Downsized - Episode 1 Duane

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\f0\fs24 \cf0 I have a quick meeting, but I will be there by four. Absolutely. We are
pleased to be moving forward with this transaction. Ok. Bye. You said one right? Come in at one?\
This is Lowell Wishingbone, our efficiency consultant.\
Hi.\ He's going to be sitting in. Lowell has some
very progressive ideas about intercompany relations and increasing morale.\
Oh!\ This is for you.\
What is it?\ You're being eliminated.\
Terminated. She meant you're being terminated.\ Right, that's what I meant. Sorry, you're
the fifth person today. \ But you're number 1 to us right now!\
Is this a joke?\ No, but it's still fun!\
Why is he talking with a sock puppet?\ This is not a sock puppet. This is Duane,
your downsizing friend. We want you to know that we realize these are sad times, so Duane
is here to make your termination more enjoyable.\ Look, if you can think of a way to cut $500,000
in salary without letting anyone go, then let me know, because I certainly don't want
to be doing this all day.\ Actually, I can think of-- \
Now, now, any answers we have are in that folder.\
Open it and find fun, new things about COBRA and your local unemployment office!\
Lowell is a genius. He has cut our overhead costs by thirty percent. Look that over and
let us know if you have any questions.\ But why? What did I do wrong?\
Nu-uh. Wrong is a sad word. We're simply restructuring.\ Who else is being let go? Tom?\
We're not letting go of that unit.\ You're letting me go and you're keeping Tom?!\
Tom has 15 years of experience and he's working at a lower salary.\
Because he makes less commissions than I do! You should've put him out of his misery years
ago!\ How about you try turning that negative into
a positive? How about you were selected to be terminated and Tom was not?!\
How about you shove it!\ Alright, I am sorry to cut this short, but
we have 5 more people to fire today, and I know you have all those picture in your cubicle
and that fringe thing hanging, so what I need from you is an estimate of how many boxes
you'll need for your desk so I can have the clerk get them for you. OK?\
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