HUMAN BEING, HE CAN ONLY
GIVE YOU SO MUCH AND THERE IS A WOUND. IT MAKES YOU WANT
SOMETHING MORE THAN WHAT YOUR DAD GAVE YOU. AND A YOUNG MAN
CAN THINK WELL I AM BEING DISLOYAL TO MY EARTHLY DAD OR
SOMETHING. NO NO NO NO NO. YOUR DAD IS A HUMAN BEING. I
MEAN I'M A DAD AND I'M A HUMAN BEING. I CAN'T GIVE BUT SO
MUCH AND THE ULTIMATE GOAL IS TO BE WITH FATHER GOD AND LET
HIM TO START TO RUN OUR LIVES AND GIVE US WHAT WE REALLY
NEED TO BECOME WHAT HE'S CALLED US TO BE.
>AND LET GO OF PRIDE.
>WELL YOU MADE IT LOOK SO EASY. (LAUGHTER)
>GET IT AND SURRENDER, YOU'VE GOT THAT IN YOUR BOOK.
SURRENDER YOUR PAIN, YOUR WOUNDS AND ADMIT YOU NEED
FATHER GOD, YOU NEED THE HEAVENLY FATHER TO BIND UP
THOSE WOUNDS AND HEALING CAN COME.
>WE CAN TALK SOME MORE ABOUT THOSE.
>YES WE WILL BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO BE CONTINUING NEXT
WEEK. THIS IS ENDING THIS WEEK BUT NEXT WEEK, I'M GOING TO
KEEP YOU HERE GORDON AND WE'RE GOING TO DO ANOTHER WEEK ABOUT
THIS. YOUR BOOK IS SO FULL I COULDN'T SEE THAT WE COULD GET
OUT ENOUGH INFORMATION IN ONE WEEK SO WE WILL BE PICKING UP
I HOPE RIGHT WHERE WE'RE LEAVING OFF NEXT WEEK
DISCUSSING YOUR BOOK SONS OF THE FATHER. IN THE MEANTIME I
HAVE SOMETHING TO SHARE WITH YOU FROM A VIEWER.
>AND THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, IF THE HUSBAND WILL
TURN AND ASK GOD FOR HELP HE WILL, HE WILL HELP HIM AND
SOFTEN HIS HEART. SHE'S RIGHT ON LINE AND WE HAD THIS BEFORE
GORDON CAME TO DISCUSS HIS BOOK SO THE LORD AND THE HOLY
SPIRIT ARE WORKING RIGHT TOGETHER FOR US WITH THIS
INFORMATION. AND THEN I HAVE AN ENCOURAGING NOTE.
>YOU KNOW WHEN THE GOING GETS ROUGH AND TIME GETS SHORT AND
THE STRESS GETS ON THIS KIND OF ENCOURAGEMENT HELPS ME GET
EVERYTHING IN LINE TO DO ANOTHER TIME FOR HOPE PROGRAM.
SO KEEP THESE NOTES OF ENCOURAGEMENT COMING IN. ONE
THING YOU CAN ADD IS TO PRAY FOR ME AND THE STAFF AND THE
MINISTRY HERE. WE GREATLY WOULD APPRECIATE THAT. AND IF
YOU HAVEN'T CONSIDERED HELPING US FINANCIALLY I WOULD ALSO
ASK THAT YOU WOULD CONSIDER THAT.
>TO ORDER OUR RESOURCES, FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS ON SCREEN.