Whisker Wars LIVE (FULL SHOW) - 11/28/12


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 30.11.2012

Transcript:

BETH HOYT: Hey, Nate.
I'm going to shave your face.

Hello, my friends.
It's been so long since we last talked
face-to-face like this.
Just to recap, I'm Beth Hoyt.
This is "My Damn Channel LIVE," and today is Wednesday,
November 28.
We've got a really great show for you.
It's got a lot to do with facial hair.
Not mine.
Myk O'Connor from IFC's show, "Whisker Wars" is here.
Epic beard time, people.
Also I'm going to shave Nate's face, because No Shave
November is ending.
And you get to vote during the show on which beard shape.
And then I'll do it before your very eyes.
Nate is so scared.
It's going to be so fun.
Get in the chat.
Stay in the chat.
Right, so last week we were away for Thanksgiving.
And now we are back.
Did you have a good Thanksgiving, if that's a
holiday you celebrate?
Do we celebrate Thanksgiving, or do we just, like, eat it?
It's a tradition.
We tradition it.
Thanksgiving for me, it's not like a woo.
Although this year my Thanksgiving did end in a
dance party.
Was it because I wanted to work off some pie, or because
Robyn came on?
Both.
But like I said, it's been a long time since we talked.
So let's do that right now.
What do you guys want to know?
We have a comment.
Yay.
Let's get this going.
astout712, "I was going to ask you a question, but I wrote
your Twitter handle as thebesthoyt.
I mean, it's true.
Right?"
Aw, I am the best Hoyt.
I ask my mom that all the time.
I'm like, which of us is the best Hoyt?
And she's like, you boo-boo.
Don't tell my brother and my sister that.
But it's true.
Of all of my cousins and aunts and uncles and people, all the
people named Hoyt--
no, that's terrible.
We're all good Hoyts.
But thanks for that.
That's fun.
Beth is a fun thing to pun off of best.
OK, here's another comment from YouTube.
Slappy Lawrence, "How much crap did your mom give you at
Thanksgiving dinner when she brought
out the mashed potatoes?
Were they instant or homemade?"
Good memory.
Thanks a lot.
I've been trying to rub that over and not talk about it
again with my mom.
I don't know if any of you guys saw that episode when I
called my mom out for making instant mashed potatoes, and
she texted me in the middle the show and said I lied like
a rug and that she does make potatoes from scratch.
Well, I avoided it this year, because I went home, but I
flew back on Thanksgiving day and went to my friend's here
in New York City for Thanksgiving dinner.
So I didn't have her mashed potatoes, but I'm sure that
she spent all day mashing them, handmade like the best
Hoyt that she is.
Well, there's more where that came from-- like all show.
Or there will be if you make it happen.
So let's all show ourselves why a live show is more fun
than any other, because we get to hang out like this.
And because I may or may not cut Nate
when I shave his face.
OK, when we get back, we'll show you the
options to vote on.
But right now, I'm very, very pleased and proud to present
the world premiere of a brand new My Damn Channel original
"Job Friedman Internet Program."
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-I did not account for this much shitting.

[MUSIC PLAYING]
-There's shit everywhere.

EUGENE MIRMAN: Hi, I'm Eugene Mirman, and you're watching
"My Damn Channel LIVE." For some reason.

BETH HOYT: Alrighty, I'm here with Nate-- floor manager
extraordinaire and vlogger exception-ale.
Low fives all around.
His vlog is called okaynate.
You should check it out later, because right now I said I
would shave Nate's face.
It's going to happen in like a matter of minutes.
Nate, you look very nervous.
Your beard does not hide your fear.
NATE: You just said that you were going to maybe cut me.
That's--
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
Who knows?
Will you tell everyone--
NATE: Excited.
BETH HOYT: --in case they don't know what's been going
on and why you look kind of homeless?
NATE: Sure, Beth.
I look like a reformed hobo because I was challenged
during our Hurricane Sandy Google Hangout show.
areasontowritehome suggested that I
participate in No Shave November.
And I gladly accepted.
So for the entire month, I haven't shaved, trimmed, or
done anything to maintain up here.
And I gotta say, it's no Myk O'Connor beard, but my face
did its best.
BETH HOYT: It did.
You need a lot more time to get a Myk O'Connor beard.
But you guys will see that later.
NATE: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: Wait until see that.
OK, it's all been leading up to today-- your
growing this out--
when you graciously donate your face for our
entertainment, which leads me to your role.
You get to vote in the chat on which look I should attempt.
Nate, I've narrowed down your options to three looks.
NATE: Oh boy.
BETH HOYT: I hope you like them.
NATE: I haven't seen them.
BETH HOYT: They are, number one, the Honest Abe.
NATE: Oh.
BETH HOYT: So we can go for that look.
NATE: Yeah, historical accuracy.
BETH HOYT: Mm-hmm.
The opposite of Movember, if you will.
NATE: Yeah.
Anti-mustache.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, OK.
The Hulk Hogan is number two.
NATE: Oh.
BETH HOYT: There we go.
NATE: Whoa.
BETH HOYT: Wow.
NATE: Uh, I don't think I have the bright enough facial hair,
but we can do our best.
BETH HOYT: Well, we can change the color.
NATE: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: But I don't know if you have enough hair growing
in right here to do the Hulk Hogan efficiently.
NATE: Well, you can try.
BETH HOYT: Because you have a thin--
he has a thick, thick side there.
NATE: I think I would need, like, steroids to get as much
facial hair as him.
BETH HOYT:You gotta do what you gotta do to get that look.
So, OK.
Well, you can still vote on Hulk Hogan, and we can make
that happen.
NATE: OK.
Or--
BETH HOYT: Three, the Guy Fieri.
NATE: Ugh.
BETH HOYT: That's a good one.
Look at that!
NATE: That's horr--
BETH HOYT: Like, the little dippity-do in the bottom.
NATE: Oh, my god.
NATE: We can like dunk that in stuff.
NATE:Do you have, like, a--
BETH HOYT: I don't know why.
NATE:Do you like have a bowling shirt ready for me
afterwards?
BETH HOYT: You betcha.
You bet. (WHISPERING) Get a bowling shirt.
Get a bowling shirt.
OK, we got that.
We're gonna-- we can make that happen.
NATE:Yeah.
BETH HOYT: Then we'll bleach this part.
NATE:Oh boy.
BETH HOYT: Which I hear is great for your skin.
NATE: Mm-hmm.
BETH HOYT: Wow.
Which one do you hope to get?
NATE:Uh, you know, I--
I don't know.
BETH HOYT: They're all great options.
NATE: I've never had one like that, so--
BETH HOYT: OK, so any one is good.
NATE: It'll be new to me either way.
BETH HOYT: All right, we have a comment from you guys, from
AndThenThereWereCats.
"Is the bald spot still there, Nate?" Let's
check out the hole.
NATE: I knew you were going to ask that.
There it is.
BETH HOYT: There it is.
I just touched it.
NATE: Thanks, genetics.
BETH HOYT: I thought maybe you were going to like start
speaking a different language or something.
NATE: What?
BETH HOYT: I don't know, or something would happen, or--
I don't know.
NATE: There's no secret-- it's not a
kill switch or something.
BETH HOYT: Wouldn't that be great if you had a hidden
talent when I--
NATE:Is that a talent?
BETH HOYT: --pushed your button?
No, if there was one.
You don't have one.
Turns out Nate doesn't have a hidden talent when you push
his beard hole.
NATE: Nope.
BETH HOYT: I think we should give your
beard a proper goodbye.
Do you have anything you want to say, um, to your beard?
NATE: Yeah, I don't want to get too sentimental.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, me either.
NATE: But I will say this.
BETH HOYT: But I'm here.
NATE: OK.
Beard, I don't mean it as a pun when I say you've grown on
me these past 28 days.
You protected a small part of my face against the elements.
You surprised me by reminding me that I have
red hair kind of.
And best of all, you've helped turn me from a slacker into
something productive.
I understand you better now, Myk.
I get why you love beards.
So I'll say goodbye to mine.
We'll always have that month of Instagram photos to
remember you by.
BETH HOYT: Wow, Nate.
That was really touching.
NATE: Yeah, I don't know where that came from.
BETH HOYT: That was something--
something down deep.
Maybe that's what that button pushed, some sentimentality.
NATE: I guess so.
BETH HOYT: That was beautiful.
NATE: Thanks.
BETH HOYT: So that was a proper goodbye.
And oh!
So, yes.
You took a photo every day on Instagram.
NATE: Mm-hmm.
BETH HOYT: What's your Instagram, so
they can follow you?
NATE: It's itsnatebennett.
BETH HOYT: Itsnatebennett.
And we made a video of all your photos.
NATE: Oh.
BETH HOYT: So let's take a look at that time lapse from
naked face to Chevy Chase.
Here's Nate's No Shave November journey.

