Eugene Mirman & Adam Carolla LIVE - 6/13/12 (Full Ep)


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 13.06.2012

Transcript:
BETH HOYT: I say, boom, boom, boom.
Let me hear you say, way-oh.
MALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Way-oh.

[MUSIC PLAYING]
BETH HOYT: Hey everyone, welcome to My
Damn Channel Live.
I'm Beth Hoyt, your host.
How is everyone?
Wait, OK, I'm sorry.
Don't all talk at once.
Oh my god, OK.
OK, I got it.
You're good.
OK, great, you're good.
Oh, I just heard someone say, just OK.
That's a bummer.
But hopefully I'll fix that.
Now a bunch of you just said good because
that's just your habit.
Just kidding, I couldn't hear any of you guys.
Well you can hear me, so hear this.
If you're watching On Demand, click this invitation right up
here and watch this show as a playlist.
Just trust me.
I trust you.
I'm really glad you're here today because we've got this
frickin' awesome show.
We don't just do it just for us.
I mean, like mostly, but not just.
Today on the show we've got my interview with Adam Carolla,
we taped it yesterday.
Why did you tape it yesterday?
Because that's how we do.
Also Adam is a very busy man these days and we were
thrilled to get a few minutes with him
whenever we had the time.
He had the time.
So you're going to love that, but also Eugene Mirman's here
and he will be live in the studio in a bit.
Because that's how we also do.
We'll answer your questions so tweet them and
comment them now.
OK.
Father's Day is coming up, it's this Sunday.
You're welcome for reminding you.
Now go out and buy your dad that tie, or golf balls, or
the tie with the golf balls on it.
Whatever you get for your dad.
At least your dad isn't the dad you're about to see
because he might be the worst dad ever.
It's a brand spanking new My Damn Channel original video
from [INAUDIBLE].
It's Daddy Knows Best with, "Shit."
-WOMAN: Oh, no, no.
Steve, what are you doing?
-STEVE: I can't tonight, babe.
I really, really can't.
My stomach is killing me.
-WOMAN: You do this every time that my boss invites us over
for dinner.
-STEVE: I'm not just saying it this time, OK?
I am in excruciating pain.
Oh, I'm having another contraction.
[FART SOUND]
Oh, god.
Oh, it's a warning shot.
-WOMAN: You good, you done?
-STEVE: Yeah.
-WOMAN: Great, get dressed.
-STEVE: Oh, dammit.
-BOB: So I say, get your damn hands off my stapler.

Oh, my god.
-STEVE: Can I use your restroom please?
-BOB: Sure, it's down the hall to the right.
-STEVE: Thank you.
-BOB: Oh, man.
I mean, every time.
-WOMAN: That's funny.
-BOB: I mean, it was my stapler.
[FART SOUND]
-STEVE: Oh.
[FART SOUND]
Oh god.
[FART SOUND]
Oh, no.

Oh my.
That's atrocious.
Oh.
Aah, be gone.

Hey.
-BOB: Wow, what have you been doing back there?
-STEVE: Oh, just looking through your stuff.

-WOMAN: You feeling OK?
-STEVE: Never better, never better.
This is going to be good.
-BOB: Look who's got their appetite back.
-STEVE: Do I detect mocha in this brownie?
-BOB: Yes, there is.
You have a very sophisticated palette, sir.
-STEVE: That's right, that's right.
-WOMAN 2: What does Quincy got in his mouth?
-BOB: What the hell?
-WOMAN 2: What is that?
-BOB: Wait a minute, is this?
This better not be what I-- oh my god.

-STEVE: Do you add mocha to the just the batter, or is it
like a prepackaged--
-BOB: Steve, do you know anything about this here?
-STEVE: No, I don't.
I assumed it was just a strange dog toy.
-BOB: Crazy, because it says, "Steve," on the label.
-STEVE: That's an unfortunate coinci-dink.
-BOB: You know what, stop bullshitting, and just tell us
that these are your shit-filled underwears.
-STEVE: They're not my underwear, Bob.
I don't know what to tell you.
I'm wearing the underwear that I came in here with tonight.
-BOB: I call bullshit.
Show us your underwear right now.
Take 'em out, let's see them.
-STEVE: Bob, this is not an inquisition.
I won't be subjected to this, this is crazy talk.
-BOB: Take your goddamn pants off.
-WOMAN: Just take them off already, just show them.
-STEVE: OK, all right.
This is what you wanted, Bob.
This is what you wanted, so you remember.
-BOB: And there you go.
-WOMAN 2: Oh my god, those are mine.
Those are my underwear.

BETH HOYT: Aah, poop.
Why did they have to show us the poop?
I mean, I know it was fake poop.
But still fake poop is worse than real pee,
wouldn't you say?
OK, let's move on.
Yesterday I had the pleasure of interviewing one of the
funniest guys on the planet.
Adam Carolla stopped by.
And we had some fun and an entirely poop-free
conversation.
Check it out.

