Game Program Attack! - Laser Fire Bird (Ep #6)


Uploaded by MondoMedia on 15.06.2012

Transcript:
[Pilot:] Commander, this is Falconbird.
The new ship is handling fine.
[Commander:] Good to hear it, Falconbird.
That baby should fly smoother than my oiled satin sheets.
[Pilot:] ... Yes, commander.
I'm approaching enemy territory.
[Commander:] You have permission to engage.
Go with god, Falconbird.
[Pilot:] Um... I'm still waiting on the rest of the squadron, sir.
[Commander:] This is a solo mission, Falconbird.
Go with god.
[Pilot:] What? I'm doing this alone?
[Commander:] You're the best pilot we have.
You have all the expert skills,
like left, right,
and slowly moving up.
[Pilot:] I'm positive the other pilots could do that too.
[Commander:] All of our resourses have been allocated to your single ship.
Do you know how much that state-of-the-art craft of yours cost?
[Pilot:] No, sir. [Commander:] A shit-ton.
Like, all the money.
[Pilot:] How was this worth that? There's nothing here but joystick and two buttons.
[Commander:] The joystick is your main control panel.
The red one is your primary gun,
and the blue is a little something special we cooked up.
I call it,
"God's jizz."
[Pilot:] So I just press it like this?
Whoa-ho-ho-ho! That's amazing, holy shit!
[Commander:] Hold your fire, Falconbird. We only have -
[Pilot:] I am death, destroyer of worlds!!!
Bwaaaaaaaaaaaa -
[Commander:] Hold your god-damn fire!
We only put three of those shells on board!
[Pilot:] Wait, do what?
[Commander:] Each shell contains twenty years worth of harvested plutonium!
[Pilot:] Commander, I don't like what you're saying to me right now.
[Commander:] Fine. It's fine.
If you can just line up their entire army
into a straight line, we still have a chance.
[Pilot:] Oh god! Enemy contact!
[Commander:] Falconbird! You've doomed us all!
[Pilot:] What about me?
How am I supposed to defend myself?
[Commander:] You'll have to use the primary cannons.
The red button.
*pew pew*
[Pilot:] Did you just duct tape pistols to the plane?
Oh god.
Oh jesus shit oh god no.
Oh. Okay.
[Commander:] Excellent. Great work, Falconbird.
Now, just do that two thousand more times.
[Pilot:] WHAT?
[Commander:] You have no choice.
Civilization as we know it is at stake!
[Pilot:] Incoming? Incoming!
I've got incoming!
[Commander:] You can do this, Falconbird!
[Pilot:] Commander!
[Commander:] Don't let them past you, son!
The colony -
[Pilot:] I'm sorry, sir, I'm so sorry!
[Commander:] Oh god. Sound the alarms!
Get the women and children to safety!
[Pilot:] There's so many and my guns are so small...
I can't do this. I can't do this!
[Commander:] They're bombing the capital!
They have lazers. That's our technology!
[Pilot:] Oh my god.
That's not fair!