Wow.
NATE: You just took my super sentimental thing and turned
it into this little, like, comic-y one note--
BETH HOYT: Yeah, well, when you see Myk's beard later,
guys, you'll understand why.
You just spent a month doing this.
NATE:Yeah.
BETH HOYT: So you deserve a little, like--
NATE: Yeah, and his is--
BETH HOYT: His is--
NATE: It's like a symphony.
BETH HOYT: Yes.
NATE: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: His is a symphony of a beard.
NATE: Mm-hmm.
BETH HOYT: Wow.
How do you feel?
It's been a journey, though, for you-- a whole month.
NATE: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: I like that turkey in that one picture.
NATE: Yeah, me too.
Gotta get into the Thanksgiving spirit.
BETH HOYT: You do.
NATE: Time, you guys.
BETH HOYT: Um, so how do you feel?
What have you learned?
What's going on now that you're about to cut it off?
NATE: I guess I'm just ready to get it over with.
And I also don't know what everybody's going
to choose for me.
BETH HOYT: Right.
NATE: Uh, I've never thought about having
these facial hair styles.
So that's cool.
Try new things, right?
BETH HOYT: Right.
Put your vote in the chat.
Pick one, two, or three.
OK, again your choices for the look Nate is about to get via
a razor in my hand to take on the streets of New York City
are-- one, the honest Abe, two, the Hulk Hogan, three,
the Guy Fieri.
Vote for your favorite in the chat.
Write down one, two, or three, so we can tally them easily.
We shave Nate when we return from this brand new video from
the crazy "McMayhem."
-Graduation usually means it's the end of something.
But this is just the beginning.
-You coming to our party?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Are you guys coming to my party tonight?
It's the last one before we go out into the world.
I have no STDs.
We got Jolly Ranchers inside Zimas.
-We don't celebrate very well.
-Roma-- you like romance, bitches?
We're getting girls to do body shots with other girls doing
body shots.
We're going to have girls do the elephant walk.
You don't know what that is.
-No, I have no idea what that is.
-It's where one girl puts her thumb in another girl's butt,
and they walk around.
Great job in that play this semester.
Shakespeare isn't easy.
-Yo, you guys going to stay together after graduation?
-Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug.
-OK, so you come in first.
We get it done.
You go home, shower, come back.
When you come back, bring more chicks with you.
-Oh, OK.
-You down?
-So it's like a train then?
-Yeah, yeah.
We're going to run trains.
Jello shots tonight.
Congratulations.
You know Johnny Date Rape's going to be in the building.
-Just came back from the pharmacy.
-OK.
-I'm still undecided--
even though I graduated.
I'm one of those rare breeds.
We're going to get chicks going down on each other.
We're going to shave some bitches.
We got a trampoline.
I got a whole refrigerator filled with meatballs.
I'm going to have you throw them at people in the middle
of the night.
-Girls, right?
-Yeah.
-Dig.
I'm throwing water balloons at my dick.
-There's these other guys that are doing the same thing.
And they're much more exciting.
-What-- what are they doing?
-The same thing.
-Like, what do you mean?
-Except they're dressed in astronaut suits.
-Are they--
-They said they want to take me to the moon.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
DAVID CROSS: Hi, I'm David Cross.
And you're watching My Damn Channel LIVE.
OK, that's all right?
Is that one all right?

BETH HOYT: Hello.
I hope you've been voting in the chat.
You still have time now to vote to shave Nate as either
one, honest Abe, two, Hulk Hogan, or three, Guy Fieri.
As soon as I get him all ready to be shaven, we'll announce
the winner.
NATE: I'm just saying good-bye a little bit more.
BETH HOYT: It's all up in the air.
First off, OK, so we're setting up the barber shop.
Nate, I want to make sure that your clothes don't get--
NATE: Is that a trash bag?
BETH HOYT: Yep.
No, it's a-- it's a Bubba Gump bib.
NATE: Oh.
BETH HOYT: There's Nate.
There he is.
NATE: I'm going to take the hood off, though.
Where did you get a Bubba Gump--
BETH HOYT: When you eat at Bubba Gump, they give you this
so you don't get butter all over your clothes.
NATE: Oh, I guess that's kinda what's happening, right?
BETH HOYT: OK, all right.
So you're all set there.
Now, how are you feeling?
Like, what's been going on?
And are you going to a wedding this weekend?
Or--
NATE: What are you-- what are you doing, Beth?
BETH HOYT: It's what they do when you go a hair salon.
NATE: You're-- no.
We don't do that at the barber shop.
BETH HOYT: Why do you look--
NATE: No.
BETH HOYT: Barber shop.
NATE: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: Right.
Yeah, OK.
We can be barber shop-y.
NATE:Yeah.
BETH HOYT: You look nervous.
I know what we can do.
NATE: A little.
BETH HOYT: Let's do this.
Here you go, Nate.
NATE: Ooh.
BETH HOYT: I want you to calm down, because--
NATE: Oh yeah.
Mm-hmm.
BETH HOYT: This is a large shot glass.
NATE: Pour faster.
BETH HOYT: That's a big one.
NATE: I'm just going to--
BETH HOYT:He's going to be fine.
I want you to be a little less nervous, and I'm also quite
nervous as well.
NATE: Wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You should probably have a steady hand when
you're doing this.
BETH HOYT: OK.
NATE: So maybe wait till after, right?
BETH HOYT: Yeah, sure.
OK, Nate.
I'll wait till--
because I should probably--
NATE: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: I don't want to make you more nervous
thinking that I'm--
even though I am quite nervous for this.
It's fine.
We should put this on, because your eyes are making--
NATE: Oh, all right.
BETH HOYT: --me feel like you're judging me with---
NATE: It's kind of relaxing.
BETH HOYT: SO OK, we'll just like--
NATE: What was that?
Can you take it off?
I'm a little nervous now.
BETH HOYT:Oh.
NATE: Can you just take it off?
BETH HOYT: Sure.
NATE: I can--
Actually, it's probably better for you.
BETH HOYT: You don't like that?
Does that make you more nervous?
NATE: A little bit, yeah.
BETH HOYT: It's fine.
All right, well, here's what we do next.
Shaving cream.
This is the first time on the show--
NATE: Oh, OK.
BETH HOYT: --that we've used shaving
cream as shaving cream.
NATE: Yeah, and it's not just been like in a whale or on the
ground or something.
BETH HOYT: Exactly.
NATE: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: Um, I just--
NATE: Go for it.
BETH HOYT: --go like this on the--
NATE: I guess so.
Mm.
It smells nice.
OK.
BETH HOYT: It's like putting whipped cream on a pie.
NATE: Um, I guess so.
BETH HOYT: Is that what this is like?
NATE: Ugh, I don't know what putting whipped
cream on a pie is like.
BETH HOYT: Sorry if I'm getting
that all in your mouth.
What does that taste like?
Soapy shaving cream probably, huh?
NATE: Tastes like the shower.
BETH HOYT: Just kidding.
NATE: Ugh.
BETH HOYT: All right, you're all set with that.
NATE: I look like I have another beard.
BETH HOYT: You do.
This is a "Santa Claus in the making" beard.
NATE: I feel like Bill Murray in
"Life Aquatic" or something.
BETH HOYT: All right, so the next step is,
um, to get into it.
How's it sticking on there?
Oh, I need to get more--
NATE: I think it's good.
BETH HOYT: --on your stache.
You're good.
NATE: No, we're fine.
BETH HOYT: All right.
OK, so now we just do this.
How does this work?
Boom.
NATE: Wait.
BETH HOYT: Boom.
NATE: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're using an electric razor?
BETH HOYT: Yeah, it's more fun, right?
NATE: You can't--
BETH HOYT: It's a toy.
NATE: Yeah, but you can't use shaving cream with an electric
razor, Beth.
BETH HOYT: Oh.
NATE: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: Oh, I didn't know that.
Oh, well then let's just take this off.
NATE: It's OK, because I think you over-applied it anyway.
BETH HOYT: Shh, Nate.
It's OK.
Shh.
I saw that go in your mouth.
I'm sorry.
Here, go spit right in there.
NATE: Can I have another shot to cleanse the palate?
BETH HOYT: Sure, Nate.
NATE: I'm kidding.
No, just--
BETH HOYT: Sure.
Here's a big towel.
NATE: Oh good.
BETH HOYT: You really got a lot.
NATE: You gave me a lot.
BETH HOYT: I got it up your nose.
I'm sorry.
I didn't realize you couldn't put that on and then shave it
right off with that.
NATE: Here.
BETH HOYT: I thought that an electric razor, it would
just-- it's really easy.
NATE: No, no.
It would get like gunky.
BETH HOYT: Ooh, I have a hot towel for you.
NATE: Oh, you do.
BETH HOYT: OK, yeah.
NATE: Oh good.
BETH HOYT: This is like to open up your pores.
NATE: Aah.
God, Beth.
BETH HOYT: So hot.
NATE: Where did you get a boiling towel?
BETH HOYT: It's been in-- it's been in boiling water.
We have a great production quality here.
NATE: I didn't see them do that.
BETH HOYT: This one-- this one's a cool towel.
NATE: Is it?
BETH HOYT: That's good to open up your pores, though.
NATE: Is it?
OK.
Aah, god, OK.
BETH HOYT: It's good to open up your pores to get the, um--
NATE: Mm-hmm.
Here, I'll--
BETH HOYT: Scrub that down.
NATE: I'll do it.
BETH HOYT: Is that enough off to shave now, because I think
it's time to get this puppy shaped up on your face.
NATE: I think it's time.
Yeah, I think I'm loosened up.
And now I'm a little less afraid of the actual shaving
and more just--
BETH HOYT: Oh, you needed a little palate cleanser, right?
NATE: Yes, please.
BETH HOYT: No problem.
That's how good of a barber I am.
This bottle's really bottom heavy.
That's why it's hard to pour, guys.
I'm just going to give you--
NATE: Oh, a halfsie.
BETH HOYT: I need you to still may have to assist me, so--
I'm not trying to give you a halfsie.
All right.
NATE: I got it.
I got it.
BETH HOYT: You guys, I think your pores are really open--
NATE: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: --from that hot towel.
Sorry about that.
I think you're ready.
Ladies and gentlemen, the winning look for Nate's face
voted on by the people is--
NATE: The Guy Fieri?
BETH HOYT: Zagpau, Guy Fieri.
All right, that's just one of them.
Obviously most people voted for Guy Fieri.
OK.
NATE: Oh, good.
BETH HOYT: OK, so that means-- wow.
I was kind of hoping for the Abe Lincoln because it'd be
less look-- less of a work for me.
NATE: Either way.
BETH HOYT: But no.
OK, we're going for the Guy Fieri.
So that means--
NATE: There's your reference.
BETH HOYT: So I don't use this part?
NATE: You gotta use this part.
BETH HOYT: Never done this, but I shave my legs almost
every day, every two days, ladies, right?
Um, so I'm pretty good at shaving, but I've never used--
I use this thing?
NATE: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: OK.
NATE: It's the trimmer.
Oh boy, this is like a bad how-to video.
BETH HOYT: All right.
No, this is a great how-to video.
All you ladies, for the first time shaving a man's face, I
will show you how easy it is.
NATE: OK.
BETH HOYT: All right, turn it on, and I'm just going to go
really slowly, right?
NATE: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: OK.
NATE: Real--
BETH HOYT: Say goodbye to your beard.
NATE: Mmm, goodbye, beard.
BETH HOYT: Ooh, well, that's easy.
NATE: Yeah, you can go a little-- you can push a little
more on it.
It's fine.
BETH HOYT: Oh, can I?
Oh, so you--
NATE: There you go.
BETH HOYT: OK.
NATE: It's coming off.
BETH HOYT: Oh god.
And this doesn't-- you're sure you don't need shaving cream?
NATE: It might have helped.
Maybe it helped loosen up a bit.
I don't know.
I'm--
BETH HOYT: Are you sure I shouldn't put
some on now, though?
NATE: No, definitely don't do that.
BETH HOYT: This is--
NATE: See.
BETH HOYT: You guys all have three hours right now
scheduled for this?
NATE: Tell me a story, Beth.
BETH HOYT: OK, um, one time, uh, I was shaving a duck.
No, that's terrible.
Why would I ever do that?
NATE: I don't think that's a story you tell sombody when
you're shaving them.
BETH HOYT: When did you start shaving, Nate?
NATE: I don't remember.
BETH HOYT: This is getting more and more easy.
I understand.
NATE: I feel like maybe I did it in, uh, middle school at
one point just because I saw my dad do it.
And then like that gets it started, you know.
I had like peach fuzz or something.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
NATE: And then after that, you just kind of--
it just became a habit, you know.
BETH HOYT: This part's hard, at the neck.
You need to really-- yeah.
Just go like that for me.
So what was that you were saying about
going against the grain?
NATE: Yeah, it helps--
BETH HOYT: I just pulled a hair.
NATE: It's fine.
BETH HOYT: I felt it.
NATE: It's fine.
It didn't hurt.
Go ahead.
BETH HOYT: I heard you--
NATE: Be brave.
BETH HOYT: --intake a breath.
NATE: Be brave, Beth.
BETH HOYT: All right, I'm going to just go for it.
NATE: OK.
BETH HOYT: But slow.
You're like, oh, OK.
NATE: You should probably worry less about the neck and
do the other side now, or do the rest of the side now.
BETH HOYT: Hey, this is the important part.
I have to get this off.
I'm going to do this--
NATE: She's doing a good job.
BETH HOYT: Thanks, Nate.
OK, let me check out Guy Fieri for a second.
Oh Nate, you've got to grow this longer, stronger, wider.
NATE: Almost.
BETH HOYT: All right, we're going to
this better over here.
NATE: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
BETH HOYT: Um, oh wow.
I just went for that.
NATE: You don't need to go that high.
BETH HOYT: Sorry.
Did I just ruin your face?
NATE: I don't know.
BETH HOYT: I just chopped off one of Nate's sideburns.

