Authors@Google: The Truth About Santa by Gregory Mone


Uploaded by AtGoogleTalks on 22.12.2010

Transcript:
>>Female Narrator: Good afternoon, everyone. Authors at Google New York is pleased welcome
Gregory Mone today. Gregory is a contributing editor at Popular Science Magazine. His feature
articles have appeared in Wired, Discover, Women's
Health, National Geographic Adventure, and the Best
American Science Writing in 2007. He is with us today to answer a timeless question, "How
does Santa complete such a large project with such tight
time constriction?" Gregory Mone.
[pause] Clap.
[audience clapping.]
>>Gregory Mone: Thank you, everyone. Thanks, Kate, for having me. I was told that part
of the reason behind this authors series is to kind of bring
in creative thinkers and stuff like that to stimulate you guys
in- to think differently about problems and things like that.
Unfortunately, I have to apologize. I'm not a creative person. I'm a reporter, and Kate
said, I've been working for Popular Science Magazine for awhile.
So, this is really, strictly a work of reporting, and I'm just going to layout of facts for
you and kind of explained how everything works. So, yeah, I'm going to talk about Santa Claus,
and the name of the book, which is "The Truth About
Santa: Wormholes, Robots, and What Really Happens on Christmas Eve."
What were going to do is run through all the details of his operation from the day after
Christmas, you know, when he has just finished this incredible
work day straight through to the big night, and what
happens on that night. We'll talk about wormholes, unmanned aerial vehicles, molecular self-
assembly, terahertz radiation scanners, warp drive, time travel, you know, Santa's many
hidden surveillance devices and some of his innovative
new revenue streams. Because Santa does have to
make money. Now, along the way, I hope to clear up some
of the myths about Santa. You know, for instance, the
flying reindeer. It's a ridiculous idea. Obviously, the sleigh is powered by warp drive.
And I also want to address a few new issues that have come up in recent years. One of
the big ones relates to how Santa's travel habits affect the spread of influenza. And
then also I've started to get the feeling that maybe he's going a little bit too far
in this whole "he knows if you've been bad or good"
operation. I think we have a little bit of a case of a really big, Big Brother. And finally,
I'm going to introduce a new Android App, The Santa Detector,
which was developed with the help of a few elves.
It's related to the surveillance problem. Basically, it alerts you when one of Santa's
flying drones is nearby and either listening in on your conversations
or recording them. Because, I'm also, were giving it away free in the Android Apps Store,
because we really want to empower people, you know,
in terms of being able to control when Santa is watching them and when he isn't.
So, at the end I'll be happy to answer any questions but I might be a little bit evasive
because as I said, he is definitely listening and Christmas is
approaching and I want good presents. Particularly a
Paddleboard, the stand up-, you know, surfing, yeah. So anyway, I'll explain also how he
doesn't need to fit down through the chimney. It's actually
very different means of assembly. So, before getting to the 26th, and you know,
recuperation from this incredible workday, I want to
quickly address this, one of the big myths, which is the idea of a single Santa Claus.
it would be impossible for a single guy to do all this
work. Say we assumed that, you know, it takes him four
minutes to drop off the presents in a home and get to the next home, you know, the standard
vision we have. We have him landing on a roof top
with the reindeer drawn sleigh, and he goes down the
chimney, he sorts everything out, he's got to get back up the chimney, get back in the
sleigh, get the reindeer ready, and then he hops over one
house and lands again and does the whole thing over. It-
it's silly, but it would be easier to walk, you know? So, even if he did it this way and
will it would take about four minutes, right? Now, four minutes,
if you're thinking about, say a conservative estimate of
200 million homes in the course of the night is 800 million minutes or 555,000 days, 1500
years roughly. Now if you assume he's been in business for
150 years, we're talking about 228,460 years. Then he's got,
and that's also accounting the rest of the calendar year when he is just kind of hanging
out. Now the issue here is even if he's time traveling,
you know, and so only a little time is passing for us as
we're sleeping and things like that. He still has to live through all that time. So, I don't
care, you know, how happy this guy is, what's going on. He
would get bored. I mean, you can't live for, you can't work
for 220,000 plus years like that. Now as a result, Santa does have assistants. He has
lieutenants, 2 to 300 of them. The numbers have been growing in recent years due to population
growth, obviously. Also, some experts have suggested that these lieutenants
of his are clones, but that is again another ridiculous idea. Because obviously, you know,
most of the year these guys are up at the North Pole,
there aren't a lot of women up there, just Mrs. Clause. And Santa's got 200 identical
twins rolling around, I mean, he wouldn't even want to take
a nap, you know, for fear that someone would put on
the Bing Crosby and start romancing Mrs. Clause. Now, these lieutenants are drawn from a variety
of sources. Obviously, department store Santa's, retired people in Florida is another great
one. They get very bored. They're looking for something new
to do and they generally work on a 3-year contract, and they're very, very, very, very
well paid, because the job is dangerous.
