Sissy Biscuit's SodaStream Parody

Are you sick and tired of water
Of course you are
Water is plain and old-- practically biblical
Eww!
What's new, fresh and sexy?
SodaStream is the fact, easy, some might even say a little bit slutty
way of making
unlimited amounts of soda in your own home
It's simple to put together
all you have to do in this attach the CO2 pump
fill a Soda Stream bottle with gross old water and then tap the button a few times
It's up to you! You could have your soda as flat as you want it!
You might be wondering when it's ready. Most people stop when they hear this sound
FART!
Then all you have to do is add the gelatinous flavor liquid
It looks like a toy, so your children will want to use it all the time!
It's never been more easy to raise your own Macy's Day Parade Baloons!
There are more than 50 different kinds of Flavoid liquid.
Most people add a capful
But you can add as little or as much as you like
Arn't you tired of lugging big liter bottles of sodas and cans around?
Who wants all of that unnecessary exercise?
Now you can hold thirty 33 cans of soda in the palm of your FAT hand.
You could take it to a party!
You could take it to the beach! (because that's not weird)
You could take it to bed with you!
PFFFFFT
Soda Stream... Finally a smarter soda.
Ahh-- Mom! My BRAAAINS!!!
Brought to you by the Never-ending Fountain of Diabetes Incorporated