Lammbock German Stoner Comedy 7/9 English Subtitles


Uploaded by pussycruncher69 on 27.01.2010

Transcript:
I think Mehmet is the only guy in the world...
...that I'd give a blow job.
Seriously
Mehmet has style, and he looks handsome.
...good legs, good body, good face...
I'm not saying that you won't do it, but...
...maybe Mehmet Scholl wouldn't be the only guy that you'd give a blowjob.
What? No, don't get me wrong...
...I'd never suck anybodies dick.
I'm only saying if....
...if then only Mehmet.
Ok, alright.
Imagine you'd really give him a blowjob.
And imagine his dick is really good.
You'd do it one, twice, three, four, five,... probably ten times.
...but at the 11th time you'd hear this slight knocking...
...in your head... ....from the inside....
...and you know why?
- You'll tell me. - Yea I'll tell you.
Because in your head lives a little man,...
...who knocks against your skull from the inside...
...harder and harder and harder. Until it sounds as if he's hammering "BAM BAM"...
...against your synapses.
And when you raise your head between Mehmets legs for the 20th time...
...then you'll start listening to the little man...
...You'd listen, and you know what he says? - What?
He'd say: "Stefan, listen Mehmets dick is pretty good,...
...but are you sure that it's really the best?"
Yea, you laugh. Aren't there much better...
...nicer and bigger dicks in the world?"
And you'd think, and at some point you'd do it...
...you'd suck them all....
...you'd suck the big, the small, the yellow, the black, the green, the red... - Yea I got it!
Ok, alright. Then you'd suck them all, always searching for the ultimate dick.
Going from one dick to another.
But the reason is not that you like sucking dick, the reason is a different one, you know it?
The reason is the little man living in your head...
...the little "I'm never satisfied" man lives in your head...
cause you're never happy with what you have or what you're doing.
- Awesome theory. - Yea it's a fact.
With Jenny you can't smoke pot, with Gina you can't fuck...
...when we're sitting in the pizzeria you should be studying.
When we're together getting stoned you always think about your studies.
The little "I'm never satisfied" man is sitting in your head...
...and therefore Mehmet Scholls' dick would never be the only one you'd suck.
- Awesome thanks. - You're welcome
You know sometimes I think...
...if I really would have done my beach cafe...
...and everything would have gone excellent... ...sun, beach, my own existence...
But then if you realize that you're still not happy.
That would be horrible.
So it's nice having an excuse for not being happy.
Yea it's also good to have an excuse for sucking dick.
Basically the only problem is that we don't have any problem.
Oh shit
Shit
Ok, stay cool.
Shit, it's over man.
Stay calm.
Step out of the car.
Alright guys.
If I search your glove compartment, what will I find?
Condoms or weed?
- Excuse me? - What are two guys doing in the middle of the night out on the fields?
Either they fuck or they smoke a joint.
- I have no idea what you're talking about. - It's alright guys.
I am ok with that. Better to smoke a joint every now and then,...
...than getting drunk all the time.
- With dealers I have no mercy. - That's right.
- But personal use is ok. - Yes
- There you go - Thanks
- Just open the trunk please. - Why?
Just routine procedure.
Well I can tell you what's in there, 2 corpses and 3 kg drugs.
Oh that joke is old.
You fucking pigs!
Fucker
I'm sorry, he can't help it. Pig pussys!
He's got one of these mental disorders. Tourette’s, right?
Exactly Doesn't he have his pills?
He forgot them at home. ((Gay dogs!))
I told him to take them but he forgot. ((Asshole, you monkey dicks!))
He should take them quickly.
I hope it's no problem with insulting an officer? ((Fat pussys!))
No problem, he doesn't know what he's doing. Just like when you're completely drunk.
((Motherfuckers! Dirty damn Nazi-communists!))
Interesting, what is the blood alcohol limit for that? ((Pigs!))
Around 2 parts per thousand. But now it's about time you take him home.
Äugler!
"Nazi-communists. Motherfuckers."
"Nazi-communists. Motherfuckers."
"Gay dogs?" Dude!
By the way, they gave me an idea.
And if he still remembers? The cop didn't say anything about amnesia?
They won't believe him.
Plus they will think it's an excuse anyway, cause he got drunk and screwed things up.
The cops will find him in his car.
Off the road, and hammered drunk.
- They will find him?? - Sure, we will call anonymously.
Yea alright.
- Ok, put the head on your shoulder. - Ok.
Fill him up.
- Open up. - There you go.
- Did he swallow it? - Don't know.
Ach, shit.
Once again. Further back with the head. Further.
Open wide.
Yea now he's got it.
Shit, that's not working.
It's all going down the windpipe.
We have to put it in his gullet.
How's that gonna work?
Pick him up.
Which one is the gullet? Right or left?
How should I know? You can't stick a hose down his throat.
- Got any better idea? - No but...no.
- Right or left? - Don't know, right?
- Or maybe left? - Come on pick a choice.
We divide the responsibility. You tell me where and I stick it in.
- OK: right. - Right it is.
- Or maybe left? - Oh come on, just tell me where!
- Left - Left? - Yes left.
Left it is then.
- I didn't know unconscious people can puke. - Yea they can. Bon Scott died choking on his own vomit.
The stomach should be empty now, right?
- Alright, right or left? - Right.
- Who was Bon Scott anyway? - The former singer of AC/DC.
- So, since when do you like AC/DC? - I don't.
- 38% alcohol, is that 2 parts per thousand already? - We better be sure.