-BETH HOYT: We are so excited to have with us today one of
the great thinkers and great talkers in America today.
You may know him from The Man Show, Love Line, from his
enormously popular podcast.
He's here with us today with a new book.
It's a memoir of his life called,
Not Taco Bell Material.
Ladies and gentlemen, Adam Carolla.
-ADAM CAROLLA: Yeah, it's me.
Thanks, Beth.
-BETH HOYT: Yes, thank you so much for being here.
All right, we're going to get to some
questions I have for you.
First of all, I've been powering through this book,
which is so entertaining, so funny.
-ADAM CAROLLA: Oh, thanks.
-BETH HOYT: You're very welcome.
One of my favorite things are these tangents you have, which
are actually tan gents.
-ADAM CAROLLA: Tan gents.
Yeah, that's why I get the big bucks.
-BETH HOYT: Yeah, it's so funny.
-ADAM CAROLLA: Well, I had a lot of tangents in the book,
and then I thought at a certain point maybe we should
have a little designation to let people know I'm going on a
tangent.
-BETH HOYT: Right.
-ADAM CAROLLA: And then I thought tan gent.
I don't even know if it's spelled the same way.
But it would be funny if we had a little icon of a tan
gentleman.
-BETH HOYT: It is funny.
I think this way, too, I think tangentially.
And speaking of--
I'm just kidding.
-ADAM CAROLLA: That's good.
-BETH HOYT: Thanks.
-ADAM CAROLLA: That was just pow.
-BETH HOYT: Thank you.
-ADAM CAROLLA: Real time.
-BETH HOYT: Thank you for the back up props on that.
But I'm wondering how many tangents had to get cut?
Basically the editing process in general, how
long was this book?
I feel like you might have another another book in the
back that's like, [INAUDIBLE].

-ADAM CAROLLA: We didn't cut a lot as I recall.
They always cut a fair bit, but, for some reason, this
book was all stories of my life.
And my last book was a lot of jokes, and I was dealing with
an editor who may not have gotten every one of my jokes.
So there was a lot of like, this one's not that funny, so
why don't we get rid of this one?
But this is more stories from my life.
So there was a chapter about how I just don't believe the
Holocaust ever existed, and she said maybe we
should cut that one.
-BETH HOYT: Save that one.
-ADAM CAROLLA: She said don't talk about it.
Well, anyway, we can edit that out.
But other than my denial of the Holocaust chapter, they're
all in there.
Everything's in there.
-BETH HOYT: You seemed to have tons of odd jobs, doing all
kinds of crazy things.
In here, you describe your worst job ever.
But do you want to, maybe as a little teaser and because it's
so awful, describe for us that worst job?
-ADAM CAROLLA: Um, I had a series of horrible jobs and/or
professions.
But it wasn't like, oh, I was in between the semesters at
college, like summer semester, whatever,
like I had a bad job.
That was my life, bad jobs.
Like it wasn't like some people have that, oh, and I
hate these pussies by the way.
That's [INAUDIBLE].
You know, where they go like, in between semesters.
I worked a whole summer on my uncle's farm before I had to
go back to Stanford and finish up my law degree.
And it's like, all right, that's
fine, but it's temporary.
The jobs I had were a life sentence.
-BETH HOYT: Your life.
-ADAM CAROLLA: Yeah, just digging ditches, swinging
hammers, working on construction sites.
It's just like dirty, no pay.
Cleaning carpets I think was my worst gig.
McDonald's sucked, too.
-BETH HOYT: One last question is what is it like now that
you finally, you're doing your own thing.
How awesome is it to not feel after working all these jobs
and working for the man for so long, how does it feel to be
in charge of your destiny and your career right now?
-ADAM CAROLLA: It feels like it doesn't suck.
-BETH HOYT: Great, we're going to take a quick break.
And when we get back, Adam is going to be responding to your
questions on Twitter.
But first, it's one of our favorite Product Displacements
from Captain Hippo.
This is "Church."
-MALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Sunday, Sunday.
Prepare to be forgiven at church.
Slap on your Sunday best and kneel before our lord and
savior, Jesus Christ.
Now stand, now sit.
Now rise, now sit.
Now kneel in one of our many pews.
Christ is done, Christ is risen.
Won't you come again?
And remember, church is always free.
Swing by early and confess your sins.
Stick around afterwards for [INAUDIBLE]
bake sale.
This Sunday, a special glorious
performance by Pastor Chris.
He has the fingers of angels.
Don't miss it.
Don't sloth around until Christmas or Easter.
This is an event you can't miss.
Because if you do you go to hell.
Unless you confess your sins, then you're fine.
Light a candle, say a prayer.
Receive his body, taste his blood.
All are welcome in the house of the Lord.
Except if you're gay, eew.
Afterwards go right across the street to the diner for
buttermilk pancakes.
So go to church, happening every Sunday.
Sunday, Sunday, amen.

