Pop-Tarts make your head swell up

Uploaded by tepples on 23.02.2010

>>PINO: Commercials on TV nowadays send mixed messages.
Let me give you a few examples.
[sniff sniff]
>>PINO: To me, this one looks like a dog food commercial:
"Our dog food tastes so good that after your dog has tried it,
your old dog food will only be good for charcoal."
But they're actually trying to sell eyeglasses.
>>WOMAN: Here kitty! (ks ks ks ks ks)
Meezer! Here kitty!
[crickets chirping quietly at 90 °F (32 °C)]
Oh! Just come snuggle with Mama.
That's a good girl.
>>PINO: At this point, it looks like a humane society's commercial
for adopting an exotic pet.
You might think so especially if you play 'Animal Crossing',
a video game with a raccoon for a shopkeeper.
But this one's for glasses too.
This seems to be a pattern for Sears Optical:
pretend to sell one thing but sell something else.
At least it's not as blatant as the early days of the Energizer Bunny.
[baby crying]
>>DEEP MALE VO: Tension headaches this bad
need a pain reliever this good. [phone rings; dog barks]
New extra strength Darnitol [drum beat starts]
with ease-a-migraine.
>> ANOTHER MALE VO: Still going!
Nothing outlasts the Energizer battery.
It keeps going and going...
>> PINO: But enough commercials; let's get on to the real commercial.
This one is for Kellogg's Pop-Tarts.
The floating strawberries are supposed to indicate
the smell of filling made from 10% fruit.
The switch he flipped to turn the steps into a slide
reminds me of a scene from the first Care Bears movie.
>> SOUNDTRACK BAND: ♪ Look out, he's after you! ♪
♪ You ought to take care, but take care where you go ♪
♪ It's a nightmare coming true ♪
♪ The evil that's spreading is starting to grow ♪
♪ Your friends are doing all they can do ♪
♪ But what about you? ♪
♪ How can we help this unfortunate soul? ♪
♪ How can we stop him? He's out of control ♪♪
>> PINO: I wonder if they make those steps for real.
Aren't you forgetting something?
You're supposed to pull the other knob to switch the stairs back.
It's like putting the toilet seat down when you flush;
just a common courtesy.
>> BOY: Pop-Tarts please.
>> PINO: How do you keep your balance
swinging that huge head of yours around?
More importantly, how do you keep from getting whiplash?
He's tap-dancing on the floor
and pretending the kitchen floor tiles are a DDR pad.
So I guess the arrows are on the teleprompter.
What kind of broken toaster spits out Pop-Tarts at that angle?
>> FEMALE VO: When you give your kids frosted strawberry Pop-Tarts,
baked with real fruit
>> PINO: "Baked with real fruit" could just mean
baked in the same oven as real fruit.
I'll give Kellogg's credit here:
at least the filling in Pop-Tarts is 10% fruit.
But there's something even more disturbing here:
the boy's head is far bigger than the woman's.
The only conclusion I can draw
is that the woman never ate Pop-Tarts as a child.
Because obvously, eating Pop-Tarts makes your head swell up.
Let me put it another way: This is your body.
This is your body on Pop-Tarts.
Any questions?