MEGABETH MEGA COMMENTS LIVE - 7/16/12 (Full Ep)

BETH HOYT: Today I want to look at your comments.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
BETH HOYT: Hey, everyone.
Happy Monday.
Summer Monday.
Remember when Monday's in the summer used to
be the same as Sundays?
Because you were a kid and didn't have
school or a job yet.
Remember that?
And you'd sleep in.
And then your mom would be like, ring the cowbell.
Get up, you'll sleep the day away.
And then you'd throw Sun-In, just plaster your hair in
Sun-In and you'd go to a pool and try and dry your skin.
Wait, do some of you still live that life right now?
Lucky you.
But, um, you probably don't have the Sun-In because I
don't think you can find that anywhere.
But also, there was a summer of-- just more Beth info.
There was a summer every day for lunch I had a corn dog.
That happened to me in my life.
I was probably 12.
They were in a big bag in our freezer from
Costco or Sam's Club.
You guys know that?
You get big, bulk stuff.
There was 50, I think, corn dogs in this thing.
I ate all of them.
Still digesting.
I hear it takes 17 years to fully digest a corn dog.
It's like 12 or 13 for gum, 17 for a corn dog from Costco.
OK, you guys, I've got something for you to digest.
It's a premiere.
It's a MyDamnChannel LIVE original premiere on a Monday.

That makes Mondays a little cooler, right?
You guys, it's a brand new McMayhem.
It's called Note To Self.
Let's see it.

-Some people takes notes in class.
Matt takes notes in public on class.
-Note to self, write a better intro and start working out.
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): McMayhem.
McMayhem.
What, you didn't know?
No, he ain't playing.
-Note to self, don't have a weird beard and work in a
store where freaks work.
Note to self, he probably listens to Creed.
Oh.
All right, so he smells of cocoa butter.
Which means that he's probably been to a tropical place.
-It's no cocoa, man.
-It's clear that these guys are in love with one another.
One likes the other guy a lot more than the other guy does.
They made love for about two, maybe three hours.
Note to self.
-Why you making these weird notes to yourself?
-Note to self, she probably goes to third base at least
once a week.
True story?
He may or may not have seen Aladdin about 16 or 17 times.
Note to self, she's had a lot of dark nights in this town.
She's got a back tattoo the size of the Staples Center.
Note to self, she's very tan, very blond.
That's probably not her natural hair color, but she's
got a natural heart.
She let her hometown many years ago.
Note to self, she's got a very pretty face.
Very pretty face.
Obviously has had no work done whatsoever.
And, um, she's walking away.
She's got a pink bra strap on.
I'm in love with her.
Wait a second.

Oh, note to self, she's got a really soft back.
I like holding her.
She likes-- she likes letting me hold her.
She's on the phone.
She hasn't hung up yet, so whoever's on the
phone is very important.
Note to self-- oh, god.
You feel so good and so soft.
All right, man.
Let's, uh--
let's talk about our private parts in a dark room.
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): McMayhem.

