The Guild - S6 Episode 6: Into the Breach

CODEX: So Zaboo moved into my work.
At this point, there's no weirdness
threshold to his behavior.
But what is kind of weird is I'm OK with it.
Even Tink showing up and stealing my server key isn't
that bad because that's just her.
She's awful.
And I seem to be doing better with Floyd.
Oh, and I get to see the new expansion content early.
I am so excited.
So I guess fate's finally like, high five, girl.
[CHUCKLE].
Or something less urban.
Because fate's probably more classy than that.
Holla.
Ow.
-[GIGGLE].
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
CLARA: Codex, I'm so angry.
Why do Tink and Zaboo get access to play on the fancy
test server?
CODEX: Because Zaboo helped me, and Tink
is a horrible person.
TINK: Horrible person with a server key.
CLARA: Vork, do something.
ZABOO: Oh, he's not in chat, Clara.
He's probably mushing privates with Madeleine.
TINK: I don't know about that.
Saw him outside the Game HQ, and they
had a fight or something.
CODEX: Wait.
Wha-- is he OK?
Should we--
TINK: Log into the test server?
OK.
Server key authenticated, character transfer done.
Ready.
CLARA: And you're gonna stay in voice chat?
Fine.
Then you'll have to listen to my vocal exercises from my Mom
Vice videos.
I want to resonate.
Watermelon, watermelon, watermelon, watermelon,
watermelon, watermelon, watermelon, watermelon.
[BREATHING DEEP].
Watermelon, watermelon--
CODEX: Log in, Zaboo.
Do it.
CLARA: Watermelon, watermelon, watermelon, watermelon,
watermelon, watermelon, watermelon, watermelon,
watermelon.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
ZABOO: The trauma of my forever aloneness is gone.
This is why people do drugs.
A-maze-balls.
TINK: Look at the graphics.
HDR is crazy.
ZABOO: Oh, I wonder if bubbles show up if you slash fart.
OMG, they do.
CLARA: Moonshine at noontime.
Moonshine at noontime.
TINK: Clara, quiet.
VORK: Mr. Petrovski, I am Vork.
And as a longstanding
subscriber, I demand a hearing.
FLOYD: What right do you have using my building's gravity?
VORK: The right of a man who has filed more than 1,534
complaint logs, and had only one responded to.
And "did you restart your computer?" does not qualify as
a solution.
FLOYD: Lackeys in other buildings take care of that.
Why don't you fall on them?
VORK: Attack the head rather than the tail.
So sayeth the lord.
FLOYD: Don't quote my game to me.
Gladius the Emperor is based on my mom.
VORK: Remain seated.
This will not be quick.
June 12, 2007.
A stack of iron disappeared from my bank.
July 1, 2007.
Killed 12 were-rats, yielded zero quest whiskers.
July 31, 2007.
Hair started clipping into my Grimshield Armor as I used the
sprint feature.
FLOYD: The Drechnile set is better for tanking, anyway.
VORK: [CHUCKLE].
Incorrect.
Grimshield has an added 0.05 aggro
advantage over the Drechnile.
I've done my research.
FLOYD: I created the game!
Codex!
Panic attack!
Codex!
[VIBRATING]
CODEX: Oh, I gotta go.
ZABOO: Oh, is your table ready at the Pancake House, or--
CODEX: No, Floyd needs me.
What can I tell him about the test server?
ZABOO: Uh, tell him that you're excited about the base
stat changes on the warlock class.
CODEX: Great.
OK.
ZABOO: And bring me some pancakes.
TINK: Let's go to the new continent.
ZABOO: I need to report back to Codex on the new NPC
interface changes.
TINK: I don't care.
Let's kill things.
ZABOO: Let's do it all.
DONOVAN: Hey, you two.
ZABOO: Ruh-rowed.
Let me handle this.
Donovan, buddy, remember me?
I'm the guy that replaced your graphics card on your rig.
DONOVAN: Oh, you're that little IT guy, right?
ZABOO: That's my title, don't wear it out, retro-ed.
Uh, we're just in here poking around between server resets,
so it's totally above board and legit.
TINK: Wow.
The human body design got buffer.
DONOVAN: Uh, custom skin.
Admin privileges.
How did you get into the test server?
ZABOO: OK, just log out, and I'll wipe your IP.
TINK: I stole my friend's server key.
Because I'm a terrible person.
ZABOO: Tink.
DONOVAN: Well, at least you're honest.
TINK: Just don't fire Codex, OK?
Pretty please?
DONOVAN: Uh, it's cool.
I've got to go.
In here adding a new feature Floyd sent over.

