LANDLORD So. This is the, er, the hallway. Oh, careful
LANDLORD I'll just get that out. What was that doing there?
LANDLORD So what do you think?
DAD Yeah, it's er...it's good.
LANDLORD What I want you to try and do is remember how lovely this is when you're looking at the rest of the flat. OK?
LANDLORD Come on
LANDLORD So as you can see, this place is completely fully...built.
LANDLORD You've got your walls, ceiling...dado rail.
DAD Is there central heating?
LANDLORD There's a radiator
DAD Does it...does it work?
MUM You can see your breath
LANDLORD You can, can't you. Yes, kids will love that. You know, invite their friends round for a bit of a breathe.
LANDLORD Pretend your smoking real cigarettes. Ha ha.
LANDLORD Better than Xbox
LANDLORD Ahhhhh...it's got everything
LANDLORD I mean of course there's a couple of minor plumbing issues, but nothing a few turns of a spanner can't sort out.
LANDLORD Cup of tea?
LANDLORD There we go. It's a bit temperamental this. The last tenant claimed it was unsafe! 'Oh we can't heat up the milk bottles! There's sparks coming from the plug sockets!
LANDLORD 'There's something living in the bathroom!' Man up! Y'know, some people - they don't know how good they've got it do they?
MUM Erm...does the fridge work?
LANDLORD Ahhhh...it's great that fridge. It's loyal. Anyway...moving on!
LANDLORD Well this is your bath cum shower. It's very, very modern. Very continental.
MUM It smells horrible in here.
LANDLORD Well the police did recently discover a body in the bath
LANDLORD Only joking!
LANDLORD Well no, it wasn't a body. Well not a person anyway. It wasn't dead! It is now though!
MUM I want to leave.
DAD I know, look we, we have to find somewhere so just hear him out OK? It's fine, it's fine. Just...you go first.
LANDLORD *whistles* In here!
LANDLORD In you come. This is where the magic happens.
MUM The letting agent said you'd furnish the flat?
LANDLORD I have.
MUM Oh. Is there an inventory or something?
LANDLORD No. There's no need for all that legal mumbo jumbo! We're all friends here, aren't we?
LANDLORD I mean, I trust you. Yeah?
DAD Erm.
LANDLORD Look at that...bouncy...
LANDLORD Right. Let's talk about the benjamins.
DAD What?
LANDLORD 600 plus 750 good will gesture, up front. Cash in hand.
LANDLORD This place is priced to go. I've got people desperate to see it so uh, you know its make your mind up time.
MUM Who's that?
LANDLORD Who's what?
*KNOCKING ON THE DOOR*
VOICE AT FRONT DOOR Hello, Nigel, is that you?
LANDLORD Nooo!
VOICE AT FRONT DOOR Have you changed the locks?
LANDLORD I've told you before Neil. You don't live here anymore. You've been evicted.
NEIL But you knew we had to come back and collect our bits.
NEIL You can't just change the locks LANDLORD So, what's it gonna be? Are you ready? Do you want to move in?
NEIL Right, I'm calling the Police.
MUM What are you doing? Just let him in!
LANDLORD *SIGHS*
NEIL Look, what's going on? Who are you?
LANDLORD It's a bit like big brother this, isn't it?
LANDLORD Eviction night.
NEIL Where are the rest of my things?
LANDLORD Where's your inventory?
LANLORD Look. I need you to sign this. There's no need to read it.
NARRATOR Almost one million Britons have been the victim of a scam involving a private landlord. Yet the Government refuses to do anything to protect us.
NARRATOR This is unacceptable. Sign our petition now at shelter.org.uk