-BETH HOYT: All right, hey guys, We're back with Adam
Carolla and we're going to get to your Twitter questions that
you guys have sent in.
Are you ready, Adam?
-ADAM CAROLLA: Yes.
-BETH HOYT: All right, let's get your Twitter questions.
We have a tweet from the [INAUDIBLE].
"Does Ace man's buddy, Ray, still prank as hard as the
stories from when they were teenagers?
He seems like a man-boy."
-ADAM CAROLLA: Um, yeah he still has a good sense of
humor and he still likes to fuck around.
But when he used to work for Jimmy Kimmel Show, he used to
play a game called the breathing game where he'd put
his hand over your mouth and sort of try
to suffocate people.
And somebody told him, you can't do that, it's a
Disney-owned company.
And so he was let go.
He also wrestled with a guy.
There was a quadriplegic guy.
Or actually, a wrestler that had all
his limbs like removed.
But he had sort of the stubs and he claimed nobody could
hold his arms and hold them apart.
Ray immediately took the challenge.
And the next thing you know, Ray and a guy in a wheelchair
were like going at it in the hallways over at Kimmel's.
And that was probably about five years ago.
So he's still got the eye of the tiger.
-BETH HOYT: Who won that wrestling match?
-ADAM CAROLLA: You know, I think we're all winners when
you can see one of your buddies from high school
wrestling with a quadriplegic.
-BETH HOYT: Sure, yeah.
-ADAM CAROLLA: In a wheelchair.
We've all been there.
-BETH HOYT: Yep, that's a happy story.
Next tweet is from 1780's Guy.
"Details on the plan for show with Doctor Drew?"
-ADAM CAROLLA: Hopefully he'll be doing a regular appearance
on my podcast.
Because people like Drew and they like me, but
they like us together.
-BETH HOYT: Yeah.
A tweet now from Josh Doese.
"What is his favorite type of penguin and why?"
-ADAM CAROLLA: I like the Emperor.
-BETH HOYT: Yeah.
-ADAM CAROLLA: And that's my goddamn business.
-BETH HOYT: Yeah, next tweet.
Seriously.
-ADAM CAROLLA: Move on.
-BETH HOYT: This is from [INAUDIBLE] "Ask Adam who was
the most annoying fellow Celebrity Apprentice."
-ADAM CAROLLA: Well, Aubrey O'Day was super annoying.
Trump would be like, Aubrey, if you were me,
who would you fire?
She'd be like, Mr. Trump, I wouldn't fire myself because
I'm dedicated, I'm hard working, I'm a strong woman.
Yes, but who would you fire?
I'll tell you who I wouldn't fire, Mr. Trump.
I would not fire Aubrey O'Day.
Because Aubrey O'Day is dedicated,
focused, gives 100--
Aubrey, who would you fire?
I can't tell you who I would fire, I can tell you who I
wouldn't fire.
Aubrey O'Day because I'm a strong woman
who speaks for women.
And it's like, bitch, shut the fuck up.
She wouldn't fire herself, we get it.
-BETH HOYT: Yeah, right.
So that's all the time we have.
Adam, thank you so much for being here.
-ADAM CAROLLA: It's been awesome.
-BETH HOYT: It's been awesome.
This book is out now, available everywhere and here
in New York.
Adam's doing live podcast tapings all week long.
-ADAM CAROLLA: Yeah, Thursday--
-BETH HOYT: At Caroline's.
-ADAM CAROLLA: Friday, Saturday, yeah.
-BETH HOYT: Check out the website for details.
This is out today.
Thank you so much, Adam, for being here.
-ADAM CAROLLA: My pleasure.

BETH HOYT: Adam was nice enough to sign a copy of his
new book, and we are giving it away on our Twitter feed.
So go to twitter.com/mydamnchannel to
find out more.
And check this out, we're going to be putting up on our
website the extended Carolla interview.
Because there was too much awesome for this show.
So look for that on mydamnchannel.com tomorrow.
Or just subscribe and we'll let you know
about it, just subscribe.
Just like click, just click this button right here.
Eugene Mirman is getting warmed up in the green room,
so send in tweets and comments for him.
He will answer them, he wants to, or he will
after we warm him up.
I'm going to prepare something special to warm him up with.
So let me just get set up here.
Meanwhile, here's a little video from Matt McManus who
was hanging out with me in the studio yesterday.
It's McMayhem with "Situation Escalate."
-STEPHEN SEIDEL: What's up, it's Situation Escalate.
I'm Stephen Seidel.
This is where Matt takes it to a whole 'nother level.
Who's ready for some public intimacy?

[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOT]
-HANNAH HART: Hi, I'm Hannah Hart, and you're watching My
Damn Channel Live.

BETH HOYT: All right, Eugene Mirman is going to be on the
show in just a couple of minutes.
And I really, want to get him like loosey-goosey.
So I thought I'd make him a cocktail.
Now Eugene lives in Brooklyn, and I live in Brooklyn, so I
decided to create an authentic Brooklyn cocktail called, "The
Eugene."
OK.
Now I'd love for you to make this with me at home but if
you can't, because the ingredients are very local,
then just feel free to take notes, OK?
So first we have this container, it's already filled
with vodka.
We're just going to dump the rest of that in there, just
really get it in there.
Just pour as much as you need for yourself, and then
[INAUDIBLE].