Now, as I said, Santa himself travels via a warp drive sleigh, which you can see detailed
right here. It looks a little bit like a tuba, but this is
this is an exact sort of info graphic rendition based on some
blueprints I got. Now, he travels via warp drive sleigh, but his lieutenants go via wormhole.
Now, I'm sure some of you guys have heard about wormholes. They are these theoretical
tunnels through space and time that can joint two
distant parts in the universe through a tiny little, through a
tiny little shortcut. You know, here's a classic illustration of them where normally he would
have to go around the long way that with a wormhole then
just a short. Now normally it's two distant points in
the universe, but with Santa it's just, you know, home to home.
Now the issue is that wormholes are dangerous thank and occasionally they malfunction, and
you can imagine if-if one of the lieutenants is coming
through here and something goes wrong, well he doesn't
end up in a particularly friendly spot. Now, he does have, you know, emergency-emergency
parts to his suit where he's got accessories such as:
He's got an hour of oxygen supply, he's got an emergency
signaling beacon that shoots out in all directions. But, you know, unfortunately we can't totally
bend, Santa can't bend all the laws of physics here.
So that emergency signal doesn't travel any faster than
Light Speed, so if he's really, really far away he takes more than an hour, anymore and
then an hour for that light to travel then he's basically done for. When this happens
his next-of-kin typically receives a seven figure insurance package, which is basically
why these guys do it knowing the risk.
Now obviously the question then is why use wormholes? Well, the advantage is that they
can c-c-cut the commute time basically to zero or negative
time, because he can travel back in time as he goes from
one house to the next. So, what we're looking at really is a total of 30 seconds per home.
Because Santa goes in he delivers the gifts and then
he jumps through a wormhole and goes on to the next
home and travels back 30 seconds at the same time. And so, as I said before, though the
issue is he still needs to live through all this time. So, 30
seconds works out to about 190 years total, and divided
among all the lieutenants, basically each Santa works 6 to 9 months on Christmas Eve
This is obviously difficult, right? But it is a little bit manageable because of these
implanted brain pods they have that-that constantly release drugs
that promote wakefulness, alertness, and a low-level
giddiness that people often mistaken for this idea of Santa being a jolly ol' soul, right?
That's where it comes from, he is happy because he drugged.
Now, anyway, we'll get back to 26th here. So, he's just gotten through the longest workday
possible. Obviously, the first thing they will want
to do, these Santas, is sleep. So they take a little rest and then
they'll typically go down for a week or so vacation in the islands somewhere. Normally
it's a private island because they tried staying at public resorts before, but people start
to get suspicious when 300 large white bearded guys go up to the bar asking
for eggnog, right? Now after this vacation, there is typically
a conference in Las Vegas where they invite a number of business leaders. It's basically
like the Allen & Company retreat only sort of more star studded.
Now, why would people pay a lot of money to hear Santa speak? You know, he has been running
an organization 150 years, a global organization
with thousands of employees. He hasn't missed a delivery
or gotten anything wrong in 150 years and he pays most of his workers in candy canes.
So obviously, people are willing to pay a lot of money to
figure out how he gets this done. Now, you know, he'll run seminars at this
Vegas conference on: Supply chain management, logistics,
leadership. He hands all story ideas to Hollywood producers on new Santa movies. He advises
manufacturer's on sort of the new products that are going to be out this year, and then
you know once this is over, everyone heads back to
the pole, and it's time to hibernate. You might wonder why does Santa hibernate?