BETH HOYT: McMayhem.
My question is, how is he--
was he recording that on a cassette tape?
Because, I mean, that's one way to do it.
But how are you ever going to listen to it?
Because Walkmans were all just snapped up by magnets.
Anyway, you guys remember when I McMayhemed McMayhem?
Do you remember that?
He was here on the show and I pretended to be sick.
It was hilarious.
Except that I'm such a method actor that I made myself sick.
Do you ever do that?
OK, so here's something I want to do now.
As I mentioned earlier, I want to take a
look-see at your comments.
So let's do that.
Uh, what's our first one?
This is from saranovitch.
"Skippidy cupcakes lemon twirl frosting pastel served on a
paper
doily." Sara.
Sara.
Can I see that comment again?
When was that?
That was, um, 4 days ago.
Has anyone checked in on Sara?
Do we know if she's recovered from her sugar--
her sugar stroke?
Because I've had that.
Different choosing of words, but I've been there when just,
you know, the thoughts.
It involves peanut butter.
Maybe-- there's probably some frosting.
But it's like a constant just stream of like sugary words.
I've been there and it's not pretty.
And it took about six days.
So someone call her.
Someone just check out her Facebook status and see what's
going on with Sara.
OK, good luck.
Next comment is from arf189.
"Great show!
I watch You Suck at Photoshops but never realized how funny
the other shows on this
channel are." Thank you.
I don't want to muddy that up with anything funny because--
I mean, I want that to just be a genuine compliment that it
seems like it is.
And that's awesome.
If you guys haven't checked us out or our videos, check them
out on mydamnchannel.com or on our playlist on YouTube.
Do that because he's right.
He knows what he's talking about.
Next comment is from panick71.
"Hippos kill people."
Uh, service announcement.
I didn't know.
I thought they were vegetarian.
I thought it was like hippos, like the brontosauri.
How they like just munch on trees and they're big.
But, you know, I guess there's accidents that happen.
You guys, just so you know, you know,
watch out for the hippos.
Raise of hands for anyone who's ever seen a
hippo in real life.
I don't know.
I can't tell if you're raising your hand.
I haven't though.
Next comment is from theflorgeomix.
"Beth is good at everything."
Here's something I am good at.
Spelling.
OK?
Better than you.
But there's a lot that I'm not good at, actually.
The list goes on.
Let's see.
I am not--
I am not good at geography.
I'm not good at geography.
I'm going to show you right now because I guarantee that
whatever I point to, I won't know where it is, OK?
I'm not looking.
I haven't looked the whole time.
That.
It is--
yeah, I was right.
Well, I just looked.
Because I felt bad not knowing that much.
But it was the Philippines.
But I wouldn't have known it if I hadn't read it.
See, I'm bad at proving what I'm bad at, you guys.
I just nailed that.
I nailed the failure thing.
I'll do that every time.
All right.
You know what?
We all have these things that we're good at and these things
that we're not good at.
Here's what else.
We all have a superhero inside of us.
Mine is Mega Beth.
I'm going to go hop in a phone booth and change
into her for you.
I have Product Displacement's Mortmer Exterminators.
See you in a sec.

-Hi, I'm Frank Mortmer, owner and operations Manager of
Mortmer Exterminators.
Mortmer Exterminators has been servicing the Portsmouth,
Ohio, area for over 40 years.
Here at Mortmer, there's no pest too big, or too small.
We guarantee you'll be completely satisfied--
hey.
Whoa.
Was that thing there the whole time?
It's just a little bug, right?
Well, you give us a call and we'll make sure your
house is pest free.
I feel like it's sitting on the back of my [BLEEP]
neck.
Can someone just get a paper towel and smush this thing?
Get it.
You got it?
I'm Frank Mortmer.

I can't even think anymore.
I'm going to get bit and I'm going to die.
And then you guys are going to have to live with my [BLEEP]
ghost.
We guarantee you'll be completely
satisfied with our service.
Give us a call and we'll make sure your house is pest free.
-Ew.
Get me Frank Mortmer.
-Oh.
No.
No, no.
-Frank, for the commercial.
-Bull [BLEEP].
I can say whatever I want.
[BLEEP]
Don't you touch me.
-It's OK.
It's OK.
-You touch those rat fingers?
OK, all right.
-You OK?
-Yeah.
Got to make sure you have the right tools.
And oh, no.
No, Phillip.
Don't wait.
Pick up the phone and call Mortmer Exterminators today
and you'll be--
[INAUDIBLE]
That's a [BLEEP]
rat.
That's a real rat.
Call an exterminator.
I don't like their little fingers.
It's coming this way.
Phillip, get it.
Oh, Phillip, break that gun off the shelf.
I'm going to shoot you, you bastard.
Oh, I'm going to--
No.
[GLASS SHATTERING]
[SCREAMING]
I [BLEEP]
my pants.
Take me to the hospital.
It [BLEEP]
bit me.
I'm going to [BLEEP]
die.
Tell my son that I'm dying.

-Hey, buddy.
We're going to have to let you go.
I'm really sorry.
-Oh, thank god.