Just to make sure that you're loosey-goosey as well.
OK now we're going to start off with really fresh
ingredients.
We've got some ginger here, we're just going
to put that in there.
Just a little bit is good because a little bit goes a
long way with ginger, that's a good tip.
It really just clears out your sinuses, too,
which is always good.
And some lemon, just some lemon zest.
And the color makes it really pop.
Just some fresh lemon, just really zesting that in there.
It smells so fresh.
Brooklyn has some really great cocktail bars, and they really
use fresh, straight ingredients from the garden.
It's really inspiring.
So I have some Brooklyn ground coffee.
This is from Brooklyn, these coffee beans.
We're just going to just put a few in there, just for
essence, kind of, you know?
And then we're going to get really Brooklyn-y because I've
got a hot dog from Coney Island.
You know, complete.
So we're just going to just put that right in there, OK?
And I've got a brownstone here.
There are such beautiful brownstone houses in my
apartment, in my neighborhood of Park Slope.
So we're just going to take the brownstone
and just dump that.
Just start mixing it up now.
Really want to just get that [INAUDIBLE]
It's smelling really Brooklyn-y.
Here we get some
authentic-ness with, oh, I see.
I'm back.
It's the corner of a hipster's shirt.
I just ripped it off his shirt as he was biking past.
So we get a little bit of neighborhood-y
Williamsburg in there.
I also nabbed a few of his ironic beard trimmings.
Just a dab of this, just a little dash.
Just get that in there.
I want to be careful not to choke on that later.
Now this is really where, this is special, this is when it
gets really Brooklyn-y.
This is a jar filled with Brooklyn air, OK?
I just opened my window on the cab home last night and I
captured it.
Now this is tricky because you want to not spill any.
So just make sure you get it right over the container, just
let that all go in there, OK.
And then stir that up.
Make sure you get all of it in there.
I'm just going to get the last bits of that in there.
OK, I've got that.
Now this is a pretty Brooklyn-y cocktail, right?
But I just wanted to give it that special ingredient that
really made it "The Eugene." And as all of Eugene's fans
know, he was born in the Soviet
Union, he's super smart.
So I thought I'd make, you know, I thought a good Russian
intellectual influence would really make this drink sing.
So I'm going to infuse this vodka with Dostoevsky, OK?
It's Crime and Punishment, so that the cocktail has that
smoky, and, again, with the ginger.
But also just that hint of danger from the crime and
guilt, guilt from the punishment.
OK, so just get that in there.
It's going to be buoyant, you know, so you're going to want
to, it's tough to get that, it wants to float.
Get that in there.
I feel like a mixologist.
How am I looking, guys?
Got anymore of this in there?
All right, so we're going to let this infuse
a little bit longer.
Eugene's going to love this.
OK, he'll be here in just a second.
But first, I've got a My Damn Channel premiere for you.
If you've made a "Eugene" with me, then just sip away while
enjoying a brand new video.
It's Junior Varsity with their latest, it's called, "It's the
NBA Finals, She'll Understand."
-FEMALE SPEAKER 1: I'm so glad you guys were able to make it
out.
-MALE SPEAKER 1: Where's Dave?
-FEMALE SPEAKER 1: He had to work late.
-FEMALE SPEAKER 2: Oh, that's too bad.
-FEMALE SPEAKER 1: No, it's really OK.
He really wanted to be here, so he's going to Skype in so
he doesn't miss anything.
-DAVE: Hey, guys.
-MALE SPEAKER 1: Hey, Dave.
-FEMALE SPEAKER 1: Are you at home right now?
-DAVE: Yeah, I got off early, just in time to catch the
fourth quarter.
Isn't that crazy?
-FEMALE SPEAKER 1: Record the game and get over here now.
-DAVE: Honey, it's the playoffs.
I can't record it.
How can I post clever status updates and funny hash tags if
it's not live?
-MALE SPEAKER 1: Dave, do you think you could turn the
camera towards the television?
-DAVE: No problem, dude.
-FEMALE SPEAKER 1: No, uh-uh, don't you dare.
-WAITER: Can I get you guys started with some beverages?
-DAVE: Get the fuck out of here.
-WAITER: Excuse me?
FEMALE SPEAKER 1: I'm sorry, that's my inconsiderate
boyfriend.
-DAVE: Honey, the refs are killing us right now.
-WAITER: Excuse me, sir.
Could you tell me the score?
-DAVE: 97, 95.
-WAITER: Holy shit.
I'm sorry, it's the playoffs.
-FEMALE SPEAKER 2: I think we'll just have water for now.
-WAITER: Yeah.
-FEMALE SPEAKER 2: Watch it.
-WAITER: I'm sorry, I'll get a towel.
-MALE SPEAKER 1: You guys only live a couple of blocks away,
right?
-FEMALE SPEAKER 2: Don't even think about it.
-FEMALE SPEAKER 1: Dave, turn the game off.
-DAVE: Guys, you just shh for a second.
-FEMALE SPEAKER 1: Get your feet off that coffee table
right now.
-DAVE: Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
-MALE SPEAKER 1: What happened?
-WAITER: Did we win?
-DAVE: [INAUDIBLE].
-MALE SPEAKER 1: Yeah, whoo.
-DAVE: Oh, yeah.
-WAITER: Yes.
-DAVE: That's how you do it, baby.
-WAITER: Aargh.
-FEMALE SPEAKER 2: You can leave now.
-WAITER: I should.
-FEMALE SPEAKER 1: Dave.
Ooh, I can't believe I'm talking to a
web cam right now.
Dave, Dave.
-WAITER: [INAUDIBLE] guys, something to celebrate here,
huh?
-MALE SPEAKER 1: Cheers.
-FEMALE SPEAKER 1: Son of a bitch.
-DAVE: Hey, honey, bring me some chicken parm.
-MALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Workless.
-JEN: Good morning, I'm running so late today.
-FEMALE: Oh hi, Jen.
-JEN: It looks so good in here.
Can I help you do anything?
What?
-FEMALE: Um, you have something.
-JEN: Something?
-FEMALE: On your lip.
-JEN: Oh, oh this?
It's nothing.
I don't have anything.
I just get 'em when I'm stressed out.
Is it really that noticeable?
-FEMALE: No, it just--
-JEN: I'm going to put a little bit of powder on it.