You know, first it's boring up at the North Pole. Second, it's a little bit lonely. And
the other thing is there are tremendous health benefits hibernation. I mean
that the fact is it's fun to think of Santa as immortal, but immortality's impossible,
right? Well, what he does is he just has an incredible anti-aging
program. Now, one of the benefits of hibernation and this has been proven in loads of research
with different animals is that it effectively halts aging. So, when Santa and his lieutenants
go down for 6 to 9 months, they don't age for that entire period. Now, for him over
the course of time, that's-that's worked out to Santa himself, the Original Clause, or
O.C. saving roughly 50 years. You know, that he would have been 50 years older today without
hibernation. Now, you know, now that we're on the subject
of health, obviously a big question. You guys are all
eating nice, healthy lunches there, right? Well-rounded meals but Santa eats milk and
cookies, right? I mean this one night; he is just gobbling down
loads and loads of milk and cookies. Personally, you
know, I'm an Entenmann's fan so if we think about, you know. If we look at Entenmann's
cookies and we assume that every house leaves three cookies
out for Santa. You know, if we look at the nutritional
facts, on a box of Entenmann's cookies, which just so happens that the serving size is three
cookies, we are looking at 140 calories, right? Seven
grams of fat, 10 mg cholesterol. Now you multiply that by
half a million homes, which is what the average Santa visits in a night and you've got 70
million calories, 3.5 million grams of fat and 5 million milligrams
of cholesterol. That's roughly 50,000 times the recommended daily allowance of some of
the stuff. Then we're looking at, you know, the 8-ounce glass of milk which he always
throws down because he doesn't want to hurt these little kids feelings, you know. So you're
talking about each Santa guzzling down four million ounces of milk. Now he can't just
work all this off by going to the North pole and having a personal trainer up there. Even
though the elves are very, very skilled personal trainers, he needs additional
help. So he's got, you know, he's got a gene therapy
program. He's got organ printers up there so if the liver or the kidneys start to go,
he can have these new organs printed and swapped in for his
old ones. Obviously, the next question is how do these, who puts these organs in there?
Is Mrs. Clause a surgeon? But actually, he has robotic surgeons that perform these operations
autonomously. They're a little bit like- I don't know if any of you saw the Revenge of
the Sith, where the robots repair Anakin. They're a little bit like those, but as you
can see they wear silly Christmas outfits. Now, Santa and his lieutenants are sleeping
through the spring, but the North Pole is hardly quiet at
all. I mean this place is not a candy cane workshop. It's an underground data center,
millions of square feet. As you all probably know, the problem
with data centers is that their tremendous energy hogs;
huge air conditioning bills keeping the server coo- servers cool and things like that. And
you might have guessed this by now, but that's the whole
reason he's up at the North Pole is that it's cold up
there, and you can just open the windows and cool everything down when you need to. So,
he saves a tremendous amount on energy. He also has,
he uses other sources of energy. You know, green
energy, generator; tur- wind turbines would be too obvious. People would start to get
suspicious when they see little guys with pointy ears,
you know, fixing the turbines. So, he actually uses
underwater turbines all around the North Pole. Now, you might be wondering, why does he need
this giant data center? Well, that's because of the
surveillance drones that he has all over the world. He's got high altitude robotic drones
sort of like the predator flying over schoolyards, capturing
video. He's got micro-aerial vehicles, you know, peeking
down side streets and through kitchen windows. And in New York, in a place like New York
City, he's constantly tapping into security and surveillance
cameras. You know, and then all of this video and
audio is constantly transmitted back to the North Pole. You know, this is an example of
something in the works today at a company called Air Environment
where it's a micro-aerial vehicle made look like a
hummingbird. Santa's is actually, you know, way, way smaller, but it is surprisingly similar.
