Hocus Pocus 1984

Uploaded by cudongiandi on 04.12.2011

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Hocus Pocus (Ren Xia Kui) [1984]
You did a great job
Have a seat
Please sit down
All right
That was a great
performance tonight
Thank you
Here are your fees
As we agreed
Thank you
Here is an extra bonus
Thank you
Don't mention it
We're out
in the wilderness
lt's so nice of you to come
lt's our pleasure
lt's late
Good night
Good night
Watch your steps
l will
Good night
You want some tea?
No thanks
You'd better go to bed
Good night
Good night
Those were ghosts
That was what happened
So you run
into ghosts often
Watch your mouth
Ghosts should not
be joked about
ln our business of Chinese opera
We play ghosts very often
We should respect them
Forgive us if we disturb you
Watch out for things
You're that superstitious?
l grew up
with these things
l don't believe in ghosts
That wasn't done by a ghost
You hit me first
l was just getting even
Stop fooling around
You newcomers have bad temper
Your master
travels first class
Be quiet or l'll kill you
l'll get it
Don't bother, l was only joking
This is your bed
lt's the worst one
Can we change beds?
No way
l hate mosquitoes
Who doesn't?
You're not a star
Don't try to
be fussy
ls that it?
The moon will shine over here
Piao, you're doomed
What do you mean?
Whatever that means
Don't tell stories
l'm telling you facts
What facts?
Have you read the Night Guide?
lt says
your bed's position is doomed
l'd better
not say anymore
What should l do then?
Anything at all?
What year were you born?
Light from the window shines on your bed
Do you know what that means?
You may run into ghosts
You'd better sleep under the bed
l'd better make my bed
Why sleep under the bed?
What year were you born?
Then you're resistant to dark forces
So they say
Can you change bed with me?
Of course not
Help me out please
l don't want to move my things around
l'm too tired
l'll move them for you
l'll owe you one
Did you lie down
on that bed?
Just for a second
You'd better leave a red packet
To stop any dark forces
that follow you
Thank you
You fooled him, Kuei
Don't tell him
May be this bed
is really doomed
Go to hell
l'm so happy with this bed
What's up?
Call of nature
This time of the night?
l'm scared to go alone
You're such a coward
What's there to be afraid of?
Ghosts, devils,
All right, l'll go with you
So gutless
Excuse me please
l thought you
wanted me here
l was talking to them
You believe in ghosts?
l'll urinate over that grave
Don't do that
Sorry about that
How was it?
lt was awful
Run What's wrong?
Why did you say it's awful?
l didn't say anything
lt wasn't me
What's up?
Having fun
l'm not afraid
of ghosts
Do you run into ghosts often?
How can you tell?
l have two eyes
So do l
Mine are different than yours
l have ''Good-Bad'' eyes
Left is good Right is Bad
Stare and l will see
l was born with such eyes
Do ghosts look scare?
Only if you're afraid of them
You have no reason to
Our bodies have three flames
Over our heads and two shoulders
Ghosts are afraid of these flames
As long as the flames are burning
You're safe
Do you tremble when you urinate?
And you?
That has nothing to do with ghosts
Thank God
Ghosts can possess a man
Not any man though
They only pick bad guys
Like murderers, rapists, traitors
lf you aren't bad
You shouldn't be afraid of ghosts
Open up, it's Piao
Let me in
l told you
you shouldn't be afraid
Open up
Did you run into ghosts?
How do you know?
l'm an expert
in these things
What really happened?
We passed by a grave
He urinated over it
Oh, my God
l didn't mean to
insult anyone
Evil things would flow back with the urine
And you know where to, don't you?
Feel anything?
A bit itchy
Don't bother to get married
You mean...
You'll be impotent
ls there any remedy?
You're such an expert,
help him out
You'd better do some offerings
And pray he's not a bad ghost
Can you come with me?
You have to go by yourself
ln order to show
you're sincere
l'll go at dawn then
That would be too late
You really have no choice
You have to go now
You're right, l'll go now
Offer the ghost
a lot of food
We have a dinner show tonight
You were putting him on?
Just for his peace of mind
Piao, show us the way
This is better
Please forgive me
l didn't mean it
You did it on purpose
No, l was just naughty
So you're a naughty boy
Can you do somersaults?
Yes, l'll show you
That's it
Do you know what mud tastes like?
Try it and you'll know
Try the mud you urinated over
How is it?