Better?
-FEMALE: Ah--
-JEN: I stopped and got the brand new pumpkin spice latte,
it's so good.
Have you had it?
Try it.
-FEMALE: No.
-JEN: Yeah, try it.
-FEMALE: No, I'm fine.
-JEN: Try it.
-FEMALE: No, Jesus, back it up.
-JEN: Look at all the snacks you brought.
-MALE: Brian's paperweight has been glued to his desk.
-JEN: Oh, you have the best gags.
Chips and dip?
-MALE: Who made this?
-FEMALE: I did.
-JEN: So good.
You're a double dipper, too, huh?
Secret's safe with me, I am, too.

-MALE: I need a drink.
-FEMALE: Oh no, that's Jen's.
-JEN: It's good, right?
-MALE: I'm going to puke.
-MALE 2: Here is the birthday cake.
-JEN: Shh, it's a surprise.
Don't forget.
Oh, that is good, have some.
Have some, it's delicious.
-FEMALE 2: Hey everybody, I brought Sampson.
Sampson?
[BABY CRYING]
-JEN: Look at the little big boy.
You're such a big boy.
-MALE: Get the kid.
-FEMALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): He's just a kid.
-JEN: Surprise.

What?
-FEMALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Oh, no.
Oh gosh.
-MALE: Who's the CPR administrator in the office?
-JEN: Oh, it's me.
It's me.
-MALE 2: No, no.
-MALE 3: No, no.
Please let me die.
-FEMALE: Get your [INAUDIBLE] away from him.
-JEN: What?
This?
FEMALE: Oh no.
-JEN: This is nothing.
-TODDLER: Mommy, that's gross.

