Voting For President - 8 Reasons Why Your Vote Doesn't Matter
Uploaded by TheUnlearningChannel on 16.10.2012
Transcript:
Soon the U.S. will elect a new President. Or the same President. November is fast approaching,
and approximately everyone in the universe is encouraging you to register, let your voice
be heard, and rock the vote. Everyone except for me.
No, Iím here to pour some much needed sanity water on this out-of-control pro-voting fire.
Why? Because your vote doesnít matter. I know theyíre telling you that itís your
responsibilityóthat you have a civic duty to vote in national elections. But voting
is a right. Itís by definition something you can do if you wantóyou can do it--but
you have just as much right not to. Some will tell you that soldiers died in the
formation of this country and many since, protecting that right to vote. And they definitely
did. But if their sacrifice means I have to do everything Iím allowed to do by law, then
I think I also have a civic duty to worship a deity, buy a gun, and protest peacefully.
Those rights were died for as well, correct? That is correct.
Oh, and, by the way, voting isnít even a right in the constitution, it doesnít have
its own amendment or anything like that just FYI. Itís mentioned as something that canít
be restricted by race or gender in some of the post-Civil-War amendments, but itís not
explicitly stated as its own right, no matter who died in the founding of this country.
Local elections, they're a little different. And the vote you make impacts your life in
more direct and noticeable ways. But national elections? Theyíre broken, like
Katie Holmesí e-meter. Reason number 1 your vote doesnít matter:
electoral college. The electoral college is part of the U.S. Governmentís long-standing
tradition of overcomplicating staggeringly simple processes. The electoral college is
to voting as social security is to taking care of old people. The electoral college
is to voting as the TSA is to a rapid and smooth air travel experience.
The electoral college weighs each stateís importance in the election based on population.
The result is that California, Michigan, Ohio, & Florida get, like, 90% of the candidatesí
attention while Nebraska and their 5 electoral votes get told to f*** off. Donít worry,
Nebraskaís used to it. (You suck Nebraska!) When you vote for president, youíre actually
voting to elect a delegate, who then goes on your behalf to the electoral college (toga,
toga), where he isnít even required by law to cast his vote for the candidate he said
he would. (That ainít right.) Anyway, a popular vote would at least be more
representative. Your one vote counts for one vote, the candidate with the most votes wins.
Boom. Easy. Letís definitely not do that. Reason number 2 your vote doesnít matter?
Two party bulls*** The two party system is the world that has been pulled over your eyes
to blind you from the truth. You know how I know I donít have a duty to vote? Because
I only get two choices. And you call that my civic responsibility? A monkey can do that.
Hell a f***ing quarter can do that. Sure, there are other people running for president
besides Mitt Romney and Barack Obama, but you donít know who they are. The media doesnít
talk about them, the debates donít let them in because of the 2 party system.
Now voting asks the question, ìWho is the very best person to run our country and make
it prosper?î and then it promptly takes away 350 milliion citizens as potential answers,
any one of which might be fantastically qualified for the job, and gives you the choice between
tweedle dee and tweedle dum. Quickóyou can only eat one food for the next 4 years, whatís
your favorite food? Got it? Good, now choose between a cheese sandwich and tuna salad.
I mean, you might as well ask me, ìHey, which of these two gang members do you want to prison
shank you?î Or, ìHow would you prefer to catch AIDS?î
The Democrats & Republicans are essentially a cartel, and when you think about it in those
terms, it starts to make a lot of sense. Wikipedia defines a cartel as: ìA formal agreement
among competing firms. The aim of such collusion is to increase individual members' profits
by reducing competition.î You think the Democrats and Republicans really
hate each other? You think theyíre not happy to trade the White House and Congress back
and forth over and over again so long as theyíre both the only true power players? (You think
thatís air youíre breathing now?) Reason number 3 your vote doesnít matter:
WHO WANTS THIS JOB? This is the job that makes you the most likely to be assassinated man
in the world. It ages you decades in four years. You donít get much sleep. Everyone
criticizes you all the time. You suck. The worst president in history. A hell of a lot
of personal sh*t about you, including stuff about your kids, becomes public knowledge.
Your every move is documented, and most of them are observed. And then you have to have
bodyguards the rest of your life. Honestly who wants this f***ing job? Iíll tell you
whoÖ there are only two kinds of people who actually want this job: people who want power
and egomaniacs. Because youíre either hungry for the power and fame of the presidency,
or you truly believe that you are the only individual in the entire country smart enough
and good enough to fix Americaís problems. Either way youíre probably certifiable.
Reason number 4: PRIORITIES You wanna know how you can tell your vote isnít really all
that important? Because with three weeks to go until election day, the most important
issue in the 2012 presidential election was a f***ing Muppet. Not gas prices, not war,
not unemploymentÖ but Big Bird. I mean, f***. But Iím the one that has a civic duty?
