How I Seize It #35: "Football"

Uploaded by DisastropheFilms on 12.10.2011

Hey! Not just any old 'hey.'
It's a 'Heyyyyulls, yeah!' It is game time!
It is football season y'all and your gurl Lo couldn't be none no happier.
And I- Well goddamn. Anyways-
It's tailgatin' time! Whooo whooo!
Yeah! Yeah!
Kill! Whooo!
Football! Brrrrr!
Ha! Caaaaaaaaw!!!
Now, if you only got five minutes of tailgatin' time left,
and you ain't drunk enough, here is what you do...
This is fun.
Whoooooo! Kill them fuckers!
Fuck them up sideways! Eh-! What?
Well fuck you! Hey!
I will come down there and I will crush your baby's scull
and shove it up my ass and shit it back out!
How'd you like that? Stupid mother fucker!
Bringin' a baby down to a football game. Ignorant mother fuckers...
I'm just practicin' my cheerleadin'. Y'all don't pay me no mind.
Tailgatin' parties y'all is some kick-ass parties,
and they really about the only thing I ever remember
cause usually I black out during the game, and end up in the backseat of somebody's car
on the fifty yard line with my titty out. Shit like that.
People takin' pictures with they cell phones. I think they's some on Google...
YouTubes or somethin' like that- Anyway, that's embarrassin'
I don't wanna talk about that no more. I mean, you know, that's why people tell me
that that makes me slutty.
But you know what? I got this theory that says I'm only about
half as slutty as people thinks I am, cause I don't think that date rapes
should count as gettin' laid. Does y'all?
I don't neither. We just about didn't even have no football
this year cause them whiny, privileged,
smart-ass, whiny players think they all got to have
another four hundred thousand million dollars a week.
I was like, y'all got to go out there and play a four hour game
and I can't even make $10 more on my videos cause most of my drankin' buddies is Republicans.
Fuck clickin' that LIKE button! Just gimme some goddamn money!
I mean damn y'all, football's already got more money
than the government's got if we taxed y'all more than we wouldn't never
had to let the queers get married! So yeah, that's on you!
No offense my faggot buddies out there. It's just that some of them queer haters
done give me $100 to be they spokesperson and-
Ooops! I guess you should have sent me some more
money! I mean these players is allowed to fuck anyone
they want. Even them big old fatty players,
as long as they can reach around and find they little cockstump.
If your quarterback has got a thing for a transvestite midget China gal,
then they'll Fed-Ex him one. If your tight end wanna fuck
a Jewish nun with a wooden leg, and one arm and a hairlip and a glass eye
then the NFL Nazis, they gonna make it happen!
Y'all pull that shit again, and we gonna stop watchin' you.
We gonna start watchin' somethin' like soccer, which is what I call
'Football For Pussy-Bitches.' Quit your bellyachin' about how
'Oooh, I'm injured. I can't play.' And get out there and kill them-
Shit! Who we playin' this week?
Fuck it! Just go out there and kill anybody.
It's the American way! And I think it's basically the whole idea
behind the Bush Doctrine. So...Rah, Rah, Shish, Boom, Bah!
Whoever it is that we rootin' for! Unless you a fuckin' Steeler fan.
If you a Steeler fan, you can suck my big black cock.
Pink... (laughs)
And that's How I Seize It. Suck it, Steelers!