Behave yourself from now on
Such a wonderful snack
Thanks to your plan
Let's thank him
Thank you
You bastards
Let's go home
Don't blame us, blame him
lt's all your fault
Don't you dare
ruining my home
Bless us please
Let our show have a good run
Enlighten us
Let us see through shams
Guide us
Lead us away from trouble
Life is just like a show
All ups and downs
They, like dreams, come and go
Chia, perform the rite
Good luck to us all
Get to work
l am
a wandering ghost
Bad ghosts bully me all the time
Come over here
That ghost
is really bad
What can l do for you?
Do you see this mess?
l didn't do it
We are the only ones here though
You deserve
to be punished
You asked for it
l can't stand it any longer
l'd better get back to earth
Hold everything please
l have to remind you again
We can't talk
during the ceremony
We can't even cough
l've been eating too well recently
You fool around with women too much
That's none of your business
Not anyone can have that privilege
One has to have money
Which you don't have
That has always
puzzled me
Now l understand
As my buddy
you should be helping me
Not teasing me
lt's all your fault
You shouldn't have messed with bullies
Get to work
This place smells evil
''Hold your anger please''
''Let me tell you what happened''
''Mr. Justice, Mr. Justice''
''You who enforces order''
''Listen to me please''
l'm afraid of the dark
Are you all right?
lt's you guys
He's drunk
l heard you got him drunk
He really is dead drunk
Kuei, tomorrow is a big night
for you
Go home and sleep
Come on
l could have danced all night
l could have danced all night
And still l beg for more
That was gorgeous lady
What made that happen?
Why can't l see myself in the mirror?
Don't fall apart
Pull tight
Come back up, l need you
My head
Come out
lt's getting out of control
Tidy up first
Let's go
Uncle Sheng
What are you doing?
Going to the bathroom
Going to the bathroom
So am l
Did you scare Chia last night?
We scared the hell
out of him
He passed out
Why didn't you let me know?
You were dead drunk
Let's do it
again tonight
To do it once is smart
Twice is stupid
You made a fool
out of me
Don't be a liar
l have to run
You were
the mastermind
Hold it, Chia
Listen to me
Like hell l will
Stop it!
l wasn't involved
Stop fighting
My patience is running out
That's your problem
Hold it!
Stop fighting
Don't just hold me
Hold him, you fool
Stop fighting
You ruined
my place
Come with me
Pay the damages
Are you out of your mind?
Tonight is our opening night
Uncle Sheng...
Go home
l'm still in shock
l can't act
when l'm in shock
You're supposed
to be their guardian
Chia is real mad
lt's all your fault
Go apologize to Chia
So out of line
Apologize to Chia
Don't bother
Next time
they may not just scare me
They may try to kill me
l'd better go away
Do me a favour, Chia
Apologize to Chia
We're sorry!
See. Forgive them, Chia
Just remember
one thing
l always get even
All right, get to work
That Chia is a proud bastard
Hurry, you're up next
Can you rehearse
with Kuei?
Kuei doesn't
need any rehearsal
This is a new role
for him
He needs to block it out
That is his problem
One shouldn't bite
what one can't chew
l'm sorry
Are you blind?
Hurry up, you're up next
You too, hurry
You should have done this often enough
That's really stupid
That's strange
Why did you hit me?
You kissed me
No, l didn't!
Was it a ghost then?
l know you'll deny it
What do you mean?
Dirty old man
Don't mess up the backstage
Excuse me, excuse me!
What's the rush?
Call of nature
l need to use the bathroom
Who's that?
You Peeping Tom
Calm down
Kuei, you're up!
Let me enjoy the show
ls it Hsi upstairs?
ls it Wu downstairs?
Yes. l'm coming up
Kuei is really at it
Chia's mind is somewhere else
We'll be up soon
How did that happen?
Who tripped you?
l'll kill you!
What are you doing?
l don't know
The drum is beating
When did he learn to do that?
You're stealing my show
Are you out of your mind?
Get it over with
l don't understand
My arm...
Kill me No
Why not?
We have to end the show
That's easy!
l'll see you later!
Chia, just now...
What's wrong?
Calm down please
Ask him
if he knows his part
l don't know how it happened
He was improvising selfishly
You have ruined my reputation
This must be a misunderstanding
Only you would hire him
Uncle Sheng, my wardrobe
lt's all my fault
Selection One
be depressed
Come, drink some wine
l'm not depressed
How else can one eat noodles?
Like this?
What's so funny?
Look at his way
of eating noodles
The check please
Drink too much
and you'll be like me
Hello, up there
Your turn will come
Don't make fun
of old people
Make fun of mean bastards,
like what Kuei did
Actually it was fun
You dared to
make fun of a star
You don't understand
Kuei is a star too
We should teach that man a lesson
l'll do it
sooner or later
Have you forgotten
last time?
Get off my case
Can l talk now?
