The Guild S5 Ep4: Ends and Begins


Uploaded by geekandsundry on May 1, 2012

Transcript:

CODEX: Oh.
Good thing I only had two bites of preowned frittata
this morning.
I can't really I insulted Floyd Petrovski.
To gamers he is the Itzhak Perlman of violinists, the
Oprah of middle-aged women, the whoever of
surfing and or golf.
Floyd Petrovski invented the MMO in his
dad's basement at 16.
He is the guru epic drop of RPGs and I called his ideas
moronic to his face.
Today I created the anxiety dream that will haunt me for
the rest of my life.
Except my brain will make it worse.
So I'll be insulting him while naked falling off a cliff,
holding a dead kitten.
Oh.
Ugh, frittata.
[MUSIC PLAYING]

MALE SPEAKER: Can the pirate put me in a headlock with the
pro-wrestling background and say "to the plank with the ye,
matey."
VORK: Five extra liability dollars.
BLADEZZ: All right.
Roll up, buddy.
Let's do this.
What's your name?
All right let's go.
MALE SPEAKER: Gonathan, but with a G.
BLADEZZ: To the plank with you, matey.
GRANT IMAHARA: Who is that kid?
BRENT SPINER: Some internet pirate.
This viral video stuff's just a fad.
Thank you so much.
Take care.
BLADEZZ: That was great, man.
Have a good time.
MALE SPEAKER: Thank you.
BLADEZZ: Money well spent.
Oh.
Well, lookee who it is.
You in the wrong special guest line?
Because I believe the fifth vampire corpse from Twilight
is in the opposite corner, yo.
RACHEL: I finally caught up on your body of work.
Blown away.
How did you invent this character?
What inspired you?
How could I have missed your genius?
BLADEZZ: OK.
Well, now you're asking the right questions.
Well, when I was four--
VORK: Bladezz.
Next fan wants you to swim with him in the underwater
kingdom of the Snorks.
BLADEZZ: OK.
Rachel, is it?
That's right.
How about you and your homies meet this pirate
in the lobby tonight?
We'll, catch a soda and discuss my process.
VORK: We have a raid tonight.
Fornicate at a later date.
BLADEZZ: Tomorrow?
RACHEL: OK.
Lobby 7:00, tomorrow.
Eeek, squeal!
BLADEZZ: All right.
Bladezz's got groupies.
CODEX: And then I said creator guy needs a really check to
the creator.
And then it's just--
these cookies are really good, thanks.
ZABOO: Don't thank me, thank my genre recipes class.
Those cookies are from episode seven, season three of
Battlestar.
They've got frackademia nuts.
CODEX: Well, thanks for rushing over.
ZABOO: I'm glad I caught your message.
I had to switch to a group texting app just to keep up.
Modern living.
CODEX: Why are you popular?
Who's texting you?
ZABOO: Like everyone at the convention.
You know how you can't get into any panels because the
lines are so long?
But you can save a seat.
So I started pulling people's numbers and I created a
network of fans who'd save each other's seats for them.
All you got to do is snag an extra seat and text the
network and then, boom.
And the guy at the other end is like, oh, hey my friend
says there's a seat in row x, no waiting.
I call it Seat Savers, the Buddy System for Making New
Friendships and Watching Your Favorite Panels Organization,
Inc.
CODEX: Wow, that's awesome.
I mean, the name really doesn't work.
ZABOO: Right.
CODEX: Yeah.
But cool concept.
ZABOO: It's a good thing you're in my favorites because
your message went right to the top.
CODEX: I'm in your favorites?
Wow.
ZABOO: Yeah.
Obvious'd.
Well, next panel starts in 10.
Gotta fly.
CODEX: Wait.
Let's do this.
Together.
ZABOO: You want to go to Hot Girl From Other Worlds?
CODEX: No, no.
I mean, um, uh, I--
I think I like you in a, you know, kind of way.

ZABOO: Pshuv!

