auto-auto, cooking the rabbits of belgium (full)


Uploaded by johanrajmond on 17.01.2012

Transcript:
-yes, we will have to start by feeding the cat
...then the chef will tell us what we're gonna do today
-yes, we're gonna kill a rabbit
no, we're gonna fry it
first fry it here for a little while in the grill pan
it's darn big so we have to fry it in two stages
then we're gonna put the bastard in the oven
and later davor will show up with moose
that we'll also do in the oven
not an entire moose, just part
it might feel a little bit boring
when you have an entire rabbit you feel like you want a whole moose as well
like putting the head in and then just keep pushing
maybe we should have tried to rent a bakery for this dinner
you know, with a big oven that you can enter
and here's the ass
-nice here's the ears
the chef always brings his own knives
-what do you mean? It's the first time I brought them here
-NOW your'e lying... no you dont
yes, no, it would have been awsome if you brought your knives when we are out playing
-yeah right, refuse to leave them behind
-SHIT, I have to smell this
-It's hairy -DID I JUST SMELL RABBIT's BUTT?!
-Is it hairy? -Yes, there's a few hairs left
-but it is flayed
-yes, that is correct, but it's probably rather hard to flay ...
-gynecologist chair here...
-gyn-rabbit
-So the intestines has been removed
-no, there's some left here...
-Heart? ... no, liver!
-Let's fry that as well, I would love some
-Please, go ahead, I dont want it but you know that...
Time to open the wine ... If you cook your'e allowed to drink
-bon vivant
-hold this camera...
-filming you... and giving you some rabbit on the ipod
with rabbit you drink oude kap, not because we're forced but rather cause Johan always buy this freak'n wine
-the boxed wines we have in sweden are really awful oude kap too, but it's the best of the worst
-boxed wine is just practical, a bottle is emptied to quick and it gets to heavy to carry 12 bottles
-PRESS the rabbit, how does it feel? ribs against the pan?
-Not entirely satisfied, a bit of angst actually
maybe 'cause i was a vegetarian just a few weeks ago
it looks like a viking-oden mask or something, a little goaty
I think it's an omen...
-As what? -As BAL.
the babylonian god BAL.
-Ah, you lost me there.
-Did'nt you read paradise lost?
-I've only started to read it, just the other day
-soon you'll be reading when lucifer adresses all the other gods
-This I've read, but I read it in school..
-And there BAL is a very huge god, 'cause he was really worshiped in babylonia
FUCK IT!
Look at this, I try to bend it but it doesn't work Rigor Mortis...
Fuck, this is irritating.. La la la
-It looks like that Peter Gabriel video
-I wanna be, your sledge hammer... (singing)
-What is the chef doing now?
-He's gonna fry himself some liver
the most important thing when frying liver is a really hot pan, I forgot to have that now
and then loads of butter, liver is fuck'n dry
Also, it's impotant to find out how much the rabbit has been drinking during it's life
If it's been drinkning to much it's not so good to eat the liver
-You dont get hammered then ...?
-No, but it's like transmutation...
-Oh this fucking cleaning-organ-stuff...
-Look at how nice it looks
-FUCK THAT's DISGUSTING
You know I never even tasted pure liver
it's more an aversion, I stopped eating liver-pâté (swedish speciality) when I was four and realised it had liver in it
well, at least I'm gonna taste it, If I tasted snake I might as well taste rabbit liver
... I do know what it is and I have a hard time swallowing it...
It tastes good, but I cant fuck'n swallow it
Yeah, I understand and I understand when people say that they dont wanna eat it.
And I've been thinking the same thing up until about four months ago when I had this idea, I have to eat liver
I felt the smell and remembered when my father was frying liver when I was a kid
LIVER, time to eat liver, time to grow up, eat liver
-Is it considered animal torture to get your cat drunk?
-Yeah, and it's pretty un-nice, but you love that cat so why not...
-Maybe I should'nt feed him beer then...
