Understanding Christianese-Lesson 1

Uploaded by TheThinkingAtheist on Mar 30, 2010

If you've ever had conversations with a Christian, you've also encountered a phenomenon called
"Christianese" (Christian-ease)... words or phrases that contain hidden messages –
often opposite of what the word actually means, or... are completely ridiculous.
To help you navigate the gauntlet of pompous platitudes, stuffy stereotypes and bombastic
B.S., we humbly present another exciting edition of: Understanding Christianese.
Number 1. “I’ll pray for you.” There are 2 possible meanings here. 
For the afflicted, it translates: “If I truly cared, I’d offer immediate physical,
emotional or monetary assistance.  But I’m much too busy to offer any real compassion.
Now go away...ya bother me.”  As a rebuttal in an argument, it translates: 
“You’re dead wrong.  Repent, ignorant fool.
Number 2. “Lord, please bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies, and our
bodies to your service.”  A common prayer at the dinner table.  Indeed,
Lord, please bless our food (whatever that means), now that men have already done all
the growing, harvesting and actual "providing."  Side note:  Men also printed the ingredients
and nutritional information on the store packaging, so the amount of “nourishment” has already
been quantified in advance.  Why Jesus' help is requested here is unclear.
Number 3. “Lord, if it be your will…” This prayer is pretty pointless.  If it was
the will of an omnipotent God, wouldn’t it be a foregone conclusion? Mostly, it seems
to be the theist's way of saying, "shit happens." Number 4. “Hate the sin, but love the sinner.”
This is very high-minded.  Roughly translated, it means “Just keep those Homos, Lesbos,
hippies, liberals, druggies, boozers, hookers, philanderers, criminals, gamblers and dirty
poor people at a safe distance, and especially out of our church.”
Join us again next time for another educational look at the complex and exciting code the
church has used to communicate for thousands of years. Understanding Christianese!