BETH HOYT: Hey, you guys, it's Eugene Mirman.
Thank you so much for being here.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Thank you for having me.
BETH HOYT: So you guys know him from the Comedians of
Comedy Tour, HBO's Flight of the Concords.
[INAUDIBLE], and most recently, and excitingly, his
voice from Bob's Burgers.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yes.
BETH HOYT: Yay, have you ever answered tweets and people's
YouTube questions on a live comedy show before?
EUGENE MIRMAN: No.
BETH HOYT: I thought maybe you didn't or hadn't, and that
you'd be a little nervous.
So that's why, you know, just imbibe all you want.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Oh, it's one thing to talk to someone in
person, but it's very
nerve-wracking to answer tweets.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, exactly.
It's live.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yeah, it's a live tweet as opposed to
getting like 30 seconds to be like, yes--
BETH HOYT: To like, to formulate it?
Exactly.
So, yeah.
Get up in there.
Um, OK.
So let's talk about Bob's Burgers first, which is coming
up on its third season.
It has awesome guest stars this season.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yeah, it does.
BETH HOYT: Nick Offerman and Zach Galifianakis,
Galifianakis.
You like that?
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yes, Zach did it, Aziz.
Kevin [INAUDIBLE] a regular, Bill Hader's on it.
Yeah.
It's great.
It's been good.
BETH HOYT: So you play a young boy named Gene.
EUGENE MIRMAN: I do, a young boy named Gene.
BETH HOYT: Do you think that, being an adult man, are you
tapping into your inner child?
Or do you, like I do, I still think I'm an adult woman, but
I think of myself as a kid often.
Are you like tapping into your man-child?
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yeah, I just think of myself as a child
that's allowed to drink and no one thinks it's weird.
Um, yeah when you do it, it's like you're, anyway.
That's a good answer, is that the best answer?
BETH HOYT: Is it like your inner child, or is it like do
you think of yourself sometimes as a child?
EUGENE MIRMAN: I think there's two separate things.
I think of myself as a child, and then I'm acting and
pretending to be a child in a cartoon.
That's why I was having trouble answering because
there are two things.
No, I don't access like a childlike-ness of myself, like
go into a child zone.
I think we're all acting.
BETH HOYT: It's probably best.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Just like when someone plays, let's say, like
a sexual offender on Law and Order, they don't go, well,
this was what I've always wanted to do.
And I'll access that part of me that secretly wants to
brutalize strangers.
BETH HOYT: But so many of those Law and Order actors,
they don't go on to do other things.
You never know.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Oh, I meant like when Robin Williams was a
guest star.
He totally went on to do--
no.
BETH HOYT: Right.
EUGENE MIRMAN: A lot of stuff.
BETH HOYT: That's true, he did go on to do,
he's doing all right.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: OK, let's get into your Twitter questions.
First up is a tweet, and it is from That Guy Babb.
"Ask him to run for president the same he ran for student
body president.
Then ask him about the latter."
EUGENE MIRMAN: Well, as an immigrant I can never run for
President of the United States.
But I can run for president of my class as
a kid in high school.
BETH HOYT: And did you?
EUGENE MIRMAN: I did.
I was very unpopular and I thought it would be funny.
And I was right, it was very funny.
And I came very close to winning.
I was like 20 votes away from having to organize stuff now.
So it's great that I lost, but I learned an important lesson
about trying and doing crazy things and having it be fun.
BETH HOYT: Did you almost get close to winning because you
underestimated your popularity, or because--
EUGENE MIRMAN: No, no.
No, I was not.
I was so unpopular, but it flipped.
I was infamous.
And a friend of mine came up with a slogan for me that was,
"it's not just a change, it's a mutation." And so we put
posters all over school that said that, and other sort of
weird, ridiculous things.
I recently found a speech that's crazy, that you would
write what you promise.
And I think I just promised to play like,
slightly better music.
Like I promised to play the Jesus and Mary Chain at dances
or something.
BETH HOYT: That's cool.
EUGENE MIRMAN: So, yeah.
BETH HOYT: It sounds like you were and your Kickstarter
campaigns for the Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival, all
the different things you promised people.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Those things we did because you become bound
to do those.
Yeah, we promised an awkward party bus and we add one.
BETH HOYT: And you delivered.
EUGENE MIRMAN: We delivered.
We promised to put people's names in the program and say
that they're racist, and we did that.
BETH HOYT: Good, you got to stick to it when
there's money involved.
Next tweet is from Uri Fintzy.

"If you had to choose one of Bob's kids as your own, who
would it be and why?"
EUGENE MIRMAN: Well, um, I would say possibly Gene
because he's so fun, and adorable, and a goofball.
BETH HOYT: A lot in common.
[INAUDIBLE] seem very similar to being your son.
It would be a very natural feeling, I'm sure.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yeah, and then also Louise because it would
be like, who doesn't want a child that's a
bit of an evil genius?
And, you know, kind-hearted evil, so a little bit of a
malicious genius.
BETH HOYT: All right, so we're going to come right back and
answer some more of your questions.
I'm going to fill up Eugene's drink a little bit.
And here's a video from a fellow New
York comic, Jon Friedman.
It's the Jon Friedman Internet Program.

-FEMALE VOICE SINGING (OFFSCREEN): It's the Jon
Friedman Internet Program on your world wide web.
[PHONE RINGING]
-MALE: No, no.
That's not for you.
I mean, I guess, if you want.
-FEMALE VOICE SINGING (OFFSCREEN): It's the Jon
Friedman Internet Program on your world wide web.

