Beast Banter 4 - Fat Furries

Uploaded by VolvoxEE on 24.06.2011

>>[SFX: Connection.] >>[SFX: Connection.]
>>Otto: Greetings to the Beasts of Earth! You're listening to Otto Kaufmann...
>>Ross: ...and Ross al Kharif. This is Beast Banter, bringing you real talk on today's
hard issues. >>Otto: Dora is watching.
>>Ross: Otto? >>Otto: Hm? Oh... Oh! I do apologize, I think
the effects of what happened on the last show...well, you know.
>>Ross: Quite. I think we needn't discuss that embarrassment.
>>Otto: We still don't know why you were wearing Ronath's Shroomie underwear.
>>Ross: I know not what you speak of. Anyways, it was apparently a big hit to bring infamous
guests in. We're going to do it again. >>Otto: Jack Thundercloud is coming AGAIN?
>>Ross: Hardly so. I've brought in an equally controversial figure, however. Hefty Longtail,
sometimes and oddly called the “Star Fox,” has joined us today in the Heartwood Tower
Voice studio. >>Otto: You've got be kidding me.
>>Ross: I'm not, Otto. Remember: tolerance. >>Otto: Hefty Longtail is a shady fellow
>>Ross: Now, now Otto... >>Otto: I'm serious, Ross. That Longtail is...
>>Ross: Playing the race card, are we? Blame us Longtails for all your woes, just like
the old days? >>Otto: No. My point is simple: Hefty is on
the no-fly list. >>Ross: Yes Otto, we all are. If Gaia hasn't
given us mounts yet, what with complaining from all those noobs, I doubt we'll ever see
'em. >>Otto: Hm. Well, as it is, he's not well
regarded by Anglorum's government. They say he causes trouble.
>>Ross: Well, let's ask him. Hello Hefty. >>Hefty: G'day.
>>Otto: So, first question. Tell us all about your criminal past!
>>Hefty: Well, I used to be a pirate, but those days are past me now. My ship crashed
on the shores of Corsica, and every Beast in my crew perished. I was the lone survivor,
rescued by a kindly Druid. I have now given my life to the service Gaia!
>>Ross: Commendable. >>Otto: Oh sure, he's changed. That's what
they all say. >>Hefty: No, really, I turned in my swashbuckling
ways for the staff and humility of druidic life.
>>Otto: And put on quite a few pounds in the meantime, eh?
>>Hefty: I feel that Gaia doesn't look at the outside of a Beast, but rather, at their
heart. >>Ross: What a heart warming thought.
>>Otto: The only thing that's warming is the chair he's sitting on.
>>Ross: Oh come now Otto, you're not exactly skinny yourself.
>>Otto: True enough. I now agree with Hefty: what's on the inside matters.
>>Hefty: However, that said, I actually enjoy my fat rolls.
>>Otto: Enjoy them? Mine aren't quite rolls yet, but even my beer belly is a mite irksome.
>>Hefty: Eh, I view being fat as a service to the community. I make a great pillow!
>>Ross: Even with a six pack? >>Hefty: Yeah, usually. It's only skin deep
anyways. Besides, I get the best of both worlds. I can be huge and muscular!
>>Otto: By Gaia... there is a six pack down here. I never knew I had one!
>>Ross: Hefty, how do you feel about the mutations reported by the Ranger Report? Heads are getting
bigger, but that's about it. >>Hefty: I feel that everyone should at least
consider gaining weight. Fat furs need to join together and stand firm against Anubians,
undead, and radiation. >>Otto: Interesting... Now give us your perspective
on Beasts being in the groves. >>Hefty: Gaia has kept us there for way too
long. I want Earth back the way it was. >>Ross: Do you think the Earthmother knows
our concerns? >>Hefty: I think she does. But some Beasts
are despairing. Why, just yesterday as I prepared to come to Heartwood I was in the Forever
Afloat tavern. >>Otto: Relatives say it's a fine place, I'll
have to go there when I visit the groves. >>Hefty: That's just it. It used to be so
vibrant and full of hope. Now, even exciting prophecies from the Earthmother are met with
near silence. The place is dead. >>Ross: Do you have a message for those back
in the Groves? >>Hefty: Yes. Don't despair. Don't give up
hope. Gaia will return for us, when all is right. She has other places she has to be,
but she has not forgotten Europe. Fat or not, Gaia will bring us back to Earth.
>>Otto: Well, this is just the warm and fuzzy show, isn't it?
>>Ross: Thank you Hefty, and a big thanks to all the Beasts tuning in from the Groves.
>>Otto: This was Beast Banter, signing off. >>[Music fades.]