NATE: It's OK.
BETH HOYT: It's--
NATE: It'll grow back.
BETH HOYT: It's gonna be a good memory.
NATE: Probably.
BETH HOYT: I just ruined--
Nate's just thinking about how like--
NATE: Oh!
BETH HOYT: I just ruined his whole look.
NATE: Hey, we have a comment.
BETH HOYT: OK, good you read it.
I'm going to be--
NATE: I'm going to toss it up while you're busy.
"She's using the trimmer attachment.
Ouch!" Says Slappy Lawrence.
BETH HOYT: Oh, I thought that was your ouch.
NATE: No, it doesn't actually hurt.
That's the easier way to do it.
If she used the other thing, it would start yanking hair
out of my face.
Is that what you want?
BETH HOYT: I don't want to do that.
NATE: No, you're good.
BETH HOYT: Ah, thanks, Nate.
NATE: That's the best way to do it.
For the fine-tuning.
BETH HOYT: Oh, so do you use the little tricky tool part?
NATE: Turkey tool part?
BETH HOYT: Tricky.
This part.
NATE: Oh.
That's on.
NATE: Yeah, it's on.
They're all on.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
Like, my butt is shaking I'm so nervous right now.
NATE: You don't tell somebody you're shaving that your butt
is shaking.
BETH HOYT: Oh, I'm sorry.
We're almost done here.
NATE: Almost.
BETH HOYT: I don't--
I'm too--
I don't know if I can do your neck.
That scares me.
NATE: You can do the neck.
BETH HOYT: Yeah?
NATE: You can do it.
BETH HOYT: What do you think, guys.
Go for it.
NATE: Yeah, go for it.
BETH HOYT: Up.

Oh, man.
OK.
NATE: Now I'm a little nervous.
BETH HOYT: Yeah?
Because I, like, have you in a choke hold?
NATE: Mm-hmm.
BETH HOYT: Look, I'm not looking.
NATE: What?
Watch what you're doing.
BETH HOYT: Ooh, there's shaving cream.
Uh-oh.
We've encountered shaving cream again.
NATE: Oh, we have a Twitter post comment question.
Myk O'Connor.
BETH HOYT: "Don't shave Nate!"
NATE: "Don't shave Nate!"
BETH HOYT: I know.
When we told Myk that we were shaving
Nate, he got very upset.
NATE: I'm sorry, Myk.
BETH HOYT: How are we doing?
NATE: I'm sorry.
BETH HOYT: We need you to grow this.
And we need to make this white.
NATE: And we need, like, check marks here that go up.
BETH HOYT: Here we go.
NATE: There it is.
BETH HOYT: This is how you make it Guy Fieri.
But we need a little--
NATE: Aah!
Look, spitting image.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
Did I do it?
Nate, you--
I think you look amazing.
NATE: Take me to a Denny's.
BETH HOYT: I think we did it.
I'm sorry that I maybe shortened your sideburn.
You look fabulous.
You're about to see what Nate would look like if he didn't
shave for 30 years, because up next we're joined by Myk
O'Connor from IFC's "Whisker Wars," the second season of
which started last Friday night.
Get your questions in for him about bearding and about the
show right now.
If you've never seen "Whisker Wars," here's a clip.