BETH HOYT: Oh hi, we're back.
EUGENE MIRMAN: We're back.
BETH HOYT: And I have a question for Eugene.
And I have a question, and I get to ask it because I'm--
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yes.
BETH HOYT: So you're all over, I mean, you know so many
comedians, and you're friends with so many.
And I'm just wondering if you have any suggestions for
people, like who are your favorite comics to
see in New York City?
Like people, you rush to get tickets for?
And you have some underground knowledge.
EUGENE MIRMAN: I rush to get tickets for comics that are
rarely in New York.
But then I will go to things.
BETH HOYT: Basically who are some comics that people don't
know about?
EUGENE MIRMAN: Oh, who are comics that
people don't know about?
That's a good question.
I don't know.
BETH HOYT: Also who are the comics you love to see?
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yeah, let's just broaden it up to just
who's a fun person to go to get food with?
And they are, as follows.
John Mulaney is super funny, Kurt Braunohler.
Kristen Schall.
Kurt Braunohler has a new show on IFC called, Bunk, that's
really funny.
BETH HOYT: It's so funny.
He's our guest on the show next week.
EUGENE MIRMAN: See, I told you.
BETH HOYT: Way to slip that in there.
You're supposed to do the promo later on in the show.
You just slipped that in there very naturally.
EUGENE MIRMAN: I just promoted a thing that's not even mine.
Where do I benefit?
BETH HOYT: Get the check.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Because I'm a kind person.
And Michael Che, there's a comic named Michael Che that's
really funny.
BETH HOYT: Oh, yeah.
I do love him, he's so deadpan, he's great.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yeah, he's really funny.
There's a lot of very funny people.
BETH HOYT: Cool.
Next tweet-- and there are a lot of very funny people.
EUGENE MIRMAN: That are here in this city.
You should move here.
BETH HOYT: This is from Sam the Stone.
"Which do you prefer, Eugene, live performance, voice
acting, or chili cheese fries?"
EUGENE MIRMAN: I guess live performance.
BETH HOYT: Do you have a thing for chili cheese fries?
EUGENE MIRMAN: No, so if I was going to pick two things that
keep me alive or chili cheese fries, I'm going to definitely
be like, the things that help me live.
BETH HOYT: Yeah.
EUGENE MIRMAN: I enjoy more live performance, though I do
like voice acting.
But I think shows, I think doing shows is really fun.
What I really like is the variety.
And then I could include chili cheese fries.
BETH HOYT: Right, and that's great you're doing that.
EUGENE MIRMAN: I mean I'd say I like poutine more than chili
cheese fries.
I mean, if you were going to have to go down that road.
BETH HOYT: Have you been to Mile End?
EUGENE MIRMAN: No.
BETH HOYT: There's a place in Brooklyn called Mile End, you
guys gotta check it out when you move here to see the funny
people that live here.
Another tweet is from JD DiG.
"Ask him how it felt to give the commencement speech at
Hampshire College, his alma mater, this year."
BETH HOYT: I like how he threw in the [INAUDIBLE].
EUGENE MIRMAN: I know, and I'd be like, Hampshire College,
heard of it sounds familiar.
Oh, yeah, I went to college there for four years.
BETH HOYT: I knew that it seemed familiar when I was
giving the commencement speech.
EUGENE MIRMAN: It was awesome, it was amazing.
BETH HOYT: It's really funny.
It's on his website.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yeah, you can go find it.
I was very nervous because I really like because I--
BETH HOYT: It's a big deal.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yeah, and also I gave the one at my high
school, but when you give a high school one it's sort of
like, well, you literally we're so restrained.
And what you're about to have is so much better
than, like, what you--
the difference between 12th grade and the first year of
college is like a great deal of freedom, and trust, and
responsibility.
But the difference between college and now, like you
picked a college.
Like it's more your thing that you wanted to do.
So I was very nervous, but I was really excited.
And it was really great.
Part of me wanted to go like, you sure you don't want me to
speak later once I'm older and have done more or something?
And can really impart some wisdom?
BETH HOYT: I'd love to hear you as a speaker at a college.
That's fantastic.
And that is such a good point.
High school [INAUDIBLE] get out there.
EUGENE MIRMAN: You can go to the bathroom,
you can go walk around.
You're allowed to go on dates.
BETH HOYT: Here's a Tumbler question.
This is from Rob Kass.
"When and how did you know comedy was the right
profession for you?"
EUGENE MIRMAN: Well, Hampshire lets you
design your own major.
So I actually really loved comedy growing up.
BETH HOYT: Is that why you went there?
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yeah, because you could
design your own major.
So my thesis was a one-hour stand-up act.
And that was my final project, and then before that I did
things in writing, and film, and acting, and social
science, and rise of mass culture.
And wrote a weekly column for a newspaper, and radio, and
just did all this different stuff that I formed into a
comedy major.
BETH HOYT: That's so cool.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yeah, so really since I was 18.
BETH HOYT: Was it running for student body president when
you were like, look at how I flip this
around with this comedy?
EUGENE MIRMAN: No.
No--
BETH HOYT: It seems like it could be a very inspiring
event for a high school student who's not popular to
suddenly be like, I'm winning this.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yeah, I think also people just grew up, and
also Nirvana became popular.
Like it literally went from you're a sissy to like, wait a
second, it's OK to like weird music.
So welcome to 1992, everyone.
BETH HOYT: Cool.
Another Tumbler question is from Nate Elmkty.

