Pizza Party! w/ Adira Amram - 5/1/12 (FULL EP)

BETH HOYT: Hey, you guys.
Make it special.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
BETH HOYT: Hey, you guys, it's Tuesday.
And that means everyone here is a little hungover--
Tuesdays.
That's because we all went to UCB East last night for the
Wainy Days DVD release party, hosted by David Wain himself.
It was a great show.
And here's a peek at it in case you don't live in New
York City and you didn't get to go.
DAVID WAIN: It's sort of a little variety night in
celebration of the Wainy Days DVD.
We're very happy.
It's seasons one through four on this really cool DVD that
we put out and it's got all these extras and new content
just for the DVD.
It's like, pajama party.
And all of the cast from all of the guest stars, they all
come back and we all hang out in pajamas and have fun.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
FRED ARMISEN: Stacey takes out a comb and brushes her hair.
Then she takes off her sweater, revealing a ripped-up
half-shirt and hot abs.
David--
David pops a boner.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
FEMALE SPEAKER: Excuse me, I'm not some girl.
I'm David's girlfriend.
[MUSIC]
FRED ARMISEN (SINGING): Gina, let me show
you round the place.
DAVID WAIN: How many years have you been on Saturday
Night Live?
FRED ARMISEN: 10 years.
I know it's going to sound corny.
I still get, like, a charge when I go through that studio.
Like, when I--
DAVID WAIN: Hello?
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
FEMALE SPEAKER: Calm down, everybody.
Calm down.
Does anybody know how to play the drums?
[DAVID WAIN SINGING]

FEMALE SPEAKER: David!
You just popped another boner.
FRED ARMISEN: Hello.
I'm Fred Armisen.
This is My Damn Channel Live.
BETH HOYT: Boo-yah.
OK, May has officially begun.
And every May, I do the same thing.
I clean my closet while watching Beauty and the Beast
and I attempt to reinvent myself.
Let me say a quick thing about the former.
She should have chosen Gaston.
Duh.
I mean, Gaston--
aw.
Gaston's a really, really muscular guy.
He has no issue with her not getting a job.
She can read all day long if she wants.
The whole town loves Gaston.
The Beast, he's going to have to go through some serious
therapy or whatever to get over his, like, childhood
events that made him such a mean guy.
And Gaston just like, he just like throws her around-- like,
not in an abusive way.
Anyway.
So I put all my sweaters away and I vacuum my closet and I
get really grossed out at myself that that
level of dirt was there.
While I was stumbling around in my closet, I
found an old diary.
And it's really hard for me to get personal, but I'm going to
reveal today--
with our guest of today, which is Adira Amram.
She's a superstar.
And if you don't know her yet, you're about to fall in love.
It's so exciting.
If you know her, you already love her.
She'll be here in just a couple of minutes, but first
let's check out another diva.
It's Daddy Knows Best with YouTube Sensation.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
STEVE: Jackson, look at Daddy.
Here comes the shark.
Ooh, it's gonna be so scary.
Oh, I'm getting nothing here.
You're gonna get single-digit views with this thing.
Can you act a little happy?
This is our dream.
These are dangerous, dangerous mammals.
Damnit.
You're a big boy.
No.
No, Jackson.
Don't look 'em in the eyes, all right?
It's a sign of aggression.
Here comes the shark.
TRACY: Whoa, w-what's going on?
Why is there a dog crate in our living room?
Why is he in the cage?
STEVE: What?
Wait, one question at a time.
First of all, I want to tell you how beautiful you look.
TRACY: Thank you.
Wow.
Yeah, what's going-- can you answer the question?
Why is he in the cage.
STEVE: You mean this?
TRACY: Yeah, No, yeah, this huge thing in our living room.
STEVE: This is what I call some good old-fashioned
discipline, just like my dad used to do to me.
TRACY: Your father used to put you in a--in a dog crate?
STEVE: When I needed it.
I was a rambunctious kid.
TRACY: Wow, really?
STEVE: Mmhm.
And this helped me out.
Look.
TRACY: Wow, look at you now--
STEVE: Yeah, look how normal I am.
TRACY: What is this?
STEVE: That's not even-- that's like a--
TRACY: Oh, no, but it's--
STEVE: Piece of paper with some--
TRACY: It's a receipt for a harpoon.
What do you need a harpoon for, Steve?
STEVE: I'm thinking about, you know, spicing
things up in the boudoir.
TRACY: Oh, really?
Oh, we're going get dirty with a harpoon now?
STEVE: Get things a little dirty, a little nasty.
BETH HOYT: Wow, I'm--
STEVE: It'll be bloody.
TRACY: So you're gonna--
OK.
I'm not an idiot, Steve.
OK?
I get it.
I get what this is.
This is like your YouTube thing--
STEVE: Stop it right there.
You stop it.
I promised you no more YouTube.
TRACY: No, I to--
I completely trust you.
I do.
I just, I'm just going to take a look--
STEVE: That's not even your business.
TRACY: Oh, look at this!
Confirmation to go swimming with sharks for
Jackson and for Steve.
You're crazy!
He's a child.
STEVE: Jackson could be the first child to
swim with Great Whites.
Do you understand?
He'll be a YouTube sensation.
TRACY: No.
No.
No, my kid's not swimming with a shark--
STEVE: It's amazing.
TRACY: --because of your, like, YouTube fantasy.
STEVE: No, it's got nothing to do with me, all right?
I do everything I do in life for my son.
Every morning we wake up and we watch Matt Lauer on Good
Morning America.
It's our favorite show.
And he has those kids that come on
and they're on YouTube.
And it just breaks Jack's little heart.
He wants to be famous.
He's talented.
He can do things.
TRACY: Those kids aren't actors.
Those are just moments that just happen and the parents
just catch it.
STEVE: Stop being so damn naive, babe.
All right?
I can't believe I let you talk me into anal.
Listen to me.
Charlie, that one you love, that one with the kid--
(ENGLISH ACCENT) Oh, Mum, I bit my finger.
TRACY: I love that video.
STEVE: You know what?
What they don't tell you about that one is?
That guy's a 31-year-old man with testicles.
TRACY: OK.
Yeah, he's not.
STEVE: He's a fully grown man.
TRACY: No, he's not.
STEVE: He's a dwarf.
He's got Gary Coleman's disease.
TRACY: No he's not.
STEVE: Yes.
TRACY: Steve, you put my kid in a shark tank again, I'm
leaving you.
STEVE: Oh, is that a threat?
TRACY: Come on.
STEVE: He likes it in there.
TRACY: No, no he doesn't.
Come on.
STEVE: He did.
TRACY: Let's go.
I will.
STEVE: It's a shark cage, if you knew anything.
It's not a tank.
TRACY: Oh, hey, honey.
It looks like you have a little bit of jizz, just right
on your nose, if you wanna just--
STEVE: It's not jism.
It's zinc.

