Corso di Cazzotti - 1x1 - Una 4 stagioni per Sanchez


Uploaded by Licaoni on 18.06.2010

Transcript:
Dr. Johnson's Course of Punches
Episode 1: "A 4 seasons pizza for Sanchez"
Hello and welcome to "Dr. Johnson's Course of Punches"!
After two years of inactivity we start again our lessons!
We received hundreds of letters asking for how to improve your
self-defence techniques.
Today we are ready to answer to each one of you.
An exemple: Nando from Mount Cuji asks if it's possible to become invincible.
An easy one.
Today, with the help of Sanchez, we will learn how to turn your body
either into an instrument of death, or a Pan flute.
Be sound or be played! Take notes Nando!
And you Sanchez! Come here and hit me!
What the hell are you waiting for, Sanchez?
Welcome back Master, did you miss me?
And what a big beard you have grown! Heck, just like my Grandma, when
she was hired as a Rabbi in Cayenne.
- What the... - This is because you're wasting our friends's time
And this is because you dared speak of my beard.
W-wait a minute! You hit me!
- Hell Sanchez, I can't hide anything from you. - But how it is possible?
- I didn't see anything! - After all this time you forgot?
Forgot what?
That I...
am too fast for you!
Let's show our friends what really happened.
You came closer sneakily, you said hi and started chatting like an old spinster.
At this point I hit you with a right punch straight to the stomach!
Thus kicking off our lesson. Can we start now, Sanchez?
Excuse me for a sec, Instructor. I actually felt two hits, not just one!
- Two, you say? - Exactly, two!
Well, now we are even. Enough with this nonsense! Come here and hit me!
- You're slow as a baboon. - Hey! Baboons are really fast!
Stop talking! Our frinds at home are waiting for some action!
- Don't you agree? - Yeah!
Much better, Sanchez! Much, much better.
- But now you're missing a kneecap. - A what?
Do you want to know what happened? Let's show it!
Our Sanchez tried to hit me with a very precise and well executed punch.
But I dodged it, slided under his arm, and with the Nikita-Zoff technique
I extracted his kneecap.
That was our neighbour's window. You'll have to pay for it.
But how is it be possible? I didn't see anything!
Of course you didn't. The neighbour's window is always greener...
Come on Sanchez! Hit me! And this time use your anger!
What the hell are you doing? Holy Christ, it's just a poor sound technician!
I'm sorry Instructor, I didn't want to... I just...
You take advantage of the weak?!
Now the audio is in distortion!
Yeah, good job, nice set-up. A nice little theatre for fools.
Hey Master look! The pizzas we ordered!
Are you sure?
It's clear you don't really hit him, but most of all how did you become sound techincian so fast?
Come on! You're cheating!
- How dare you? - And you're slow as a baboon!
- Look, baboons are really fast! - Come on, hit me!
- I'm sorry? - Hit me and find it out yourself!
Ok!
Your pizza sucked, kid.
I'm sure our friends at home are wondering what really happened.
Let's show it.
This young brat attacked me in such a clumsy way it was easy for me
to dodge, take his fingerprints, send them to the forensic team
and wait for a fax containing all the information I was looking for.
- What the... - Ah-ha!
Year 2005, the worst of the sound technician class! You also failed the exam!
- Envy is a bad beast, kid! - Yeah! Just like baboons!
Damn you! You're all gonna die!
No, it didn't go that way, but your breastbone is broken!
You want to know more? Let's show our friends what really happened!
This fool of a pizza boy pressed the button activating a micro-bomb he had hidden inside
the pizzas, mingled among the olives.
And you, Sanchez, swollowed it by mistake when, unseen, you had the last slice.
Lucky you I did a first aid course! I executed the Heimlich Maneuver.
I succeeded in making you spit the bomb just in time.
But by doing so, I broke your breastbone.
- And what about my bomb? - It's in good wings!
This is all for today. At Dr. Johnson's Course of Punches we use to say:
if a kiss is a pink apostrophe between the words "T'Amo"
a punch is an exclamtion mark that smashes your theeth in!