Reason number 5: VOTER FRAUD Listen, if they canít earn your vote, rest assured both parties
have operatives working around the clock to steal the election through electronic means,
fraudulent voter records, intimidation, misinformation, and more. And the fact that these stories
have quietly become commonplace is kind of frightening. (Everybody be cool this is a
robbery.) Reason number 6: REELECTION The very second
you elect your favorite candidate, he starts campaigning for re-election. Career politicians
are the root cancer in our nationís political system.
Senators & Representatives should be like the National Guard, like something we respect
as a sacrifice, something your real job lets you take off for because youíre providing
your country a service then your tour is up, you come back to your job, and itís time
for some other dude to go to Washington. Instead, we get guys that have been in the
senate for 50 years. We get presidents too afraid to piss off their political opponents
to actual get something done. Everyone has an agenda, but itís second to their first
agenda of ABC: Always Be Campaigning. Reason number 7 your vote doesnít matter:
EXTREMES The electoral system in America tries very hard to push voters toward one of two
extreme positions: conservatism, or liberalism. Again, most Americans have at least a little
bit of both. But in politics, thereís no middle ground. I mean where is the Moderate
Party? Where are the candidates who are a little bit of both? They simply donít exist
the 2 party system eviscerates them. Iím repeatedly asked to choose between two candidates
who do not reflect my own views. Reason number 8: Same S*** Different Day.
I realize this may come as surprise to you, but thereís very little a president can do
to drastically change the country without the help of Congress, and vice versa. Because
of this, very little gets done. This is why Social Security is still scheduled to s***
itself right around the time Iím due to collect benefits.
Every national election, roughly half the country sits it out entirely. Now it may be
easy for those who do vote to chalk it up to simple laziness. But I donít think non-voters
are lazy. I think theyíre TIRED. I think theyíre exhausted. (Iím as mad as hell,
and Iím not going to take this anymore). Now the pro-voters will tell you that voting
is the only way to fix the problems with our government, and that by not voting youíre
actually just giving up. And to those people I say: youíre damn right.
Look, even if MTV is ridiculously successful at rocking the vote and all 350 million Americans
turn out to vote, I mean everybody. EVERYONE. Whoís going to win? One of these two *******. Now
imagine the opposite scenario where no one turns out to vote except for the candidates
themselves and maybe their employees. Whoís going to win? One of these two *******.
Now tell me again how my vote matters.
and approximately everyone in the universe is encouraging you to register, let your voice
be heard, and rock the vote. Everyone except for me.
No, Iím here to pour some much needed sanity water on this out-of-control pro-voting fire.
Why? Because your vote doesnít matter. I know theyíre telling you that itís your
responsibilityóthat you have a civic duty to vote in national elections. But voting
is a right. Itís by definition something you can do if you wantóyou can do it--but
you have just as much right not to. Some will tell you that soldiers died in the
formation of this country and many since, protecting that right to vote. And they definitely
did. But if their sacrifice means I have to do everything Iím allowed to do by law, then
I think I also have a civic duty to worship a deity, buy a gun, and protest peacefully.
Those rights were died for as well, correct? That is correct.
Oh, and, by the way, voting isnít even a right in the constitution, it doesnít have
its own amendment or anything like that just FYI. Itís mentioned as something that canít
be restricted by race or gender in some of the post-Civil-War amendments, but itís not
explicitly stated as its own right, no matter who died in the founding of this country.
Local elections, they're a little different. And the vote you make impacts your life in
more direct and noticeable ways. But national elections? Theyíre broken, like
Katie Holmesí e-meter. Reason number 1 your vote doesnít matter:
electoral college. The electoral college is part of the U.S. Governmentís long-standing
tradition of overcomplicating staggeringly simple processes. The electoral college is
to voting as social security is to taking care of old people. The electoral college
is to voting as the TSA is to a rapid and smooth air travel experience.
The electoral college weighs each stateís importance in the election based on population.
The result is that California, Michigan, Ohio, & Florida get, like, 90% of the candidatesí
attention while Nebraska and their 5 electoral votes get told to f*** off. Donít worry,
Nebraskaís used to it. (You suck Nebraska!) When you vote for president, youíre actually
voting to elect a delegate, who then goes on your behalf to the electoral college (toga,
toga), where he isnít even required by law to cast his vote for the candidate he said
he would. (That ainít right.) Anyway, a popular vote would at least be more
representative. Your one vote counts for one vote, the candidate with the most votes wins.
Boom. Easy. Letís definitely not do that. Reason number 2 your vote doesnít matter?
