MICROWAVE PORN: EPISODE 5 'INTO THE WILD'


Uploaded by cancelproof on 02.05.2010

Transcript:
On a dark and stormy night
when Dave was fast asleep
a bolt of Mystical Lightning
brought his microwave to life!
Now the microwave's alive
and it's addicted to Porn.
And Dave is an architect. "I'm more of an assistant."
And Dave is pushing thirty.
So Dave is pushing thirty
and the boy just needs a girlfriend.
But it's not easy
especially when your microwave has
behavioural issues.
I have a problem.
Jennifer, it's very big of you to let bygones be bygones and forgive me for microwaving your undies.
No problem, Allen. And it was big of you to give me back my panties.
Want me to heat'em up for ya?
I'll be fine.
Can you please give Dave and I a few minutes alone?
Of course. I'll just pretend to use the toilet.
[Allen makes struggling sounds]
I know things got kinda weird last time. I really think we have some potential.
I like you, Dave. I can see this going somewhere but we need to talk about Allen.
He's my best friend. I can't just get rid of him.
And I would never ask you to. But if we're going to move forward we need to deal with his problem.
[toilet flush]
Have you ever tried to help him get clean?
Yeah. It's not pretty.
[toilet flush]
My parents have a cottage. It would be nice to spend to spend the weekend with you there. Maybe we can take Allen with us and help him with his problem together.
[toilet flush]
Hey, buddy! You want to take a ride in the van?
I love the van!
Mystical road trip!
Dave, that horse is stuffing that other horse! I thought horses only banged chicks on websites. Did you know they could bang each other?
Dave, they're banging each other!
Yes, Allen. Animals bang.
Whoa! And that cow's stuffing that other cow. Pull over, pull over, pull over!
Wow. We're here. Now what do we do?
Hey, you think there's any squirrels banging around here?
You can do whatever you want, Allen. There's plenty of activities.
I for one would enjoy a hilarious montage.
Yeah, you're the only one.
Can we do the montage anyway?
Fine.
Me and Dave fishing on a rock.
Going in the boat with Jennifer. In the boat.
Got a gun. Shot some cans off a log.
Which was actually pretty fun.
So after that we played soccer. And Jennifer, she kicked the ball right into my nose which actually hurt. And I didn't want Dave to see me cry.
But I cried!
Then Dave played some golf.
Hit the ball into the water.
So we sat down together. And it was the end of a mystical afternoon.
Wow! What a great afternoon. Now I'm just gonna kick back and unwind with an ice cold beverage and hot stack of pornography.
There's no porn here.
No porn. None at all. Like, not one bit?
No.
I'll be down by the lake.
Allen hasn't come back yet.
I'm sure he's just working stuff out.
[animal panting]
I done seen a microwave in them trees.
Ain't no microwaves this far north.
Clancy said he seen one.
Clancy! What the hell does he know!
Hey.
You guys got any porn?
No sir, Mr. Microwave. No porn.
Not even like a bra section from the Sears catalogue?
No.
Wrong answer.
[Allen attacks]
Good morning.
Allen?
He didn't bother us last night.
You smell something burning?
Oh my god!
He microwaved the van!
We're trapped!