-It's probably a habit thing, but right now he has really wide eyes, like a real alcoholic
-Ok, let's leave it
I Personally think it's a bit boring to cook with you
-yes, I want to do everything
-yes, and I like to cook as well, and I dont suck so badly
-no, absolutely not, your'e probably better than I am
-NO DEFINITLY not, you're much more innovative
I thought of _just_ this the other day... this thing with cooking
and how it could be a metaphor for music
some special talent is required to create a new dish, which you have, but which I dont
of course I can create, but not from scratch like you can
but it's like, if you read a recipe and cook, it's like reading a score and playing the music
-absolutely
-the cat has stolen your knives. he will soon kill you
-yes, probably, chopped up, chopping up
have you seen that? it looks like you, like if you had a tan
-Hallo Davor Radic
-Hallo Johan Hellqvist
-How are you?
-Frankel. Hallo!
-There's bacon
-AH, you know what we'll do? ... Not a bad idea, good work
-You want a glass of wine?
I have a "bottle" also... Castillio De Gredos
-Maybe it's good for starting a moped?
-when we go out and steal one
-And I have some sake with me
-NICE
We're trying to get hold of Elliott but it does'nt really work out he was the drunkest person ever yesterday
-RABBIT, what we done so far. Frying it a little bit, but it was hard since it does'nt fit the pan
and now it has a bacon comforter and a bacon diaper so you cant see the private parts
-If i zoom the private parts i dont see them, right?
-Maybe you do, but it's supposed to be G-string bacon
-It's a she?
-we dont know
-Maybe it doesn't matter, but ...
-Male should supposedly taste a little bit more...
-Sperm?!
-Eh, I dont know... but un nutered male pig tastes like shit and Bull is hardly edible
Which is why you cut of their balls
-So, can we decide to call it "Charles Rabbit", which means we have decided it's gender
and he is going in the oven now togheter with a few small things
-But why do you have? tinfoil?
-We're not sure how it will react in the oven and we're a bit afraid...
-That it will live?
-No, that it will loose a lot of fluid
and we're gonna use the stuff around it to make sauce, so we want a little bit fluid
-and it's 2.1 kg so it's about 2 hours
-what do you think Geist?
-He's probably hungry
-And wanting to get drunk
-but this is actually what happned my father
-Did this happen to your father?
-Yeah, in the 60's, he and his brother got a male and a female rabbit
and of course in the ned of the summer it was a whole bunch of them
so grandpa clubbed them to death and put them in the freezer with nametags on them
"charles", and "pelle" and..
I thin it's a good idea but Annika thought that both my father and grandpa were psychopats
-A little bit psycho yes, but at the same time a life lesson learned
-yes, what the hell, the kids think that fish-sticks is some man-made produkt and not a living thing
-Now we're gonna do a marinade for these moose-ribs
They are not gonna be so long in the oven and can be a little bit red..
-Yes it's almost better ... Moose can be very dry
-Let's see, Oil...
-I ate calf-stew (swedish styled)
-Soy
-what does that mean? swedish-styled-stew?
-It's just a meat sauce
-Chili
-I dont know the history behind swedish-styled-stew.
-Swedish styled stew is just a stew with bay leaf
-Bay leaf and allspice
-And I'm guessing it's origin is east european, it's like a gulasch, but with these things
-then it was probably this I ate
-yes, it's pretty common to have moose in those
-Calf stew was so awsome... Ate it in stockholm
-maybe we need some pepper and stuff
-yes
-very nice idea with the chilisauce
let's add something sweet as well
-but the chilisauce is sweet
-how sweet?
-taste it
-ok, it's sweet
-we have to start elliotts food as well
-it's not sure that he comes
-It's not?
