Dark Horse Comics - Concrete: Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous


Uploaded by geekandsundry on May 2, 2012

Transcript:

CONCRETE: It's time we tackled the mail I got from being on
the Leno show, Larry.
LARRY: OK.
CONCRETE: As you can see my fingers aren't designed for
opening letters.
Come over here.
We'll go through a fistful.
LARRY: OK.
"Dear Concrete, in your recent television appearance you
solicited ideas for what you might do with your new body.
I applaud this openness and am electrified by the
possibilities before you.
Why?
Because you are a man in a singular position to make a
difference in this world.
For one thing, you're almost perfectly suited for passive
resistance.
Why are you not with the Occupy movement?
Why are you not in Syria?
Bahrain?
Egypt?
'We Shall Not be Moved' could be your theme song because you
really couldn't be.
You seem unkillable, except by the most extraordinary means.
I urge you, therefore, to throw your weight behind the
cause of social justice, not with fists flying, but with a
clear, unafraid voice and rock-like steadfastness.
Sincerely, Chester Dominguez."
CONCRETE: Interesting.
I am not ready to save this morning.
But let's do this.
Start a file called "Has Possibilities" and put Mr.
Dominguez in it.
Next.
LARRY: "Dear Concrete, I'm so hot for you.
I want your hot--" Uh, she encloses a photo.
Shall I throw it away?
CONCRETE: What?
How can she--?
Oh, excuse me.
No, I'll take care of it.
LARRY: "Dear Concrete, please help.
My husband beats me and when I go to my folks to get away, he
gets mad and hits my father and beats me worse.
He says I love my little girl by my first husband more than
our child together, but it's not true.
He won't listen.
He drinks and hits, and my wrist is broke.
And my little girl is so scared she has a rash.
And now he's dealing coke.
Please, please help."
CONCRETE: I wonder what she wants me to do.
Knock some sense into him?
From all I've heard it's tough to reform a wife-beater.
All you can do is escape him.
Is she in LA?
LARRY: Yeah.
CONCRETE: Can you find out what kind of women's shelters
are in her area?
There's a hotline number.
LARRY: Sure.
CONCRETE: I think that's the best we can do, short of
sending getaway money.
And I'm not ready for that.
Next?
CONCRETE: "Dear Concrete, I noticed watching you last
night, the attentiveness of my dog, Rod.
He perked right up.
I had a sudden insight.
You and he are brother spirits of the Fire Moon World.
You shall be partners in transcendence for the coming
of the Hand, the Great Grey Hand."
CONCRETE: Enough.
Two files, "Benign Nuts" and "Hostile Nuts." Put Mr. Fire
Moon in number one.
I think we're reading this right.
She'll pay me a cool 10 grand to mingle with a bunch of rich
party guests for a couple of hours.
Sounds too good to be true.
But it's nice stationary and a West LA address right by
Beverly Hills.
This Saturday.
MRS. GRACE: (ON PHONE) Just divine to have you there.
An assured A-party, dear.
CONCRETE: OK.
I'll come.
The directions seem clear enough.
MRS. GRACE: Wonderful.
Just call if you have trouble.
Andre, stop that.
I must go.
See you then.
CONCRETE: Yes.
Goodbye, Mrs. Grace.
Well, we have a deal.
Oh, Maureen.
Test time again already?
MAUREEN: Yes, indeedy.
Thursday's lab report came in showing the most incredible
developments with your free radical levels.
CONCRETE: Wonderful.
I count them as one of my most attractive features.
Those should occupy you for a while, Larry.
I must let the doctor sap my precious bodily fluids.
LARRY: (INNER THOUGHTS) With you loving every minute of it.
CONCRETE: (INNER THOUGHTS) And finally Saturday arrives.
(OUT LOUD) This celebrity business still throws me.
Imagine being paid to mingle.
LARRY: She's getting good value.
You're selling your fame, your status.
That's valuable.
CONCRETE: Still.
My word, we're here.
That's 812 over there.
Not quite the neighborhood I imagined.
LARRY: No answer.
CONCRETE: There's activity in the back.
CHILDREN: (TOGETHER) Concrete!
CONCRETE: Mrs. Grace?
MRS. GRACE: Yes.
So nice to meet you.
CONCRETE: This isn't the party I expected.
I mean, can you afford my services?
MRS. GRACE: Frankly, no.
I won't be able to pay you.
Shameless, I admit.
But you see how thrilled the kids are already.
I thought it'd be worth it, even if you left in a huff.
But I hope you won't.
Jason Alexander was here last year and had a wonderful time
with the kids.
So I hope you'll be a good sport about this.
I can pay you for your gas, if you'd like.
And you're welcome to the food.
Besides, aren't you just a little embarrassed you were
going to take money just because you're famous?
CONCRETE: (INNER THOUGHTS) She has a point.
Ah, to be eight again, when the height of wit is to spray
the acidic fluid in an orange peel into your friend's eye.
Nobody look!
Or to tell a great fart joke.
And then a big storm tosses the raft about.
MRS. GRACE: Oh, yes.
We almost got Vin Diesel here once.
But that was right after that little kids movie, The
Pacifier, when he wasn't hot.
Now move in.
CONCRETE: Finally.
MRS. GRACE: Oh, Concrete, wait.
I almost missed you while I was cleaning up.
It was really awfully naughty of me to
trick you into coming.
But it was fun, wasn't it?
CONCRETE: It certainly was.
I'll never forget it.
And I imagine you won't either.

HELLBOY: Enough of this crap.
One way or the other, it all ends here.