Two party bulls*** The two party system is the world that has been pulled over your eyes
to blind you from the truth. You know how I know I donít have a duty to vote? Because
I only get two choices. And you call that my civic responsibility? A monkey can do that.
Hell a f***ing quarter can do that. Sure, there are other people running for president
besides Mitt Romney and Barack Obama, but you donít know who they are. The media doesnít
talk about them, the debates donít let them in because of the 2 party system.
Now voting asks the question, ìWho is the very best person to run our country and make
it prosper?î and then it promptly takes away 350 milliion citizens as potential answers,
any one of which might be fantastically qualified for the job, and gives you the choice between
tweedle dee and tweedle dum. Quickóyou can only eat one food for the next 4 years, whatís
your favorite food? Got it? Good, now choose between a cheese sandwich and tuna salad.
I mean, you might as well ask me, ìHey, which of these two gang members do you want to prison
shank you?î Or, ìHow would you prefer to catch AIDS?î
The Democrats & Republicans are essentially a cartel, and when you think about it in those
terms, it starts to make a lot of sense. Wikipedia defines a cartel as: ìA formal agreement
among competing firms. The aim of such collusion is to increase individual members' profits
by reducing competition.î You think the Democrats and Republicans really
hate each other? You think theyíre not happy to trade the White House and Congress back
and forth over and over again so long as theyíre both the only true power players? (You think
thatís air youíre breathing now?) Reason number 3 your vote doesnít matter:
WHO WANTS THIS JOB? This is the job that makes you the most likely to be assassinated man
in the world. It ages you decades in four years. You donít get much sleep. Everyone
criticizes you all the time. You suck. The worst president in history. A hell of a lot
of personal sh*t about you, including stuff about your kids, becomes public knowledge.
Your every move is documented, and most of them are observed. And then you have to have
bodyguards the rest of your life. Honestly who wants this f***ing job? Iíll tell you
whoÖ there are only two kinds of people who actually want this job: people who want power
and egomaniacs. Because youíre either hungry for the power and fame of the presidency,
or you truly believe that you are the only individual in the entire country smart enough
and good enough to fix Americaís problems. Either way youíre probably certifiable.
Reason number 4: PRIORITIES You wanna know how you can tell your vote isnít really all
that important? Because with three weeks to go until election day, the most important
issue in the 2012 presidential election was a f***ing Muppet. Not gas prices, not war,
not unemploymentÖ but Big Bird. I mean, f***. But Iím the one that has a civic duty?
Reason number 5: VOTER FRAUD Listen, if they canít earn your vote, rest assured both parties
have operatives working around the clock to steal the election through electronic means,
fraudulent voter records, intimidation, misinformation, and more. And the fact that these stories
have quietly become commonplace is kind of frightening. (Everybody be cool this is a
robbery.) Reason number 6: REELECTION The very second
you elect your favorite candidate, he starts campaigning for re-election. Career politicians
are the root cancer in our nationís political system.
Senators & Representatives should be like the National Guard, like something we respect
as a sacrifice, something your real job lets you take off for because youíre providing
your country a service then your tour is up, you come back to your job, and itís time
for some other dude to go to Washington. Instead, we get guys that have been in the
senate for 50 years. We get presidents too afraid to piss off their political opponents
to actual get something done. Everyone has an agenda, but itís second to their first
agenda of ABC: Always Be Campaigning. Reason number 7 your vote doesnít matter:
EXTREMES The electoral system in America tries very hard to push voters toward one of two
extreme positions: conservatism, or liberalism. Again, most Americans have at least a little
bit of both. But in politics, thereís no middle ground. I mean where is the Moderate
Party? Where are the candidates who are a little bit of both? They simply donít exist
the 2 party system eviscerates them. Iím repeatedly asked to choose between two candidates
who do not reflect my own views. Reason number 8: Same S*** Different Day.
I realize this may come as surprise to you, but thereís very little a president can do
to drastically change the country without the help of Congress, and vice versa. Because
of this, very little gets done. This is why Social Security is still scheduled to s***
itself right around the time Iím due to collect benefits.
Every national election, roughly half the country sits it out entirely. Now it may be
easy for those who do vote to chalk it up to simple laziness. But I donít think non-voters
are lazy. I think theyíre TIRED. I think theyíre exhausted. (Iím as mad as hell,
and Iím not going to take this anymore). Now the pro-voters will tell you that voting
is the only way to fix the problems with our government, and that by not voting youíre
actually just giving up. And to those people I say: youíre damn right.
Look, even if MTV is ridiculously successful at rocking the vote and all 350 million Americans
turn out to vote, I mean everybody. EVERYONE. Whoís going to win? One of these two *******. Now
imagine the opposite scenario where no one turns out to vote except for the candidates
themselves and maybe their employees. Whoís going to win? One of these two *******.
Now tell me again how my vote matters.