Book of Eli: ReWatch *WARNING: Spoilers*

Uploaded by OHADI22 on 05.01.2011

Hi guys,
While I was researching something for my previous video I noticed how incredibly detailed the
instructions of the various rituals for Muslims are. I decided to re-visit this here.
Praying, after the declaration of believing in a god and his messenger, is the second
most important task and pillar in Islam.
Oh, just as an explanation before I continue: in Islamic mythology, jinns are good or bad
spirits or demons, made from smokeless fire, which people in the 7th century thought was
a product and not the result of a process, fire. They can be invisible or take on any
The god Muslims believe exists, only created humans and jinns out of narcissistic reasons
if you believe the Koran, which says:
Az-Zaariyaat 51:56 And I created not the jinns and humans except
they should worship Me (Alone).
How could all this happen and why? Here is my version of an explanation:
If you imagine you're a god for a minute, hanging around just with a throne and some
water and nobody loves you, what do you do - other than feeling sorry for yourself? Easy,
you create things that love you. Well, you realise that you can't really make anything
love you so you make things to worship you.
Now you have already tried your hand at creating and came up with angels, endlessly worshipping
you, but you somehow get bored with this. You create jinns and after a while get bored
with those as well.
In your desperation you create humans, where you also create them just to worship you,
but they don't seem to understand. They carry on with their associating all sorts of things
in nature with what they call gods. You watch for 150000 years and then decide to send them
a book to give them guidance. They don't understand you. You write another book, but all that
happens is they turn to other gods. Then, by now totally frustrated, you send an angel
on a mission to a guy living in a desert with your orders. You want to show him your certificates
for the best schemer, the best plotter or the best creator to impress him, but you picked
a guy who can't read. So you're screwed because it means you need to earn respect the old-fashioned
But all you want is just to see, regardless of what time-zone or latitude you are watching,
humans all falling to their knees telling you, what a great god you are. All you need
now is a reason why.
That's why you want to keep it simple and you do some brainstorming. You come up with
3 simple alternatives why humans should worship you: pray or pay; pray or die; pray or hell.
You can't decide which one is the catchiest so you go with all 3 - but this seems too
much for humans and they don't seem too impressed as only something like 20% accept this, the
rest don't. But the ones who do take you seriously have to get the worshipping part right and
have to get their act together to not be punished for their failures you created them capable
of. The remaining 80% you created to worship you as well - but failed to get it right - which
you knew right from the beginning due to your omniscience, now need to be punished forever
for your incompetence. Go figure.
So lets switch back to human view and see what this has actually done for the humans
believing in this version of a god-tale. Getting the prayer part right is essential in the
Muslim's quest to get away from hell and into heaven. What I never quite understood is why
- if wine is the invention of the devil - you get entire rivers of wine in heaven, but not
in hell. And if a god is omni-present it should also be in hell. Go figure.
But how do you get the prayer right, if your god did not give you any precise instructions
on what you should do when and how, if this is so important?
The Koran only says that Muslims need to pray. Does it tell Muslims how many times? erm,
no! Does it tell Muslims how exactly to pray?
erm, no!
Humans had to figure out how many times their god would want them to pray in order to get
to heaven. But what if those humans were wrong? Oh dear!
Humans had to figure out what sequence to follow and what lines to say and design a
choreography for everyone, depending on what they thought a god would want them to do.
But what if those humans were wrong? Oh dear!
You'd think that humans, given the sparse instructions from the only source they really
have at their disposal, the Koran, would want to make 110% sure this was really what their
god wanted, considering that they base their eternity on these lines and the ensuing man-made
choreography and surrounding rituals.
You'd think that a god who decides to create humans just to worship it would tell them
how to do that properly, wouldn't you? Especially if you've got almost 80% of the humans created
by that god ignoring it.
Well, it did not, so again humans had to step in and figure out what their god would probably
want. They seem to think that adding many magical words in an extinct language will
help make it mystical and sufficiently obscure for outsiders.
They figured that since their god didn't mind changing directions and accepting the fact
that some areas on Earth didn't have sunrises for extended time periods useable for praying
and fasting, this god wouldn't mind some liberties with the praying ritual itself. Which is why
they decided Muslims need to pray 5 times a day, keeping them sufficiently busy.
To make sure they adhere to this they used to send a guy up into a minaret and scream
his head off to tell all Muslims to do the next prayer - or else. In modern times, the
guy has been replaced by powerful amplifiers and big speakers. So you get an entire city
having to endure the wailing of some guy, along with his coughing and sneezing, all
starting at around the same time, but never really at identical times, so there seems
to be some leniency here which the god does not seem to mind.
So the Shia's came up with their own interpretation of what their god would most probably want
them to and so did the Sunnis.
The difference between the Shia and Sunni rituals is quite minimal, because the Shia
are more Koran-centric they look at the actual mentioning of prayer in the Koran, which is
sun-rise and sun-set and thus allow for prayer combinations.
Within the Sunni the Hanbali disagreed with the Shafi's and the one group decided to cross
their feet and place their hands 5 centimetres above what the rest did and allowed garments
5 centimetres longer than the others and eventually, you get a whole range of differences.
The Maliki, a madhab or regional group with a specific legislative interpretation, for
example stand with their hands down and say the end greeting only once.
The Hanafi have different hand movements and are more strict with the times of prayers,
although some groups within the Hanafi are lenient when it comes to adjustments when
on the road. There are differences between all the groups
and even within the groups, demonstrating once again that there is no such thing as
If you go through the instructions of prayers in Islam it is probably reminiscent of the
choreography of the Can-Can group at the Moulin Rouge: upper body here, legs there, elbows
out, tummy tucked in, chest out, fingers in, chin down, down on your knees, bum in the
air, hands at your ears, ů.. Come onů. And all the time mumbling some magical words in
an old language you don't speak or understand. Following a script with prescribed movements.
Trying not to making a single mistake.
And the pitfalls are plentiful - if you make a mistake, the entire prayer does not count
towards your bonus points. The magic did not work.
So what if you follow the wrong instructions? Oh dear, then what? What if you place your
thumb around the wrist and lower than your belly button when it should be on top of the
wrist and chest high??? What if you accidentally put your left arm on top of the right and
not vice versa???
Well, I have not heard of any Muslims being sent back or rejected from heaven, so maybe
their god is not as sticky as Muslims make it out to be.
What struck me as odd is the command to take up a position called juhud, which can be #4
or #6 or whatever ritual you are following. This position is described as "with the 7
bones". Well the god of the Muslims badly screwed up arithmetic and embryology, let's
see if he's any better at anatomy, shall we?
7 bones: hands
feet knees
forehead and nose = 1
The nose is a bone? And together with the forehead counts 1?
Hands consist of only 2 bones? Feet consist of 2 only bones?
Knees consist of 2 only bones? Why is the nose mentioned in connection with
Why would it even be important for the choreographers to specifically mention the nose and place
it on the rug?
Go figure.
For someone who allegedly created humans, albeit out of clay, this god has an amazing
deficit in the knowledge of human anatomy. Or is this not based on what a god said, but
attributed to a god by pretentious humans?
Muslims found some corrupt doctors to testify that the erroneous embryology in the Koran
is correct, maybe they should do the same for anatomy, because this is embarrassingly
Or will I be told that it is only a matter of time before scientists all over the world
will find out that our bones have fused and our feet or toes consist of only one single
Oh come on, when will Muslims accept that the Koran and the religious texts are just
the result of what humans thought in the 7th century and that it is painfully wrong?
Thank you for your time.