Beth of the Week - 7/20/12 (Full Ep)

Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 20.07.2012


I'm fine.
What's happening, hot stuffs?
It's me, you know who--
Beth Hoyt.
My goodness, we made it to Friday.
We New Yorkers actually barely made it.
The weather this week here, this is how it went.
Monday, 95 degrees.
Tuesday, 98 degrees, humid.
Wednesday, 100 degrees.
And then, the world ended.
Luckily, here we started after about 14 inches of rain in 35
minutes, and even without the weather, you guys, it was an
exciting, crazy time here.
Jason Horton was here with [INAUDIBLE] yesterday.
Megabeth showed up on Wednesday.
We started our Olympic coverage.
Luke Connor was here.
We both did a shot of barbecue sauce.
We both spit it out.
We had a marshmallow mouth-to-mouth.
Seriously, so much happened.
I just wish there was a way to show you all the best moments
of the whoa--
wait, there is.
There totally is.
You guys, enjoy a Beth of the Week.
-The idea is you just put them all in your mouth and then--
-What's your favorite sport to watch?
-Hippos kill people.

Uh, service announcement.
-They started dancing on the dance floor hard, like Dirty
Dancing style but dirtier.
Then they started making out, which was weird because the
butterfly's mouth is like this big.
And the pony's mouth is really, really big.
And then they got married and had babies.
-Driving because I always amazed how they can jump in a
pool of wet with making little splash.
I think, I think you mean diving.
-Come on, open your mouth.
-Oh, yes.
-She got it.
-That was really exciting.
- Beth is good at "everthing." Here is
something I am good at--
a thousand, I wanna shout out to you.
That was more of a song, and not a shout-out, and now I
can't stop because I'm already in the middle of it.
I just finished it.
-I must begin--
what are you--
what are you doing?
-I thought there was fire.
-Wow, it is just thick, and really viscous, and really--
That's exactly what I did.
-That's like impossible.
NARRATOR: Previously, on Save The Supers.
The Super Force government funding was cut.
So they started this reality show.
Night Knight wants to make a super baby out of their
combined DNA.
It makes sense.
-Super Force.

-So we are exactly where we didn't want to be--
flat broke.
I'm gonna have to let someone go.
Toughest part of the job.
Well that and, we had to kill a bunch of kids once.
They were evil.
But that was--
that was a bummer, too.
-OK, Fleet Foot, we're just gonna do a little performance
review just to chat amongst friends, OK?
No big deal.
-Is this about my fire trail, because that's caused by
friction, man, I mean-- that science-- like I just run fast
and then sometimes there's flames, and I
can't defeat science.
I'm on parent support.
I got babies.
I can't be no unemployed black man.
I can't--
I can't be a stereotype!
-Easy, whoa, easy.
I need visuals.
Speed up, speed out.
18 fast facts about Fleet.
-Oh, boy.
-World's fastest man.

-Fire me.
-El, I need you to take this seriously.
-I am.
-OK, you can't smoke in--
-I've been fighting crime for 400 years.
To be ex--
I mean it's in your file.
I just read it.
-Yeah, well, it's getting old.
I mean, maybe it's just time to move on.
-El, I need you.
We, the whole team, needs you.
You're a goddess.
In that you have gods for parents, specific-- that's the
-I'm like her best friend.
I'm like in--
in the friend zone.
-Another five minutes of faking like I might get fired?
-Yes, that should about do it.
I'm gonna point at this several times, point point
point point point point point point, and I'm
gonna point at you.

-As if Mermaid is gonna fire the only superhero that had
super strength, super speed, flight, X-ray vision, laser
eyes, and this.
My own cereal.
They're good.

-I want you to know, Merman.
Whatever you decide, I'm 100% behind you.
-Uh, wow.
That is surprising coming from you and very meaningful.
-Budgets are so frustrating.
-Yeah, they really are.
-Just makes me spitting mad.
-Uh, OK.
-Go ahead, Merman.
Spit out the anger right into this Petri dish.
-No, dude, I'm not gonna give you my DNA so that you can
build a super baby.
That's not gonna help solve our financial problems.
-You don't know that.
If all goes to plan, he'll be the David Schwimmer of
-Uh, I--
how does that have anything to do with anything?
Listen, your job is on the line.
I can fire you.
-No, you can't.
Because I'm not on the payroll.
That's my hair!
-Smoke bomb.

-I checked, and Night Knight is
actually not on our payroll.
I guess none of us really know what his secret
identity is, so--
he could be a billionaire for all we know.

You mean the one guy that's actually out on a
mission right now?
I don't think I want to fire him at all, no.
He's a model team member.
I mean, he has had issues with alcohol, but that-- but that's
in his past.
INTERVIEWER (OFFSCREEN): Oh, what happened in his past?
in a battle with the Grey Ghoul, he was faced with the
choice of either saving his girlfriend or a busload of
Uh, he tried to save both of them, and failed.
they all died.
Everyone died.
-El, the world needs superheroes like you.
I mean, ask yourself.
-I can't control my powers, so I should probably be fired for
-Yeah, stop it.
Stop it.
You are not fired.
Now get out of my office.
-And 18, brings diversity to the Super Force,
parenthetically, affirmative action.
-That was great.
Uh, I think I have more than enough information.
-I can do better.
Speed up, speed out.
TV ANNOUNCER: Fleet Foot, the world's fastest man.
A true team leader, father of six, friend of Merman.
-Everybody on this team contributes so much.
I don't know who to let go.
-You guys seen this?
Great power, Mermaid Man.
We really need someone with squid ink arms.
-Yeah, OK.

-Let's gather up, everybody.
So I took a hard look at us, the team, and
have come to a decision.
99% of our missions are on land, so I think
that I should be--
-Morphman, are you drunk?
-Ugh, it smells like Nick Nolte's beard.
-Oh, god.
-Round two.
-Ugh, I have a weak stomach.
OK, somebody needs to clean this up, so--
-I'm not doing it.
-I don't--
I don't clean.
-Poor Morphman.
Poor, poor Morphman.
I feel so bad for him.
-So, Morphman ruined his undercover mission, and now
the watchmaker has all the gears from Big Ben.
Drinking on the job is unacceptable.
And so, I mean, we have to let him go.
I love the guy, you know, he's-- he's a brother to me.
Morphman was the one guy that when I came on the team, he
supported me, you know.
A lot of the guys on the team were like, what do we need an
ocean guy for?
You know, there's not a ton of crime in the ocean.
But he needs some professional help.
He'll be missed.

-Night, Fred.
Night, T-buzz.
-Night, Night Knight.

-Ew, that robot just barfed.

-Yay, Save the Supers.
And guys, on the subject of bad-ass My Damn Channel
original comedy series, OK, I don't want to give too much
away, but we have a really big premiere on
our show next Wednesday.
It's the return of Status Kill, and it is bigger and
better than ever.
Subscribe so you don't miss it.
Also, next Wednesday, we have Gilbert Gottfried live, here
in the studio, not only to rant about crazy things in our
culture, but also to hang out, take your questions, and just
be Gilbert-y.
If you don't know what that means, you're
about to find out.
I'll see you, Monday.
Wheezy Waiter's gonna be here Tuesday.
All is good.
Now go home.
Kiss your loved ones, and enjoy your life, dammit.
It's summer and it's the weekend.