Your avatar is staring.
ZABOO: Ah, cool.
What's the new feature you're adding?
Does it involve coral reefs, or-- nobody's talking to me.
OK.
TINK: It's just really cool to see all the awesome things you
probably had a big, strong hand in making.
Can you show me all those things personally?
DONOVAN: I guess.
Open trade.
Here's gold to get started.
See ya.
TINK: Guess I could cancel that date with Tammy the
lesbian dentist tonight.
Mama's got a new mark.
ZABOO: You're gonna share that gold, right?
Aren't you, Tink?
Tink?
VORK: August 2, 2007.
A Dire Bear was stuck in evade for seven hours.
I could not complete the quest.
CODEX: I was checking out the base stats to the warlock.
Holy crap.
FLOYD: Codex, kill this man.
His comments are hostile.
CODEX: Sir, you need to leave.
You're upsetting the creator of my game.
FLOYD: But he's right.
This thing is terrible.
The underwater world is terrible.
CODEX: No, he is not right.
There is nothing right with this man, who I
do not know at all.
VORK: Oh, is that it then?
Treachery at all levels of this organization?
Underwater?
What is this infantile sea world?
Kelp is the crab grass of the sea.
FLOYD: Character name Vork, huh?
Guess what?
You're perma-banned.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
VORK: This will not stand.
This will not stand, sir!
And you, Judas!
CODEX: There's no one here by that name, stranger.
FLOYD: But he's right.
This whole thing is absurd.
You take one look at it.
It's absurd.
CODEX: No, he is just one person, and a
weird one at that.
This area is awesome.
You're not really going to perma-ban him, right?
FLOYD: What do you care?
CODEX: I don't.
I was just checking, because that was
definitely the right move.

BLADEZZ: Upload that video yet?
CLARA: No, I'm listening to Tink and Zaboo on the elite
test server.
BLADEZZ: Get on those videos, Clara.
I'm not using my youthful charisma
on Wiggly for nothing.
WIGGLY: Three pointer!
Basketball MVP.
Whoo!
CLARA: Oh, Chairsketball?
Honey, you haven't played that in years.
WIGGLY: I know.
This is the most fun since, I can't even remember.
BLADEZZ: Yeah, fun has evolved since you were a teen.
I want to kill myself.
Video about predicting the future via baby poop colors,
upload ETA now.
WIGGLY: Dunk!
Ah!

ZABOO: This area is awesome sausage.
Did you know you can your own seashell helms?
They're hella pricey, though.
TINK: Just give me a day, and Donovan will
hook us up with whatever.
They always do.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
-You there.
Come over.
Have a drink.
ZABOO: I don't know how you drink underwater, but
let's go find out.

Oh, NPCs now have reputation meters which
increase with gifts.
Awesome.
TINK: Who cares about being liked?
That's overrated.
ZABOO: Oh my lord and underwater savior.
TINK: What?
ZABOO: Minimap.
North by northwest.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
SABINA: Name's Sabina.
What can I get for you travelers?
ZABOO: Dialogue option, compliment.
I must have died and gone to underwater heaven, because
you're an angelfish.
SABINA: You flatter me, gnome.
A kelp beer on the house.

TINK: Zaboo, let's go kill things.
Hello?
ZABOO: You cannot budge this avatar, Tink.
I just got soul mated.
CODEX: First day done.

So Floyd logged onto the test server today
and did some work.
-You're attempting to make conversation.
Why?
Dammit.
CODEX: I'll just slow down and pretend to look at something
on my phone.
-Good.
I don't have the patience for another annoyance.
[MUSIC CUE]
-[SIGH].
CODEX: We don't know this is an annoyance.
Yet.
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
DAVIN: Hi, I'm Davin, one of the creators of "Space
Janitors."
PAT: I'm Pat, I play one of the janitors.
BRENDAN: I'm Brendan, I'm also one of the janitors.
And "Space Janitors" is moving to Geek & Sundry this fall.
DAVIN: Does that mean that Wil Wheaton's
gonna be in our show?
BRENDAN: No.
DAVIN: What about uh, Felicia Day?
PAT: No.
It's--
we're in the show.
It's going to be a good show.
DAVIN: Oh, what about, uh--
BRENDAN: No.

[MUSIC PLAYING]