Trish Nelson LIVE! - 7/26/12 (Full Ep)

TRISH NELSON: Toy boat, toy boat, toy boat, toy boat, toy
boat, toy boat.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
TRISH NELSON: Hey there, everybody.

It's me.
Who am I?
What are you talking about, I'm Trish.
Oh wait, oh no--
have we not met?
Oh, my gosh.
I am so sorry.
You look so familiar to me.
I thought, I thought you knew I was, I thought I
knew you, but OK.
You know what we're going to do?
We're just going to take it back a second, back this thing
right on up.
My name is Trish Nelson, and I am the guest host for today's
episode of My Damn Channel LIVE.
Daily Grace, who normally hosts these Thursdays, um,
well, she's kind of attending a little comedy show called
Just For Laughs.
It's a festival in Montreal, and it's awesome.
And so she is going to be back here next week, so please
don't panic.
She's coming back.
You and I, we're just gonna kind of hang out today and get
to know each other and take it real slow and see
where it leads to.
Cool, it's cool with me.
I'm so excited.
Now, even though this is my first time hosting, eagle eyed
viewers may have spotted me on earlier shows, because I pop
up here all the time.
Do you guys want to see?
OK, here's a clip.
It's me and Beth when we played Jenga.
Mmmm--

I never lose.
BETH HOYT: Thanks for coming, Trish.
TRISH NELSON: And here's one where Kurt Braunohler, he
forced us to dance at gun point.
KURT BRAUNOHLER: Bunny hop.
There we go, this is fun.
We're having a good time now.
All right, keep bunny hopping, keep it-- keep it going.
I want everybody to do their individual thing
now at the same time.
TRISH NELSON: Then there was the time that I--
I just kind of rolled around on the floor
for the entire show.
Whee!

Whee!

And then--
oh, this is my favorite one--
this is the--
there's a time where I kind of had a nervous breakdown live
on the air and I just, I curled up into a ball and I
wept uncontrollably.
[CRYING]
TRISH NELSON: Turn the camera off!
Leave me alone!
I just want to go home.
I just to go home.

And of course, who could forget the time that I
accidentally killed Tom Hanks during that bizarre spirited
thumb wrestling match?
Who knew he was going to die?

What?
There's no clip?
I don't understand.
They're not releasing it?
Oh, these rules, I--
all right, that's cool, I don't care.
The point is, I am no stranger to this amazing show.
And I'm also no stranger to Beth Hoyt.
Seriously, we're, like, the bestiest of friendsies.
Look, oh-- you guys, look what she did.
She left me this amazing drawing.
Look at that talent.
It's of, um, Thelma and Louise which we sometimes play, and
going over the cliff together--
two nomads.
Oh, Beth--
I don't want this.
I don't think, um, I don't think we need to save that.
But thanks, Beth, that's beautiful.
You're getting better.
Um, seriously, though, we are totally good friends.
I met Beth several years ago at my friend's
Thanksgiving dinner.
And the great thing about, about Beth, always, and back
then, is that she talks incessantly, and she did that
for, like, four hours straight.
There was no breaks.
I'm not kidding.
Like, hardly a breath in between stories.
It was really kind of a human feat.
But she and I now, we host a comedy show together and it's
called Big Effin Deal.
It's really important.
It's kind of like the most awesome show on the
planet at this time.
Um, second, of course, to this show.
This show's amazing.
But yeah, you know, we hang out all the time.
Or sometimes we hang out.
She's really busy.
I've seen her, I saw her, I saw her this summer um, once.
So, that's OK.
I love you.
Anyway, enough about me for now.
Um, I think we should watch a video, and this one is near
and dear to my heart because one of my favorite activities.
And this is true and dangerous.
It's touching strangers in public.
This is McMayhem with Situation Escalade--
Escalate.

STEPHEN SEIDEL: What's up?
It's Situation Escalate.
I'm Stephen Seidel.
This is where Matt takes it to a whole nother level.
Who's ready for some public intimacy?
[RAP MUSIC PLAYING]
TRISH NELSON: We're back, guys.
Now, since I'm sure you guys still have tons of questions
about moi, uh, and who I am, I thought that, um, I should
just do a little kind of get to know you questionnaire.
These are just a couple of questions that we've pulled
from some Tumblr surveys, because I feel like it's a
great way to get to know me.
And let's just get down to it.
Let's get to the brass tacks and the truth.
Hmm.
Oh, there's a question.
There it is right there.
What's the most embarrassing album you've ever owned and do
you still own it?
Um, it is Duets with Barbra Streisand and Barry Gibb.
I loved it so much that I burned it right down to the
very last grid.
I still own it, though.
But, God, talk about some talent.
Um, let's get to another one.
Our second question is, what's the first thing you notice
about people?
Um, well, I notice the wallet size.
Uh, it's important to me.
Um, very important, in fact.
Let's do another question.
What would you do with a million dollars?
I know exactly what I would do with a million dollars.
I would feed the poor and the starving in this world.
It's terrible how a people are dying.

