Goonies or Gremlins? - 4/30/12 (FULL EP)

Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 30.04.2012


BETH HOYT: Nothing gets me up in the morning like a cold
dose of 4:00 PM show.
BETH HOYT: Hey guys, welcome to your Monday.
Well, maybe you've been welcomed already to your
Monday, maybe a few hours ago?
If it's the beginning of your Monday, get on it, for one.
And for two, I don't--
I don't care if you get on it.
Are you having a nice day?
Stay in bed.
That sounds nice.
I'm jealous.
There was a weekend that just happened.
Did you enjoy it?
Were you part of the world's largest rainbow parade going
across the Brooklyn Bridge for a record setter?
World record day.
It was Saturday.
It was celebrated all over the world.
Did you do one?
Did you do a record?
Did you try to beat one of our records?
My friend Dillon did a variation on my longest
dramatic "nooooo." I like where his head's at.
Let's take a look at his.
CINDY (OFF-SCREEN): Dillon, and he's
going to do a new record.
-Go Beeeeeeeeeeeeth!

CINDY (OFF-SCREEN): That was how long can you say Beth?
Eight seconds.
BETH HOYT: Thanks Dillon.
I think that's--
I'm-- that's a new record.
I'm going to do a record with your name too, but I'm going
to go for the world's shortest.
You guys ready?
It's also apparently the loudest.
Uh, nailed it.
OK, I think I'm feeling immature, because I watched
Goonies for the first time this weekend.
I know.
I just--
I missed it the first time around, and-- and the second,
third through twelfth times.
So to make up for it, I spent the weekend
watching the Goonies.
The whole weekend, you say?
Well, I fell asleep watching it on Friday.
I know, I'm, I'm pissing off so many people right now.
And then I had to finish it on Saturday.
I didn't fall asleep because I was-- it was boring--
I mean, or a bad--
I just--
I was very tired.
Just say that.
But that's two nights-- two weekend nights where a portion
after 8:00 PM was watching Goonies.
I'm super cool, you guys!
Here's what I learned from it.
Boys yell a lot.
Also, I thought Goonie was a gremlin, so I kept waiting for
a creature to come out.
And lastly, um, I though the fat kid was really funny.
And I also--
I really wanted to smack him.
Guys, our guest on this big Wednesday show coming up is
Retta, aka Donna from Parks and Rec.
And guess what we were doing this morning?
That's John.
Can you tell?
Can you guess?
Can you guess?
Well, no hints.
I'm not going to give you any hints.
You can just speculate until it's
all revealed on Wednesday.
It was super fun, and she'll be live in the studio on
Wednesday and I can't wait.
But this is real life.
So I have to.
Enough of my chitchat.
Isn't it funny that you can chat, and you can chit chat,
but no one ever just chits?
That's-- that's not-- that's not funny?
OK, well, I bet you're laughing on the inside.
Guys, have you heard?
You suck at Photoshop is back.
Donnie Hoyle made this triumphant return on last
week's MyDamnChannel Live.
If you missed it, you don't have to beat yourself up for
it or kick yourself, because we're going to show you the
whole thing again right now.
DONNIE HOYLE (OFFSCREEN): My name is Donnie.
And you suck at Photoshop.
You hear that sound?
It's the sound of nobody clapping for you.
Let's say you've been gone for a while, and--
DONNIE HOYLE (OFFSCREEN): --you narrowly escaped a
homicidal attack.
And you found solace in a remote location where you
thought you would have enlightenment
and peace and quiet.
But in the meantime, you discover that the fun stick
that your ex-wife has been breaking records with and
babied her.
And four years later, there's a four-year-old maniac running
around who is hell-bent on destroying your legacy and
stealing your intellectual property and running up
attorney bills with a lawyer who clearly works for a larger
And you're getting emails like this.
"RONNIE": You can't stop me, Donnie Hoyle.
I'll destroy you and everything you stand for.
Please come at me.
Just give me a reason to ruin you.
We need to take care of this ASAP.
And we're going to do it with Photoshop.
So let's open up an image.
We're going to create an
advertisement for our attorney.
This is the trade that we agreed upon
for services rendered.
And we're goi--
Hey, Pu Thai, will you stop-- please stop playing the flute.
DONNIE HOYLE (OFFSCREEN): This image says that root--
I-- flute--
I didn't-- why would I ask you to stop playing fruit?
Stupid monk.
This image says I'm a bad-ass attorney.
and I just blew up a courtroom with my mind.
And there are bits of litigations and pieces of