Since you liked
what l did tonight
Oh, my God
What's wrong?
Forget your purse?
He uses that trick everytime
This time is not a trick
Then you were cheating us
l did it once
in a while
l've to tidy up the backstage
Cheap fellow
Let's scare him
Like last time?
The check please
l'd better enjoy myself
Someone's coming!
Do you think he's back yet?
He's such a slow person
Should we do
what we did to Chia?
That's not necessary
Let's make ourselves
up as ghosts
Get to work right away
l'm going
to join them
What are you doing?
Make yourself up
as a ghost
We'll follow
him around
What about me?
That won't scare him
You said
follow him around
You have to let him see you
We didn't scare him
He did it on his own
1 , 2, 3, 4. Who is he?
lt's me
To bad!
You were fooling around
with women
l was only playing cards
With three women?
Women play
cards too
Did you win?
You weren't paying attention
to your cards
Of course l was
l bet you
were hugging those women
Don't be ridiculous
Why are we running away?
Someone saw some ghosts
They thought
we're ghosts
Take off you clothes now and pick bill back
A ghost may have ruined our show tonight
l think Kuei did it on purpose
Watch this
You'd better get some sleep
Let's call it a draw
A draw?
lt is going
to be a draw anyway
You should have a word
with Kuei
l don't want another sabotage
Did you run into ghosts?
How do you know?
Look how drunk you are
No, we didn't...
Kuei, go to bed
l'll talk to them
Spare me
We did run into a ghost
That's right
Let's wake Piao up first
From what you told me...
Kuei, offer some incense
Bless us
Ghost is the soul of a dead person
Which is supposed
to disintegrate upon death
Ghosts retain
their human nature
They won't hurt us then
That ghost didn't hurt you,
did he?
So he must not
be a bad ghost
Are there good and bad ghosts?
Just like there are good and bad men
Good men become good ghosts
after death
Piao will become a horny ghost
What about you?
l won't die yet
You'll be an old ghost
You'd better go to bed
l'm really scared now
Don't let any ghosts follow you
Good night, Uncle Sheng
Wait for me
l'm a wandering ghost
Don't forget to iron my wardrobe
Don't worry, get some sleep
Don't forget
Don't forget to iron my wardrobe
You'll pay for messing up my chance
Who hit me?
What's going on?
A drunk stool?
Must be those idiots again
Another joke?
l'll let you
see me
l'm not afraid
Stop playing games
Who are you?
A ghost
A real one?
A poltergeist
l'm an exorcist
l'm not drunk at all
l'll mess up
his wardrobe chest
Who messed up my chest?
Speak up
A ghost
lt's Kuei again!
l did it
Don't be scared so easily
Ghosts don't come out in daytime
You can go
by yourself
What's the matter?
l don't want to go
inside the theatre
Are you sure?
Ghosts go
wherever is crowded
Wait for me
Hi, Chia
Go to hell
Hold it
What's wrong with him?
What's the problem?
You bastard
You played ghost...
You were having fun
What are you doing?
You messed up
my wardrobe chest
Of course
l didn't
My bird saw you played ghost
You're both liars
Chia, don't!
Get away from me
You dared to mess up my chest
Shame on your teacher
What's wrong?
Don't you dare
criticizing my teacher
Hold it
You dared to hit me?
Let go of me
Let go of me
You fooled around
with women too much
Something's wrong
Kuei, what happened?
What happened to him?
Help him up
Help him up
Leave me alone
l don't need your help
What's going on?
How do l know?
Behold my enemies
l'm going
to kill you all
He's possessed
Get a baby here!
Come down
l can do stunts
What are you looking at?
My father has a beard
You are so pretty
Falling petals shadow the moon
Solemn is my offering of wine
What are you staring at?
l'll kill myself!
Grab him
Let go
Grab him
The baby is here
Let go of me
lt's dirty
l can't stand that
What's going on?
He was possessed
Help him to his room
Kuei, go get Mr Sang
What do you think?
Should we hire
some exorcists?
l don't think so
Exorcists are bad for actors
l have another plan
We'll cancel the show tonight
l'll go arrange that
Let me tell you what to do tonight
That's not like Uncle Sheng at all
He's a good actor too
l represent justice
Both on earth and in hell
Be cool
Find out
lf any ghost
have any claims
Yes, sir
Do any ghosts have any claims?
lt's curtain time
Have some guts
l wish l could
Dead men turn into ghosts
But they shouldn't come back to earth
That's not right
l'm going
to use my sword
To drive ghosts back to hell
Bring my sword
Ghosts, show yourselves
Be quiet
Mr Justice
Who's that?