I wouldn't, I would not do that.
I would buy a house.
I would buy a house in Malibu.
I would use it as a down payment.
I would want to spend like a $17 million on a house.
But that would be my down payment, a million.
Well, gosh, let's see.
We have another here.
If you were reincarnated as an animal, what would it be?
Um, I think if you guys saw that clip with Kurt
Braunohler, I love to dress as a bunny umm, because I
like to have sex.

Sorry, Mom.
Um, all right, we have one more question.
What age did you become an adult?
Well, I can't answer that, uh, yet.
That's a pending question.
Um, maybe in 10 years.
Maybe when I can pay my rent on time.
Maybe when I can feed my cat on time I can answer that.
Um, yeah, that's it for that.
You know now, all of you guys know, as much as--
as much about me as the many, many boyfriends that
I have in my life.
And we all know, I mean, I've got a lot.
I've got a lot of boyfriends.
Like, I mean, less than 1,000.
Like, smaller than a bread box, bigger than a stapler.
That's how many.
Um, you know, I think we should have time for another
video and here comes the shortest comedy
series on the internet.
This is the John Freidman Internet Program with Oscar
the Grouch.

[MUSIC PLAYING]
MALE SPEAKER: And that's why I think this show needs an
asshole living in the garbage.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
MALE SPEAKER: Hey, buddy--
we're going to have to let you go.
I'm really sorry.
MALE SPEAKER: Oh, thank God.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Ha, ha, ha.
MALE SPEAKER: Honey, stop.
It's OK, he fired me.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Ha ha!
Oh!
TRISH NELSON: We're back, guys.
And we're going to answer a couple YouTube questions, and
then we're going to move on to Twitter.
They're comments, so let's see-- the first comment is do
you have any unique talents that you can do right this
very moment?
Oh, um, uh, ugh.
That's a back walk over, and then I come back on this side,
and I land it.
Um, I was a gymnast once.
We have another comment.
Let's see, it's--
Hi, Trish, you're awesome.
Thank you, SSuperTony.
You guys, you're awesome, too.
I'm so glad I get to meet you.
We have another comment here, and that is--
who doesn't know who Trish is?
She's, oh--
who doesn't who Trish is?
She's so weird but funny.
You know what?
I am weird and I am funny.
I would say on a scale I'm more weird than funny, though.
We've got some Twitter questions, I believe, and
we're going to go to those.
The first one's from Beth Hoyt.
Hey, Trish, any tips for staying safe in the sun?
Oh, that's a joke on me because, um, Beth knows that I
have trouble using sunblock.
I'm tan right now, you can see-- look at
that, look at that.
Oh, God.
Yeah, don't wear sunblock.
So, thanks, Beth, for pointing that out.
We've got another one here.
Let's see--
hey, Trish, what's your favorite thing about Beth?
Oh, it's from Beth, so just curious.
I think my favorite thing would have to be, um, it's,
uh, uh, Beth--

I'm going to--
I'm going to come back to that question, um, on another show.
Um, let's--
let's do another question.
Beth Hoyt.
Hey, Trish, remember when I saved your life that one time?
Yes, Beth, thanks for reminding me again.
Beth did save my life one time.
I wrapped my head in this Ace bandage, I
couldn't see anything.
And I play this character called The Woman Who Doesn't
Have A Face.
And at the end of my comedy bit, I was trying to get back
to my seat, and there was this staircase on the right hand
side with stairs leading downwards, as they often do.
And, um, I just hear in the background as I am meandering,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and that was Beth.
Saved my life.
Almost took a tumble.
All right, we've got time for one last one.
Let's see what it's going to be.
Beth Hoyt again?
Hey Trish, when you watch My Damn Channel LIVE at home, do
you tell Beth to shut up out loud?
Always wondered.
You are so adorable.
You thinking I watch you every day.
Yes, I do tell you to shut up all the time.
Thank you, guys.
Thank you so much, Beth.
That's all the time we have today, but you know what?
It was so super fun being with you.
I mean, Beth and I-- well, I won't be back, but Beth is
going to be back tomorrow to wrap up the entire week, and
she's going to fill you in on all the fun things that are
happening next week.
I'm so excited for you guys.
Until next time, I'm Trish, and I love you so much, and we
will always be together.
Bye bye.

[MUSIC PLAYING]