Now the, obviously the point of this is he's sending all this up to the Pole and then having
it analyzed by intelligent video analysis software to
figure out who's been naughty and who's been nice. Most of it
is done as I said automatically, but occasionally when there's a question about something, the
elves do review it, flag it, and send it to Santa for
a look. Now, handling all this data has also given
Santa and his, you know, Santa's operation, they've
developed tremendous skills with handling these loads and loads of data. So, they've
actually started in terms of new revenue streams, they've started
a cloud- storage cloud computing venture, where
they will, you know, they'll charge a phenomenally low amount of money to store your data up
there securely. But obviously it's covered and not
many people know about it. I don't even know the name
of the actual company they're using. But you know, then inside are houses he'll have, you
know, he'll have additional surveillance equipment. Like
here's a standard treetop angel, right? We have
stereoscopic cameras in the eyes, so you get a 3D view of what is happening in the living
room. The wings are actually high gain antenna that
are sending all this information back to the North Pole.
Usually if there's a home Wi-Fi network they'll do it that way at night, so it doesn't hog
your bandwidth and make anyone suspicious. But there's also
a microphone array. It's hard to see from here, but one
of these little beads here is forward a little bit, so you have kind of a 3-3D setup. So,
they can really triangulate the position of what
they're hearing and figure out where it's happening in the
house. There is also a lidar scanner. You know, the
laser range finder to figure out the distances and see
where everyone, where everyone is exactly. And then there's a frilly dress to throw you
off so you don't notice all the technology.
Now, I -you know, given this incredible increase in surveillance and all this technology and
how Santa's watching us. I've been working with a few
other people on, you know, a Santa detector that is going
to empower people and let them know that Santa's watching them.
Oh, this is another big concern, right? Forgot about this one. This Barbie Doll has a hidden
video camera. I mean this is just another sign that he's
gone too far. Right? He's just always trying to watch us in new
ways. Now, this is, you know, an early design for
a cl- Santa detector that I found on the web or it's actually
just a standard stocking with, you know, a little device here and a ribbon goes across
the chimney and when Santa pops out, releases this, the lights
go off, and you know that Santa is in the neighborhood.
The Santa detector on Android, which is available if you guys want to look for it, is as you
can see of simple, simple negative energy meter. So,
one of the things that does is it picks up the negative energy
that Santa uses to travel via a wormhole, and it's going to alert you when Santa has
been in the area by picking up whether there's more negative energy
than usual. But it also works by, we basically track all of Santa's UAVs and then whenever
one of them gets within 10 meters or so of your Smart Phone your detector will also go
off and let you know that Santa is watching. So you can sort of adjust your behavior or
ma be if you see a little bird, hit it with a slingshot or something like that. But be
careful and make sure it's actually a robot and not a real bird; that would be terrible.
Now, as you can see there is an option here for parents because I do know that some, you
know, I-I- I'm a parent myself. I have a few little kids
and I know that parents sometimes use and to try and
encourage her kids to behave better. So there is a way that you can set the Santa detector
off manually, where you basically can say: Santa's
drones are watching; Santa has recently visited; Santa is
on his way; Santa is here but he is invisible. Right? That is obviously the most powerful
one. You know if your kid's being really bad I would suggest
that setting, where the meter is all the way over to the
right. And, you know, there is an invisible Santa roaming around your house, and so it
is a good idea to behave. I haven't tested this with my own
kids yet but I hope to soon. Now, jumping forward to Christmas Eve. So,
we've got surveillance all worked out. Typically Christmas
Eve starts with you know, as most Christmas Eves do with a big meal, you know, a little
bit of eggnog, and then typically, you know, a whole lot
of coffee because he doesn't want his lieutenants going off
into people's houses on too much eggnog. So, when this is all over, each lieutenant has
an elf handler who kind of, who tracks him as he goes on
his mission. But the first thing they do is a jump through the
entrance to, you know, the first wormhole. And in basically zero time they get inside
the next hou- they get inside the first house. Now, Santa
doesn't go in there with a big, giant bag full of presents. He
actually, this wouldn't work. What he does is he goes and he scans the present that are
there under the tree because as we all know our parents
do leave us some presents. It's not all from Santa. So Santa, in the days leading up to
Christmas, they do track parents credit card receipts and they watch what
parents are buying and then they cross-referenced that with the kids' Christmas lists and they
can figure out okay what did the parents leave off? But obviously some parents forget certain
presents. They forgot about the bag they hid in the closets or above
the garage or something like that. So, there are
forgotten presents. Really the best way for Santa to guarantee that he is going to deliver
the right gifts is to go in there and see what's under the
tree. So, he's got a terahertz radiation scanner,
hand-held obviously, and he looks through everything, and
basically that information all gets uploaded. He sees what presents there are, cross-references
that with his list of desired presents and then
he knows what to leave. Now, obviously one way to do this is to sort
of show up at the house with all 10 presents and, you
know, if there is a list of 10 and just pull out the one that the kid wanted. But Santa
has a much simpler, much better routine, which is he has a self
assembly device that actually its a-it's a little apparatus that
allows the, he-he basically plugs in the product code that he wants of the whatever the gift
is, and the toy self assembles from some molecular components within this box. Santa doesn't
even have to wait. He just leaves it there and he goes.
