Issue #2: THE SUPER FORCE Vs. Downsizing


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 18.07.2012

Transcript:

NARRATOR: Previously, on Save the Supers.
The Super Force government funding was cut.
So they started this reality show.
Night Knight wants to make a super baby out of their
combined DNA.
It makes sense.
TAY ZONDAY AND FLEET FOOT: Super Force!

MERMAN: So we are exactly where we didn't want to be.
Flat broke.
I'm going to have to let someone go.
Toughest part of the job.
Well, that and we had to kill a bunch of kids once.
They were evil.
But that was--
that was a bummer, too.
[ACTION MUSIC]
MERMAN: OK, Fleet Foot.
We're just going to do a little performance review,
just a chat among friends.
OK?
No big deal.
FLEET FOOT: Is this about my fire trail?
Because that's caused by friction, man.
I mean, that's science.
Like, I just run, fast.
And then sometimes there's flames.
And I can't defeat science. (STARTS CRYING) I have a
family to support.
I got babies.
I can't be no unemployed black man.
I can't be that stereotype.
MERMAN: Easy.
Whoa, whoa, easy.
FLEET FOOT: Visuals.
I need visuals.
Speed up, speed out.
18 Fast Facts About Fleet.
One--
MERMAN: Oh boy.
FLEET FOOT: World's Fastest Man.
ELEMENTRA: Fire me.
MERMAN: El, I need you to take this seriously.
ELEMENTRA: I am.
MERMAN: OK, you can't smoke in--
ah.
ELEMENTRA: I've been fighting crime for 400 years.
MERMAN: 422, to be ex--
I mean, it's in your file.
I just read it.
ELEMENTRA: Yeah, well, it's getting old.
I mean, maybe it's just time to move on.
MERMAN: El, I need you.
We--
the whole team--
needs you.
You're a goddess in that you have gods for parents
specifi-- that's the definition.
I'm like her best friend.
I'm like in--
in the Friend Zone.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[MUFFLED VOICES]
WORLD MAN: --another five minutes of faking
like I might get fired?
MERMAN: Yes, that should about do it.
I'm going to point at this several times.
Point point point point point.
Point point point.
And now I'm gonna point at you.
[MUFFLED VOICES]
WORLD MAN: As if Mermaid is going to fire the only
superhero that has super strength, super speed, flight,
x-ray vision, laser eyes, and this--
my own cereal!
They're good!

NIGHT KNIGHT: I want you to know, Merman.
Whatever you decide, I'm 100% behind you.
MERMAN: Wow.
That is surprising, coming from you.
And very meaningful.
NIGHT KNIGHT: Budgets are so frustrating.
MERMAN: Yeah.
They really are.
NIGHT KNIGHT: It just makes me spitting mad.
[SPITS]
MERMAN: Uh.
OK.
NIGHT KNIGHT: Go ahead, Merman.
Spit out the anger right into this petri dish.
MERMAN: No, dude.
I'm not going to give you my DNA so that you can build a
super baby.
That's not gonna help solve our financial problems.
NIGHT KNIGHT: You don't know that.
If all goes to plan, he'll be the David Schwimmer of
superheroes.
MERMAN: Uh, I don--
How does that have anything to do with anything?
Listen, your job is on the line.
I can fire you.
NIGHT KNIGHT: No!
You can't, because I'm not on the payroll.
MERMAN: Ahh!
My hair!
NIGHT KNIGHT: Smokebomb.
[HISSING]
MERMAN: I checked, and Night Knight is
actually not on our payroll.
I guess none of us really know what his secret identity is,
so he could be a billionaire, for all we know.

MERMAN: Morphman?
You mean the one guy that's actually out on a
mission right now?
I don't think I want to fire him at all.
No, he's a-- he's a model team member.
I mean, he has had issues with alcohol.
But that-- but that's in his past.
CAMERA MAN: Oh, what happened in his past?
MERMAN: Yeah, in--
in a battle with the Gray Ghoul, he was faced with the
choice of either saving his girlfriend or a busload of
schoolchildren.
He tried to save both of them and failed.
They all died.
Everyone died.
El, the world needs superheroes like you.
I mean, ask yourself--
OK.
ELEMENTRA: I can't control my powers.
So I should probably be fired for that.
MERMAN: Yeah.
Stop it.
OK.

You are not fired.
Now get out of my office!
FLEET FOOT: And 18--
Brings diversity to the Super Force.
Parenthetically--
affirmative action.
MERMAN: That was great.
I think I have more than enough information.
FLEET FOOT: I can do better.
Speed up, speed out!
TAY ZONDAY (ON TV): Fleet Foot--
The World's Fastest Man.
A true team player, father of six, friend of Merman.
MERMAN: Everybody on this team contributes so much.
I don't know who to let go.
WORLD MAN: Have you guys seen this?
Great power, Mermaid Man.
We really need someone with squid ink arms.
MERMAN: Yeah, OK.
WORLD MAN: Eww!

MERMAN: Let's gather up, everybody.

So, I took a hard look at us, at the team.
And I've come to a decision.
99% of our missions are on land.
So I think that I should be--
[CRASHING NOISE]
MERMAN: Morphman, are you drunk?
ELEMENTRA: Ugh.
They smell like Nick Nolte's beard.
MORPHMAN: [RETCHES ]
ALL: Ahh!
MORPHMAN: [RETCHES]
WORLD MAN: Oh!
Round two.
MERMAN: Oh, I have a weak stomach.
OK.
Someone needs to clean this up, so--
ELEMENTRA: Ha, I'm not doing it.
WORLD MAN: I don't--
I don't clean.
NIGHT KNIGHT: Poor Morphman.
Poor, poor Morphman.
I feel so bad for him.
MERMAN: So Morphman ruined his undercover mission.
And now the Watchmaker has all the gears from Big Ben.
Drinking on the job is unacceptable.
So, I mean, we have to let him go.
I love the guy.
He's--
he's a brother to me.
Morphman was the one guy that, when I came onto the team, he
supported me.
A lot of the guys on the team were like, what do we need an
ocean guy for.
There's not a ton of crime in the ocean.
But he needs some professional help.
He'll be missed.

[CLANG]
NIGHT KNIGHT: Night, Fred.
Night, T-Boz.
T-BOZ: Night, night, night.
NARRATOR: Next week on Save the Supers, the Super Force
capture a feline foe.
Their budget issues suddenly disappear.
Merman loses his mind.
Find out who get spayed, next time on Save the Supers.

ROBOT: Blech!
MALE VOICE: Eww, that robot just barfed.