170 Greatest Clint Eastwood Quotes

Uploaded by ManWithNoName2020 on 13.03.2011

Idiots. Hmm? It's for you.
170 Greatest Clint Eastwood Quotes
A man's got to know his limitations.
There's nothing like a nice piece of hickory.
No thanks man. I'm high on life. Tomorrow is promised to no one.
If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
Well, opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one.
Okay, you did two things wrong. One is you asked a question and two is you asked another question.
This kind of certainty comes but just once in a lifetime.

Every gun makes it's own tune.
An accident is fate. Murder is evil.
You're a legend in your own mind.
Everybody's got a right to be a sucker once.
Nobody, I mean nobody, puts ketchup on a hotdog.
Well, it's what people know about themselves inside that makes them afraid. How do you like your steak?
Extremely rare.
Steak sauce? Well, that's a nice touch.
How do you like your steak Sally? Rare. Good, well I'll wipe its ass, herd it through and you can tear off a slab. How's that?

If I was half as ugly as you Sergeant Major, I'd be a poster boy for a prophylactic.
I have dined with some of the ugliest goddamned bitches in my time. And I have dined with some of the goddamned ugly bitches in this world. But you my dear are the ugliest bitch of them all.

Do you have any kids Lieutenant? No. Lucky for them.
With all due respect sir, you're beginning to bore the hell out of me.

Maybe in an amateur contest with a braying jackass you might stand a chance. You couldn't take care of a wet dream.
Can I make a statement McKay? Go ahead! Your mouthwash ain't making it.
When was the last time you saw chicken shit Jim Bob? When you were shaving this morning?

This giving you a thrill Jim Bob? Groping a man's crotch like that?
I don't give any fucking serviceman's discount. Too bad your old lady does.

Your lucky numbers are 84, 23, 11, 78, and 99. What a load of shit.

You're my lucky number.
Say what? What? What? What? What?
Why what? What's that?
What happened? What's up?
I eat concertina wire, I piss napalm, and I can put a round through a flea's ass at 200 meters.

I'm just a country boy.
Every notice how you come across somebody once in awhile you shouldn't have fucked with? That's me.

You and I ought to be friends. Are you a friend? I'm a friend.
Nobody calls me mister with my boots off.
Now look here buddy. Don't call me buddy, pal, or sweetheart.
- brother Hogan. Look, I told you not to brother me. I'm not your brother.
Look, I'm an American. I don't even know why the hell I'm here.
I'm an American, I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Hi.
What are you pointing the gun at the suitcase for? It's dead already.

Your mother... Is far too nice a lady for that. Heh heh heh.

Am I being paranoid or is he busting my balls? Wasp nest? Well, that's terrible.
I'm talking about rumors of a cheap frayed collared hole in the shoe peeper who's trying to climb in bed with the wrong kind of snotballs.

Bleach smells like bleach.
Are you horizontal, Randy boy? Panther piss.
I just need a strong man to help me. I guess that makes me a cosmo fugitive.
Somebody's up on deck.
Hot damn! I think it's great, it's history making.
She's not asking for God's help. She's asking for mine.

I got to put all that shit back on, goddamn it.
Why don't you just quit your bitching and just remember what's at the end of the line?
Here's to us ducks cause we don't give a quack.
I'll be back.
Do I know your mama?
There's nothing you have to say that Mrs. Wade wants to hear. You don't look like Mrs. Wade.
Well, on a scale of ten, I'd have to give her a two and that's only because I've never seen a one before.
Shit, fire, and save the matches.

Goodbye you flat chested, buck toothed women.
And I cry when you're bluuueeee.
But suddenly my words reached someone else's ears.

Well, that's just swell. It's swell.
Swell. Marvelous. Marvelous.
Right turn Clyde.
But there were four rats in there when I changed my lights, now there's only three. It's my considered opinion that rat number four is sitting inside that cat.

We're going to play this game called 'Speed Zoo'. Speed Zoo? Monkeys. Monkeys! Birdies. Birdies!
And I've drunk more beer, pissed more blood, and banged more quiff, busted more balls then all you numbnuts put together.

