Daddy Knows Best - A YouTube Sensation


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 19.04.2012

Transcript:

STEVE: Jackson, look at Daddy.
Here comes the shark.
Whoo, it's gonna be so scary.
Aw, I'm getting nothing here.
You're gonna get single-digit views with this thing.
Can you act a little happy?
This is our dream.
These are dangerous, dangerous mammals.
Dammit.
You're a big boy.
No, no, Jackson.
Don't look him in the eyes, all right?
It's a sign of aggression.
Here comes the shark.
TRACY: Whoa, whoa, what's going on?
Why is there a dog crate in our living room?
Why is he in the cage?
STEVE: What?
Wait.
One question at the time.
First of all, I want to tell you how beautiful you look--
TRACY: Thank you.
Well, yeah.
What's going--
Can you answer the question?
Why is he in the cage?
STEVE: You mean this?
TRACY: Oh, yeah.
No, yeah, this huge thing in our living room.
STEVE: This is, uh, this is what I call some good
old-fashioned discipline.
Just like my dad used to do to me.
TRACY: Your father used to put you in a-- in a dog crate.
STEVE: When I needed it.
I was a rambunctious kid.
TRACY: Wow, really?
STEVE: Mm-hm.
And this helped me out.
TRACY: Wow, look at you now.
STEVE: Yeah, look how normal I am.
TRACY: What is this?
STEVE: That's not even-- that's,
like, a piece of paper.
TRACY: Oh, no?
But it's, it's a receipt for a harpoon.
What do you need to harpoon for?
STEVE: I'm thinking about, you know, spicing
things up in the boudoir.
TRACY: Oh, really?
Oh, we're going to get dirty with a harpoon now?
STEVE: Get things a little dirty, a little nasty.
It'll be bloody.
TRACY: So you're gonna--
OK.
I'm not an idiot, Steve.
OK?
I get it.
I get what this is.
This is like, your YouTube thing.
STEVE: Stop it right there.
You stop it.
I promised you, no more YouTube.
TRACY: No, I--
I completely trust you.
I do, I just, I'm just gonna take a look.
STEVE: That's not even your business.
TRACY: Oh, look at this.
Confirmation to go swimming with sharks for
Jackson and for Steve.
You're crazy.
He's a child.
STEVE: Jackson could be the first child to
swim with great whites.
Do you understand?
He will be a YouTube sensation.
It's amazing.
TRACY: No.
No, no, my kid's not swimming with a shark because of your,
like, YouTube fantasy.
It's not gonna happen.
STEVE: No, it's got nothing to do with me, all right?
TRACY: Uh-huh.
STEVE: I do everything I do in life for my son.
Every morning we wake up, and we watch Matt Lauer on "Good
Morning America." It's our favorite show.
And he has those kids that come on, and they're on
YouTube, and it just breaks Jackson's little heart.
He wants to be famous. he's talented.
He could do things.
TRACY: Those kids aren't actors.
Those are just moments.
They just happen.
The parents just catch it.
STEVE: Oh, stop being so damn naive babe, all right?
I can't believe I let you talk me into anal.
Listen to me.
Charlie, that one you love, the-- the one with the kid,
mom, I bit my finger.
TRACY: Finger.
I love that video.
STEVE: You know what?
What they don't tell you about that one is, that guy is a
31-year-old man with testicles.
TRACY: OK.
No.
STEVE: Fully grown man.
TRACY: He's not.
No, he's not.
STEVE: He's a dwarf.
TRACY: No, he's not.
STEVE: He's got Gary Coleman's disease.
TRACY: No, he's not.
STEVE: Yes.
TRACY: Steve, you put my kid in a shark tank again, I'm
leaving you.
STEVE: Oh, is that a threat?
TRACY: Come on.
STEVE: He likes it in there.
TRACY: No, no he doesn't.
Come on.
STEVE: He did.
TRACY: Let's go.
I will.
STEVE: It's a shark cage, if you knew anything.
It's not a tank.
TRACY: Oh hey, honey.
It looks like you have a little bit of jizz.
Just right on your nose.
If you wanna just--
STEVE: It's not jism, it's zinc.