Show yourself
Yes, sir
Close your eyes
What's your problem?
l was slashed
to death
The murderer was caught
and executed
These happened 300 years ago
Then what's your problem?
But l've become
a wandering ghost
Please collect my bones and bury them
To make way for my reincarnation
All right, l'll help you
Thank you
Don't come to earth again
Or l'll terminate you
l'm not an ungrateful ghost
That's good
Tell us
where your bones are
They are underneath the stage
But there are two...
Two what?
Nobody told me
the show was cancelled
Why are you in wardrobe?
Aren't you Uncle Sheng?
You must be crazy about acting
Listen to me
Why are you
yelling at me?
You are wearing my wardrobe Take it off
Don't be an
elegant bastard
You were possessed
That shows ghosts dislike you
Not at all
You were possessed today
We all felt sorry
for you
So we decided to tame the ghost
So that you can be saved
You're such an ungrateful person
The ghost made a fool of you today
He also messed up your chest
You've known me
long enough
Have l ever lied?
Forgive me. Uncle Sheng
l'm glad you understand
What should we do now?
The ghost's bones are right underneath
Let's start digging
Come over here
What's up?
The bones are here, be careful
Be easy with the bones
We've had found all the bones
Bury them in a nice place
We've buried your bones
You won't be wandering anymore
Bless us and our show
l've brought you
some food
l hope you'll like it
l'm sure he'll like it
Offer some incense
He looks very sincere
He's afraid of being possessed again
Ghosts don't give up that easily
Good luck
to your reincarnation
You can help him
Let him reincarnate
as your son
Don't be nasty, Piao
Let me help you, Chia
Dear ghost
Chia is a very good teacher
You should come study with him
All right, let's go home
Come on
l want to apologize
for my past behavior
Let bygone be bygone
He wants to be our friend
He won't offer
to shake our hands
l was wrong before
l'm sorry
All right?
Thank you
Hold this, Chia
Let's go
l'll buy you dinner
Don't go overboard
Such a big occasion
Thank you for all your help
Are the vegetables ready?
l didn't know
you're a good cook
Get on with the work
Wash the dishes
Are you nuts?
You hit me
Can l be of any help?
That's strange, Kuei
A star helping out
in the kitchen
Stop teasing me
Help me to kill this thing
Don't move
Hold it, l'll pluck it out
Where should l hold it?
Right here
She's very good at it
Pluck it out
That's it
Chop it off
That would be very bloody
That's the only way to do it
Chop it off
For real?
Do it
Please sit down
Make yourselves at home
Enjoy the meal
Attention please
We're not working tonight
So don't worry about getting drunk
Have some more
No, thanks
This fish smells delicious
lt is delicious
Where's our leading lady
She's preparing the soup
Cheers, Uncle Sheng
Thanks to Uncle Sheng the exorcist
You helped out too
You can relax
Do you know what you looked like?
No, l don't!
l'll show you
You were like this
How am l doing?
Knock it off, come and eat
Come back
What happened?
Don't tire yourself
Have some fish
Don't shake the table
Do you need some help?
He's dead
He's dead
Calm down
Calm down
Spread out
Are you all right?
l'm fine
Spread out quickly
Run, Uncle Sheng
Hurry, run
You stupid ghost
Where's Kuei?
Bad ghost
Hang on
My leg
Where did you go?
l smashed every bone
of that ghost's
Why did you do that?
He's ungrateful
and he almost killed us
You were nice to him
But obviously
he's a bad ghost
l don't think he did it
Who else?
Show yourself if you have guts
l want to drive you to hell
Move over
l smashed your bones. So?
You're a bad ghost
You're ungrateful
Calm down
l'm not
an ungrateful ghost
l resent that
very much
But you are ungrateful
You didn't
dig my bones out
You really are unreasonable
Whose bones were those then?
You begged us
to bury your bones
That's right
Your bones were beneath the stage
But there were two sets of bones
Two sets?
We dug out the wrong set
That's why he's mad at you
Will he come again?
Yes, to kill you
He's brought hell to us already
But Kuei smashed
his bones
He has to come
for revenge
What can we do?
l don't know
He'll come tonight
l've to run
Good luck
Don't leave us
lt's all my fault
lt's fate
What should we do?
Get some dog blood and nets
Stain the nets with the blood
Spread the nets around the theatre
Then splash the floor
with dog blood
When the ghost
falls into a net
Open up the roof and let sunlight in
We'll play exorcists
Blood nets?
An exorcist
Bring the wine
Splash him with blood
Attack him
You're dead
Bring the dog blood
Don't just stand there
Put it out
Uncle Sheng
Be careful
Are you all right?
Thanks to our guardian angel