That might sound a little bit outlandish but in fact, self-assembly's a very real field
right now. Scientists are working on, you know, some incredible
stuff at the nanoscale. But I've also had experts tell me that
the idea of a Smart Phone being self-assembled at some point in the future is totally feasible
and is something that these guys are really actually
thinking about. And obviously it happens in nature all the
time, right? We have we have trees self-assemble, galaxies, planets, everything.
Now, so he-he figures out what to leave, he leaves the present, then he drinks his, you
know, eats his cookies, drinks his milk, and jumps through
the entrance to another wormhole. Now these-these wormhole entrances can be, typically he goes
through the chimney because, you know, if he were to go
through a window and pick the wrong window, you might have a situation where there's a
broken glass, and maybe Santa gets knocked out and
the child comes out in the morning and there's Santa
lying on the floor with shards of glass. It's just a terrible way to start Christmas morning.
Now the, but as I said wormholes are fantastic and one of the problems with them are though,
is that they are tremendous energy hogs. You know,
some scientist have estimated that you need the
negative energy equivalent of 318 Earth masses I think it is just open a worm hole 1 meter
in diameter. So what Santa, you know, one of the reasons Santa has asked his lieutenants
to slim down and had trimmer waistlines, is not just present a more positive public image,
and fight the obesity epidemic, but also because, you know, the thinner they are the less, you
know, the worm hole tunnel the thinner the wormhole tunnel can be, and you can save more
energy; always trying to be more energy efficient. Now, the wormhole travel method also brings
up my next big issue, which is the flu, right? So,
I know I mentioned earlier a lot of how, you know, how the flu spreads and how Santa has
affected this whole thing. Now, today we talk about, you know, how flu spreads and how it's
affected by modern travel such as airplane and things like that and how a virus can jump
from one place to another so much more easily than
in the past. But still, you know, our best model don't
accurately predict the rate and flow of these, of these viruses a lot at the time. Now, I
think one of the reasons is that we haven't factored in Santa.
Now, if you think, you know, you got a little kid who's
coming out and setting up the Christmas tree and things like that and laying out the cookies
the night before Christmas, right? Now imagines this
kid has a cold, she sneezes on the cookies. Mom and dad
doesn't notice, right? Leaves the cookies there. Kids do it all the time. You know,
they always forget to cover.
Now, hours later Santa comes in he eats the cookies and he ingests the virus particles,
right? Now, I know what you're thinking, he's, Christmas it is just one night it's not long
enough for him to become virulent and contagious. But in fact, if we remember he's time traveling
and for him Christmas Eve is 6 to 9 months long. So, he, you know, definitely has time
to become contagious over the course of this night.
Now let's imagine that he stays, you know, contagious for a week or so, right? Now over
the course of that week he is depositing all those virus
particles on those plates, mantle piece, ornaments. Also don't
think for a second that Santa doesn't use our bathrooms, right? He drinks 4 million
gallons of milk; he's gonna use your bathroom, right? He may use a lot of our bathrooms.
So if you think about it this way, if he is really leaving his just everywhere. I mean,
the guy visits two houses a one minutes, 120 houses an hour, 2,760 in one of his days because
he actually gets an hour to nap every 24 hours. So in that one
week that he's contagious, he could potentially spread the flu to 19,000 homes. That I think
is why this is flu season. It's really because of Santa
Claus. And I think we all need to address this.
