Lakupiippu translated

Citizens! Here in Finland there's a new threatening, schocking drug!
It's an old drug they've tried to eradicate from Finland for a long time... Even a law has been tried.
It's not booze... it's not tobacco... and it's not cannabis or heroin!
This drug has been deemed such a threat to the Finnish people that you can't even get it from ships [sailing abroad].
This is a horrific toxin! Look at this! Look at this! The liquorice pipe!
The forbidden fruit! Look! The forbidden fruit!
Oh, what a sm... oh, what a substance!
The liquorice pipe, the liquorice pipe! Look at what poisonous...
Oh wow, this kind of forbidden fruit, oh wow.
Lo... Look, as my friend will hold the camera for this..
Just a moment as I'll enjoy this horrible thing when I...
Look! These aromas... These aromas... these aromas are screwing up my MIND!
Look!
(Camera woman: Oh, that's horrible)
The liquorice, oh boy, it's kicking in!
Don't you understand that the liquorice pipe has to be BANNEEEEEEEE-EEE-ED!?
That was some pipe, guys. See you, bye bye.