You Suck at Photoshop - Arrival


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 09.05.2008

Transcript:

SN4TCHBUCKL3R: [HEAVY SIGH]
Oh god.
OK.
Don't [INAUDIBLE]
Don't [INAUDIBLE], OK?
Don't [INAUDIBLE].
MALE SPEAKER: Hello, and welcome to Peopleburg, your
new online home away from online home, as you begin your
road to recovery.
This road is a virtual road less traveled--
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: OK.
Gay.
MALE SPEAKER: Let's begin by discovering the new you.
You are a citizen of Peopleburg now.
And that means you are unique.
You will have a chance to select--
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Gay.
MALE SPEAKER: There are no characters in Peopleburg.
Characters are what hang around locker rooms and bars.
No, you will be represented by your Peopleburg
Persona or PP, which--
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: PP?
I, what?
MALE SPEAKER: Your PP is special and needs to be well
taken care--
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: PP?
MALE SPEAKER: Your PP will thrive in Peopleburg by
earning healing points.
Every time you hug someone--
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Gay.
MALE SPEAKER: Or cuddle up next to some--
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Gay.
MALE SPEAKER: Touch a pony--
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: What?
MALE SPEAKER: Or care for another PP.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Hah, ga-ay.
MALE SPEAKER: The more healing you give,
the more you receive.
Healing points lead to a healthy heart.
A healthy heart leads--
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Goink.
MALE SPEAKER: You will be assigned a
sponsor or Start Buddy.
This real live Peopleburg participant is
your guide and guardian.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Shh?
What?
MALE SPEAKER: A new arrival, just like
yourself at one point--
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Pshaw.
MALE SPEAKER: Your Start Buddy--
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Annnd gay.
MALE SPEAKER: Your journey awaits.
Good luck and happy healing.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: All right man, what've we got here?
Ahh, customize your Peopleburg Person-A.
[THUMPING ON KEYBOARD]
All right, first name, yeah duh, Snatchbuckler man.
What?
What do you mean that's too long?
What?
Ah, gee, fine, Snatchbuckle.
[THUMPING ON KEYBOARD]
God.
[THUMPING ON KEYBOARD]
What?
You got to be kidding me man.
All right, [THUMPING ON KEYBOARD]
Snatch [THUMPING ON KEYBOARD]
Buck [THUMPING ON KEYBOARD].
Jesus, man.
Fine.
What?
Snatch.
Just fine.
Just plain Snatch.
All right, select a sur-a-nam.
All right, uh, eh.
What the hell kind of names are these, man.
Ah, Bunsoftener!
What?
Jesus.
All right, fine, Berger , I guess that's close enough.
OK, oh, openness, I gue--
I don't know.
Is this--
I don't use the--
cryability?
No man, I don't cry.
Wait.
I don't.
I'm not open.
I don't shar--
man, what are these things?
They're like broken.
Screw it, man.
All right.
Uh, OK, obviously male, duh.
But, but these guys, these guys aren't male.
These guys are douche bags, man.
Ah, cha--
Jesus.
All right, fine, I, ahh.
I guess this one will do.
[CHEERFUL MUSIC]
OK, fa--
What?
what's, what's the deal with my arms, man?
What am I-- am I floating?
What's the key command for putting your arms down and
looking like a real person, man?
What?
I mean, it's like, I can't go through this whole game
looking like that scene from Titanic, man.
It's just a house, man?
There's not even a door.
There's no doors.
Come on, man.
This isn't very funny, man.
I can't spend all my time in one room, man.
The walls are closing in on me, man.
I can't breathe, man.
What is this place, man?
I want to go home.
JOJO MCELROY: That's it, let it all out.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: What the ass, man.
Holy sheep shearing, that scared the Mike
Schmidt out of me, man.
JOJO MCELROY: Who, me?
I'm your Start Buddy.
Don't be afraid.
I'm a real person, just like you, Sn-four-tch Berger
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: [PANTING]
JOJO MCELROY: The part of the tutorial you skipped, all of
it, explained everything.
My name is JoJo McElroy.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: What kind of a name is that?
I mean, Christ, man, what kind of place is this?
JOJO MCELROY: This is Peopleburg.
This is where you start to become well again,
Sn-four-tch.
Together--
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: No, man.
JOJO MCELROY: With me.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Where are my weapons, man?
JOJO MCELROY: No weapons.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: But my armor?
JOJO MCELROY: No armor.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Where's the guildmaster?
Yeah, that's it, man, a guild.
I could get some answers there.
JOJO MCELROY: No guilds, Sn-four-tch, no grinding, no
ganking, no camping--
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: I just be the--
JOJO MCELROY: No duels, quests, mobs, factions--
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: No.
JOJO MCELROY: Classes, levels, spells--
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: What?
JOJO MCELROY: Pikes, blood rage, manna.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: No, man.
JOJO MCELROY: Listen to me!
That world is behind you now.
It's all gone.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: No, no, no, man.
JOJO MCELROY: Listen to me.
Listen!
This isn't going to be easy.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: No, man.
Oh, man.
JOJO MCELROY: It won't be easy.
But it's going to be right.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Just let me--
JOJO MCELROY: You know it.
That's why you're here.
You're going to get through this.
And we're going to do it together, by admitting that
you cannot control your gaming addiction and compulsions.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: Where's the door, man?
JOJO MCELROY: Doors will open for you when you're ready to
go through them.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: I need to get out of here, man.
JOJO MCELROY: Now how about that tutorial?
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: What's the key command for curling up in a
fetal ball and slowly crying myself to sleep, man?
JOJO MCELROY: Shift Command C.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: [SOBBING]
JOJO MCELROY: But it's not available until Beta 2.
SN4TCHBUCKL3R: [SOBBING]