courtroom flying in the air.
And I'm coming for you, law.
And that's just that sort of the action that we want to
evoke and get people to be excited enough to
believe that this--
he's a good attorney.
So what we're going to do is we're going to create more
action in his body.
And so we've got the attorney on a separate layer, but
you'll notice that in the background, the attorney is
part of the background.
So we're going to have some trouble there.
And we'll have to come back and do that in a moment.
But let's duplicate this layer, so we can
come back to it.
And in the meantime, we're-- we're going to create action
with this attorney using a technique called Puppet Warp.
did you just pee-pee?
did you just pee-pee?
I heard you.
Just take a deep breath, get a wet nap, swab it up, let's do
some grown-up Photoshop.
It's not that hard.
Our cursor has turned into this pin.
We're now looking at the toolbar for Puppet Warp.
And we're going to pin yellow balls where we think there
might be joints.
So on shoulder, elbow, wrist, neck, head,
shoulder, elbow, wrist--
just pinning joints.
It's OK--
on the knee, ankle, foot, pinning joints.
And we're also going to put joints on the briefcase.
And now when we select one of the balls and move it, it
moves the parts but-- oh, Donnie, Donnie.
Look what it's doing.
It's-- it's moving my flaccid lawyer goo leg with it.
Just shut off your question sprinkler, and we'll fix it.
Go up to expansion, where it says two pixels and
change it to zero.
And you'll see now that the mesh conforms to the bitmap
And so when we move the balls, everything
moves along just fine.
And we don't accidentally grab additional lawyer parts.
And so we can now create a little bit more momentum in
his body to say hey, I'm getting ready to dash in and
file an affidavit and bill somebody 1/12 of
an hour for my time.
All right, go up here, and hit Accept.
And now when we turn on the background, we'll notice that
our attorney has a lot more action and momentum but--
Donnie, aw, Donnie, there's the--
the lawyer's still on the background.
And we're gonna--
We're going to have a silence contest and go.
What I'm going to do is I'm going to go back to my
original lawyer layer.
I'm going to Command Select, and that's going to have the
original selection which will go around the lawyer on the
We're going to go to Select, Modify, Expand, go by about
four pixels, and now we're going to say Edit, Fill,
Content Aware, and Photoshop's going to think it through and
it's going to disappear the lawyer from the background.
Now, it needs a little bit clean up, but that's nothing
that you can possibly do.
But when we switch on our newly-adjusted lawyer, he
covers up most of the stuff.
And just like that, we've added a little
more action and drama.
And to finish out the ad, we have a headline--
maybe actually start to make it look a little bit like a
movie poster, just because we really want to trick people
into thinking that there's something to this guy.
QR code, of course, everything, is required to
have a QR code now and a lens flare, which just makes it
that much more sex-citing.
And so in the end, what we've created is simply an
advertisement that looks like a movie poster, in the hopes
of tricking people into believing that it's something
that they should be excited about.
Use the Magic Wand tool and select the white background on
the phony billboard.
Select our Ad layer, click the Add Layer Mask.
And now, Unhinge the mask and the artwork and select Edit,
Transform, Distort to squeegee the ad into the billboard.
And most assuredly, nobody would ever pick up on this
ruse that we didn't really buy the ad space.


BETH HOYT: Yay, you suck!
That's what I call a show for sure.
I'm not dissing you.
That's all our time for today.
But we're back tomorrow with the super awesome [INAUDIBLE].
And on Wednesday, it's the big show with Retta
from Parks and Rec.
And tonight at 9:30, at UCB East, in New York, it's the
Wainy Days live show, hosted by David Wain himself.
We're celebrating the release of our MyDamnChannel original
comedy Wainy Day, seasons one through four on DVD.
There will be a live reading of an unproduced episode.
There's going to be special guests-- famous people--
and even though it sold out weeks ago, there will be a
small number of standby tickets available.
So if you need your Wain, UCB East is the
place to get it tonight.
I'll be there.
See you tomorrow at 4:00 PM.
Love you, bye.
Love you, bye.
Love you, bye.
Love you, bye.