"What's next for the Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival?
EUGENE MIRMAN: We have dates, which I think are around
September 15, but no real plan yet.
But we're just emailing about it.
BETH HOYT: There will be.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yeah, we'll do it.
BETH HOYT: Fabulous.
But you do have a show coming up in July.
EUGENE MIRMAN: We do.
BETH HOYT: In Brooklyn?
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yeah, at the waterfront in Brooklyn with
Kristen Schaal and Bob Goldthwait, and Kurt
Braunohler, and OK Go.
And then some other surprise guests.
BETH HOYT: That's so cool.
It's free, right?
EUGENE MIRMAN: It's free, yes.
So come, thousands of people.
BETH HOYT: Do we have another Twitter or are we done?
I could ask one.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Do we have another twitter?
BETH HOYT: We have so many.
You guys sent in a lot, thank you for doing that.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yeah, very nice of you, thank you.
BETH HOYT: We have a tweet, Gogo [INAUDIBLE].
Ooh, so maybe they live here. "Would a young Eugene Mirman,
or current-aged, and Gene Belcher get along?
And Eugene's favorites Slope burger?"
EUGENE MIRMAN: Ooh.
Um, well, yes.
I would totally get along with a child.
I mean, I would be like, stop making fart sounds.
But, yeah, I think that I would be endeared.
And I'd certainly love how adult and
savant-y he was at times.
In terms of my favorite burger, there's a bunch of
burger places that have just opened up, and so I don't
really know.
But there's one on 7th Avenue and 1st Street.
Maybe it's called BareBurger?
BETH HOYT: Oh yeah, there's a bunch of them
in New York, too.
They have elk and all different kinds
of interesting meats.
Probably make vegetarians squirm.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yeah, they're really good.
And then the truth is that I think that
there's Bonnie's Grill.
There's a bunch, but I don't really know.
If you had only asked me where some of the fun seafood places
were to go.
BETH HOYT: What's your favorite seafood place to go?
EUGENE MIRMAN: I don't know.
Brooklyn Fish Camp.
That's a great place.
BETH HOYT: Yeah, it is.
EUGENE MIRMAN: And Blue Ribbon.
BETH HOYT: Do you live in Park Slope?
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yeah.
BETH HOYT: Me, too.
EUGEN MIRMAN: We're probably neighbors.
BETH HOYT: Probably are, see you at the Fish Camp.
EUGENE MIRMAN: See you at Brooklyn Fish
Camp right after this.
Sorry to talk over at the same time.
BETH HOYT: That's where we're going to be, so we got to get
out of here.
Thank you so much for being here, I'm a huge fan.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Thank you very much.
BETH HOYT: And thank you guys for watching.
Please don't forget to subscribe.
For the love of god, just don't not click Subscribe.
Eugene how do you say, "subscribe," in Russian?
Make it sound tough.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Subscribe.
BETH HOYT: See, did you do it?
OK, here's some news.
I won't be here tomorrow because I'm going to LA to do
the red carpet at the Young Hollywood Awards.
I'm so excited.
EUGENE MIRMAN: What's the Young Hollywood Awards?
BETH HOYT: It's like the Oscars for young Hollywood.
The winners are already chosen.
EUGENE MIRMAN: For like, kids?
Like you mean kids, or teens, or like Ryan Gosling?
Or way younger?
BETH HOYT: Teens or people that are like early '20s who
can play teens.

EUGENE MIRMAN: Luke Perry would have been one in 1993.
BETH HOYT: Right, now he's past that, but exactly.
That type of person where you're like--
EUGENE MIRMAN: That's a good example.
BETH HOYT: 15 to 28 range.
EUGENE MIRMAN: OK so are you up for something?
BETH HOYT: No, I'm just going to interview people on the red
carpet, and I'm really excited.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Oh nice.
I did that once, for the Webbies.
We probably have to go.
Anyway, it was fun.
BETH HOYT: Well we're going to talk at the Fish Camp.
I get to chat with young Hollywood, like people like
Aubrey Plaza, and James Van Der Beek, and iCarly.
I am super psyched and I have questions prepared to bring
back to you.
While I'm gone, Shannon Coffey from Coffey Chat
will host this show.
She's so hilarious and so cute.
Watch her.
Let's leave her a note.
Can I leave her a note?
EUGENE MIRMAN: Isn't James Van Der Beek 37?
BETH HOYT: Yeah, I know, but now he's so known
for Dawson's Creek.
It's like Luke Perry.
You're going to be known for being a teen.
He always going to be welcome at the Young Hollywood Awards.
EUGENE MIRMAN: When I had my first temp job in Boston, I
was an office manager and made mailboxes for everyone who
worked there.
And I added one for James Van Der Beek.
BETH HOYT: Wow.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Yep.
So that's a thing.
BETH HOYT: I'm glad we got to that, you guys.
EUGENE MIRMAN: So, hello James.
Good luck.
BETH HOYT: I started this picture for Shannon.
Do you mind finishing this picture for her while I--
EUGENE MIRMAN: What is it?
BETH HOYT: Whatever you want it to be.
And then I'm going to finish this out here.
So Grace is hosting the show on Mondays for June.
And next week we've Chris Crocker of "Leave Britney
Alone" fame.
And comedian Kurt Braunohler, [INAUDIBLE]
Bunk.
And on Thursday Mark [INAUDIBLE]
is going to be here.
We did it.
We're going to finish this up, and you guys can see us
tomorrow with Shannon Coffey.
Lastly, you're my favorite.
Goodnight.
EUGENE MIRMAN: Bye.
Sorry, am I not supposed to show them?
BETH HOYT: Don't show them.
Goodnight.
Bye.