The Micros - Episode 2: Play Poker Like the Rose


Uploaded by TheMicrosPoker on 24.01.2011

Transcript:
Call me Tommy.
I know, itís been far too long since my last post.
My apologies to those of you patiently awaiting Part 3 of ëHacking Farmville for Fun and Profití. But the rumors youíve no doubt heard are true.
How has centupling my bankroll changed my life? As Cicero once said, ìMoí money, moí problemsî.
Is that Hellmuthís book youíre reading?
Yeah! Hey, would you say Iím more of an elephant or a jackal?
In my opinion, you're more of a jack-ass.
Spoiler alert. I havenít gotten to that chapter yet.
"Mo' problems" indeed.
And while weíre dredging up winged words, hereís another quote thatís turning out to be fatally accurate.
ìIn the poker game of life, women are the rake.î
(Chase) Bradshaw's wide open. THROW THE BALL!
(Chase) Yes! YES! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
(Rose) Yes! Woohoo! (Chase) ARE YOU ****ING KIDDING ME?!
Come on, Eli!
More like E-LOL. Ship it!
My cousin Quang gave me the tip - itís an excellent investment opportunity on a little diamond mining outfit off the coast of Japan.
Might be some variance but Iím feeling saucy.
Hold on, we still owe my mom a ****load of money for all this stuff we bought on her credit card. We need to pay her back ASAP.
No! We canít risk the cash-out curse! Not while weíre running this hot!
Check the fish finder, maybe Gus is playing today.
You are not playing the nosebleeds!
+1. But I wouldn't mind railing him for a while.
Still waters tonight, just the regular anglers but --
Oh snap! The Loose Aggressive Gentlemanís Tournament and Alliance of Reckless Deviants is in Sweden this year! Letís go there!
You havenít exactly had the best of luck at the live tables.
Thank God! I finally booked a winning session!
**** my life.
I need to win a live tournament. Iím sick of the forum trolls saying Iím just a luckbox.
But you are a luckbox.
Sure, but Iím sick of them saying it.
Then letís show them what you can do on the cash tables! 100-200 blinds, one buy-in, your account.
You are not playing the nosebleeds.
Don't be such babies! We--
The White Whale!
Quang can get us in on the ground floor, but we need to check it out in person.
Swedenís the play man. They say you havenít lived until youíve eaten Surstrˆmming.
Sir What-Now?
Surstrˆmming. Here, Iíll show you. Whereís Explorer?
I am not opening Internet Explorer.
Then whatever, dude. Just open something.
I don't even have Explorer installed.
I'm gonna punch you in the ovary.
Here, fishy fishy. Come to mama...
Ah, thar she blows!
Ew, that is NOT the way to eat rotten fish.
Itís a delicacy! Roseíll try it, wonít you Rose? Rose?
Balls?
Out in a minute!
Wow. Some sick action at the heads-up tables.
That one's got a wait list 50 deep. Is it Gus?
No, but itís definitely a - no, wait itís two Omega-Class Super-Fish.
Two?! Oh, hell yeah! Screw Eli, weíre watching this tonight! Pull up the tables!
Itís TurkeyJerky, it has to be. But whoís the other poor bastard?
Um, hold on a sec--
Chase, that's--
Oh my God.
Chase, your account's been hacked!
Not possible, I'm already logged-- wait, where's my laptop?
OH MY ****ING GOD!
Balls, this is not a +EV situation
Jesus, canít a girl drop a deuce around here? One minute I said!
BALLS! We know you're playing the nosebleeds. Open the goddamn door!
Relax, guys. Iím up 150k already!
Oh, really?
Hell yeah! BOOOM!
Never mind. Now I'm down 80k.
BALLS! Open the goddamn door!
Well played, fish, well played. How the **** does he call me there?
Chase, the router, disconnect the router!
Gone all gone!
Snap out of it, man!
My mom is going to kill me!
What the hell?
She must be on my wireless card!
It's called disconnect protection, bitches!
This is beyond insane. Backdoor flush no problem. Can I run any worse?
Balls, you open up right now! You are not allowed to play on someone elseís account! That is a blatant violation of the Terms of Service!
Speak not to me of blasphemy, Tommy!
Did she just snap-call the river with ten high?
He was bluffing! I knew he was bluffing!
YOU HAD TEN HIGH!
IT WAS THE NUTS OR NOTHING!
I just wish I'd never been born! Nothing matters! Nothing!
I came here to hunt whales! The fishermen are gonna take us seriously now!
Weíre doomed, Tommy. DOOMED! Sheís on bajunky tilt!
Nothing...It's the end of the world!...NOTHING!...Nothing!
You think sheís bajunky tilted?
To the last I grapple with thee! ALL-IN!
BALLS!
From hellís heart I stab at thee! ALL-IN!!
BAAALLLS!!!
FOR HATE'S SAKE, I SPIT MY LAST BREATH AT THEE! ALL-IN!!!
BAAAAAAAAAAAALLLS!!!
NOOOOOOO!!!
600 thousand dollars vanished in the swirling black vortex of Roseís madness.
And when she awoke, not one moment of the incident could she recall.
Gods, if only I could say the same.
Weíre checking Balls into a experimental rehab clinic for degenerate gamblers in Melbourne, Australia.
Their techniques are top secret: perhaps a combination of Zoloft and dramatic readings of old Tommy Angelo blog posts?
I'm an eagle!
Chase is playing the Aussie Millions while weíre here. Heís drawing dead of course, but itís a small price to pay if it keeps him busy.
Me, Iím going to do what any rational person would do in my shoes: drown the veritas in vino.
Itís been a swingy week indeed. I may be off the grid for a while but will update as soon as wifi and sobriety permit.
Live long and profit.
--Tommy