Beth of the Week - 4/27/12 (FULL EP)


Uploaded by MyDamnChannel on 27.04.2012

Transcript:

BETH HOYT: (SINGING) Because it's Friday night
and I just got paid.
Yep.
[THEME MUSIC]
BETH HOYT: You're welcome for that 'N Sync that I almost
fully committed to.
Hi, everyone.
Hey, do you guys remember yesterday when DailyGrace and
Mitchell Davis were chugging shots of ketchup and mustard?
Go on, show them.

Well, while that was happening, I was at the
Digitas New Fronts, which was exciting.
And there were lots of very important web people there.
I talked to Felicia Day for a while.
She's so nice.
And a lot of other people whose names you don't know,
but they basically run your life.
I stood near a red carpet.
Look.
It was really exciting.
Internet is the new television.
It was very professional and, like I said, I met some
important people.
And when I got home, I did the proper amount of internet
surfing so I wouldn't have the spins when I closed my eyes.
I got, then, delightfully pulled into the HowToBasic
YouTube series.
Have you guys watched this?
You're going to want to get on that.
Our favorite one is this one called "How to Make Spaghetti
the Right Way."
[CRASHING NOISES]
BETH HOYT: That's awesome.
I was inspired, so I made a video, a
how-to video last night.
I remembered that I told some bigwig I met earlier in the
day that I'd email him.
And I forgot his name, but I knew I had his card.
So this is called "How to Find a Business Card the Right
Way."
I didn't find it, but I did find all of my favorite
moments from this week.
Check it.

MALE SPEAKER: He once carried me by my underwear across the
lunchroom in front of 75 crew members.
BETH HOYT: Did that hurt?
MALE SPEAKER: Yes.
That was what I would call the ultimate wedgy.
BETH HOYT: Just for fun, just because it was fun for him?
MALE SPEAKER: Because he's Gary Busey.
MALE SPEAKER: Go.
BETH HOYT: Nooooooooooooo.

First of all, here's a picture of who I
spent the weekend with.

MALE SPEAKER: Whoa.

MALE SPEAKER: (SINGING) I'm sick of listening to my boss
telling me--

MALE SPEAKER: 20 seconds.
BETH HOYT: Guys, enough.
Guys.
Enough.
Guys.
Enough.
Enjoy.

MALE SPEAKER: Wow.

BETH HOYT: What a week it was.
Thanks to those of you that have been there with me
watching the show.
Especially those of you that watch live.
I know you can't all watch live because you have jobs or
kids or naps to attend to.
I get it.
But I really love feeling like we're all experiencing this
together, because we are.
I make a PB&J cocktail, sip her down, and you feel a gag
reflex in your mouth.
Anyways, thanks.
And here are some of my favorite comments and tweets
from you guys from this week.
This is a tweet from Caity Kelly.
Shes says, "My professor mentioned someone whose last
name is Hoyt.
He had my full attention until I realized he wasn't talking
about you." That's awesome.
Was he talking about True Blood?
Was he talking about Hoyt from True Blood?
That would almost have my attention.
If he was talking about Alexander Skarsgard he would
have my full attention.
Anyway, thanks.
Excellent.
This is, OK, so I tweeted about Game of Thrones, and
said, "I hate Ned Stark's sister-in-law and her dick
wussy son." And then golfgrasshopper responded to
me, "Don't worry.
Soon you'll hate them even more, especially the son.
I sure hope someone cuts his head off before it
all ends." Me, too.

I hate him.
This is from SecretsOut407.
"Beth and those ping pong balls is the best thing I've
ever seen. bwahahahaha." Ah.
First of all, that was difficult, and thank you for
appreciating that.
And I like any ha ha that has a bwa in front of it.
I like it.
I like it a lot.
Thanks, you guys.
And now I'd like to remind you again of my favorite YouTube
video list.
I stop it at 100,000, but I change up the
order all the time.
So email me your favorite video and send a short intro
from you about why you like it and then
we'll edit it together.
So it's so easy for you.
And this one is from Dylan.
Let's take a look.
DYLAN: Hey, Beth.
Dylan here.
I want to tell you about my favorite YouTube video.
It's called "Dancing Meringue Dog," and it features a
beautiful Labrador or golden retriever in a ballerina
dress, a green ballerina dress with
suspenders that are sparkly.
And it's dancing this elaborate dance that most
humans couldn't actually perform.
It's my favorite video because it's absolutely beautiful how
smart this dog is, how amazing the relationship is between
the dog and the master, and just how
magical life can be sometimes.
I wish that I could dance like that.
I wish I had a dog that danced like that.
I wish I had a dog.
Um, I wish I, I wish I was dancing right now.