MYK O'CONNOR: I was told in Portland, at the Portland
competition, that I stole a signature move, but
I also did it wrong.
So my plan is tonight, I'm stealing JP's move, I'm
borrowing Allen Demling's move, and I'm combining the
two where I will do it.
And I'm going to point at Mister Jack Passion with two
of the guns.
-Go for it, baby.
Go for it.
-You have to choose.
It's either me or the internet.
-Hmm.
-Your ex-girlfriend sounds like such a bitch.
-I know, right?
MICHAEL SHOWALTER: Hey, I'm Michael Showalter.
You're watching "My Damn Channel LIVE."
BETH HOYT: Hi, I'm here with Myk O'Connor from IFC's
"Whisker Wars." Welcome, Mike.
Thank you for being here.
MYK O'CONNOR: Thanks for having me.
BETH HOYT: Our pleasure.
Um, you guys, now is your time to get your
questions in for Myk.
Put them in the chat right now.
Myk, we're letting the internet
have at you in a minute.
But first, I have some questions.
So "Whisker Wars" just started its second
season last Friday night.
How is life different for you now that the
first season has aired?
I mean, I assume you were always someone who kind of got
second looks.
MYK O'CONNOR: Yeah, my biggest thing is I don't know if
people are actually staring at me because of the show and
they recognize me, or if it's just because I have a beard.
BETH HOYT: Right.
MYK O'CONNOR: It's like, you know, when you see a bunch of
Asians, you know--
you're just kind of like, I don't know.
They all look alike.
And it's like when somebody says like, hey, ZZ Top to me,
it's just as offensive as if I said, hey, Jackie Chan.
You know, like--
BETH HOYT: Right.
MYK O'CONNOR: We all kind of feel like we
all look alike, so--
BETH HOYT: Right.
I hear you.
Um, so--
MYK O'CONNOR: I hope that wasn't offensive.
BETH HOYT: We're just going to--
no.
We understand that, yeah, your own beard.
You are your own beard.
Speaking of-- yeah, so who is your biggest
rival on the show?
MYK O'CONNOR: Uh, this season it's Jack Passion.
BETH HOYT: Jack Passion.
MYK O'CONNOR: Jack Passion.
BETH HOYT: Oh, there he is.
Man, just flaunting that red beard.
MYK O'CONNOR: He has no mustache.
BETH HOYT: There it is.
MYK O'CONNOR: He has no mustache.
BETH HOYT: You have one heck of a mustache.
So tell me, you trim this part?
MYK O'CONNOR: No, not at all.
BETH HOYT: You don't have to trim this?
MYK O'CONNOR: No.
I part it to the side so that I can give kisses, smoke
cigarettes, and eat food.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
MYK O'CONNOR: But other than that, if I go on stage, I'll
pull it all the way down.
BETH HOYT: But, I mean, wouldn't it be as long as this
if you didn't do something?
MYK O'CONNOR: No.
BETH HOYT: That's now how this hair grows?
MYK O'CONNOR: No, it's the body.
BETH HOYT: OK, let's talk about the show.
So last season was maybe not successful for you in the
competition.
MYK O'CONNOR: Uh-uh.
BETH HOYT: But successful for you as a person.
MYK O'CONNOR: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: He got engaged on the show.
MYK O'CONNOR: I did.
BETH HOYT: And now you're married.
MYK O'CONNOR: I proposed to my, uh--
well, now wife.
BETH HOYT: Right.
MYK O'CONNOR: Um, and now we are married and have a kid.
And we met, actually, in 2009 at the World Beard and
Mustache Competition that was in Alaska.
BETH HOYT: Wow.
MYK O'CONNOR: So you never know.
BETH HOYT: That's a good place to find love, I feel like.
MYK O'CONNOR: Absolutely.
It was beautiful.
The sun set a little bit, because it doesn't go
down all the way.
And then it goes back up.
So we're sitting in a hot tub together.
BETH HOYT: Look, it's a sunset.
MYK O'CONNOR: Looking at it.
BETH HOYT: Kind of.
MYK O'CONNOR: Yeah.
And we fell in love.
BETH HOYT: In a hot tub in Alaska, it
sounds like a recipe.
She's your beard coach?
MYK O'CONNOR: Uh, yeah.
BETH HOYT: What does that mean?
MYK O'CONNOR: So a beard coach basically-- she actually has a
Batman utility belt.
BETH HOYT: OK.
MYK O'CONNOR: That has all sorts of different brushes and
combs and, you know, hairspray--
things like that.
And then, you know, she helps everyone else.
But then when it's my turn to go on stage, you know, she
gives me the nice encouragement, makes sure that
I look the best that I possibly can.
BETH HOYT: Like, what's an encouraging phrase to give
someone before a beard competition?
MYK O'CONNOR: So--
well, she's Polish.
BETH HOYT: OK.
MYK O'CONNOR: So her English can be broken a little bit.
She's been here for 18 years or so, but she still has that
Polish tinge.
And she'll-- (POLISH ACCENT) baby, your beard looks the
best out of everyone.
BETH HOYT: Oh good, I get it.
MYK O'CONNOR: That was almost Russian, actually.
BETH HOYT: So it's like a confidence builder.
MYK O'CONNOR: Absolutely.
BETH HOYT: Which is what you need from her, mostly.
MYK O'CONNOR: Absolutely.
BETH HOYT: What are your strategies
for the second season?
Like, what do you do going into a season of bearded
competitions to really--
MYK O'CONNOR: It's, you know-- it's difficult.
BETH HOYT: Like how is it different?
MYK O'CONNOR: I have no idea.
BETH HOYT: Yes, you do.
MYK O'CONNOR: A lot of things that I do to personally get
ready for a competition is weeks in advance I'll start
to, you know, really take a look like what
split ends I have.
BETH HOYT: OK.
MYK O'CONNOR: Things like that.
I do a hot oil treatment once a week on my beard, which is
jojoba oil.
You put it on, you wrap it in a plastic bag around your
face, and then you just blow-dry over it.
And it heats it up.
It protects the beard.
BETH HOYT: I can tell you've had some hot oil treatments.
Can I touch it?
MYK O'CONNOR: Absolutely.
BETH HOYT: Oh, yeah.
MYK O'CONNOR: Right?
It's nice.
BETH HOYT: It is nice.
So the hot oil treatment, and then like--
MYK O'CONNOR: That helps.
BETH HOYT: --when was the last time you saw your face?
MYK O'CONNOR: Well, I've always had facial hair of some
sort at any given time.
BETH HOYT: Like, when you were four or five years old?
MYK O'CONNOR: Yeah, yeah, probably about that long.
About 15 or 16 years or so.
BETH HOYT: So you always had--
MYK O'CONNOR: Oh, wait.
That's--
I'm almost 30.
Wow-- no math.
BETH HOYT: No, it's fine.
MYK O'CONNOR: No math!
BETH HOYT: It's better to not know those years, once you get
past 25, it's just--
MYK O'CONNOR: The last time I had it all shaved off was
about four years ago.
I went for a job interview.
I had long hair.
And I had a, you know, maybe a beard about this long.
And I was like, I'm going to go in shock and awe.
I showed up in a suit and tie, cut my hair, shaved my beard.
And I didn't get the job, which is good
because now I'm on TV.
BETH HOYT: Because then you figured out what your true
potential was.
MYK O'CONNOR: I'm on TV.
I'm on "My Damn Channel LIVE," and that
would not have happened--
BETH HOYT: Well, maybe there'd be something else you'd be
doing, but it wouldn't be for this.
MYK O'CONNOR: You don't want to see those tapes.
BETH HOYT: OK.
You're right.
Well, besides not shaving, what are some other tips you
can give young men, future beard growers?
MYK O'CONNOR: Um, my biggest thing is--
BETH HOYT: Is there a diet for-- you know?
MYK O'CONNOR: Beer.
BETH HOYT: Beer.
MYK O'CONNOR: I take vitamins.
I take omega-3s, whether they're in pill form or with
the food I eat.
I try to eat healthy.
I'm really not that healthy, so I supplement with vitamins.
Omega-3s, vitamin E, fish oil, things like that.
But ultimately it comes down to--
[COUGHS]
excuse me.
BETH HOYT: You're excused.
MYK O'CONNOR: Thank you.
Ultimately what it comes down to is whether or not you have
good genes.
BETH HOYT: OK.
MYK O'CONNOR: If you don't have good genes, you might not
be able to grow something so spectacular.
But there is hope.
I don't know which camera to look at, but there is hope.
Give it maybe about six months.
I'd say, at the minimum, six months.
Give it a year.
See how you really look in whatever facial hair that
you're going to grow.
And then just kind of--
you might not be able to grow, obviously,
something like this.
BETH HOYT: Right.
MYK O'CONNOR: You know, not everyone can.
BETH HOYT: Because either you've got it or you don't.
MYK O'CONNOR: Exactly.
BETH HOYT: So the tip is you either got it or you don't,
but wait six months to find out.
MYK O'CONNOR: Right.
And if you have something good going, you know, you might
want to grow it out a little bit more.
Or you might not have a whole lot of beard going on, but you
might have a glorious mustache.
BETH HOYT: Right.
MYK O'CONNOR: You have both.
I also like how it's two-toned.
MYK O'CONNOR: It really is.
I don't--
BETH HOYT: It's really--
MYK O'CONNOR: I don't dye it.
I'm not Guy.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, I mean this does--
MYK O'CONNOR: Don't sue me.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
No, we won't.
Definitely not for that.
Does--
does Jack Passion dye?
His beard is so red.
And his--
MYK O'CONNOR: There--
BETH HOYT: Was that a--
MYK O'CONNOR: There's some controversy.
I think he might dye it.
BETH HOYT: OK.
MYK O'CONNOR: I think he might.
BETH HOYT: I'm going to maybe spread that rumor.
We have another quick look at the show.
It involves Jack Passion.
You guys are going to understand a little more of
what's happening here when we talk about Jack.
Let's show that clip.

-From New York City, Mr. Myk O'Connor.
[APPLAUSE]
JACK PASSION: My famous beard swipe.
That's a Jack Passion move.
You don't steal from the master.
It's like a girl with nothing up there trying to show off
some cleavage.
-After a final inspection by the judges, the competitors
leave the stage.
MYK O'CONNOR: As soon as Jack finishes up on the stage, he
makes a straight beeline towards me.
JACK PASSION: Myk, I loved that thing you did when you
were up on the stage.
I liked that you tried to steal my move.
MYK O'CONNOR: A move.
Like, a beard fluff that everybody does.
JACK PASSION: I think you picked some bad friends, and
they might have influenced you against me.
And that's stupid.
It's just stupid.
MYK O'CONNOR: I've never said that I'm against you.
JACK PASSION: Congratulations on your daughter, OK.
Think of the kind of father you want to be.
MYK O'CONNOR: Of all the things to say, to--
to bring my family and-- and bring what kind of father I
want to be to my unborn child.
JACK PASSION: All right.
MYK O'CONNOR: That totally crossed the line.
Until he admits his mistake to me, I'm not
going to let it go.