-he has'nt answered his phone yet
-he drank a litre of baylies yesterday
-he was... YOU MUST NOT EAT TINFOIL
it's already starting to smell nice
-yeah
fiming when you're chopping
-fine chopping stuff here, it's for elliott, the vegetarian, lentil soup
-sounds tasty
-yeah, it's very tasty, maybe we should do enough for everyone
lentil soup as a starter for him, we dont even have one 'cause we have so much meat
and then he'll get qourn-beefs.. and that's a bit boring but I have a lousy imagination when it comes to vegetarian stuff
qourn is very easy to make "good"
-it's very much work to make lentil beefs
-but there's no way to guarantee that it will be awsome
this will be awsome either way
-it's true
-"Tjuvtjock" or theif fat, it means when you dont feel totally okay..
like, if your'e at macdonalds and already ated a big mac supersize + a and you go for another two cheeseburgers because you have a hangover
and then then "fullness" hits... then you become theif-fat.. you become noxious and feel food-fat only during that day
and this is also how you feel when you it lentils 'cause it makes your stomache work and some flower which makes you feel fat
-Where's my glass?
-dont you have any markers, like tape or such for the glasses?
-if this had been during the 80s and we would have been part of a sitcom or something
for example "solstållarna" then he would have come out now with a sami, thanks for the coffee
-Is this dish called anything special?
-Rabbit and moose?! cant we have some cool name for it
-I belive that "charles the rabbit in oven" is the best..
Since we're trying to do the meat in it's original form
we have a whole rabbit... then you can say "whole oven fried rabbit"
-Ala Frankel
-Hahaha
-It should be noted that we have no idea how your'e actually supposed to cook rabbit
-it can go straight to hell
-total improv, we googled some before this but ... couldn't make heads or tails of it
-what are you gonna have sherry?
-lots of sherry, I had sherry-sauce for my calf yesterday
-calf-a-dos
-jetz, lentil soup
-let's see how sexy it is
[OH OH AH OH]
-very fine chopped
-fuck'n fine chopped
it's almost possible to belive that your'e a chef
-yeah, you may suspect that I work with this...
-yes
-Did you ever invent a new dish?
-We talked about this before, and Johan says I'm pretty good with inventing new dishes
but what I'm really good at is developing new dishes
new ways of thinking, what works with this and that, etc
and i Experiment a lot since I think it's awsome to cook
and if I'm not stressed I try to spend at least 3 hours per day cooking
-Are you particullary proud of any dish?
-yes, my peoples-beer-sauce (peoples beer = swedish light beer, availible in normal stores)
And when... did I do it? the first time? New years in Värmland
-Lesjöfors
-Sounds like a sexy village
-yeah, it's in the forest, outside filipstad
I was going to do a stew with some red-wine sauce
And I thought, Alcohol in food : if possible, then it's AWSOME
'cause then you get a circle
-everything in one
-if newyears usually is filled with alcohol then you have to try and incorporate it into the food as well
And I thought, do we have any wine? But no, only stuff like cider
At that time we did'nt even drink champange
we just drank a lot of booze and moonshine and stuff
-moonshine and christmas softdrinks
-So I thought, Peoples beer?! that's something we can spend
some liqours you dont wanna waste, you might need them later
but peoples beer is something you can basically throw away
-cheap and you can obtain it easy
-So I did a meat-sauce-base with peoples beer instead of wine, and it was really good
-This is an auto-auto fridge
-old cheese
If you look at ketchup you see that it's considered food, it has nutrition values etc
but if you look at mustard, you see that it's a spice, because it doesn't have any nutrition values
-information !
-It feels like "anslagstavlan" (old swedish stately television show, educating the citizens)
-What did you put in now?
-LENTILS of course, it's lentil soup
-I thought it was fake meat or something
-nono
-Johan have cut himself, it's blood everywhere
-DONT touch my knives johan
-FUCK what a mushroom cloud
-they are not dead yet. but soon
-really? great!
-how long has the rabbit been in? FUCK, do we need to put out porclain and shit?
-Hehe, I wanna watch A.L.F
-A.L.F Is good
-I saw married with children today, I think it's the same jokes over and over again
-does'nt work as good as A.L.F
-There will be a little while longer before the rabbit is done and we have to finish the sauce
-I dont know... we can look
-Cant you just film while making GHB?
-yeah, we take these caffein pills
and chop them and snort them and mix them with lye... no
-sounds like it would work
-if you wanna die
-let's get practical
-LYE is..
-are you gonna put stuff on me now?