Thanks, Beth.
Bye.

MALE SPEAKER: I told you porno Pictionary was the way to go.
MALE SPEAKER: Hey, why don't we kick it up a notch and make
this into a swingers' party?
FEMALE SPEAKER: Oh yeah.
Yeah.
STEVE: I choose Nancy.
NANCY: What?
STEVE: For the swingers' party.
I thought we were choosing up, like draft picks.
MALE SPEAKER: No.
That was a joke, Steve.

BETH HOYT: That "Daddy Knows Best" video will
premiere next Wednesday.
I'm so excited to see what kind of
terrible things he does.
He's the worst, right?
Thank god for that, because who cares about a dad that is,
like, pretty good?
We don't have time for that.
Also thanks, Dylan, AKA, his YouTube name is DrumsAreHot,
um, your favorite YouTube video is number 45.
I'm going to put it at 45.
The top 44 are all really close to me.
I want to teach you guys some lessons in a minute.
But, hang on, first I want to think of them.
In the meantime, take it over, John Friedman.
[THEME SONG]
[MODEM CONNECTING SOUNDS]
JOHN FRIEDMAN: Sorry I'm late.
Let me explain.
[THEME SONG]
MR. BUS: Hello, Michael.
MICHAEL: Hey, Mr. Bus.
MR. BUS: Going to work today?
MICHAEL: No, silly bus.
It's Saturday.
MR. BUS: All right, partner.
MICHAEL: All right then.
MR. BUS: See ya on Monday.
[EXPLOSIONS]
MALE SPEAKER: Maybe you should just apologize.
MALE SPEAKER: No way.
Nope.
Not going to happen.
Sorry.
FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE: Apology accepted.
MALE SPEAKER: No.
No, that apology was for him, not for you.
FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE: Dialing 9-1-1.
MALE SPEAKER: Cancel the call.
FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE: Dialing 9-1-1.
MALE SPEAKER: Cancel it.
FEMALE COMPUTER VOICE: Canceling call.
MALE SPEAKER: Finally something goes right.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
BETH HOYT: That's a little promo video from our homeboys
at Junior Varsity.
It's called Scurry and we'll play the
whole thing next Wednesday.
Wednesday?
Wednesday?
Why Wednesday?
because that's our big show, you guys.
Remember this Wednesday?
The Gregory Brothers were here.
We auto-tuned my intro.
I wore a gold, pleated skirt and on the screen caps of the
show it looked like I'm not wearing
anything below the waist.
But more so, the Gregory Brothers were here.
Here's my favorite bit from the show.
GREGORY BROTHER 1: What is the maximum possible power that
could be added to this video by a beat?
GREGORY BROTHER 2: (SINGING) The maximum power.
GREGORY BROTHER 1: Just imagine that there's a drum
beat underneath it.
GREGORY BROTHER 2: (SINGING) Imagine a drum beat.
Yeah.
GREGORY BROTHER 3: (SINGING) Magical.
GREGORY BROTHER 2: (SINGING) It's magical.
GREGORY BROTHER 1: And then suddenly
Congress becomes exciting.
You wake up.
You're dancing around your living room.
(SINGING) There's a new bill in the Senate.
We're gonna change the budget for education.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
GREGORY BROTHER 2: Change the budget.
Change the budget.
BETH HOYT: TGIF, guys And thank god it's Friday.
The first one was "those guys are fly." But since it is
Friday, it's time for "Lessons Learned with Beth Hoyt."
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Lesson one.
When you're at a restaurant and it's 8:00 pm, and there's
only one other couple in there, and the meat items have
quotes like "chicken" teriyaki, it's a vegan
restaurant.

Lesson two.
People stop for Don't Walk signs.
Dogs don't.
Bikes hit dogs.

Lesson three.
You may create a world record, and you might sacrifice your
dignity in the process.
Lesson four.
Doctors are people, too.
People robots.

Lesson five.
When your iPhone still autocorrects the word love to
live, do you not love enough?
At least you're living.
That's it for today's show.
I'll see you next Monday at 4:00 pm.
Next week is going to be awesome.
We have some really great new videos to show you and we have
a great guest coming up.
So you guys have a delightful weekend.
And, um, I just want you to wash your feet, because
they're disgusting.
[MUSIC PLAYING]