I think one way to do it is to sort of adjust the standard stuff we leave out for Santa.
Right, instead of just the milk and cookies, maybe a little
thing of hand sanitizer, right, some wipes.
[audience laughs]
Maybe in the bathroom we leave a note that says, you know, don't forget to wash and we
mean you Santa. You know, don't forget to wash your hands because the North Pole is
effectively a clean room. I mean, they don't know about
proper sanitation up there because they've got robotics surgeons monitoring everything,
taking care of them. They're like little babies. So anyway, that's one big issue.
Now the other, you know, the other problem, the other problem with wormholes is, that
there is, and traveling through time over the course of this night is that there is
a good chance that Santa is going to run into himself at some point. So plotting the route
is very, very critical. So that he doesn't run into himself. Because he could be thousand
places at one time. You know, from our standpoint. But the problem with this and I talked to
an expert at the University of California at Berkley about Santa and the time travel
problem and he was explaining that causality can throw a huge, this idea of causality can
throw a huge wrench in the whole operation where basically we don't know what would happen
if Santa runs into himself or if during the time travel an event that has happened has
already, basically changes. We could end up, these wormhole links could be broken, Santa
could get dropped off in one of these alternate universes and stranded. So, it's another danger,
but if the risk he's willing to take because obviously there are so many advantages to
using these wormholes. So, you know, that we been talking about the
lieutenants, but as I said earlier Santa himself, the
lieutenants are the ones that do most of the work but Santa himself still likes to get
up there and see the kids and ride around in this sleigh every
once in a while. You know, he does have-he does have reindeer
in front of the sleigh, but as I said the reindeer don't
actually fly. As one expert explained it to me, what we think of as reindeer flying is
actually just an illusion, the illusion of, basically what
we're seeing is when Santa takes off from a roof and creates a warp bubble out in front
of his ship reindeer disappeared through that warp bubble and the sleigh disappears with
them and we think of that as flying reindeer but really they're just really good leapers.
Now the warp drive sleigh has the advantage of, you know, basically instead of, you know
instead of going from point A to point B and having to
travel through all of the space between, a warp drive
sleigh will basically pull point B closer to point A so it shortens travel time. He
has to be very careful because if he wants to, say from somewhere
above New York to somewhere above Mountain View, he's got to make sure that there is
nothing in his path. You know, no airliners, no nothing,
because space gets short immediately. So if you have a jetliner in that spot it would
be crushed to the size of a pea and everyone and it would be
gone and Again, not a very nice Christmas for them.
Now, the other part of Santa's mission that's a little bit dangerous is the- the idea that
he is in all of these homes. Some parent somewhere is going
to hear and get a little bit worried and its care for the
kids and possibly come downstairs maybe with a shotgun and find out who's poking around
in their living room. Santa is a nonviolent guy, but
a lot at times he's busy with his self assembly and his
scanning and things like this. So he doesn't have time a lot of times he doesn't react
in time to be able to get away and jump through the wormhole
tunnel and escape. So, luckily what he does have is he
has his old classic red suit is actually woven with meta materials that bend the light around
him. So, when he activates the meta materials in his
suit he effectively becomes invisible. Now, this is a nice
little New York Times graphic on how it works. Where you can see light waves coming in and
getting bent around. Now, in the real world scientist,
the real world, I misspoke. I mean in our world,
obviously Santa's world is real. It's just not like ours. In our world scientists have
been able to do this with microwave radiation. They hadn't gotten to the broad range of visible
light yet. I had actually, you know, knowing that longer
wave length light is apparently easier to bend I was
hoping that this was a good explanation for why Santa's suit is red. Because red is the,
you know, a longer wave length of the visible light. I proposed that to a Duke expert, a
Duke University expert on this subject and he told me I was crazy.
Now, the meta materials though are also a huge advantage in, you know, villages and
places like that where Santa doesn't need to jump through the wormholes because it isn't
always chimneys. It might be from hut to hut and you don't need to go through a wormhole
if you want to do that; it's quick enough. But there also, everyone might be sleeping
in one room, so it's just a great time to be invisible. Now this is a, these are just
a few of the technologies that he uses. I, you know, there are quite a lot more. But
one of the questions that might be on your mind is where does all this stuff come from
and the answer is, should be fairly obvious. Aliens, Christmas aliens.