-"Whisker Wars," this time it's personal.
Fridays at 10:00, starts November 23.
BETH HOYT: Hi, my friends.
I'm back.
I'm joined by "Whisker Wars" competitor Myk O'Connor.
You probably have lots of questions for Myk.
I want to see them.
Mike wants to answer them.
So get them in the chat.
We have a Twitter question right now.
MYK O'CONNOR: Twitter.
BETH HOYT: This is from Jack Passion.
He says, "my mustache says, hey guys."
MYK O'CONNOR: But it says it in a little kid's voice.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, that's why I said it--
MYK O'CONNOR: Hi, guys.
BETH HOYT: But hi.
Hi, Jack.
MYK O'CONNOR: All in good fun, Jack.
BETH HOYT: I can't grow a mustache either.
MYK O'CONNOR: All in good fun.
BETH HOYT: Try as I might.
Myk, my first question for you before we begin some other
questions is, uh, can I French braid your-- it's OK if I
can't, because I understand, you know, this is like your
tool in life.
MYK O'CONNOR: Mm-hmm.
BETH HOYT: But can I maybe French braid your hair while--
MYK O'CONNOR: Is there a difference between a French
braid and a regular braid?
BETH HOYT: Uh-huh.
I could show you.
MYK O'CONNOR: Oh.
BETH HOYT: Oh, but it just means that it starts, and then
I gather hair as we go.
MYK O'CONNOR: I have no idea what that
means, but at some point--
BETH HOYT: I'm going to be really, really gentle.
MYK O'CONNOR: At some point, I'm pretty good.
I'm down for it.
BETH HOYT: You're not down for it?
MYK O'CONNOR: I'm down.
BETH HOYT: I thought that was, like, a very passive
aggressive way of saying I'm not down for it.
MYK O'CONNOR: I would love if you did-- don't do it.
No, no do it.
BETH HOYT: Mixed messages.
I'm going to do it very gently.
MYK O'CONNOR: OK.
BETH HOYT: We have a comment.
MYK O'CONNOR: Oh.
This is from brittanymungo21.
"Can Beth braid your hair in a fishtail braid?" Yeah, OK.
MYK O'CONNOR: Thanksgiving, I did that.
BETH HOYT: Oh, so you--
MYK O'CONNOR: Thanksgiving.
BETH HOYT: Someone braided it?
MYK O'CONNOR: My wife.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
MYK O'CONNOR: You know, I braid it when I have to--
I have a baby now.
She's five months, and so when I hold her, she
likes to grab on, and--
BETH HOYT: Who wouldn't?
MYK O'CONNOR: Right?
BETH HOYT: I'm fighting it right now so bad.
MYK O'CONNOR: She's like a little monkey, and she wants
to climb up on daddy.
And so I have to braid it so that at least she doesn't get
caught so much into it.
BETH HOYT: So OK, it's been braided.
MYK O'CONNOR: Yeah, it's been braided.
BETH HOYT: I'm very good at French braiding, but I've
never had someone facing me.
Usually when I French braid, that means I
have to turn around.
And this is just kind of too--
MYK O'CONNOR: If you do it from behind--
BETH HOYT: Well, when I'm doing it on a girl.
MYK O'CONNOR: Oh.
BETH HOYT: When I was on the basketball team, and you--
MYK O'CONNOR: I'm a boy.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, I know.
That's why I really want to just get in there.
MYK O'CONNOR: Are we doing this right now?
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
While we-- well, you can keep looking at them.
So, um, you have the New York City Beard
Competition coming up.
MYK O'CONNOR: That is correct.
BETH HOYT: Can you tell us about that?
I'm going to be gentle.
MYK O'CONNOR: Um, so, OK, yeah.
December 8, which is next Saturday, we have the New York
City Beard and Mustache Competition
at Warsaw in Brooklyn.
It's in the Greenpoint neighborhood.
It's $15 in advance, 20 at the door.
All proceeds go to the MS Society,
New York City chapter.
We have 13 categories--
two women's, which are most realistic, most fantastic.
You need to be there.
BETH HOYT: What does that mean?
MYK O'CONNOR: What I just explained.
BETH HOYT: Most realistic, most fantastic.
Oh, I gotcha.
MYK O'CONNOR: So it's a fake beard, unless
you have a real beard.
BETH HOYT: But the realistic ones--
MYK O'CONNOR: Which is awesome.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, I do want to see this.
MYK O'CONNOR: And there's a few that have--
I've seen them.
They have beards.
They have real beards.
BETH HOYT: They're in the competition.
They have to--
MYK O'CONNOR: So we have 13 categories.
We're going to have, uh, perogies, uh,
belly dancers, bands.
BETH HOYT: Those are types of beards?
MYK O'CONNOR: Also, there's a raffle.
BETH HOYT: No, just kidding.
We have a comment from YouTube.
This is from Travis Oliver.
"Myk, do you think we'll be drinking at the Warsaw the
entire night or jumping around after that?
I've got some people that might meet up later." Very
technical, good question.
Are you going to hang out at Warsaw after, or are you going
to go hop around?
MYK O'CONNOR: Well, fortunately, this year we
don't have a curfew.
So we could be there all night.
But I am going to make a special hashtag on Twitter so
you can keep up with us.
It'll probably be, like, New York City beards.
And you can follow us and find out where we're going to go.
But there's a meet and greet on Friday, the day before.
So you might want to come to that.
BETH HOYT: Sounds like that's going to be fun too.
MYK O'CONNOR: And then Saturday, the competition.
And then there's a hangover brunch on Sunday.
BETH HOYT: A whole weekend.
MYK O'CONNOR: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: This is awesome.
I also love that it sounds like your fans know that
whenever you have an event, that it's not
just going to show.
It's a whole night of partying and having
fun and hanging out.
MYK O'CONNOR: Exactly.
BETH HOYT: Celebrating beards.
MYK O'CONNOR: Yeah.
It's a lot of fun.
BETH HOYT: Great.
Here's another Twitter question.
This is from, uh, Brontis Orengo.
"This is my first time watching a live comedy show on
the internetz.
You're taking my liveginity." Popped.
MYK O'CONNOR: I hope it was special.
BETH HOYT: Me too.
Sorry to bring out the razor on your first time.
MYK O'CONNOR: Mm.
BETH HOYT: Yikes.
That's not going to be the first time for-- no, yeah.
MYK O'CONNOR: I don't even know what you're doing.
Is this working?
BETH HOYT: Yeah, well there was tangles on this side.
I'm trying to be very gentle.
MYK O'CONNOR: Ah.
BETH HOYT: It is working.
This is beautiful-- gosh, your hair is amazing.
It's so, like, resilient.
It just has an interesting texture, but it feels like--
you can tell it's been through a lot, seen a lot.
MYK O'CONNOR: It's traveled the world.
BETH HOYT: It has.
MYK O'CONNOR: And it's met a lot of really good people.
BETH HOYT: Especially down here.
MYK O'CONNOR: Yeah, the down here part--
BETH HOYT: So this hair has seen your teens.
MYK O'CONNOR: Maybe.
BETH HOYT: Right?
Maybe.
Here's another Twitter question.
This is from, um, Joshuwa Jenkins.
"Give us tips.
Bluebeards any good?
Cool shower wash with Bluebeards, blow dry, wonder
beard, brush--" is that the hot wax?
MYK O'CONNOR: Jojoba, jojoba.
BETH HOYT: Is that the hot wax you were talking about?
MYK O'CONNOR: Wow, you've pretty much said everything--
BETH HOYT: Yeah, sounds like you know the tips.
MYK O'CONNOR: --that I absolutely recommend.
BETH HOYT: Are there any tips beyond those?
MYK O'CONNOR: I would say, like, definitely use
Bluebeards.
Or if you're going to wash your beard at all--
BETH HOYT: What's Bluebeards?
MYK O'CONNOR: Bluebeards.
It's--
they actually-- it's a beard shampoo they use to clear out
any impurities that are in your facial hair.
The best thing is, obviously use something that doesn't
involve a lot of chemicals, things like that.
And you want to be able to make sure that you rinse it
out very well.
I would suggest trimming split ends, and
that's the only trimming.
Don't trim the mustache.
Don't trim anything else.
Nate, I'm looking at you.
BETH HOYT: He had to do it.
MYK O'CONNOR: And then definitely, you know, use
jojoba oil.
You can either use it one of two ways.
I do a hot wax once a week, but I also put
it in daily as well.
It just creates a protective seal around your facial hair.
And you want to be able to do that, because you're going to
run into impurities anywhere you go.
And you want to protect it as much as you can.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
What has happened?
I mean, I feel like this must be hard to carry
around every day.
MYK O'CONNOR: Absolutely.
BETH HOYT: Has it, like, gotten in
your way when you're--
MYK O'CONNOR: Well, I live in New York City, so I take the
subway everywhere.
BETH HOYT: No, don't even tell me.
MYK O'CONNOR: And I've, you know--
BETH HOYT: No.
MYK O'CONNOR: You're standing there at the
doors, as I often do.
Because I like to be able to, whoosh, you know, run out just
in case anything goes down on the subway.
And I'm standing near the door--
BETH HOYT: You'd think you'd know you can't do that motion.
MYK O'CONNOR: And the thing makes a noise.
And then all of a sudden, the doors close.
BETH HOYT: No.
MYK O'CONNOR: But there's a gust of wind that
just happens to--
BETH HOYT: No.
MYK O'CONNOR: Whoosh.
BETH HOYT: No.
MYK O'CONNOR: And then got caught.
My beard got caught.
BETH HOYT: Like where?
Here?
MYK O'CONNOR: Yeah.
It got caught about this much.
And I'm standing there, I'm like, oh man.
BETH HOYT: Were you more fearful--
MYK O'CONNOR: What do I do?
BETH HOYT: We you more fearful that it was going to pull on
your face or that you were going to lose that part of
your beard?
MYK O'CONNOR: Uh, both.
BETH HOYT: They're both scary.
MYK O'CONNOR: And then I thought, you know, fires were
going to erupt and people were going to panic and trample me.
Thankfully it was only between First and Third
Avenue, so I had--
BETH HOYT: That's still enough time for panic.
MYK O'CONNOR: Two minutes.
Two minutes.
But it was--
BETH HOYT: Luckily--
MYK O'CONNOR: You got to be aware when you wear
something this tall.
BETH HOYT: I know.
Luckily I've got you--
MYK O'CONNOR: Tall?
Big.
BETH HOYT: I've got you travel-safe here.
MYK O'CONNOR: Look at that.
I'm like three years ago.
BETH HOYT: I tied it into a little bun.
MYK O'CONNOR: Oh my god.
BETH HOYT: There it is.
Um, here's a Twitter question.
MYK O'CONNOR: I don't even know what to say.
BETH HOYT: I don't either.
Thechloeandlilysh, "What's the weirdest thing you have found
in your beard?"
MYK O'CONNOR: Um, traveling a lot I've had to go through TSA
quite a bit.
And, I had forgotten that I made a joke
to a friend of mine.
I said, watch this.
I'm going to just--
I put a cigarette in my beard.
And I said, watch.
Either they'll find it or they won't, and I want to see if
they're going to really do their job.
And so I go through, and I refuse the body scanners.
Refuse the body scanners.
And I had to do the pat down.
And the guy was talking to me about my beard and everything.
And I was like, yeah, you know, this is what I do.
I, you know, go to competitions, whatever.
And then he finally starts to make his way up there.
And then he's like, what's that?
I'm like, uh, what do you mean?
And then he pulls out a cigarette.
And I go, ah, man.
I totally forgot that I had that in there.
BETH HOYT: So that's where that went.
MYK O'CONNOR: But he actually had to test it for drugs
because he thought I was--
BETH HOYT: Right.
MYK O'CONNOR: --bringing in weed.
BETH HOYT: Truly trying to sneak it in there.
MYK O'CONNOR: Which, you know, whatever.
BETH HOYT: Also, yeah.
MYK O'CONNOR: You have a 50-50 shot--
BETH HOYT: Like, you wouldn't go for a--
MYK O'CONNOR: --that you're either going to
get caught or not.
BETH HOYT: But you'd think, I mean, that he'd know.
But you'd think a little--
maybe not.
I guess you could stick--
MYK O'CONNOR: You can stick things in there.
BETH HOYT: It's a great tool if you're eating dinner at
someone's house and you just don't quite like it, or they
didn't know, you know, you were vegetarian.
MYK O'CONNOR: It's like the "Seinfeld" episode.
Oh, mutton.
Mm.
And you hide it away.
I do not want to eat that.
BETH HOYT: Are you glad it's winter?
It probably keeps you warm.
Is it tough in the summer?
MYK O'CONNOR: That's the great thing, is in the summertime,
all of the people that pass by me on the streets, they want
to say a little comment here and there.
And they're like, hey, nice beard.
Why don't you shave that off?
That's my New York accent.
BETH HOYT: I know.
You're like--
MYK O'CONNOR: And then this past couple of weeks ago,
right after Sandy, we had that nor'easter.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
Cold week.
MYK O'CONNOR: And the trains were down and stuff.
So I had to walk a mile from-- as if it's a big deal-- but a
mile from the train station to my house.
And it was just snowing everywhere.
And everyone's like, oh, I'm so cold.
And I'm like, I'm in a T-shirt and shorts, you know.
BETH HOYT: You're like, yeah, your blanket when you need it.
MYK O'CONNOR: Flip flops.
BETH HOYT: You can just--
MYK O'CONNOR: Yeah.
It's like, I don't have to-- my face is warm.
And that's an important part of your body to keep warm.
BETH HOYT: Absolutely.
MYK O'CONNOR: So--
BETH HOYT: It's why you wear the ski mask.
MYK O'CONNOR: Summertime, it sucks.
But whatever.
You know, you learn to deal with it.
BETH HOYT: It's a good thing you live in New York.
MYK O'CONNOR: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: Until it becomes summer all the time.
We're not worried about that.
MYK O'CONNOR: Global warming?
BETH HOYT: What do you think about this?
MYK O'CONNOR: I like it.
I like it.
BETH HOYT: And if you keep it in for, like,
a day, it'll become--
MYK O'CONNOR: It's off to the side.
BETH HOYT: I know.
It's because--
MYK O'CONNOR: I should have been straight on.
BETH HOYT: It's because I was over here.
No, it's fine.
I like it that way.
It has character.
It looks more like an elephant trunk that's in motion.
MYK O'CONNOR: That's the second time today I've heard
elephant trunk.
The other one was about the finger up-- up the butt.
Which I laughed at, by the way, when I heard that.
BETH HOYT: Is that a thing?
I don't know if I should go more into this, but--
MYK O'CONNOR: That was the clip--
the graffiti thing.
BETH HOYT: You said that it's--
I don't know.
MYK O'CONNOR: On your show.
BETH HOYT: Oh!
Oh.
Oh, yeah, right.
I thought you meant there was, like, a--
OK.
MYK O'CONNOR: There's a real thing.
There's a graffiti--
BETH HOYT: I know.
I was, like, I don't know this.
MYK O'CONNOR: --of a finger up somebody's butt.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, gotcha.
But if you leave this in for a day, it will become crimped.
I don't know.
I used to do this to myself all the time.
My hair-- my braids too.
MYK O'CONNOR: I think you kind of-- you probably
still do it, right?
Don't say you used to.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, I just don't do it as often only just
because I don't have time.
But if you leave a braid in for a day, it
gets nice and crimped.
And then it has a kink.
Could be--
MYK O'CONNOR: I don't like that.
BETH HOYT: I don't know.
Maybe--
maybe I'm offering free beard tips just for adding
new style in 2012.
MYK O'CONNOR: I like it.
BETH HOYT: I have a lot of fashion tips I can offer.
MYK O'CONNOR: There's only a few weeks left in 2012.
BETH HOYT: I know.
MYK O'CONNOR: 2013.
Look forward.
BETH HOYT: It's over in 2013.
MYK O'CONNOR: To the future.
BETH HOYT: The crimped look is out.
That's all I think we have for beard info.
Um, so you're on "Whisker Wars" on IFC.
IFC is so awesome.
Fridays at 10/9 central.
Season two just started last week.
Where else can people find you?
At the New York City Beard competition.
MYK O'CONNOR: At the New York City Beard Competition.
BETH HOYT: And your Twitter?
MYK O'CONNOR: On December 8.
My Twitter feed is Myk, M-Y-K, O'Connor, O-C-O-N-N-O-R.
BETH HOYT: Sweet.
MYK O'CONNOR: You can look up the
Gotham City Beard Alliance.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
Do that.
MYK O'CONNOR: And--
BETH HOYT: Go out and party with them.
MYK O'CONNOR: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: That'd be fun.
MYK O'CONNOR: Party with us.
It's fun.
BETH HOYT: I want to come.
I really want to go to those competitions.
MYK O'CONNOR: It's a lot of fun.
BETH HOYT: And see the real lady beards.
MYK O'CONNOR: It's a lot of fun.
It's like a dog show for men.
BETH HOYT: And the women.
MYK O'CONNOR: And the women.
And the women.
BETH HOYT: That's what I want to see.
OK, good luck this season.
MYK O'CONNOR: Thank you.
BETH HOYT: Thank you so much for being here.
OK, when we get back, more of your questions about anything.
We can even bring Nate back out, if you want.
You can see him again.
I forgot that I shaved his face, and I
just caught a glimpse.
NATE: Still here.
BETH HOYT: But I've still got a--
and now I've got a brand new episode
from one of our favorites.
Dan St. Germain-- it's "Kicking Dan Out," and this
one's called Shell of a Mormon.