BETH HOYT: Hey, I'm back.
And here's Adira Amram.
ADIRA AMRAM: Hi.
BETH HOYT: Adira's a singer and a songwriter and a
comedian and a performer and a diva.
Thank you for being here.
ADIRA AMRAM: Oh, well, thank you for having me.
BETH HOYT: Um, you sing some really poignant songs about
women and about what's going on inside.
And you really jazz it up.
ADIRA AMRAM: Yeah, well.
BETH HOYT: You always do.
ADIRA AMRAM: I try to.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
And I just--
so I'm trying to make a YouTube music video.
They know this.
This is my new thing.
And I'm getting some new--
I'm getting some assistance from a lot of different
people, but I haven't sought out anyone for lyrics and
helps with that, helps with that.
ADIRA AMRAM: Helps with it.
BETH HOYT: I need some helps with the words.
ADIRA AMRAM: I'm--
I am totally excited to help you.
BETH HOYT: I mean, I'm glad you are.
I knew you'd be good at it.
So I'm--
I found this diary.
I'm just going to read a diary entry, and we're just--
it's personal.
But we're just going to start here and then explore, like--
ADIRA AMRAM: This is a total safe place.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
Is that?
Are you guys?
We'll see.
ADIRA AMRAM: They're safe.
BETH HOYT: All right.
Safe zone.
I'm just gonna go for it.
ADIRA AMRAM: Yeah.
It's totally safe.
BETH HOYT: Coffee, $2.
Could've made it at home but then I would have to carry a
Thermos all day.
Breakfast bar, $2.
Cheaper if bought in bulk.
Lunch, $8 salad, $5 cupcake.
ADIRA AMRAM: So is this all like--
like a list of pricing?
BETH HOYT: No, then I-- 'cause I-- no.
Then I go into--
I go--
here we go.
I go into calories.
Calories for breakfast, $200--
200, 200 calories.
Breakfast number two was another 200 calories.
If I include peanut butter, it jumps to 600 calories.
ADIRA AMRAM: OK.
I--
I think I--
I think I got it.
BETH HOYT: Yeah?
ADIRA AMRAM: Yeah, yeah.
BETH HOYT: [INAUDIBLE].
OK, great.
Let's see what you got.
ADIRA AMRAM: OK.
OK.
BETH HOYT: She's got it already.
ADIRA AMRAM (SINGING): 500 calories.
BETH HOYT: Well, 2.
200, usually.
ADIRA AMRAM (SINGING): 200 calories, that's
not a lot for me.
I can have as many as I want.
BETH HOYT: Well, I wish.
I mean, there's a certain number times that you have 200
calories and then that adds up to a lot.
ADIRA AMRAM (SINGING): But I'm a woman now.
I'm making my own choices.
BETH HOYT: If could ever-- yeah.
ADIRA AMRAM (SINGING): And I do what I want.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, I mean, within limits, you know.
ADIRA AMRAM (SINGING): 'Cause I'm a limited decider.
BETH HOYT: I am terrible at decisions.
ADIRA AMRAM (SINGING): Don't tell me what to do, don't tell
me what to do.
I'm a limited decider--
BETH HOYT: Unless they're helping me make a decision,
'cause I do appreciate assistance.
ADIRA AMRAM (SINGING): I want your help.
BETH HOYT: Yes.
ADIRA AMRAM (SINGING): I need your help, I want you to want
to help me.
BETH HOYT: That's it.
ADIRA AMRAM (SINGING): 'Cause I'm a woman on my own.
BETH HOYT: Well--
ADIRA AMRAM (SINGING): And I can do it by myself if I
really want to but I would also like your input.
BETH HOYT: Yes.
That's the--
that's the anthem with the, like, assistance that I need
and the cry for help.
ADIRA AMRAM: Yeah.
Yeah.
BETH HOYT: You nailed it.
ADIRA AMRAM: I feel--
BETH HOYT: You really brought me there.
ADIRA AMRAM: Good.
BETH HOYT: 'Cause I was thinking we'd have to go into
the list of like my budget, like overall.
We didn't even have to-- you just got--
ADIRA AMRAM: I didn't even know there was a budget list.
BETH HOYT: Well, of course.
I mean, we get there.
And then just like lists of like things to pack for future
trips and things.
We don't even need to get into that.
Can you like just take me to the end, like just take me,
how we-- how I'd wrap it up?
ADIRA AMRAM: Sure.
BETH HOYT: 'Cause I feel like you-- you get me.
ADIRA AMRAM: OK.
BETH HOYT: So well.
ADIRA AMRAM (SINGING): Don't tell me what to do.
Don't tell me what to say.
BETH HOYT: Now, again, we did say--
ADIRA AMRAM (SINGING): But I wouldn't mind if you told me
those things anyway.