[laughter]
And that's it. As I said if you have any questions I be happy to answer them. I might be a little
bit evasive or intentionally confusing but go ahead. Thank you for having me. I hope
it was a good lunch hour. And that's it.
[Audience claps]
>>Female #1: The main question I have is regarding the NASA announcement yesterday; arsenic based
life forms—
>>Mone: Yeah, they all—
>>Female #1: and how does that impacts Santa?
>>Mone: Wow it's just. It's actually it could be very helpful to Santa because if we do
manage to find alien life forms he, his technology does suffer through glitches now and then.
And yet he's not in touch with these aliens on a regular basis, so there are a few things
he would like to, if we could get in touch with them and he could talk to them and maybe
have them fix some of the underwater turbines up at the pole. Some of them are beginning
to break down over time. It's been 150 years. So, yeah. so basically,
hopefully it will make his in the long run it can make his organization even more efficient.
But seems impossible I know, but yeah.
>>Male #1: Well, I had a
question. I saw an ABC documentary last year; it was back this year called Prep
and Landing, the details a lot of the activities that elves do to apparently make things good
for the legions of Santas. I was wondering if you
could speak a little bit more about career progression and job
opportunities in the elf world. Like how is their organizational structure built up?
>>Mone: Yeah, that's really good question. One of the things people like to ask Santa
when he goes to Vegas is how do you keep these guys happy?
Because, I mean basically, there-there isn't a fantastic career path. They're effectively
data, you know, software, they're-they're video analysts. They're working with the different
audio stuff that comes in. They're kind of changed to their cubicles and their computers
all day. Occasionally he does, a few very talented elves, he will let them work with
the technology and try to make improvements. But as I said it is advanced and technology
so it does take them a while to get up to speed. So, yeah it's a big question. I-I've
got to believe that maybe these drug pods that Santas use are also implanted in the
elves' brains and just sort of keeping them giddy. It sort of, again it makes me wonder
why we are supporting this guy when he is doing things like this. You know, like keeping
these elves chained to one position for 150 years, not giving him any opportunity for
advancement, and watching us constantly, you know? Yeah.
>>Male #2: I know that Santa is a real guy and has to rely on organ printers. And I was
just wondering if you can talk about maybe who he is, kind of where he came from, when
he met with the aliens, all that kind of background.
>>Mone: Right. Yeah, you know a lot of people don't know this but that he is from Greenpoint
in Brooklyn.
[laughter]
Now he's not, he's not really the originator of the Santa idea. You know this Santa, this
idea of Saint Nicholas, Santa Claus has been around for hundreds of years. He was an early
imitator and he was going around Brooklyn, 19th century Brooklyn delivering hand carved
wooden toys and things of that nature. And at some point the aliens were looking for
someone to fulfill this role of this all powerful Santa Claus. They looked around the different
ones that were operating on earth at this time: a couple of Germans, a few Norwegian,
a few Turkish guys as well because Saint Nicholas does have some origins
in Turkey. But he decided that this guy, Jebediah Mezsural from Greenpoint, Brooklyn was really
the one to do it. And so Jeb is now the "OC."
Yeah, very good question.
[pause]
[cough]
>>Female #2: One final question. The biggest question I've had to answer about Santa is
the song "I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause." Not personal, but can you speak to that topic
because that has been very charged song in our household.
>>Mone: Absolutely. I mean, and that lieutenant was fired.
[audience laughter]
and he was not paid; he was not given 7 figure severance, nothing. I mean, he was retired,
sent back to Florida, his country club membership was
canceled so he couldn't even play golf. I mean, nobody does that anymore because they've
learned that if you do that you risk everything. It's almost worse than getting lost in an
alternative universe, you know? But, yeah, I'm glad you asked that.
>>Female narrator: Well thank you for coming to Google today. We really appreciate it and
good luck with Christmas this year.
Mone: Thanks, you too.
[audience claps]