The Guild - S2 Ep11: Collision Course

I just owned myself at my own party!
Which I didn't want, nor organized, but still...
It's just...
I don't know what my problem is.
It's like there's another person living inside me,
who has a personal vendetta against me.
And... who can make my mouth move.
Another online appointment, Red?
Your blonde friend is doing handstands
on your coffee table.
It's ok... she's limber.
Don't cry.
Your eyes are your prettiest feature.
Yeah... Definitely.
Did you really do motion caption for the game?
Who knew Codex had so many friends.
This is how the Black Plague started.
Hey Guildies!
Clara, I just read your status update.
Why are you trying to get Codex laid?
Yeah, she's our priest. Don't corrupt her.
Or at least do it with another chick and...
somewhere I can watch.
Don't worry.
She put her foot way up in her mouth and tanked it.
Gonna have to scrape her off the carpet
with a butter knife.
Oh, my love! I will comfort you.
I'm glad I had cause to visit this location earlier today.
Had I not already familiarized myself with local landmarks,
I'd be completely in the dark.
Yeah, that wouldn't be unusual for you.
Excuse me?
Free food over there!
So... is this your first crazy party?
No! Bladezz gets invited to all the keggers...
Yeah, I remember my first booze fest.
It was wild.
I did a lot of stuff I had to live down later.
I almost got kicked out of the 5th grade.
I believe I have just spotted my ride.
I'll stay here...
Have you seen Codex? Codex? Have you seen Codex? Codex?
Useless to me! Have you seen Codex?
Nothing?
Yo! Strawberry daiquiri.
Make that a virgin.
Ok. If that's what turns you on, I can fake it.
I have been taking acting classes.
Gross. What are you doing here?
Dropping off the keys of that scooter I wanted?
Listen, I really gotta cut back the spending a bit.
I'm kinda tapped out right now.
But I did get the orb stuff you wanted.
- I sent that to you. - Cool.
So we're done here. Don't ever message me again.
What?
I sent you everything you wanted!
You own me naked time!
Bladezz, just consider this a little life lesson.
Some boring girls are gonna come into your life
and give you everything you want.
And then some more interesting ones will come along and...
take everything you own.
I'm the taking kind.
Just be glad you're young and you don't own a lot of stuff.
How can you be such a bee-yatch?
My hard exterior masks a soft and nougat-y center.
All right. Ok. I respect the ownage.
After all, I am the master.
But, do you think I can have the airline voucher back?
I can't really pay for that, or...
any of the other stuff I got you.
Bladezz, if I did that... it wouldn't be a lesson.
Hey you, Sir... remove your tongue from my woman!
Zaboo? What the hell?
I thought you were at Vork's running a men's training camp.
Yeah, well, I thought you were not making out
with other guys!
I guess we were both ill-informed!
Little dude, the lady'd like to be here with only one man.
And that man is definitely me.
Correction: the lady is on layaway for me.
Both of you, stop referring to me as "the lady"!
Ok, I know what men do in this situation.
I challenge you!
I'll see you yonder.
By yonder I just mean... outside. For fighting.
Zaboo, not a good idea.
I can't promise I won't break anything of yours.
Or his.
Pardon me. Excuse me.
Clear out here, there's a fight.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Zaboo, you do not wanna do this!
My love, I was defaced in your eyes, man-wise.
And I get it. I was not there
in your need for sexual intercourse.
But,... I need to avenge myself.
But don't worry, I won't hurt him with my
newly cut man-muscles.
They are razor sharp.
- Fight! Fight! Fight! - Fight! Fight! Fight!
I know, right?
I can't believe you're gonna take on the Stunt Guy!
Oh my gosh, this is the best party since my senior prom;
when I accidentally set my date on fire...
and had to pee on him to put him out.
We got married!
Yeah, I...
- A stunt guy? - Yeah...
- Ohh... so those are abs? - Yeah, they are.
Yeah, excuse me...
Guys, I need your help.
Listen, I just challenged that guy over there
to a duel over Codex.
And turns out he's a real life stunt guy.
He ripped off his shirt, and it's just...
very clear that he's been lifting mustard for
way longer than I have.
Stunt Guy versus Zaboo?
You're gonna get your brains handed to you in a paper bag.
Oh, thanks for the vote of confidence, dude. That helps.
No, no... Listen, I can do this.
I fight stuff every day. I'm a man. I'm THE man.
I'm Shiva! Shiva'd.
Six arms.
Ok, not to quash your enthusiasm...
Do it. Quash away.
I don't see your game acumen translating to this situation.
For one, you play a spell-caster,
but as a real life human you have no usable mana bar.
It's merely an invention of the genre.
However, the gaming life bar could be analogous to
your body's blood content.
Conceivably you could lose all that in a quantifiable manner
as the result of a pummelling.
He is clearly of the fighter class.
What Vork said. You're gonna bleed.
We're doing this or what?
Yeah, see... I...
I think there was a misunderstanding.
I'm not really melee class, so...
Oh, come on Zaboo! Your Mom has a mean right hook,
it's gotta run in the family!