[KNOCKING]
-Hello, sir.
Do you have a few minutes to talk about our Lord and
Savior, Jesus Christ?
-You mind if I use your bathroom to take a shit?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Well, at the Church of Latter Day Saints believe that the
Godhead is divided into three parts--
God, the Father, his son, Jesus Christ--
-Just to let you know, there was a piece of shit caught in
the toilet before I got in there.
That wasn't my shit.
-This is Dan.
He's a new recruit.
-Hey, is this a communal inhaler?
-Uh, I have asthma.
-Check out how long I can hold it, all right?
-No.
-Oh, slow clap.
Slow clap.
No, all right.
Ram Jam.
Ram Jam.
[COUGHING]
-What a lot of people don't know about Jesus Christ is
that--
-He was ripped.
-Well, Jesus actually was in good shape, but--
-He had that sexy man V that leads to the crotch area.
Guy had "Avatar" body.
Unbelievable.
-Sir, do you mind me asking, do you live alone?
-My wife passed two years ago.
-I'm sorry to hear that.
-Two years ago?
Get back on that market.
Fetch that titty, as Whoopi Goldberg would say in "How
Stella Got Her Groove Back."
-We are in end times.
And ultimately there is only one way to stave off
temptation of Satan, and that is to--
-Rock and roll.
-No.
No, it is to follow the word of Christ and preserve
yourself a place in the new Eden.
-New Eden?
Is that where those 40-year-olds go to fuck on
"Real Sex?"
-Excuse me one second.
-Oh, man.
-Dan, you need to take this more seriously.
-I'm wearing the fucking outfit.
-Your-- your name tag says, Pussy Tron 3000.
-I'll be eating pussies while the machines rise,
motherfucker.
-Dan, Dan, get out.
Just leave.
-Fuck you, dude.
I'm a fucking Scientologist now.
That's right.
I'm going to fly around in a spaceship and keep people from
knowing which self-hating celebrities are gay.
Fuckin' "NBA Jam" slash "Space Jam" slash Michael Jordan
slash X Games to the Wild fucking Cherry Pepsi Max.
-You don't have enough money to be a Scientologist.
-I can read, OK?
-That's not what I just said.
-Whatever.

Sorry, I thought that was inhaler.
It's computer dust remover.

