The Guild - S3 Ep 8: +10 to Bravery


Uploaded by watchtheguild on 30.04.2010

Transcript:
I wondered why Bladezz's mom had this
weird smile on her face when she picked up Dena.
This situation is untenable.
Untenable?! I've never used that word before.
How about scary, disturbing and borderline illegal?
It's crazy! Who would go to these lengths to besmirch someone over a game?
Besmirch?! That's another stupid word!
I am paying to play this game and it's become my full-time, stress-filled job!
It's just... discombobulating... disturbing... whatever!
Bladezz, calm down and explain it slowly.
The big dude from the rival Guild BANGED MY MOM!
I can't explain it any better. I'm traumatized!
Well, maybe he was bluffing. Can you prove it?
It's my MOM!
Just thinking about proving it traumatized me again!
Bladezz, we've all seen our moms naked in many, many positions...
- No, we haven't. - No. Not really.
Forget I said anything.
You know, we should call the police or something. This is getting crazy sauced!
No. The dude IS a cop! He was in full uniform and everything.
Oooh, cop uniform? Uhhmmy! Your Mom must have been an easy drop.
- Clara! - Sorry Guildies, but I must depart.
I'm off to deepen my relationship and form a lasting bond. Lady Schwag'd.
Bladezz, I'm sending an email to their admin account,
asking the other Guild Leader to meet in a private channel.
Now. We're gonna settle this like adults or something.
And this is the perfect time for Vork to take over.
Not yet. But you'll be pleased to know I'm making personal progress.
While cruising at 15 mph through affluent neighborhoods
I stumbled upon this: the perfect wifi connection.
- Is there a problem here? - You are in my driveway!
Your wifi is, unfortunately, sporadic past the curb.
Not to mention today is street cleaning.
- I don't know you! - Herman Holden, aka Vork.
I'm a seeker of knowledge; of myself.
The name of your wifi connection, "Enlightenment", drew me here.
You are playing a video game. In your car.
I'm soul-searching, but I do have gaming obligations.
Tell me...
Is there an innate and unavoidable resentment
of women against men in an authority position?
When you look at me,
how intense is your penis envy?
On a scale of 1-10.
Are you seriously sitting in my driveway,
using my internet, asking me about penis?
Exactly.
No, sir! I'm calling the police.
So much for "Enlightenment".
I'll be online later, Guildies.
Did someone request a private chat?
"All you need is confidence and ignorance;
then success is sure." -Mark Twain.
Hi... hi. I was hoping that the two of us meeting
could help diffuse the situation between our Guilds.
Sure you did.
Ok. Point one: Bladezz is a kid,
not just an anonymous name on your computer screen.
Oh, I know! Bruiser banged his mom.
That's about as un-anonymous as you can get.
I was hoping we could resolve this in a civilized manner.
Hey, I live by my own rules!
I'm the kind of guy who doesn't pay attention
when the gas tank tells me to fill it.
I fill it when I fucking well please.
If everyone treated each other like that no one would be safe anywhere!
People would be calling roadside assistance all the time!
- It would be chaos! - Life is PvP! In-game and out.
- PvP means Player versus Player. - I know what PvP is!
You guys have gone above and beyond getting revenge.
Even Tink would agree with that.
Well, Tink isn't here. Is she? Because you didn't invite her.
Because you wanted to see me. Alone.
- Wait, what? - Alright, don't admit it.
Or acknowledge it. Maybe you're not even aware of it.
Because your sexuality scares you.
Embrace the fear.
Ok. Sexuality does not scare me! I am very...
adequate in that area and it's...
Oh, I see what you doing with your Brainiac steam-rolling!
You're trying to throw me off-track!
Well, I have news for you, Highlander!
My brain's as good as yours is. I just don't use it to bully people!
Or quote things!
Oh, you think we're equals? OK, Guild Leader.
You just ordered up the full Axis of Anarchy treatment.
I want you to remember this moment.
Because you just asked for something that you definitely can not handle.
Can I just call a do-over?
Hello?
Tink?
What are you doing here?
Do you know my real name?!
You know the medical school is always looking for cadavers.
Calm down, Tink. I need to talk to you about your new Guild.
I risked a lot coming out here, out in the sun.
Any second I could start to burn.
Is Bladezz still all boo hoo about that Finn Smulders site?
You know, no one made him pose like a d-bag.
Do you know what else they're doing to him?
Planting weapons on him? Seducing his mom?
Whatever. They see a play, they run with it.
You know, this isn't a game! They're ruining his life!
He ruined my life! The character he destroyed
was closer to me than any of you Guild lame-os!
The only reason you had fun with that character at all
is because we're a Guild and we played together!
Even Bladezz was a part of that.
I totally just saw a freckle pop up on your face! Real-time.
Tell the Anarchists to back off! I can't promise...
I can't promise we won't fight back!
What are the "Knights of Good" gonna do with you as leader?
- Call them over for S'mores? - What's wrong with S'mores?
Two freckles just grew together.
They're forming a pod...
Run.
Lovely day to play outside.
Yes my love! I wanted us to have a very special outing.
You know, to re-kindle the romance and to recharge our health meters.
Or my health meter.
You haven't seen it yet because we've been... copulating so much.
But I'm a man with great romance in my heart.
And I brought this token of my affection to present.
This is my commemorative gaming ring.
It has a cave troll engraved on it.
And I want you to wear it as a symbol of our blossoming love.
That's cool.
Here, let me kiss...AAAH! What the fu... zzballs.
No kiss. Give me the ring.
I'll give you a 45 second head start.
For what?
Run in a "Z" sweetie!
That wasn't 45 seconds!