-NONO, then we'd have to take you to the hospital
Lye is a tremendously strong cleaning agent
this drain is pretty recently cleaned but let's see
I'll add some here
-third dimension of this cooking show
-fuck the cooking water, let's go for the tap
you can here it sizzling and bubbling
and you add warm water, oops
And you can feel it in your airways, how it hurts
this ingrident is one of the main componets in GHB
-think about when it hit's your mucous membranes
-get it that this is in GHB
-But many drugs have bad stuff in them
I donno. I cant really talk about smoking weed anymore, since I cant smoke it
I'm allergic to that too...
It's not so bad if I take a joint that someone else made
but if i make it myself, i look like barbapapa
The nicest weed is just the tops of the flowers, loads of pollen
I did'nt get it at first..
-Hold this, I have to hug Erik
-Normally when I smoked it was at Johans place and I thought it was a cat reaction
And then I realised when I got berlin that it's not a cat reaction, i get swollen
-IF YOU WANT TO DIE
-In the long run, is'nt that what doing drugs is about?
-I was thinking we should have some sake
-yes! sake!!
maybe there's not that much
-it should be warm?
-yes, a little
-how much?
-like lava
-Now here are the caramelized stuff we have here
it feels unneccessary to put it in with the ribs
-white wine sauce with stuff in?
-no, this is a fond, that you make instead of broth, much better taste
-sounds tasty
-chinese
-chinese?
-yeah, they caramelize everything we were gonna buy fruit spitts
you know everything in china is sold on spitt
-and everything is sweet
-yeah... the first thing we're gonna eat in china all and all, and we're a bit hungry
ok, what should we eat? ... fruit? fuck that's nice
maybe not the worlds most healthy thing to eat in china but what the hell
fine, we'll go for fruit
and then... SUGAR!!! and they have tomatos on there too, apparently that's a fruit in china
-smell this, juniper and rosemary
-smells like weed, you should have some to put in the sauce
-no, I dont think it would be that nice... and you'd probably get really stoned
-yeah, and I cant do drugs anymore
-you cant? yeah right, you're working on a boat
-hahaha, tough luck
-yeah, but we have unscheduled tests that they put us through
-put you through.. haha.. assaults, drug test
-FUCK yeah it's an assault, back to it again
-I would actually be all for a blood test
but the piss test... fuck it!
-It's like a finger up your butt
-It's actually really bad, 'cause if you THC in your piss it does'nt mean your'e stoned
if you have it in your blood, yes.
I think it encourages people to start with heavier drugs which leaves your system quicker
heroin leaves your system in 3 or 4 days
cocain in two
... so it feels like if you should start doing other drugs
'cause then you can do drugs while not working and still be fit for fight
-most potheads though are extreme potheads, they dont do anything else though
-true
-bullshit that it's supposed to be a gateway drug, alcohol is more of a gateway drug
to that kind of drugs like heroin or cocaine
there's nothing worse for a pothead than meeting someone on cocaine...
HELLO HELLO!
heroin, i dont know, it's a downer but still
-yes, but you dont get very social... or functional
-Did you just say heroin is like masturbation?
-no, it's a DOWNER
-haha, I just hear what I wanna hear
-but, it's contemporary, it's "per moberg", throwing milk cartoons at his children
-the ambulance nurse that held my education... he said the worst drug is...
people usually say alcohol (99% of cases) or heroin...
but he said the absolutely worst drug is GHB
-GHB, it figures, concentrated stuff
-impossible to dose
fuck'n dangerous O.D's
addictive as hell
no hangover
and ... the dosage is one bottle cap for girls, two for guys
and if you O.D you become totally fucked, if you'd ever met a girl that O.D'ed on GHB
and got raped by 10 guys.. it's not a nice sight
-Of course not, not a nice sight. But the question is, how much less did she feel it?
haha, no that's just horrible
-anyway, he said that you read a lot about it in the papers
but if they were to write about every caset the papers would be filled with it
-is it more here than elsewhere?
-yes, a little bit north of stockholm
-why?
-well, it's a cheap drug to manufacture, and if you're near a harbour it's so much easier
and the mafia in this town, hehe, now I should say something I might regret
but it feels like it's a practical drug to organise criminality around
and get away with it
I spoke to a guy in berlin and he said I dont do chemical drugs
And I was like, you know they make it with gasoline?
what do you mean? it's just leaves?