TINKERBALLA: Skankbadger.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Aren't you a little short for a Slave Leah?
TINKERBALLA: Mine's homemade.
CLARA: I love booth hopping.
And everyone takes charge cards.
TINKERBALLA: You spent more money on these bracelets than
we'll ever earn on these t-shirts.
And still no one will help us sell our stuff.
I'm showing all this skin for nothing.
CLARA: Well, it really doesn't make sense for these vendors
to cut in a middleman, Tink.
Narrow profit margin barely covers their booth rental and
travel cost.
So they'd have to charge 90% of our wholesale to justify a
partnership.
Ah, shiny!
TINKERBALLA: Wait.
You sounded smart for a minute.
ZABOO: OK, I'm feeling a little lightheaded.
Why now?
What's changed?
CODEX: Why do people keep asking that?
Do I need a reason?
I mean, do people analyze how magnets work?
ZABOO: Yes.
In physics class.
Like, all the time.
CODEX: Well, that's just stupid.
I mean, sometimes you just have to go with things and not
think about them.
Really go--
I don't know.
ZABOO: Do you like sports games?
CODEX: Sports games?
Like, no.
Ew.
ZABOO: Say you got a free one and it's just sitting there.
And like, you're super bored.
CODEX: I mean, I guess I might try it.
ZABOO: But you'd probably hate it.
And now it's used.
And the resale value is totally blown.
Think about how the game might feel?
CODEX: I mean, the economics are pretty clear.
But I don't think a game feels--
oh, this in an analogy.
ZABOO: Look, I worked really hard to become your friend.
And now that I know you, I like you as a friend.
But when I meet that special someone I want lightening to
strike on both ends.
CODEX: Yeah.
But are you sure nothing is striking here?
ZABOO: Oh.
Is it a crit for you?
Or is just a chain lightening spell that does zero damage
because of your emotional resist armor?
CODEX: I guess your stats are right.
I'm sorry.
ZABOO: OK.
Let's not let it be awkward.
OK?
CODEX: Uh, too late.
ZABOO: You've already gutted the creator of our game.
CODEX: And, oh, there he goes right now.
Stab me in the heart.
OK.
Dead kittens, dead kittens, dead kittens.
ZABOO: Go, talk to him.
I mean, apologize to his face.
CODEX: What?
No.
Because then he'll reject me like you just did and then I
want a vomit and then--
OK.
Can you come with me?
ZABOO: I can't.
Duty calls.
You know, for the Seat Savers, the Buddy System for Making
New Friendships and--
CODEX: OK.
I'll see you later.
Good bye.
ZABOO: All right.
Go get 'em.
CLARA: What is this strange stuff?
I've never seen anything like it.
FEMALE SPEAKER: If you don't know you should
probably move on.
TINKERBALLA: It's steampunk, the Euro-trash of nerdom.
STEAMPUNK BOOTH GIRL: Oh, Princess Leah.
How original.
CLARA: Can we sell our shirts at your booth?
We're desperate.
Whatever cut you want you can have.
TINKERBALLA: Clara, where did the smart words go?
STEAMPUNK BOOTH GIRL: I'm sorry.
But do those look like they match out color palate?
CLARA: I don't know what that means.
STEAMPUNK BOOTH GIRL: The answer is no.
Would you like to purchase something?
If not, kindly clear the aisle.
Thank you.
CLARA: But I want to know what those goggle things are.
STEAMPUNK BOOTH GIRL: They're called goggles.
CLARA: Neat!
Do you guys have baby clothes?
STEAMPUNK BOOTH GIRL: A gas mask, perhaps.
TINKERBALLA: Come on, Clara.
Let's go.
CLARA: Oh, but I want to know more about the
clocky windy stuff.
TINKERBALLA: That's not going to help.
Oh my god.
Emergency bail alert.
STEAMPUNK BOOTH GIRL: Pardon.

Ew.

FLOYD PETROVSKI: You know, I really tried to get excited
about this demo.
But no one is responding.
The fans think the changes are moronic.
Maybe they're right.
We could take a new angle on the force powers.
We could tweak the party mechanics.
Do you know that Soundgarden is now an oldies band?
MALE SPEAKER: No matter what you do you're going to be
dogged for it.
Cash out, man.
Move on.
Don't worry about your baby.
RTX promise.
FLOYD PETROVSKI: OK.
You know what?
Maybe it's time.
Huzzah!
To the kingdom!
Draw up the paperwork!

Woo!
CODEX: Wait-- wait a second.
Did he just say he's gonna sell our game?

[MUSIC PLAYING]