It's pretty fucking good, though.
You guys want a hit?
[MUSIC]
-It looks like a V, right?
Like a-- like a really fat V. Mm.
Make me feel good.
"Monster's Ball" style.
GILBERT GOTTFRIED: Hi, I'm Gilbert Gottfried, and you're
watching "My Damn Channel LIVE."
BETH HOYT: How are you guys doing?
I tell you what, I'm glad I don't grow facial hair
because, like, I'd have to wax and pluck it, because it's not
socially acceptable for women to have hair, except these
women who are entering the bearding contest.
But I do think it would be really fun to, like, grow
stuff on your face and have choices like
a beard or a mustache.
Or I could just French braid my hair.
Or dying it like we're going to dye Nate's
beard like Guy Fieri.
My face doesn't grow hair like that, though.
But what I can do is show you what I'd look like with all
different kinds of beards because I
brought all my wigs in.
While I do this, you can ask me anything.
It's question time.
Nate, why don't you come out here, so I can toss all the
hard questions to you.
NATE: I haven't looked at it again.
Oh god.
BETH HOYT: There it is.
NATE: Guy Fieri.
That's Guy Fieri, right?
BETH HOYT: Right.
It's just like--
NATE: OK, good.
BETH HOYT: It's just like, drive-ins and uuhs.
NATE: Dumpsters and drive-ins.
BETH HOYT: Dumpsters--
NATE: Dives, right?
Dumpsters?
BETH HOYT: Dumpster--
He, like, dives into dumpsters and pulls out food.
NATE: It's dumster diving.
Yeah, uh, OK.
BETH HOYT: Here's a Twitter question.
This is from, um, TyJoWa.
"Beth from My Damn Channel is wearing a Dr. JP and Mr.
T-shirt." Yeah, I am.
NATE: That's Tyler.
Tyler from DJP and Mr. T. He's the T.
BETH HOYT: This is the band we play.
BETH HOYT: These are my--
NATE: They're in our pre-roll music.
BETH HOYT: --boobs.
That's-- yeah.
It's our pre-roll music.
NATE: These are Beth's boobs.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
I just went like--
OK.
NATE: Uh, right over-- oh.
BETH HOYT: Um, we--
this is the music we play before the show.
NATE: That's their band camp.
Check it out.
BETH HOYT: And that's their site.
And they have all these awesome T-shirts, and
somebody-- yeah.
And we love them.
And Nate just got this for me when he was home at
Thanksgiving.
NATE: Yeah, they played a Sandy relief show, and I was
like, I got to get a shirt for Beth.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
Nate has cool friends, you guys.
And, um--
NATE: They're good people.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, they are good people.
I like them.
So check out their site, and--
it's awesome.
Here's a comment from YouTube.
Stephen McQuaide--
"Myk, what competitions do you have coming up in 2013?
You coming out to LA in June?" Myk is still here, guys.
MYK O'CONNOR: Hey.
BETH HOYT: Hey.
MYK O'CONNOR: I absolutely plan on coming back to LA.
I was there in 2011 for my bachelor week, which ruled.
And I got second place.
I was not able to--
BETH HOYT: Too much memories going on.
MYK O'CONNOR: --make it this year.
Uh, but I do plan on coming back out because
I love the LA Club.
Those guys are so awesome, and they're very welcoming.
Any competition is--
BETH HOYT: Even Jack?
MYK O'CONNOR: He's not in the club.
BETH HOYT: Oh, he's Austin.
MYK O'CONNOR: He's not in a club.
No, no, no, no, no.
BETH HOYT: Oh, he's just-- because he can't be in the
club because he's his own--
MYK O'CONNOR: Jack, he's his own thing.
Promoting his own self.
BETH HOYT: Sorry to bring him up.
MYK O'CONNOR: But-- but, you know.
I'm here for the clubs.
BETH HOYT: Awesome.
So when is that?
The dates?
MYK O'CONNOR: I have no idea.
BETH HOYT: Oh, you don't know.
MYK O'CONNOR: Whenever-- they'll announce soon.
BETH HOYT: OK.
MYK O'CONNOR: And I'll be there.
BETH HOYT: Sweet.
MYK O'CONNOR: Regardless.
BETH HOYT: Here's another comment from YouTube.
This is from Vanessa Schneider.
How's Nate going to stay warm without the beard?
NATE: I'm going to stand really close
to Myk's and just--
BETH HOYT: Walk with Myk.
MYK O'CONNOR: Do you want to do this all the time?
NATE: Oh my god.
Can we just go everywhere like this?
MYK O'CONNOR: This feels so right.
BETH HOYT: Nate, he's married.
NATE: But we're just friends.
MYK O'CONNOR: It's OK.
BETH HOYT: It's just keeping him warm.
NATE: It smells good.
It smells like cigarettes and beer.
It smells great.
MYK O'CONNOR: Oh, man.
I do smell, probably.
BETH HOYT: That's what a beard should smell like.
NATE: It smells like weekends.
BETH HOYT: It smells like weekends.
NATE: They can go out on weekends.
Not me.
Mine didn't get long enough to absorb a smell, unfortunately.
BETH HOYT: That's what you think.
MYK O'CONNOR: Ooh.
And she shaved you.
BETH HOYT: Just kidding.
NATE: Ah, she did.
BETH HOYT: Oh, Nate, you should--
I'm going to take a picture.
NATE: Oh, right.
We need a Gram.
BETH HOYT: Wait, So Nate has to update now from--
NATE: Boom.
MYK O'CONNOR: Do I leave?
NATE: No, you can be in this.
MYK O'CONNOR: Oh, OK.
BETH HOYT: Did we make it awkward for you?
That's how Nate does-- that's how Nate hangs out at parties.
NATE: There we go.
MYK O'CONNOR: I feel like Mitt Romney at the debates.
BETH HOYT: Do I leave?
MYK O'CONNOR: Like, uh, did I just get my ass kicked?
BETH HOYT: I think I want a red-headed beard pic.
MYK O'CONNOR: By Obama?
NATE: You going to do it by yourself?
BETH HOYT: This is my Claire Danes wig.
NATE: Do you want help?
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
NATE: Here.
What do you want me to do?
BETH HOYT: Yeah, you hold it.
NATE: Why can't I flip it around?
All right.
BETH HOYT: We can do a pull, OK?
MYK O'CONNOR: Oh, you're going to the Donovan.
BETH HOYT: Takes three people to do an Instagram.
MYK O'CONNOR: Do you want to go all the way?
NATE: I got it.
I got it.
No, this is even better.
MYK O'CONNOR: Oh.
That's pretty.
NATE: Oh, that's great.
There you go.
MYK O'CONNOR: That's pretty.
BETH HOYT: Oh, it's so good, you guys.
My Instagram is bethinshow, if you want to find this.
NATE: In case you're wondering.
BETH HOYT: It looks really natural.
All right, that's fun.
MYK O'CONNOR: If you enter with that--
NATE: Put mine on.
MYK O'CONNOR: --you might get an awesome trophy.
BETH HOYT: But then I have to show up with it, right?
There's got to be some sort of testing to make sure.
Like a little tug-tug to make sure it's not a wig?
MYK O'CONNOR: No.
No, you can do whatever you want.
BETH HOYT: Well, I'm entering with that then.
Here's my picture.
I got it.
I'm going to enter with this one.
Here's a comment from YouTube.
Kevin Palencia, "Is there a secret in growing your beards?
I feel like mine's didn--"
NATE: He didn't finish.
He didn't finish typing.
What happened?
BETH HOYT: I feel like your problem with your beard is
your lack of commitment in general.
NATE: Yeah.
MYK O'CONNOR: That's probably--
I would say that's probably it.
BETH HOYT: I think that if you couldn't finish the comment,
maybe you just shaved too soon.
NATE: Finish what you started, buddy.
MYK O'CONNOR: There's no secret.
There's no secret.
You just grow it.
There's no--
BETH HOYT: Except for the secret you said earlier that
was either you have it or you don't.
MYK O'CONNOR: Well, that's not a secret.
That's kind of-- you grow it, and you're like, uh, I look
fucking horrible in a beard.
And then you grow-- you shave a mustache.
And then you're like, man, I--
BETH HOYT: You're like this is even worse.
MYK O'CONNOR: Hmm, Magnum PI.
Who wants to sleep with me?
BETH HOYT: If you can grow a Magnum PI mustache, you
probably look good with a beard, I think.
NATE: I don't know.
You might still have a bald spot down here, though.
Look, it's still there.
MYK O'CONNOR: I would have never known had you not
pointed that out.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, you can't see it.
NATE: It's still there, though.
Like when people grow around that, is that a normal thing
you would do instead?
Just kind of like hide it?
Because, I mean, maybe--
MYK O'CONNOR: You can hide it.
You can hide it.
NATE: Yeah, OK.
MYK O'CONNOR: I would-- you know--
have you seen that great product?
The spray thing--
you could just spray that on.
NATE: Spray on hair.
MYK O'CONNOR: And it looks like spider legs, and--
BETH HOYT: Wait, wait, wait, wait.
NATE: What is this?
BETH HOYT: You spray, and the spider legs come out the can
or whatever?
MYK O'CONNOR: Yeah.
I don't know what it is.
There's a dude that's bald that is recommending it on the
late night infomercials.
NATE: Oh.
MYK O'CONNOR: Which I've seen, drunk on a Saturday night.
NATE: Sure.
MYK O'CONNOR: No big deal.
NATE: OK.
MYK O'CONNOR: And you just spray-- you just--
I mean, you can put it on your head, obviously.
BETH HOYT: Well, wasn't the bald guy-- the bald
guy was like I'm--
but I want to fix this.
MYK O'CONNOR: Yeah, yeah.
He's all bummed out.
He's like, oh, nobody wants to sleep with me.
And you're like, well--
BETH HOYT: That's not going to help.
MYK O'CONNOR: It's because you're bald.
BETH HOYT: I don't know.
I think--
wait, so he had--
it sprays little like--
MYK O'CONNOR: It sprays some sort of thing.
And then literally, they show the scientific
graph picture of it.
And it's like little spider legs.
BETH HOYT: If any of you guys have information about this--
NATE: It sounds terrifying.
BETH HOYT: --I'd like to hear anything else about it.
I'm interested in what's happening with the spider hair
on the face.
Because that'd be a great way for me--
I could have done this episode with a beard today.
MYK O'CONNOR: Yeah, I don't know why you didn't.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, we should have talked to you earlier
about that.
It's like putting a Chia Pet on your face.
Here's another comment from YouTube.
It's from Taylor Weldon.
"Myk, Kama Cewa loves you forever.
Love, yes?
Please?" Who's she?
MYK O'CONNOR: OK, I have to explain this.
This is an inside joke within the beard community.
On Facebook--
on Facebook, I don't know if you guys can
say Facebook on this--
NATE: Yeah.
It's internet.
MYK O'CONNOR: Facebook.
YouTube.
All that shit.
On Facebook--
BETH HOYT: I'm getting a beard ready for this inside joke.
MYK O'CONNOR: --we always get--
all the bearded guys get either messages or friend
requests, also accompanied by a message, from Kama Cewa,
whatever her name is.
She's, like, this Indian woman, you know, who looks
middle-aged, like normal--
BETH HOYT: All right, here we go.
MYK O'CONNOR: --Indian woman, you know, making food.
And she loves us.
She loves all the bearded guys.
I don't know if she's a fake account, or if she's real and
she really wants to be our friends.
But it's mind-blowing.
You ask anybody--
anybody who has a rather large beard that does this stuff,
and she is constantly--
BETH HOYT: It's her thing.
NATE: She's like an outside enthusiast.
MYK O'CONNOR: She loves us.
She loves us.
NATE: Wow.
MYK O'CONNOR: So I think in 2014, you might see a beard
competition in India thrown by Kama Cewa, or however the hell
you pronounce her name.
BETH HOYT: What would she do if she threw a beard
competition with all of you bearded men around her?
She might just explode in a fit of ecstasy.
NATE: Would you go?
Would you go?
MYK O'CONNOR: I would absolutely go.
I would go to India.
Absolutely.
NATE: Is there a team India, though, or--
MYK O'CONNOR: Uh, there should be.
NATE: There should be.
MYK O'CONNOR: And I think that--
I think that she might have some connections
that we can do this.
NATE: Oh my gosh.
BETH HOYT: I think she's a ticket to India.
That'd be really--
MYK O'CONNOR: She loves us.
NATE: It'd be amazing.
MYK O'CONNOR: It's so weird.
BETH HOYT: That's good.
What a good fan.
She's consistent.
She knows her type.
Here's a Twitter question from Bert Mayer. "I have a bald
spot in the same spot, but I still win trophies."
MYK O'CONNOR: Uh, I am a personal friend of Bert.
He's a rad dude.
BETH HOYT: Do you know his spot?
MYK O'CONNOR: Uh, it's in the same little area.
NATE: Oh.
He seemed to have a mustache in that picture, though.
MYK O'CONNOR: Here's the thing.
What Bert does--
look over here, dude.
NATE: What do I do, Bert?
What do I do?
BETH HOYT: There it is.
MYK O'CONNOR: What Bert does is he grows all
of this out, right?
And he grows some of this.
But he also does what is referred to as freestyle.
NATE: OK.
MYK O'CONNOR: So he does things like, you know, he'll--
I think it was in New York last year, he did brass
knuckles out of his mustache, right?
So he did brass knuckles there and did some like crazy,
swirly things down here.
You don't have to have--
again, I want to emphasize it.
You don't have to have something as
large as all of us.
But, you know, try something new.
Rock what you can.
Unfortunately you're not allowed to do that anymore
because you were shaven.
BETH HOYT: No, now he's--
NATE: There's time.
I have nothing but time, man.
I could do it again.
BETH HOYT: It only took a month to do what he just did.
NATE: This was a month.
MYK O'CONNOR: A month?
NATE: This was, like, 28 days.
BETH HOYT: 28 days later.
NATE: Yeah.
MYK O'CONNOR: Oh, man.
NATE: That's inspiring.
Thanks, man.
MYK O'CONNOR: You can do it.
You can make brass knuckles in your face.
NATE: Oh my god.
MYK O'CONNOR: And not real ones because you don't want
that to hang.
BETH HOYT: So it's just like the shape of the--
MYK O'CONNOR: Yeah.
He originally-- because last year, actually--
BETH HOYT: With hairspray, or--
MYK O'CONNOR: Either hairspray or wax, yeah.
Last year, we were giving our proceeds to the Keep Abreast
Foundation, and he was originally going to-- it was
either him or one of my other friends was going to do the
word boobs in his mustache.
BETH HOYT: I love that.
MYK O'CONNOR: There's a lot of creative things you can do.
You never know.
BETH HOYT: He didn't do that, though?
MYK O'CONNOR: Uh--
BETH HOYT: I love that.
MYK O'CONNOR: I think he did the brass knuckles.
BETH HOYT: Boobs next time.
MYK O'CONNOR: Boobs next time.
BETH HOYT: Boobs, boobs, boobs.
Here's another comment from YouTube.
I almost--
I try to start that chant every show.
MYK O'CONNOR: I have face boobs.
This is face boobs right here.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, OK.
MYK O'CONNOR: You stare at it.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
Oh, that's true.
Here's another comment.
This is from Lunis Badman, "Magnum PI or Ron Swanson?"
MYK O'CONNOR: Ron Swanson.
BETH HOYT: I don't know.
MYK O'CONNOR: Magnum PI is great.
NATE: Ron Swanson does have a power stache, though.
MYK O'CONNOR: Ron Swanson, though--
BETH HOYT: It's a power stache.
But it's so like, I feel like--
MYK O'CONNOR: It's his personality.
BETH HOYT: --a lot of people grow that, and it's
very uncle and dad-y.
Um, not daddy with a Y, but dad-like.
But Magnum PI, only some men can--
I meant like dad--
like dad-like.
MYK O'CONNOR: D-A-D-D-I?
BETH HOYT: Yeah, like that.
MYK O'CONNOR: Keeping it real.
BETH HOYT: Not with Y. Yeah.
Um, but Magnum PI, it's like only a certain type of
man can grow that.
It's coming over the top of his lip.
That's diff--
I vote PI.
You guys are both Swansons.
NATE: Swanson.
MYK O'CONNOR: It's personality.
It's about personality.
Ron Swanson is hilarious, which makes his facial hair
even better.
That's why, if you have a poor attitude--