BETH HOYT: It's so good.
And the tone, just like-- it, it just fits my like
yes-no-maybe kind of thing.
ADIRA AMRAM: Yeah.
I felt, I felt like it was really good.
BETH HOYT: You are a channel for me.
ADIRA AMRAM: It felt really good.
BETH HOYT: Thanks, Adira.
Now I'd love to hear one of your songs.
ADIRA AMRAM: Ooh, I'd love to.
BETH HOYT: So will you stay and do that?
ADIRA AMRAM: Yes.
BETH HOYT: Yay!
Um, we're going to set up in here.
And you guys watch the McMayhem video, "Naps with
Wigs." Here it is.
MATT MCMANUS: This is napping with wigs.
STEPHEN SEIDEL: Wigs.
Wigs.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Oh my god!
[MUSIC - "MCMAYHEM THEME SONG"]

MATT MCMANUS: Hey, daddy.
Hey, daddy.
I want to nap on you.
Daddy.

Oh my god, I'm so tired.
Can I have a chili con carne taco with carne--
carne asada?

Guacamole.
STEPHEN SEIDEL: Con salsa.

MATT MCMANUS: I was wondering if I could get a haircut.
Because I want to layer it like Jennifer Aniston but I
don't know if I--.

Well, listen, I know your girl might get mad, but this hair
ain't real.
This ain't a real weave.
This ain't a real weave!

MALE SPEAKER: Muh-muh-muh-muh- muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-muh.

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

GIGI: Yalaw-yal-ayl-l-aw-lya.

BETH HOYT: Aw, Gigi.
And ahh!
Adira Amran.

Play it, guys.

ADIRA AMRAM: You guys ready for my song now?
I'm sure you are.
[MUSIC - ADIRA AMRAM, "PIZZA PARTY"]

BETH HOYT: Whoooo!
Adira Amram!
God, I see-- do you see what I mean about how she just gets
to the heart and the soul of what you want
and what you need?
ADIRA AMRAM: It's what every woman really wants.
They just want--
BETH HOYT (WHISPERING): A pizza party.
ADIRA AMRAM (WHISPERING) Pizza.
BETH HOYT: Wow.
That's it for today's show, you guys.
Make sure you check out more Adira at adiraamram.com.
Do it.
We'll be back tomorrow at 4PM Eastern with Retta, AKA Donna
from Parks and Rec, and some brand-new video premieres and
a whole big show for you.
So gear up and eat your pizza.

[MUSIC PLAYING]