-Honey, stop.
It's OK.
He fired me.
-Haha!.

BETH HOYT: All right, I'm here.
I'm Mega Beth.

MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Mega Beth!
BETH HOYT: Let's-- it's a little rusty when you first
get into the costume, you know?
Let's get back into your comments.
OK, here's one.
This is from yiorjoy.
"What is ROFLCOFL?" ROFLCOFL.
It is--
I definitely know what that is.
Can I see it again, just to--
it's Rolling On the Floor Laughing
because Oprah Fell Late.
That's definitely it actually.
Because Oprah fell late.
Everything goes back to her, you guys.
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Mega Beth.
BETH HOYT: Next comment.
JHVH1.
"On a scale from 1 to 10, how live is this going to be?"
Um, on a scale of 1 to 10, how real is my companion Robin?
You know.
It's like, he could be-- you could think he's not real.
But then you're like, oh, but he's moving.
He's moving.
And he looks real.
So that's probably--
he's probably a 7.
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Mega Beth.
BETH HOYT: Yep.
We're a 10 for live, you guys.
We are as live as it gets.
Show me someone who's more live.
Next comment.
-Mega Beth.
BETH HOYT: Joerulz25.
"I'm from the UK, I've never had a red vine."
And then this face.
OK, that's the same face I have for you.
Here's the thing, though.
Maybe you have them and you just call them something else.
You know, like you call cookies biscuits.
Like maybe it's called like a--
I almost did it with a Spanish accent.
I'm going to do it with a Spanish accent.
A [INAUDIBLE].
Maybe that's what you have there and you just don't know.
So you should check out your grocery store a little close--
more closely and look for the licorice that look kind of
grainy, and stale, and huge.
When you buy them, you're going to want to put them in
your soda and sip it.
Use it as a straw.
It's going to get all soggy and you're going to be like,
that isn't really that appealing and it's just sugar
and it's going to feel bad.
Eat it.
Eat it.
If you can't find it, you got to fly to the US or somewhere
that has red vines because you need that experience.
OK?
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Mega Beth.
BETH HOYT: Next comment is from area51mvh.
"Who doesn't know boo-berry?
Jezus."
OK, this is because when [INAUDIBLE]
was here, he revealed his favorite breakfast food-- or
just cereal?--
was Boo Berry.
Never heard of it, Have you guys?
OK, I grew up on a lot of sugary cereal.
I'm aware of a lot of candies.
I just didn't know that.
I also looked for it this weekend at Key Food.
Didn't find it.
Do you think--
I still don't know.
I still don't know if Boo Berry really exists.
I mean, it sounds delicious.
I want some.
I just-- it's not been involved in my life thus far.
-Mega Beth.
BETH HOYT: Next comment.
Awpnow, "Oh my god, Beth.
How do you not know?
LOL."
I don't know about Boo Berry.
I am sorry.
I grew up on a lot of Fruity Pebbles and
Captain Crunch Berries.
I'm unaware of this.
Stop laughing out loud at my lack of
sugary cereal knowledge.
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Mega Beth.
BETH HOYT: You know, I need--
I need to use my superpower to come up with a more positive
comment for my self-esteem right now.
Let's see the next comment.
Keeley6520, "Love your shows!
Keep up the good work."
How about that, Robin?
How about that?
Ow.
It's hard to have a--
it's hard being friends with these kind of crustaceans.
You guys, that's all I have for today.
I have exciting things to tell you, though.
Our big Wednesday show, we have another-- on our big
Wednesday show, we have another Save the Supers
episode-- a new one.
And we have the YouTube singing sensation Luke Conard
and comedian Eric Andre as our live guest.
That's on Wednesday.
Tomorrow we begin our Olympics tribute.
You're going to want to watch that, so you should subscribe
to this shit so you don't forget to remember.
Exciting stuff, you guys.
Right here.
For now I'm going to go save some lives.
Or bugs.
Or something easy and doable like that.
Later.
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Mega Beth.
[MUSIC PLAYING]