BETH HOYT: Who you looking at?
Oh, just you guys.
MYK O'CONNOR: Your beard looks--
BETH HOYT: You know who you are.
MYK O'CONNOR: --horrible and mustache and lack of mustache
or whatever.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, it is-- it is a personality that carries on
the facial hair.
MYK O'CONNOR: I'm not talking about anybody in particular.
Can anybody hear that whisper I just did?
BETH HOYT: We all can.
NATE: I have a mic, yeah.
BETH HOYT: Um, yeah, so anyone, I guess--
the lesson of the show is own your facial hair.
MYK O'CONNOR: Exactly.
BETH HOYT: Man or woman.
And it's personality that matters.
NATE: Totally.
BETH HOYT: And you can't help it if you don't have good
facial hair.
You got it, or you don't.
Yep.
All good lessons learned, Today's show.
This show's really been killer.
Speaking of killer, here is the season finale from "Status
Kill." This is called Quitting.
See you in a sec.

-Why do they make it so hard to quit a social network?
And even when you try to quit, the damn thing won't let you.
Are you sure?
Won't you come back in two weeks?
Yeah, two weeks later, oh, you logged back in, so I guess you
wanted to still be here.
No, I want to quit.
I want out.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-It's affecting my personal life.
And now it is affecting my professional
life, all right, doc?
Now look, I want to--
I want to stop.
-I see.
Would you care for some water, Mr. Sparks?
-Sure.
-So, is this what brings you here?
You want to stop using Tweetfacester?
-Yes.
-What if I told you that we don't want you to quit?
-What-- what do you mean?
-Without people like you posting mundane, everyday
nonsense the network would slow to a crawl.
-You're not going to help me, are you?
-Oh, we're going to help you.
We're going to help make you a faster user.
We're going to help you become one with the social network.

Sleep well, Denton.
Soon you will post while you slumber.
-Surgery prep in progress.

-Get the implant ready.

-Really?
Do I even know you?
[INTERPOSING VOICES]

-Sheila, what's wrong?
-It's nothing.
-This picture is fail.
-Tag, tag, You've been tagged.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Denton is online.
You have one new security clearance.
You have checked in at operating room four.
Tweetfacester implant ready for injection.

-I control the photos.
Not you.
I control the photos.
-You have checked in at Recovery Unit Five.
-Kobe hearts the first three "Star Wars" movies.
Kobe likes your status.
Kobe likes Tweetfacester.
-Hey, man.
-Kobe is great.
-Hey, Denton.
Stop.
-Denton, are you there?
You cannot see.
-Where am I?
-You belong here with us.

You have checked in at Troll Rehabilitation Wing.
-Triton likes to go outside.
One does not simply wander into Trolldor.
Triton likes to play the playground.
-Oh my god.
I'm inside Tweetfacester.

-You have checked in at at Happy Birthday
Conditioning Center.

You do not have access to view this page.

You have checked in at Security.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-Denton, please don't leave.
No one ever leaves.

Denton, do you want to quit?
Are you sure you want to quit?
Click Yes to continue.
-Yes.
-Do you want to quit?
-Yes.
Yes.

-What are you doing?
-I'm signing out.
-You are now leaving Tweetfacester.
-Excuse me, sir.

-Post this.

Yeah, that actually feels a lot better.

-Come back.
Stay on the internet.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
BETH HOYT: Hello again, my favorites.
Thank you for watching and for commenting and for just being
yourselves, wearing whatever you want on your side of the
computer screen.
Not picturing it.
Not picturing--
I'm picturing you.
I'm picturing--
MYK O'CONNOR: Me?
BETH HOYT: No, I'm picturing one of the--
I can picture you.
You're right here.
You didn't dress up for today.
MYK O'CONNOR: This is dressed up.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
NATE: Your beard looks good and braided now.
BETH HOYT: I know, see?
You got a fancy do.
Fancy up do.
MYK O'CONNOR: Thank you.
I'm going to hire you.
You want money.
BETH HOYT: I want to French braid from the front.
Anyway, it's been really fun.
Nate now looks like Guy Fieri.
We just need to bleach that tip.
NATE: A little bit, yeah.
BETH HOYT: I think I'll take Nate out for a drink now.
I'm not going to sit near him, but-- but I'll
buy the first round.
MYK O'CONNOR: That sounds about right.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
Keep him--
I'll get a drink for that guy over there.
The one who looks like Guy Fieri.
Yeah, I'll give him--
um, since--
MYK O'CONNOR: His shitty restaurant in Time Square.
BETH HOYT: We could go there.
NATE: Think he'll give us free food?
MYK O'CONNOR: They might think that you're him.
NATE: Aaah, my god.
I need to frost--
MYK O'CONNOR: Antifreeze cocktails and everything.
NATE: We're going to go frost my tips right now.
BETH HOYT: I want a cocktail this big.
Maybe we can get it there.
Subscribe to this show.
Subscribe to Nate's vlog, okaynate.
Watch "Whisker Wars" on IFC.
Root for Myk.
Thanks so much again for being here, Myk O'Connor.
MYK O'CONNOR: Thank you so much.
BETH HOYT: I'll see you guys next Wednesday.
We've got another big, fun show planned with lots of time
for questions from you guys.
And in the meantime, Tweet at me.
Find me at my vlog, bethinshow.
Subscribe to that.
And don't for a second think it's too early to listen to
Christmas music.
You're doubting that.
MYK O'CONNOR: I-- a little bit.
BETH HOYT: Pssh, don't even.
Don't even.
Don't doubt it.
MYK O'CONNOR: "Drummer Boy?"
BETH HOYT: Yeah, well that one, yeah.
MYK O'CONNOR: Pa-rump-a-pum-pum.
BETH HOYT: That's the worst Christmas music example.
Don't listen to that one ever.
MYK O'CONNOR: That's a classic.
BETH HOYT: No, that one sucks.
MYK O'CONNOR: What's your classic?
BETH HOYT: "O Holy Night." Any-- the "Home Alone"
soundtrack.
MYK O'CONNOR: "Home Alone."
BETH HOYT: Don't even get me started.
MYK O'CONNOR: Best movie ever.
BETH HOYT: This is a whole new episode.
MYK O'CONNOR: I will say this. "Home Alone" one and two are
the exact same movies.
I'll give you an instance.
BETH HOYT: We were so close to being--
MYK O'CONNOR: "Home Alone" one.
BETH HOYT: --in such agreement.
MYK O'CONNOR: "Home Alone" one, he says, oh kids, we've
got to come back at night.
Kids are afraid of the dark. "Home Alone" two, Joe Pesci
says, oh, he's in the park.
We got to go after him.
Kids are afraid of the park.
BETH HOYT: Shut up, Marv.
MYK O'CONNOR: It's a cartoon.
BETH HOYT: You're afraid of the dark too.
MYK O'CONNOR: It's a cartoon.
BETH HOYT: No, it's amazing.
MYK O'CONNOR: A real life cartoon.
BETH HOYT: That's it for the show, you guys.
Thanks for being here.
Sorry, Nate.
Bye, favorites.
MYK O'CONNOR: Sorry.