Dropping napalm, follow in order.
Dying ain't much of a living boy. Bang!
It's a hell of a thing, killing a man. You take away all he's got and all he's ever going to have.

Do I know you friend? No, not really.

I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, I'll tell you the truth. In all this excitement, I've kind of lost track myself. But being this is a .44 magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question. Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?

You looking at something?
I don't think it's nice, you laughing.

It's a seven point suppository Captain. What did you say? I said stick it in your ass.

Just because we're holding hands doesn't mean we're going to take warm showers till the wee hours of the morning. You hear me?
Go ahead. Make my day.

I sure like the way you talk.
Hey! Watch your language lady. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Keep dreaming shitball.

How much of this shit do I have to listen to?
I'm on a need-to-know basis. You don't need to know dick. You asssssswhole-whole-whole-whole!

Yeah. Son of a bitch.
I'm calling you a liar and a cheat and a fat porky son of a bitch.
Harry, I think you're a yellow, rotten, sadistic son of a bitch.
You pompous son of a bitch! And that son of a bitch is hurting out there, and I'm fuckin' liking it.
Dirty, rotten--dirty, evil, scheming, devious, bitch.

Fuck me.
Shut you fucking face. You have a rendezvous with my ass, motherfucker!
I hate these fucking doughnuts. These fruitcake little ones with the goddamned pinky shit on top. Nobody eats that shit.

Watch your cussing now will ya?
Get out of here!
Get off of her!
Get out of my truck you yellow-bellied sidewinder!
Get off my lawn!
Get out of my truck you ingrates! Get off my lawn.
If I catch you messing around with my gear again, I'm going to stretch your ears.
When you hang a man, you better look at him. Listen to me you sawed off little runt.
I'm going to haunt your ass all over this goddamned town. Don't ever point a gun at me, understand? Not even a twig!
Otherwise you're going to be in deep shit so much that you won't be able to see over it.
Next time I'll knock your damn head off.

I'll take that as a yes, because if I have to come back here, it's going to get fucking ugly.

You just touch that horse mister. You just try and touch it.

You better drop that blade. Or you won't believe what happens next, even while it's happening.

You know, you're going to look awfully silly with that knife sticking up your ass.

Sergent, you get that contraband stogie out of my face before I shove it so far up your ass you'll have to set fire to your nose to light it.

Don't fuck with me buddy, I'll kick your ass so hard you'll have to unbutton your collar to shit.

Listen punk. To me you're nothing but dog shit, you understand?
I don't like you in my flank because it scares me. I don't like being scared. If you ever come near me again I'm going to kill you, understand?

A little early for Christmas shopping ain't it? What'd you want me to do, yell trick-or-treat at him? And I'm the tooth fairy.

What are all you fishheads looking at anyway?
But you, you know, you're letting Click Clack, Ding Dong, and Charlie Chan just walk out with Miss What's Her Face.

Next time you come around this dock, this Mexican's going to kick your ass.

$10 bucks Walt. $10 bucks? What are you, half-Jew or something?

What is it with you Jews anyway?
How many swamp rats can you get in one room?
It looks like we can't trust the white man. Well, I got one. There's a Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says 'Get the fuck out of here'.

Get me another beer dragon lady.
Break out the books and study your little ass off.
If she looks back that means she's interested.

What does a girl have to do to go to bed with you? Try knocking on the door?
Want to go hoist some oysters? Would you care to dance?
I'm going to kill you, your mama, and all her bridge playing friends.
Well do ya, punk?
Tick, tick, tick.

Get three coffins ready. You forgot your fortune cookie. It says: 'You're shit out of luck'.

I've killed just about everything that walks or crawled at one time or another.
There's got to be a hundred reasons why I don't blow you away. But right now I can't think of one.

I know things people. I know things about people. I know things about pigeons. Adios.
Yo comprendo.
-Russian command- -Angry yelling-

I don't know what all that means, I just thought I might use it some day.
If my life were a movie, there'd be a sign on it saying 'Caution, some scenes too intense for younger viewers'.