Leslie | Ep. 1 of 2 | Feat. Catherine O'Hara | WIGS


Uploaded by wigs on 20.08.2012

Transcript:
Barry, don’t bullshit me. I’m in the final two?
Oh my God. Mother Teresa, Mother freakin’ Teresa.
And Andre’s directing? Yeah, well yeah, who wouldn’t want to?
God, I love Mother Teresa, sometimes I feel like Mother Teresa.
What the fu-
Nothing. No. Nothing.
Yeah, give him my home number.
Between three and four. Yeah. Ok. I’m not going anywhere. See, Barry, good things come to- ok bye.
You’re Mother Teresa. Be the part. Get the part.
Don’t. Speak. Run.
Hello.
Hi. Oh God, no teeth.
Oh God, no leg.
Do you need um- What are you doing?
Do you want to, come in? Say no, say no, say no.
Yeah, if you don’t mind. Shit. Not at all.
So nasty…
Out there. It’s nasty out there.
It is. You are inviting a homeless man into your apartment. You will be robbed, raped, murdered and left in little pieces in the garbage disposal.
Um, where are those keys?
Right there, in your hand.
Yes, there they are. Right. Ok. Let’s go in.
You’re Mother Teresa. Be there part. Get the part.
I’m Leslie. Butterfield. Leslie Butterfield.
Moron. Give him your social security number too.
Is that you in all those pictures?
Mhm. I’m an actress. Do you know Eddie Murphy?
No I don’t.
They call me Nello.
Nello. Hello, Nello.
You uh- You going to take your coat off?
Yes, thank you.
So, uh, would you like a cup of coffee? That would be real nice.
You have any donuts? Donuts? No, from my eyes to my thighs, all that trans fat oozing through- no. Sorry, I don’t.
Coffee be fine then. Coffee be fine. Why don’t you make him a pot roast?
Um, if I seem preoccupied, it’s just that I’m waiting for an important call.
You have a lot of nice stuff here. Let’s keep it that way.
Cream. I forgot the cream.
You know, it’s a big role in a film. Mother Teresa. Andre Peruzzi directing. I mean that is the kind of role that can put you right back on top. That goes without saying.
I mean Mother Teresa right? He doesn’t know who you’re talking about.
You know who I’m talking about right?
Yeah, somebody’s mother. Teresa.
Well, actually, she was a nun. A saint, really. She took care of the- say when- the sick and the hungry.
Like you. Well, no. No.
That’s good. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry.
Cheers.
There just aren’t that many roles for women over 30 you know? I’m a lifer. I never wanted to do anything else. My mother wanted me to be an esthetician. You know what that is right?
Yeah, somebody work with lights?
No. Yeah.
Any how, not for me. I only want to act. Helen Hayes said it best, I think.
“I am confused by life, but I feel safe within the confines of the theatre.”
I slept in the theatre once, I felt safe too.
Mind if I have some of that? Don’t let him drink. He’s a wino.
No, the mustard. Of course.
Thank you.
You know, you’re going to get it. Oh my God, he’s a killer.
Sorry?
This part. You’re going to get it. 59 00:06:39,01 --> 00:06:45,01 Oh. I’m going to get the- Oh, wait how do you know?
Because she sounds just like you.
This Teresa lady, she like to do good for people right?
Inside of everybody, even the bad people, there’s always a little bit of good. You just have to believe that it’s there. She do that, don’t she?
Yeah she did, yeah.
That’s why you’re going to get it.
Yeah.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Ok. I gotta go to the bathroom. If the phone rings don’t answer it.
It’s not that I don’t want you to answer it, it’s just that I have to answer it. And you can’t use the phone either.
I mean, please don’t use the phone. Normally, of course you can use my phone, you could call China if you wanted to, alright?
But no, not for right now, for today, no. You can’t. Just don’t. Call China, or anywhere. Ok?
Ok.
Please.
So did anyone call?
Don’t worry, you’re going to get it. Yeah.
So, how did you get the way you are?
The way I am?
Homeless. Oh.
Well that’s a long story.