What? is it green or what?!
soon it's done
and I've cooked the juniper, carrots, fat from the ribs in white wine, and this is how it looks
WARM
-ah, it turns brown
-it should'nt be brown
-soy cream
-yeah
-let's see if it's to brown we have to put in a little bit of soy
otherwise whitewine sauce should be white
you can make it fish broth as well
-SAKE!
not cooking yet, but pretty warm
but can you smoke hasch?
-dont know, hav'nt tried, there's not much around in berlin
-it is?! go to Görlitzer...
-but dude, i dont dare to try anything from there if someone else does'nt say it's good stuff
-here, take some sake
-it smells like shit
-tastes like it too
-cheers
-cheers, i dont think you're supposed to drink it all at once your'e supposed to enjoy it
-how?! not very good
-ricy as hell
-it's not that brown
-the only thing i can add is a classical cream-sauce
-I was thinking you should make a barbecue sauce
It's pretty thick now as well, since the soy cream is pretty fat, and it's very good
since we cant add any flower since johan is gluten intolerant
now I'm gonna swallow my caffein pill with sake
tastes better with caffein pill
-I came to think about a movie where you ate pills and drank whiskey
-but that's another film yeah
-did'nt you only drink whiskey?
-smoked whiskey?
-1 hour 40 minutes, I think we're gonna check it
and we're gonna put the potatos in the oven
-in the oven?
-yeah, you'll see
-AH, good idea
let's do a barbecue sauce
cat
-what do you want?
- bla bla sauce pan
-take the sake sauce pan if you give Davor the last sake
-But what the hell, are'nt you gonna have any?
-it tastes like shit
-good initiative but it's really ... not nice
So, Davor, time for the potatos
And then you might think you make potatos
-on Erik
-On erik, so erik lies down...
so this is potato ala schumway
-schumwayanpotatos
Davor, here's hot potatos
-[AAAAh], I must buy one of those, where do you buy it?
-I think we'll do a classic cut, bend, etc control
-check around the bones
-Erik, come and check
-they're right about the milk... wild taste
-oh, I think it's really nice
-yeah, but I was'nt prepared for the wild taste
I expected something more chicken-y
-It will be awsome
-the secret behind barbecue sauce is really orange juice
-orange juice?
-yeah, pretty much
-so you'll finish gordons ketchup instead?
To be perfectly honest I dont know why you would want to wash away the wild taste
OMG! Do you have fun light (sugar free lemonade) in the sauce?
-yes, I do
-Curry is a miracle spice, it works with everything
-I dont know
-I have it for most stuff
-there's a reason why curry exists, it's to hide the taste of rancid meat
if you must hide that taste and live in india you need a really strong spice
and curry is then a good thing
-Please dont say meatloaf!
-are we gonna do a meatloaf?
-yeah, we only have a rabbitfucker!
Let's grab a spoon, very hygenical
OH, fun light!
-[ouuh]
-a taste of metal, like with all sweetners, nice
-we're gonna have a starter too
-you're an excellent chef, your'e a pretty good singer too...
-Not as good.
-yes!
-AH, perfekt!
-we've just eaten the lentil soup
-which elliott should have had, but he's not here
-and we're listening to "classics for pregnancy", we felt we're gonna feel pregnant after this
time to ...
moose, I love seeing the bones
-I think it's disgusting
this is not...
Oh the G-string got stuck
-rabbit ass was very nice
-It's not ok, but this is not either
-erik explain
-very good, and beautiful song
nice singing and she sings pretty good compared to per gessle
I think...
like scorpions but without scorpions
-per gessle is a little bit disgusting
-VERY disgusting
-OH, SORBET!
Hallo Elliott, the better half of auto-auto
how are you feeling?
-it's awsome
-tell me the truth
-it's bad
-opposite-day
-trying to stay positive
-gonna drink a lot of baylies today?
-no
-opposite-day?!
-yeah, I will
-yeah, I will