The Guild - S5 Ep12: Grande Finale

-Thinking back on what I vaguely know of history, there
is no event involving a dirigible blimp mobile that
has ever gone right.
I mean, didn't those things famously crash and burn?
That's why we invented airplanes, because those
balloon things were not reliable.
And in general, our whole plan to save the game was just
like, pffft.
I mean, we would make the worst "Scooby Doo" team ever.
Our van would crash.
The bad guys would get away with haunting whatever.
And, and we'd lose the dog.
Come to think of it, Zaboo did disappear pretty
quick off the top.
Roo, Zaboo snacks, huh, huh.
That was terrible.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[SHOUTING]
-Listing starboard.
-Oh, drat.
Where's my stuff?
[SHOUTING]
-Through the rings of time!

[SHOUTING]
[CHEERING]
-Are we still on the continent?

[CHEERING]
-Wicked ride.
-Indeed.
-Good call, Floyd.
Let's get this wrapped up before the announcement.
-Yeah, I also need to grab my inhaler.
-Tink, they're going to go sign something.
-Ah!
-Zaboo!
-Man, I can't believe I didn't get Stanley's autograph.
I'm sitting right here!

Master Chiefs, you need to mobilize the seat-savers
network one last time.
Get out your cell phones.
We need to do this for the good of mankind, to recapture
that hill of glory!

I'm not a judge.
I'm in a frickin' butterfly costume.
[CELL PHONES RINGING]

-[INAUDIBLE] get it?
Because I mean--

what's up?
This some nerd power trip?
-Yeah, it is.
Intimidated, huh?!
I can make these guys, sit anywhere I want.
Well, not make, like entreat, or appeal to a higher
collaborative wor--
you need to talk to those girls.
-Huh, looks like you dweebs got a date with Security.
-Mom, Dad!
Meet my fiance.
-Ah!
Ooh!
You're engaged to my baby.
Welcome to the family.
-He's so cute!
-Son, I'm in waste management.
-I'm out of here.
[CLICKING]
-Agh, Why do I have so many hairs?
-Paper or plastic, opinion?

-Uh, huh.
-I was wrong.
So wrong.
-Uh, you had your reasons.
-I insist on my wrongness.
Now let's get you out of harm's way, Madeline.
-OK!
Let's continue with the costume contest.
Come on.
Let's go!

-Dudes, that was epic!
Oh, I hope someone caught that on video--
viral times!
-We got it all.
Do you mind if we use your confessional for our website?
-Let me just speak to my manager.
Oh, God!
Eyes burning.
For the price of our hotel bill and a modest licensing
fee, I'm sure we could work something out.

-Floyd!
-Uh, not a good time for fandom.
I made my decision.
Done.
-I am going to talk to you like I talk to my webcam,
which never judges me.
So this is super, super hard to do.
All the crazy stuff that's happened tonight, that's been
me and my friends, because we love the game that
you created so much.
It brought us together as a guild.
I would never be friends with so many different kinds of
people in real life.
Ah, not that I'm racist, or ageist, or anything-ist.
I did use the word mongoloid one time thinking it was OK.
It is not OK.
The point is it that you created something wonderful.
Don't allow it to be broken.
It would, it would break us apart.
-You know, that's a really nice sentiment.
But this is my life.
It's my future.
How would you like every morning, wake up and read
things like, you know, oh, you looked sickly
in person, you know?
Oh, I lost my save point.
Hope you die in your sleep.
Wouldn't that make you like you know, think about what you
do for a living?
-Look, it is not easy to do what you do.
But no one else can do it.
You've got to think about it like a game party.
You are the take.
You are front and center.
And you have to be shielded properly, so you can swing
your broadsword of creativity across the--
that is so stupid.
Please don't rage quit, just reconfigure your party.
That is, unless you really don't care about your legacy
and the game and the people who play it.
But I think you do.
I think you care about it as much as I care about my guild.
-I--
I, I hate making decisions.
-That concludes our costume contest.
Mistress of ceremonies!
[CLEARING THROAT]

-Yes, my turn.
Oh, thank you.
Woo, it's hot in here, heh, heh.
Oh, yes.
Announce the winner.
And the winner of the costume contest and the $20 gift
certificate for bowling is Steampunk Verite!
[APPLAUSE]
-Yes!
Yes!
I won something!
Thank--
-We won something.
-Hmm, back off, Sir Pounce-a-lot.
You guys were just my accessories.
It's mine!

We won!
Yes!
Bowling!
-Great!
OK, that was very sweet.
Thank you.
OK, Now, a word from one of our sponsors.
You know him as the creator of an MMO that you love and play.
Please, hands together for Floyd Patrowski!
[APPLAUSE]
-You know what?
Who can resist a cute generic superhero?
-I agree.
I am cute right now.
-I'll give it a shot, but on one condition.
[APPLAUSE]

-Hello, everybody.
I'm Floyd Patrowski.
I was going to make some big announcements about, about
changing the game.
But if you, if you played the demo, it's, it's all there.
So no, uh, changes, uh, to the game.
-What?
-That's right, Chad.
Not going to change anything.
-You know what?
Screw gamers!
All right, I'm moving to comic books!
They'll work for food stamps!

-He's not very likable.
So we just thought, hey, let's just keep doing what we're
doing, you know?
And, uh, maybe give a fresh perspective on it.
The gleaming cross spell for priests is totally back in.
-Woo!
-Other than that, uh, yeah, that, that's it.
Uh, thank you.
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]

-Who wants some free T-shirts?
[CHEERING]
-Teen [INAUDIBLE] visits ever!

-We did it!
-Yeah, we did something.

-This con is done.
Can't wait to be sitting in front of a computer to
socialize again.
-Bye, Zaboo.
See you next year.
-For sure.
Down with the covenant.
-Are those your robot friends?
-Now, pumpkin, we were right disappointed about that fella
not being your real fiance.
-I want a double wedding.
-Now you answer the phone from now on, OK?
-You know the probability of that.
But Christmas, it's on.
-Ha, ha.
-Ooh, hoo!
You make us elf outfits, and we'll make you
teriyaki candy canes!
-OK, don't push it, please.
-Break it up.
I want to see my kids.
Wow, did I just say that?
-Ooh, hey, April-loo.
Bye, April-loo.
I'm going to miss you so much.
-April-loo?
-Clara!
Your adventures in snacking cost me
half my weekend scratch.
-What?
-Does the phrase, mini bar for breakfast ring a bell?
-Oh, yeah.
Ring-a-ding-ding.
-Do we have to take it home with us?
-Oh, hipsters.
I love your look.
-I'll miss you.
-Call me.
-I will Skype.
It's free.
TINKERBALLA (OFFSCREEN): Move it.
-Yeah, you're ready to drive?

-I don't know if I can drive, after last night.
-Why?
What happened?
-Hmm.
-Codex, see you Monday morning, right?
Work on those ideas of yours.

-Yeah, I kind of forgot to tell you guys something.
[MUSIC PLAYING]